The Guardians of Middle-Earth

[Yodaman]

Here's my very first LOTR fan fiction story: The Guardians of Middle-Earth. It's a torture to the eyes, but I put it on for my close friends. If you want to, please review here. Since the whole story is too long, here's just the prologe. Chapter I will come on monday, II on tuesday, and so on. Thank you.

LORD OF THE RINGS
THE GUARDIANS OF MIDDLE EARTH
BY DANIEL MOSIER

IT HAS BEEN TEN LONG YEARS SINCE FRODO BAGGINS DESTROYED THE RING AND ARAGORN WAS MADE KING OF MEN AND THE DOMINION OF MEN STARTED. THE RINGBEARERS, FRODO AND BILBO, AND THE THREE KEEPERS OF THE ELVEN RINGS, GANDALF, ELROND AND GALADRIEL, HAVE ESCAPED INTO THE UNDYING LANDS, A FORGOTTEN LAND TO THE EAST OF MIDDLE EARTH, WHERE THE CREATORS AND GODS OF MIDDLE EARTH, THE VALAR, LIVE. THEY THINK THEY ARE IT HAS BEEN TEN LONG YEARS SINCE THE FRODO BAGGINS DESTROYED THE RING AND ARAGORN WAS MADE KING OF MEN AND THE DOMINION OF MEN STARTED. THE RINGBEARERS, FRODO AND BILBO, AND THE THREE KEEPERS OF THE ELVEN RINGS, GANDALF, ELROND AND GALADRIEL, HAVE ESCAPED INTO THE UNDYING LANDS, A FORGOTTEN LAND TO THE EAST OF MIDDLE EARTH, WHERE THE CREATORS AND GODS OF MIDDLE EARTH, THE VALAR, LIVE. THEY THINK THEY ARE ACE, BUT THE BUBBLE THAT PROTECTS THEM FROM EVIL HAS BEEN POPPED. THE DOORS TO THE EVERLASTING VOID, A DIMENSION WHERE ALL EVIL IN THE FIRST AGE WHERE SHUT, HAS BEEN OPENED. MORGOTH, LEADER AND CREATOR OF ALL EVIL, BROTHER OF MANWË, THE LEADER OF THE VALAR, AND A REBEL VALAR, HAS TAKEN THE EVIL SPIRITS IN THE VOID AND HAS BUILT AND ARMY. THE PEOPLE OF MIDDLE EARTH CAN TELL, SINCE DRAGONS HAVE RETURNED AND BALROGS AND ORCS HAVE COME OUT OF PEACEFUL DWARF MINES. MORGOTH HAS MADE A FORTRESS AND PRISON ON THE ISLAND WHERE THE ONCE MIGHTY LAND OF THE NUMENORIANS, THE OLD EMPIRE OF MEN, ROAMED. HIS TARGET IS TO GET THE OLD RINGS OF POWER TO RULE MIDDLE EARTH, BUT FIRST HE HAS ONE TARGET TO GET TO FIND THEM: FRODO, AND HE WILL STOP AT NOTHING TO GET HIM AND THE SILMARILS.

Yodaman

[Elf Girl]

Please, please drop the all caps. For the sake of my eyes. There's almost nothing more likely to turn a person off than all caps or chatspeak.

Eek! Valinor is to the West.

THEY THINK THEY ARE IT HAS BEEN TEN LONG YEARS SINCE THE FRODO BAGGINS DESTROYED THE RING AND ARAGORN WAS MADE KING OF MEN AND THE DOMINION OF MEN STARTED.
Huh? That doesn't make sense.

Why is the first part repeated twice?

If it's only been ten years, there are plenty of Orcs still in ME.

'THEY THINK THEY ARE ACE' That's really informal, and not in keeping with your style.

Numenor isn't around anymore. It's just gone, so you can't build a fortress on it.

Why would Frodo help Morgoth find the Rings? Also, none of the other Rings have 'ruling' powers, and anyway they are losing their power now the One is gone.

I like your concept, but opening the Void will take some explaining. I think you're style is a bit too 'Opening of Star-Wars' like for LotR, but that's your decision. There are some small errors (Vala is the singular of Valar) , but I think that's everything major. Good luck!

[Yodaman]

This was my very first LOTR story. It's supposed to be bad:D I wrote it a year ago when I first started doing fics. Plus, the all caps was just for the prolouge. I forgot to undo it before I posted. This is for my close freinds who actually want to read this aful story. Bye

Yodaman

[Yodaman]

Here's part II.
CHAPTER I
THE SILMARILS

Frodo and Bilbo were doing what they always did: look out from their beautiful balcony on their beautiful room in the beautiful Elven city of Tiron, looking at the Bay of Eldamar.
“When I left Hobbiton�, said Bilbo, “I said I wanted to see mountains. Now to my right, I see mountains. And strait ahead, I see the majestic sea. But one thing that I long to do that I can’t is go on adventures. I’m 130, and I can barely walk.�
“But I’m sure Gandalf can help you with his medicines�, said Frodo.
“But Gandalf is too busy with that wizard academy of his�, said Bilbo. Ever since he found all the gifted orphans and outlaws that have the extraordinary gift of magic and built the huge academy building, all he is worried about is that and his apprentice, Madwé Turrinbar, cousin of the mighty Turin Turrinbar. He doesn’t have time for me.�
“Don’t be so negative and selfish�, said Frodo, “Gandalf is doing an extraordinary thing, and you’re fine and lucky. You didn’t have to walk into the pits of Morodor, the equivalent of heck, and get your finger bitten off by a monster.�
“You’re right�, said Bilbo, I did rest in Rivendel while you went through heck, but I did fell your pain. I worried every night when you were out there. I just want to be my old self again. Face off a trio of trolls. Escape a cave full of Orcs. Win a riddle match with Gollum. Kill a bunch of spiders and free me friends in an elvish prison. Steal a dragon’s gold, and win a war with Orcs. How I wish to do that. But my end is near. I can feel it. My ring finger hurts, and I feel weaker every day.�
“My ring finger fells heavier, tooâ€�, said Frodo. “My wound from Shellob hurts occasionally and I feel evil when I but of my MÃ*thril coat. Evil is arising. I can fell it. I fell it greatly.â€� Then Frodo’s birdbath started bubbling. “Oh, look! It’s Gandalf!â€� Frodo’s birdbath was a magic communicator for Gandalf. Whenever it bubbled, Gandalf called Frodo or Bilbo. They went over there and saw Gandalf.
“Hello, Gandalf�, said Frodo, “and what might you want on a day like this?�
“Hello, Frodo�, said Gandalf, “I have a very special and important lesson today at four o’clock, and you must be there. Bring the vial Galadriel gave you, and Bilbo’s Translations From Elvish book. You will really need it. I wish you could come, Bilbo, but it’s very private. Very private. So long for now!� Then Frodo grabbed the vial and the book, and Bilbo looked very concerned.
“Do you believe him?�, said Bilbo. “One of his students might have altered his mind and he could hurt you!�
“I appreciate your concern�, said Frodo, “but I must go. I trust Gandalf with all my life.� Then Frodo left.
The Mansion of the IstarÃ* was a remarkable place. There were huge pillars and marvelous candles all around the building. Every time he went there, he marveled at it. Then he went into the History of Magic class, where Gandalf was. Once Frodo walked in everyone starred at him with a smile. The only one who wasn’t happy was Madwé, who had white hair and a white beard with and wore white. The only thing beside his skin that wasn’t white was a stripe of black in the middle of his beard. Gandalf had a huge smile on.
“Sit down, sir Frodo!â€�, said Gandalf, “the lesson shall begin. Today’s lesson is about the Silmarils. Sir Frodo is here with the Silmarils. In the beginning of time, IlluvÃ*tar, the spirit that created all life in this world, created the Valar, thirteen spirits that each has a job to in this world such as Ulmo. He is lord of the water. They planted two trees. Those trees created the elves. It began a happy time in the world, although not all in the world were happy. Morgoth, Manwë’s brother, who was supreme overlord of the Valar, was jealous since he didn’t have a special power. He became the overlord of evil by destroying all the Valar’s accomplishments. He created Orcs by torturing elves and he created Dragons from worms and many other creatures of evil. The Valar had many wars with him. Then, Morgoth destroyed the two trees, but they were not lost. Fëanor, an elvish lord, created the Silmarils: two jewels that can give you light when Madwé there is no darkness. When the trees were destroyed and Morgoth stole the Silmarils and many wars were fought to claim them back. Them Manwë cast him into the Void, where Morgoth could never get out. Morgoth didn’t die, and only one Silmaril was recovered. Then, Morgoth’s forces destroyed the wonderful elvish city of Gondolin, and the War of Wrath began. Morgoth’s forces were destroyed, and Manwë shut Morgoth in the Endless Void, a place where all evil spirits go. And Frodo here has the Silmarils, in the vile that Galadriel gave him Tell us about it, Frodo.â€� Frodo was speechless he couldn’t talk. “That’s it for now class.â€� Only Mǽrãõ staid, staring at the Silmarils. He had an evil look on his face. Frodo knew he was trouble.

[Yodaman]

Here's Part III:

CHAPTER II
THE P�LÓNAR�

“I can’t believe it�, said Frodo, “I didn’t know Galadriel gave me something people had wars about. Why did they?�
“It is sacred�, said Gandalf, “and it made Morgoth more confident and powerful. I have a secret to tell you.� Then Gandalf shooed Madwé, but Madwé only pretended to leave. “Frodo. The endless void has opened. The spirits broke out of it. Countless evil things are now on this earth. Orcs are back and so is the Uruk-Hai. Dragons are back, and are now bodyguards, not thieves. Trolls and serpents are also here, but most importantly, Morgoth is back. He is seeking the Silmarils, and they will give him power beyond your imagination. He will use the Silmarils to destroy the Valar, and without the Valar, all hope is lost for Middle Earth.�
“So I must destroy them�, said Frodo.
“No�, said Gandalf, “we must destroy Morgoth. Legend tells of a forgotten people called the Titans. They are the ancestors of the Rohan, and they are much more advanced any of us. They are the only hope for Middle Earth, since they have a special weapon, called the spirit crusher. It can destroy Morgoth, and if he is destroyed, all evil will be wiped from the face of Middle-Earth and the Undying lands, and it isn’t possible for any to arise again.�
“That is not true�, said Madwé, “for you can’t predict the future, for there is an evil lord, in the future. He is a secret, and he will bring a dark age to Middle Earth and it will stay that way for the rest of the days of Middle Earth.�
“How do you have this information?�, asked Gandalf.
“I’ve contacted him, here and thereâ€�, said Mǽrăõ.
“How can you do either�, said Gandalf, “for time travel hasn’t been made.�
“I shall show you�, said Madwé “follow me, to Tower of Pearls.�
“Frodo, follow me�, said Gandalf. Then he followed him to the Tower of Pearls. In the top floor, and there lied the Sleeper. The Sleeper was a red man-creature who if awoken, and grant great power, only if you awaken him right. If you do it wrongly, he can destroy you. “You can’t awake him! No one can tame him!�

“Except me�, said Madwé. Then he lifted up his wand and sung a chant. Wake up, oh Sleeper! For it is time, since I am here!� Then the sleeper woke up from his sleep.
“What is it�, said the Sleeper, “for I have the knowledge of many things�.
“Let me see the Pálónará ", said Madwé,. Then the Sleeper opened a closet and in it was the Pálónará, whatever it was. It looked like one of the Seven Lost Seeing Stones, but it wasn’t.
“Is that on of the Seven Lost Seeing Stones?�, asked Gandalf.
“No, you fool�, said Madwé, “it’s the Pálónará. It gives me direct contact with my master from the present and the future. My master isn’t you anymore Gandalf. My master is Morgoth.� Gandalf was shocked and heartbroken.
“I have given my life to train you�, said Gandalf, “and all you give me is this. You fool. Morgoth won’t save you from the destruction he will do on Middle Earth. You are just a pawn in his little game.�
“I’m not just a pawn�, said Madwé, “I breed and order his soldiers. I order them to anywhere he wants. He gives me such freedom, I can order them wherever I want�. Then he had a big grin that looked like pure evil.
“You ordered them here!�, said Gandalf. Then he heard the drum beating of the Orcs.
“They are coming�, said Madwé. Then he saw them land on boats on the beach and they started attacking. Elrond was leading the Elven soldiers, but some escaped in the Tower. Then Gandalf got out Glamdring, and Frodo got out Sting. It was glowing blue. Then some Orcs came in the building. Gandalf started chopping them up. Then Frodo looked out the window, and saw Aragorn with Gondorian soldiers, going on the boat and raiding the Orcs.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER III
THE GONDORIAN RESCUE
Aragorn led the men from his battle ship, the Ringbearer, to attack the Orcs. With the combined strength of the elves and the men, the Orcs didn’t stand a chance. Legolas, Elvish Prince of the elven realm of IthÃ*len, a forest in Gondor, was also on the boat. So was Gimli, Dwarf lord of the Dwarven City of Helm’s Deep, and Beregond, fellow ranger of Aragorn and Prince of IthÃ*len. They were all leading the attack with an armada of Gondorian soldiers.
“Legolas!�, said Aragorn, “you lead the soldiers! Beregond and I will go to towards the city!� Then they left for the tower. While getting Morgai along way, Aragorn met up with Elrond.
“Aragorn�, said Elrond, “Gandalf and Frodo are trapped in that tower. You must help them!�
“We’ll do what we can�, said Aragorn as he went up. There were about twenty Orcs blocking their way, and they just started killing them. Then they got in the door and locked it. Then there were Orkish archers on the stairs shooting at them. Aragorn got out his bow and shot as many as he can. While Aragorn was shooting, Beregond went on the stairway. He cut the Orcs with his sword and blocked the arrows with it, too. Once Aragorn was on the stairway, he did the same as Aragorn. One Orc tripped him, and he was hanging on for dear life, since they were on the top floor. Then Beregond killed the Orcs and picked up Aragorn. Then they broke open the door, and they saw Gandalf and Frodo fighting Orcs and Uruk-Hai, and Madwé was sitting on a throne laughing. The Sleeper was even fighting the Orcs and Uruk-Hai . The stepped on the Orcs and threw them across the room, and he threw a dozen Uruk-Hai out the widow. Aragorn and Beregond helped Gandalf and Frodo. Then a massive Uruk-Hai came up to Aragorn.
“I am Tejmin�, said the Morgai-Kai, “leader of the Morgai Kai, I will destroy you�. Then Aragorn started dueling with him. After a while, Aragorn was knocked down. Tejmin was about to get him when the Sleeper threw out the window. Unfortunately, a Orcs cached him, although Tejmin killed him since he thought that was a “dishonor.� Then he saw that they were being pushed into the water “Retreat! Retreat! Elrond, “Gandalf and Frodo are trapped in the Tower of Pearls with a legion of Orcs! You! Retreat!’ Then the Orcs and Uruk-Hai sped away as fast as they could in their boats (their boats were unusually fast). Then Madwé laughed.
“Fools�, said Madwé, “you won the battle, but the war has just begun!�

[Yodaman]

Next Chapter:

“Well�, said Gandalf, “who’s the fool who got hired by an idiot.� Then Madwé got up his stick and threw Gandalf across the room. Then Gandalf threw him across the room. Then they started throwing each other. They slammed each other on the floor, spun each other around, and threw them up and down. Then Madwé had some sort of magic lightning coming out of his hand.
“Gandalf�, said Madwé, “you are on the wrong side. You are powerless, and you can’t win this war. You’re friends aren’t even helping. Join me, and we will rule Middle Earth and the Undying Lands as Master and apprentice!� “There will be only one Lord of the Earth, and he will not be you!� Then Gandalf broke his spell and threw him across the room. “I am Mithraldir, wielder of the flame Anor. You will not rule the world, and neither will you master! I am the master! I will defeat you!� Then Gandalf threw him out the window. Then Legolas, Gimli, Elrond, and Galadriel ran in.
“It has happened�, said Elrond, “Morgoth has returned and he is continuing the work that his apprentice, Sauron, accomplished.�
“Remember that Sauron said that he will awaken Morgoth?�, said Legolas.
“Legolas speaks of the truth�, said Galadriel. “Right after Sauron and all the evil of Middle Earth died, Sauron opened the gate of the Void and perished. It has taken twelve years for Morgoth to set up his army. He has taken physical form, as a Nazgúl. He seeks the armor of Sauron. If Morgoth dies and so does all his evil, evil will forever be gone. No one thought the Void would be open. The Valar did it the easy way. We must finish their work.� Then Galadriel went up to the Sleeper. “Oh mighty one, give me the Twilight Pool!�. Then the Sleeper opened one of his closets, and in it was a birdbath-sized pool. There were eight stones in it. “There are eight stones in it. That is the danger level on this earth. Once it gets thirty, all hope is lost for Middle Earth. For we need another Fellowship to destroy him. You must find the Titans, a lost race of men who are rumored to live in the Undying Lands, and get their Spirit crusher, a weapon that will destroy Morgoth’s spirit. And if Morgoth’s spirit dies, every evil spirit in Middle Earth will parish.�
“I will help destroy him�, said Beregond.
“Me too�, said Legolas.
“I give my full allegiance�, said Aragorn.
“It must be done�, said Gandalf, “so I will go�.
“I will go�, said Frodo, “and I will carry the Silmarils. Although I would be better off with Sam, Merry and Pippin.�
“And you will go with them�, said Galadriel, �for we must find them. I know a Beoring, a shape-shifter. Jerimoia, come.� Then, half an hour later, a man that looked half-Orc came.�
“What is to be assigned of me, mistress?�, said Jerimoia.
“You must take this Hobbit to Hobbiton, for he needs his friends�, said Galadirel.
“I’ll be there�, said Jerimoia, then he changed into a hobbit. “Come along, Frodo.�
“Frodo�, said Gandalf, “Be careful, for there is much danger out there at times like these.�
“I will be�, said Frodo, and they left out for Hobbiton.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER IV
RETURN TO HOBBITON
A week after they set out, Frodo and Jerimoia, now Rolga Proudfoot in his Hobbit disguise, reached the Grey Havens. Another week after that, they reached Hobbiton. It was much prettier then when Frodo left it. There were hundreds of gardens, trees, and lots of Hobbit holes. Frodo even saw Bag End, his old home. As they were about to enter, a Hobbit came out. He had armor and a sword.
“Tell me your identity�, said the Hobbit, “or you will be banned from Hobbiton forever.�
“You’re being so silly, Pippin,� said Frodo, “it’s me, Frodo.�
“Frodo?�, said Pippin, “Frodo Baggins?� Then Frodo nodded his head, and Pippin started to cry.
“It’s soooooo good to see you! Who’s you’re friend?�
“I’m Rolga Proudfoot�, said Jerimoia. “Call me Jerry.�
“Well�, said Pippin, “were having a big Party! It’s the elections of the mayor! Sam is still a really popular choice, although he has been mayor for a term now. Lotho Sackville-Baggins is really popular amongst the bad hobbit kind. Merry is the one who will count the votes and say who will be mayor! Want to see him?�
“Sure!�, said Frodo. As they walked towards the crowd, no one noticed him, all but one person.
“Look, it’s Frodo!�, said Lobella Sackville-Baggins, and everyone saw him and started cheering. Everyone started touching him and asking him questions.
“STOOOOOOOOOP!�, said Merry, “EVERYONE GET AWAY FROM HIM AND I WILL DEAL WITH IT!� Then everyone walked away. Then Merry went up to Frodo.
“Well�, said Merry, “if it isn’t Frodo Baggins!� Then they hugged each other. “I see you’ve made a new hobbit friend!�
“I’m Jerry�, said Jerimoia.
“It should be a happy time�, said Merry, “but look at Sam. He has been sulking on that rocking chair Rossie made him all day. He is so worried, but not that for his own good, but for the good of Hobbiton. He knows if Lotho wins, he will be a dictator. He is so sad. Oh, it’s time�. Then everyone took a seat, except for Lotho, who drank his 12th pint of bear while smoking. Then Merry went up to the croud “My Hobbit friends! Today is a great day! For we will know in a minute who will be mayor of Hobbiton! The heroic Samwise Gamge, or the tough Lotho Sackville-Baggins!� Everyone cheered, and Merry then counted the votes. It was a tense ten minutes. Then he got the answer. “One of them one just by two new votes, and his name is Samwise Gamge!� Then everyone cheered, except Lotho, who charged at Sam, put Pippin caught him.
“I don’t think so�, said Pippin, “you’re going to jail�. Then Sam went up, and he was speech less. He was too scared. Then he saw Frodo, and got teary eyed. But he knew what to say.
“My dear Hobbit friends!�, said Sam, “today is a day to remember! What Lotho just did is an example of evil, like the evil my friend, Frodo Baggins, and I saw when we went to Mordor. But we did overcome it, and we threw the ring in the fires of Mount Doom, together. We need used kind of teamwork to stop Saruman’s evil raid in Hobbiton and we stopped him and we made Hobbiton a better place, together. We need that kind of teamwork to keep Hobbiton the way it is, and I will make sure each one of you will work together to keep the garden growing. To keep the trees up. To make the parties grand. And most importantly, to keep the amazing love that all hobbits have for each other. Together!�
“Together!�, said the croud. Then Jerimoia’s transformation wore off, and he was the Orkish-man he was. Then Frodo and him ran, and Pippin, Merry, and Sam followed. Then they got in a trench and talked.
“Frodo!�, said Sam, “I’m glad to see you and all, but what is that?�
“I’m Jerry�, said Jerry, “and Frodo has a message for you.�
“Have you all read Bilbo’s book, Translations From Elvish?,� asked Frodo, and they all nodded. “Well, right after we threw the ring into the fire, Sauron and his minion’s spirits broke open the Void, and died. Morgoth is free, and his army is strong. He is seeking my Silmarils, which are in Galadriel’s vial, and the seven remaining rings, and we have three already. I am to go with Gandalf, Aragorn, his friend Beregond, Legolas, and Gimli. I wish you to come with me, but just say yes or no.�
“I want to go�, said Pippin.
“Me, too�, said Merry.
“I will tell Rosie, �said Sam, “ and she will understand. Fatty Bolger will take my place as Mayor. Frodo, I will go anywhere with you.� Then Frodo and Sam hugged, and then they packed. A day later, they left for the Gray Havens. A week later, they set out. The adventure was about to begin.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER V
THE GUARDIANS AWAKEN
They were leaving on Jerry’s ship, the Mighty Orc, to their destination, Tiron. All the Hobbits were confused by Jerry’s identity.
“Excuse me sir�, said Pippin, “but why do you look like an Orc?� Jerry’s smile changed to a long face as Pippin asked that.
“When I was young�, said Jerry, “, a decade before Bilbo killed Smaug, I lived a happy life in my cottage in Bree. I had an elvish wife named Junãã, witch meant lady of fairness in Sindarin. Everything was happy then. I didn’t even know what an Orc Was! Then they attacked our village. I shifted into an Orc to escape capture, but once I did, I saw an Orc slay my wife. I ran to kill the Orc who did it, but he disappeared. I didn’t kill anyone, but I hid behind a bush and watched in horror. Then when they did the inspection, I got up, and pretended to be one of them. When they left, I had no other choice but to follow them to Morodor. It was horrible there. I was shaped up, since in a week, they were going to attack the dwarves. During our only resting time that week, I got hungry. Then I saw the Orc that killed my wife. He was huge. I grabbed my ax and stabbed him from behind. Then, in an Orkish fashion, I ate him (I was so hungry I had no other choice). I would always regret that. Then, we went to battle. During the battle, I hid behind a bush and changed back. I then saw a puddle, and I looked into it. I looked how I look now. I screamed. I was that way since I ate that Orc. I was hideous, and I couldn’t help the Dwarves since they would think I’m an Orc. I left and built a cottage in the Misty Mountains. Then Gollum, one day, raided my home, since he thought I had the Rings. I had to wrestle him to get him out, and he accidentally tipped over the pot of lamb I was boiling, and it caught the house on fire. Then I went to the Grey Havens and sought out Tiron. Galadriel was there, and she understood my problem. That is how I got here�. Then there was a buzzing sound.
“What’s that?�, said Sam. While Pippin was shaving, in the mirror, he saw about a dozen boats at an ultra-high speed.
“Orcs!�, yelled Pippin in pure fear. They were dead for sure.

[Tessar]

If it's “supposed to be awful�, then don't post it ;). If you know it's bad but you're looking for criticism on the writing, post away.

Remember you want to put your BEST foot forward not the other way around. We can't talk with you in real life and we can't see your face, so your writing style and ability is what we judge you by.

For a first story it doesn't seem too bad, but of course there are quite a few problems with it :).

Try posting some of your newer works so that we can see where you are NOW and what you might want to work on. That'll be more interesting for us and more helpful for you! :D

[Yodaman]

Let me just finish it off and then I'll post my new works. Havn't done anything LOTR, though:( . LOL

Yodaman

[Tessar]

Pffft. I've NEVER written anything for LOTR besides some RPG stuff so you already have some one-upsmanship over me ;).

[Yodaman]

“I know�, said Jerry, with a huge smile on his face. Then he cut down the sail, which almost fell on Frodo, who jumped out of the way. When the sail impacted on the deck, it made a hole and caused the boat to fill with the salty water.
“Why did you do this?�, said Frodo.
“Don’t be fooled�, said Jerry, “do I really look like a friend? My wife is alive, and I have to serve Morgoth to get her. Good bye, coward!� Then he turned into a dove and flew to the mother ship, whose captain was Tejmin. Then the ship crashed on the island. Then they got on Sam’s horses, Pippy and Bob, and started fleeing. Then the Morgai-Kai got on their horses and chased them. The Morgai-Kai were catching up, when Frodo remembered when he and Arwen were being chased by the ringwraiths, so Frodo knew what to do. He led them through the rockiest terrain and the muddiest swamps. Then they arrived at the edge of a waterfall. Then Éowyn came down clad in armor and stood between the Hobbits and the Morgai Kai.
“Give us the Frodo hobbit�, said Tejmin, “and no one will get hurt.�
“Never in all the ages in Middle Earth�, said Éowyn. Then Jerry turned into an eagle, and took Frodo in his talons, and disappeared with him. Then the Hobbits fainted.
************************************************** ****************************
Sam woke up in Tiron’s houses of healing. Sam woke up and only saw Éowyn.
“Where’s Frodo and the others?�, asked Sam in a real worried tone.
“Merry and Pippin are getting dressed�, said Éowyn, “but Frodo has been captured by the Orcs�.
“Oh my goodness!�, said Sam, “we must do something!�
“We are going to�, said Éowyn. “Hurry up and get dressed, for there is a special meeting in the throne room of the Eyonto tower, and you don’t want to be late!�
************************************************** ****************************
An hour later, Sam went to the throne room. He then saw Merry, Pippin, Éowyn, Beregond (who he never met), Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, and Gandalf sitting. He nearly cried, but he prevented himself. Then he sat down in a seat labeled “Sam�. Then Galadriel, Bilbo, and Elrond came up to the throne.
“Will the nine honored guests in the front row come up�, said Elrond. Then they went up and went to the front and bowed down on their knees. If you are capable of doing this task, stand up.� All of them stood up at once. “There is a big task ahead of you. Enemy forces have captured Frodo, the former ringbearer, and he had the Silmarils, two jewels made from the Magic Trees of the Valar, two jewels that Middle Earth had fought a war for. If Morgoth wears them in his crown, he will be impossible to defeat. You must rescue Frodo, get the Silmarils back, and do as much damage to Morgoth’s fortress, Angbarad, as possible.
“So be it�, said Galadriel. “The quest is about to begin. The twilight pool is higher, and the world is more dangerous anyone who cannot go come up here now and give up your ring.� None of them went up there. “So be it. You will be The Guardians of Middle Earth. You will not fear your journey. You have the strength of the Valar on your fingers and the weight of Middle Earth on your soldiers. Take the boat, the Ringbearer, for it has a magic engine. Go to the island Numenor, where the first great kingdom of men dwelt. It is build from the mountain Armenelos, and it’s very, very dangerous. Go now, and may the Valar be with you. Then the whole croud clapped, and they left on the boat and departed the Undying Lands. The first quest of the Guardians of Middle Earth had begun.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER VI
THE MERELVES
About five hours later, Frodo awoke. At first he was confused, but once his eyesight got better, he knew where he was. He was in a hot pit in Morgoth’s new prison of Angbarad there he saw massive orc armies, and lots of training, torturing, and creating going on. There was even a Balrog in the middle that was used as a guard. Then he saw the most awful sight of them all. Morgoth was overseeing the making of his new mask, which had two slots for the Silmarils. He wore silver armor, and the helmet looked like a mix of a dragon skull and a spiked human. That made Frodo fell like a failure. A complete failure. He wanted to cry, but he heard a noise that made him scared instead.
“Froooooooooodooooooooooo�, said the creepy voice, “Froooooooooodooooooooooo. I have been waitiiiiiiiing for yooooooooooooooou!� Then a dragon came down right in front of Frodo’s face. He was a Fire-Drake, one of the fire-breathing dragons with wings. He had the best armor, swords, and jewels on his body.
“Wh-wh-who are you?�, asked Frodo.
“I’m Glaudrinn�, said the dragon, “lord of dragons, lieutenant of Morgoth, and guardian of you.�
“Di-di-did you make that freaky sound?�, asked Frodo.
“Yes�, said Glaudrinn, “that’s one of my many talents. I’m also good in fights, sword-play, fencing, guarding, riddle games, stealing, cheating, etc, etc, etc!�
“Why does Morgoth want me?�, asked Frodo. Then Glaudrinn laughed hard, and it made the pit shake.
“Morgoth doesn’t want you�, said Glaudrinn, “he just wanted you Silmarils. He also wants you for ransom. He knows nobody will pay him what he wants- all of Middle Earth and the Undying lands. He knows that everyone thinks your precious since you destroyed the ring, and to protect you, they’ll be an army awaiting to rescue you.�
“He’ll kill my friends!�, said a shocked Frodo.
“Only a few�, said Glaudrinn. “It’ll drive the others into finding the Titans, their last hope and Morgoth’s first prey. Once they find them Morgoth will acquire the spirit crusher. He’ll kill all that stand in his way, and the rest will surrender. Then he’ll target the Valar, then, the world!�
“NOOOOOOOO!�, screamed Frodo. He charged at Glaudrinn, who blocked him.
“Let’s not make this so painful�, said Glaudrinn. “Let’s have a game of riddles�.
“You know what�, said Frodo, “ you think you’re so tough, but you’re actually not. You’re a nice dragon. I have had plenty of descriptions of how a typical dragon is from my Uncle Bilbo, and you’re nothing compared to Smaug the Mighty.� Glaudrinn was really hurt by Frodo’s comments, but deep inside him, he knew they were true. Then a ringraith looking guy jumped from the top of the pit and landed at the bottom. Like a ringraith, he wore a black shroud, a suit of armor, and his face was gone. “Wh-wo-who are you?�
“I’m Galamath�, said the ringraith, leader of the Central Alliance, and advisor to Morgoth.�
“What’s the Central Alliance?�, asked Frodo.
“It’s an alliance of the Easternlings, the Black Númenórians, and the Dundelings. We are the backbone of Morgoth’s army.�
“Why is your face gone?�, asked Frodo.
“I was cursed by Sauron, and the Mouth of Sauron took my place�, said Galamath. “But I have some extraordinary talents. I can ride a troll, and duel the Valar. I tamed the dragon that guards you, Glaudrinn. Speaking of Glaudrinn, do not talk to him. He is not your friend to have a conversation with. Fear him. Fear me. Fear the Central Alliance. Fear the Orcs. And most importantly, fear Morgoth.� Then he jumped on Glaudrinn, who threw him on top of his Cave Troll, which he rode. That was the beginning of the week of pain.
A week later, the Guardians set camp on the island of Gerrriss. Gerrriss was a newborn island right of the coast on Numenor. Gerrriss just got grass growing about a mere 200 years ago. The Guardians were tired. Legolas, who did all the hunting, laid down after killing a wild boar and eating it’s thigh, which Sam cooked. He sat down daydreaming about the adventures that might come, and beautiful elf maidens. Then, he saw something in the water. It looked like a mermaid.
“Guys!�, said Legolas, “I just saw a Merelf!�
“What in the sake of the Old Took is that?�, asked Pippin.
“The Merevles are like what you might call mermaids�, said Legolas. They live underwater and have many cities. When they’re underwater, they have gills and fins. But when they’re on land, they breath air and have legs and feet.�
“Be careful, Legolas�, said Aragorn, “it could be a shifter or a trap.� Then they saw another splash. Then Legolas took out his bow and arrow and aimed it at the water. Then something arouse out of the water, and Legolas fired, but the thing in the .�

[Yodaman]

Legolas fired, but the thing in the water caught it. It was a Merelf.
“Nice archery�, said the Merelf, who was a maiden. “I’m Glanus, and you are?�
“Legolas�, said Legolas, “and these are my friends, the guardians of Middle Earth. We are on a mission to rescue a friend who holds a great and terrible power.�
“The Simirils, I know�, said Glanus. “And if you seek the path ahead of you, your quest will fail, for the path to the island before. My father, Lindo, lord of the Merelves, will find a safe and undetected path.� Then all the guardians turned to Gandalf and Aragorn for help.
“I can’t tell if this is the right path�, said Beregond. “The girl seems nice and helpful, but it could be a trap. In this world, you can never know who is friend or foe�.
“If she was a foe�, said Gandalf, “I would feel it. I think it is perfectly safe to go with her, but I don’t know if we could hold our breaths that long.� Then they all turned to Glanus.
“Maiden Glanus�, said Aragorn, “we shall go with you�.
“Great, but chew this�, said Glanus, who was holding a bunch of seaweed-looking plants. “It’s Nina. It can make an air-breather into a gill-bearer.� Then they all started chewing, but it had no effect. But once they got into the water, it had a major effect. Gills started popping on them, their hands and feet became webbed, and they had fins. It felt eerie, but great. The water felt better then ever before. Then they dived. And dived. And dived. And dived. And finally, they dived. But with one more dive, they could see a marvelous city. There were houses and Merelves galore. The houses were made out of coral, sand, and shells. The roofs were made out of foam, but the biggest marvel was the pallace. There were four sections; each carved out of a giant pearl. Glanus led them to the pallace, and entered into the door made out of magic nets (if you weren’t an enemy, you could walk right through the net). Then their fins disappeared, but they still needed their gills. Then all the Merelves in there stopped what they were doing and stared. Then a Merelf clad in golden armor walked up to them. There was also an elderly man who was there, who was the only one without any gills. He was also so calm, so peaceful with the ocean
“My daughter�, said the armored Merelf, “who have you brought with you.�
“They are the ones Ulmo predicted that would save Middle Earth. Then Ulmo starred at them.
“I see�, said the armored Merelf, “I’m Lindo, king of the Merelfs. Why have you come here?�
“They come here to seek a passage to Meregoth�, said the elderly one. “I’m Ulmo, lord of the waters. All of the guardians didn’t believe him, except Gandalf.
“I know you speak of the truth�, said Gandalf. “Where does, Morgoth stay?�
“Follow me to the throne room�, said Lindo. They all followed him to the throne room, which was made out of solid gold. Then Ulmo sat on a throne made out of foam, and the rest sat on a round table. Then Lindo came down with a huge map. There was Middle Earth and the Undying Lands, surrounded by water. And there was a highlighted spot on the map, which was Numenor.
“The path you were going to take�, said Lindo, “was too close to the enemy. They will see you hundreds of miles away. But on this path, you could go through this forest. You will go undetected, and so will your army.�
“Excuse me?�, said Merry, “I think you said army? We don’t have one.�
“But to pass, you will need one�, said Lindo. “He has many servants. Morgai and Morgai-Kai. Dragons and Trolls. Madwé and Galamath. And especially, Morgoth the Dark Enemy.�
“I have sent my beloved Uin the Whale to get your armies�, said Ulmo. “I have a dwarvish, elvish, and Gondorian armies.� All the guardians looked tired and scared“Do not worry. Rest for now, for tomorrow will be the day of reckoning.�

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER VII
ERIOL
Aragorn woke up the next day. He looked out and saw the sunshine shining through the city. It was a beautiful day. But it would be a busy one, for he was going to meet Eriol, the mariner that would guide the Guardians to Numenor. He would also have to pack for another big trip. He was glad to go so it would be sooner ‘til he got back to his home in Gondor, but he knew that when he left, it would be a huge struggle with Morgoth’s forces. But he ignored that fact, got dressed, ate in the cafeteria, and went to the shipyards, where he saw Lindo. All the other Guardians were there, and there was a weatherworn man with the Gondorian Ranger symbol on his shirt. He reminded Aragorn of himself when he was Strider.
“Guardians�, said Lindo, “this is Eriol, a Gondorian mariner who will help you get to Numenor safely. He is honored by the elves, and is most pleased to help out�.
“I am honored to help the ones destined to save Middle-Earth�, said Eriol. “Lindo showed you the passage, and I will guide you there on my ship, the Lucky Dragon. Uin the whale will guide the elven, dwarvish, and Gondorian armies to our destination. Once we get our armies ready, we will march through the forest for three days. Then, we will reach Angbarad.
“It won’t be that easy�, said Sam, “won’t there be orcs, trolls, and other bad omen?�
“They won’t see us in the forest�, said Eriol, “but once we reach Angbarad, that’s when the trouble will start, but I have a plan. The elvish and dwarfish armies will hold their army, and the guardians and the Gondorian armies will pass around them and break into the fortress. Once there, the Gondorians will keep the forces of darkness busy, while the guardians break Frodo out and, if possible, take as many Silmarils as you can�.
“You aren’t 100% sure about this plan�, said Beregond. “What if it fails, then what must we do�.
“It won’t fail�, said Gandalf. “And if it does, all hope is lost for Middle Earth."
“And I’ll make sure that hope lives on�, said Ulmo, and he sprayed the ships and the guardians with a mist that came out of his palms. “A little blessing for your trip.�
“What are we waiting for?�, said Gimli, “let’s get packing!� Then everyone started to pack. A couple of days later, everyone was ready. The guardians were getting on their boats. Then Glannus came running up to Legolas, who was about to get on the ship.
“Legolas!�, said Arwen, “promise me that you’ll be safe!�
“Why are you so worried!�, asked Legolas.
“Because I love you�, said Glannus, who kissed him. Then he knew that she was really in love with him, and he knew he had to return.
“All aboard!�, said Eriol, and Legolas jumped on the boat. He waved good bye to her as the boat arose to the earth and set sail for Numenor.�
************************************************** ****************************
A few days later, the ship landed on Numenor. They set up camp, and right as Sam was going to serve Hobbit potpie to the group, a hoard of Elvish, Dwarvish, and Gondorian ships came in. Faramir led the Men, Elrond led the Elves, and Thorin III, king of the Dwarves, led the dwarves. All the guardians went to see them, except for Sam, who was dishing up the potpie.
“Well�, said Aragorn, “it’s nice to see you again, Faramir�. Then Eowyn ran up to her husband and kissed him.
“It’s nice to see you all�, said Faramir. “I smell battle and evil in the air, and my men are excited for the battle. But I am not, for I sense it will be a bloody, foul battle.�
“So do I�, said Elrond. “My men, on the other hand, are worried. They know how dangerous and hopeless this is.�
“Nothing is hopeless�, said Legolas. “You knew there was hope during the War of the Ring. Now how about now? Do you feel different for the threat isn’t that great yet?�
“This proves how strangely the elves think�, said Thorin III. “The threat is huge. Death is upon us all, but we, the dwarves, are strong. We can laugh in the eye of Morgoth, not like the whimpy elves.�
“Don’t call the elves whimpy�, said Gimli, “for my best friend is an elf, and I’m proud of it.�
“Well�, said Elrond, “that’s nice to hear from a dwarf.�
“I don’t mean to interrupt�, said Eriol, “but I have explored this area very well, so may I lead the armies through the forest, for I also intend to fight.�
“I totally agree with that�, said Elrond, “do all of you?� And Faramir and Thorin III nodded their heads, and Gandalf came up to them.
“This is going to get very interesting�, said Gandalf, “for it will not end here. It will begin here. The Assault at Tiron was a mere show-off of power. It cannot end here, even if we destroy Angbarad and get the Silmarils, for we cannot destroy Morgoth without the Titans.�
“Lets try to have our last moments of peace not be so ho-hummy�, said Sam. “Anyone want Pot Pie. Then everyone went and chowed down.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER VIII
THE BATTLE OF NUMENOR
The troops ran through the forest for three days. They fought many creatures but finally, three days later, they reached Angbarad. Once they did, they got in a formation. The Elvish and Dwarvish armies were side by side, and the Guardians and the Gondorian armies were hidden behind them (Gimli decided to fight with the dwarves). Then, and hour later a scream was heard. It was Morgoth. Then Galamath, who rode a black horse, led thousands of Orcs and Uruk-Hai to the battlefield.
“Surrender yourselves to the Lord of Middle Earth or suffer death!�, said Galamath.
“Kill the ugly freaks!�, said Elrond, and the archers fired. Tons of unprepared Orcs died, but Tejmin led the Uruks and the remaining Orcs to fight the elves. After the elves and Orcs were locked in combat, the Dwarves came rushing in. They were hacking and hacking and hacking away at the Orcs. The Uruks were no match for the Elves, whose mastery at swordsmanship proved to be a crucial point in the battle. The Elves and Dwarves were certain to win at the fields. But Morgoth wasn't about to make it that easy for them.
The Gondorians and Guardians started running towards the doors of Angbarad, when a huge troll smashed the doors open and flew the doors at the army. The archers were all crushed, and he started smashing other soldiers flat with his hammer. But that didn’t stop the guardians. Legolas swarmed the troll with arrows, but the troll was unusually smart and he dogged them all. Pippin was too confused at this. Then he saw a black shining spot on the troll’s right shoulder. Pippin knew that this troll was Jerimoia, since on the boat he noticed that Jerry’s heart was black and it was located on his shoulder. Pip rushed up, and he leaped on a huge stone, then he jumped on the troll’s shoulder. Merry saw what Pip was doing, so he threw his knife in the troll’s nose. While the troll tried to get the knife out of his nose, Pippin stabbed the black spot. Then the troll screamed, and he shifted back to his true form, the form of Jerry. Then Jerry withered into ashes and the wind blew him away. That was the end of the dark shifter Jerimoia.
Then, with a mighty blast of magic, Gandalf broke down the door, but he sensed something bad was going to happen. A Gondorian soldier ran into the building.
“NOOOOOOOO!�, said Gandalf, but it was too late. The building blew up, and the Guardians were really hurt. Then the battle on the field stopped. A huge army of Merelves led by Lindo surrounded the elvish and dwarvish armies. Then the Gondorian army ran, but Glaudrinn stood in their way. Morgoth and Madwé were riding him, and they held a wounded Frodo.
“Well, citizens of Middle Earth�, said Morgoth, “you’ve been tricked. The Merelves set up a plot with me too lead you all here to make one last proposal. Join me, or you all will die!�
“We’ll never join you!�, said Aragorn.
“Well, you might change your mind after you see this!�, said Morgoth. Then Lindo walked up to the center. He held up the Khonos De’ahamia, the Book of All Evil. Khonos De’ahamia was written by Morgoth, who put all his evil secrets in that book. Lindo opened it up and started chanting.
“Jh’kas adlaja!�, he started saying in a language Morgoth invented, “kalja alkdfjai, ajafia hka atai!� Then there was a big flash of light, and Lindo was an Orc. “Jlkaj nahaasdh, jlkafds la la fahda!� Then his whole army became Orcs.
“Now look at all the power you can harness!�, said Morgoth. Do you want that power?�
“No way�, said Aragorn.
“Look, up in the sky!�, said Sam. There was a huge vortex, and out of it came all of Gandalfs wizard students.

[Yodaman]

“Attack the Orcs!�, said Gandalf, and his students started using their magic to fight the Orcs and Uruk-Hai. Then all three armies fought the Orcs. The evil armies were failing. Gandalfs students were invincible, and Morgoth was never more worried in his life. Galamath and Lindo used magic to get out of the battle so they could live another day. An outraged Tejmin charged at Eowyn, who blocked his attack with her sword. They began dueling a mighty duel. Tejmin kept using all his might to attack Eowyn, but she kept on blocking the slashes. He then punched her many times, and he threw her to the ground. Then Faramir shot an arrow at his wife’s attacker, and when Tejmin charged at Faramir, Eowyn cut his head off.
Then, Madwé summoned the Sleeper, who started throwing Gondorians around. Then, Legolas started to finally use some tricks Gandalf taught at the academy. The Sleeper started throwing balls of fire at Legolas who caught them all. Then Legolas put the fire on one of his arrows, and shot it at the Sleeper, who died.
Gandalf then threw a mighty blast of power with his wand at Glaudrinn, and all three of the people on him fell off. As soon as Madwé fell off, Gandalf started throwing him around. Then Madwé started throwing Gandalf around, and then they started throwing each other around. Then Madwé trapped Gandalf in a net of lightning.
“You are a failure, Gandalf�, said Madwé. “The apprentice beating the master. What a shame.� Then Sam stabbed Madwé in the foot, and the lightning net disappeared. Then, Gandaf threw his mightiest blast of power ever at Madwé, who flew many miles.
Everyone thought Eriol was a traitor, but he wasn’t. It was just the Merelves who caused the mess. Now he was going to prove that he was an ally, by facing Glaudrinn. He jumped on Glaudrinn’s back, and Glaudrinn started shacking around for Eriol to fall off. Eriol stabbed Glaudrinn many times, but Glaudrinn threw Eriol off his back. Glaudrinn then screamed in Eriol’s face, but Eriol saw something that surprised him. It was a dark charm necklace, or a necklace that could turn a good dragon into an evil one. Eriol then got out his bow, and shot an arrow at the necklace. Then Glaudrinn screamed, and he turned from evil to good.
“Thank you�, said Glaudrinn to Eriol. Then Aragorn ran to Morgoth and tried to strike him, but Morgoth blocked the blow. Then they started dueling the mightiest duel in the histories of Middle Earth. They dueled for a long time, but Morgoth got real tired and fell down. Aragorn attempted to behead Morgoth, but Morgoth threw Aragorn many feet. Then Morgoth grabbed Aragorn by the neck.
“Now watch the mighty king of men be squashed like a bug!�, said Morgoth. Then, with what he thought was some help from the Valar, Aragorn chopped one of Morgoth’s Silmarils off his Iron Crown. Then Morgoth screamed and vanised. Then every Orc and Uruk-Hai were mysteriously destroyed. A grand victory was just achieved.

[Yodaman]

CHAPTER IX
THE GUARDIANS BREAK
Immediately after the battle, Elrond, Galadriel, Gandalf, and Aragorn met in the Tower of Pearls.
“There is a great peril on Middle Earth�, said Elrond, “for now the Khonos De’ahamia is opened!�
“But there was also a great many victories�, said Galadriel. “We have Frodo back, who has one of the three Silmarils. Since he has just that one, we can now locate where Morgoth is. We also have defeated many armies, and we made some new friends. We discovered the Merelves’ plot to overthrow us. And I have also found this.� Galadriel then brought a huge book. “This is the Khadalad Me’arlia, the opposite of the Khonos De’ahamia. It contains all the secrets are, and I have found a map of where the Titans are�. Everyone in that room cheered. “Aragorn, you must lead a huge crew on the Lucky Dragon to find the Titans. It will take many months, but I think it can be accomplished. And Gandalf, will you carry the Khadalad Me’arlia?�
“I most certainly will!�, said Gandalf.
“And one more thing�, said Elrond. “There are no such things as the guardians now. That name is too well heard now, so you cannot use that name. And all the Guardians may come on this. As a “reward� for your victory, you may take your loved ones. Except you, Aragorn. Arwen must not go. She must take you place as ruler of Gondor. Aragorn agreed with him.
“Well�, said Gandalf, “our true adventure has just begun!�
TO BE CONTINUED…

[Yodaman]

Now, since that mini-series is done with (and if you don't know, that was the very first LOTR story I ever wrote and I wrote it in August 2002). Please criticize (or mabey even praise:eek: ) this series, do it here. Also tell me if you want a sequel or not. Thanks

Yodaman

[Nurvingiel]

I read the Prologue through Chapter VI, and I think your story is great! I’m sure I’ll enjoy the last few chapters. I hope you write a sequel, bearing these things in mind…

Suggested Edits:

Overall:

1) Look through your story to catch all the typos. Misplaced synonyms etc. It’s not a big deal, but your story will be read more easily and look more professional.

2) Edit for clarity and LotR continuity. Many ideas in your story are a bit far-fetched, but I can handle that as long as you don’t break any set LotR conventions. I enjoy your new take on Middle-earth.

3) I am also sometimes confused as to where people are geographically. This may seem trivial, but I think it helps with the story’s continuity.

4) I forget where in the story this is from but i) serpents (snakes) aren’t evil, and ii) Frodo no longer has a ring finger.

Chapter II:

Why wouldn’t Madwe have attacked Frodo and Gandalf with the Sleeper? If he is incapable of this, you should have said that he left from a secret door or something. The transition to the next chapter is awkward because a key point of the battle is not explained.

Chapter III:

1) If the orcs were attacking the Undying lands, Aragorn would not have been able to go there, especially in such a short time.

2) Why are Frodo and Gandalf trapped? Referring to Chapter II, that part of the story isn’t clear.

3) When the Morgai are first introduced, I thought it was a person on Aragorn’s side, rather than the evil band of orcs. The battle between Aragorn and Tejmin, and the thing with the Sleeper is unclear.

4) The battle between Gandalf and Madwe is too much like the one in The Two Towers movie between Gandalf and Saruman (which, IMHO, is not in keeping with how the two wizards would fight.)

5) How/when would Sauron say he would awaken Morgoth? You may want to construct a new plot device for having the good characters know it was Sauron who freed Morgoth.

Chapter IV

1) Lotho Sackville-Baggins is dead. Unfortunately for him.

2) Why would Pippin shaving make a buzzing sound? Hobbits don’t have facial hair anyway, unless he was shaving his head. ;)

Chapter VI

The seaweed-looking plant that you chew to breathe underwater is from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.


I really like your story, I think it has a lot of potential, and isn’t “awful� as you originally conjecture. All you need to do is edit it, and that’s what we’re here to help you with! I especially enjoyed Jerry’s character, and the plot twist involving him. I also absolutely love Glaudrinn! What a great character!

[Yodaman]

Oh my god! Some one liked it! This is physically impossible! I'm just kidding. I'll go fix it and see if it can be added to the fan fic section of Tolkien trail. But here are some things I would have to say about your edits:

1. I remember Sauron saying that he would free Morgoth and the end of the Silmarillion.
2. Harry didn't chew the seawead, but the peeps in my story did.
3. This isn't a complaint, but Pippin made a buzzing noize since he was using an electric shaver :eek: ! That is the WORST mistake I've made in a fan fic!

Take care.

Yodaman

[Nurvingiel]

Yes, I did like your story. Why do you put it down though? It's not bad, and if it was, other people would put it down, so why should you?

To clarify my edits:
1. Never mind then, you're right.
2. I meant that the seaweed was already in Harry Potter, and you probably shouldn't use it in your story because of that. Even if you invented it independently of JK Rowling, it still looks bad.
3. Aha! I though so. :)