new story

[PippinTook]

um, this is my first real story that i have attempted to write. this is the prolouge, constructive critisism is appreciated! thanx!
Prolouge: Hidden Doors
The wind howled wildly as the woman stumbled blindly across the plains. She was searching for the woods, searching for the one place she knew refuge could be found. She brushed her golden hair away from her tear streaked face. Her arms cradled a bundle, greatly valued. She had given birth to the child the day before, and fled the empire for safety. Her dark eyes searched the flat fields, untill they rested upon the line of trees in the distance. The sun was swiftly setting, and her legs were growing weary. She stumbled and fell, saving the baby from hitting the hard ground. The infant cried out, for want of rest and food. These luxuries had to wait, the mother stood and made for the trees. Just as the sun set below the horizon, she found herself standing under the tall branches. The babe cried out again, but this time to be gently swayed and stroked by her mother’s touch. “You will be safe here, once we find the Kandar, under the trees, hidden from all of them.” she said, wrapping her cloak around the small, huddled form of the baby girl. “I am your mother, Saren.” she told her daughter. “Your name will be, Aiya.” The baby girl stared at her mother with big emerald eyes. They reminded Saren of something, something loved, and lost. The sound of barking hounds and men shouting reached the ears of Saren. She quickly stood, glancing behind her to make sure she was not being followed, she ran into the dark forest.
Saren ran forward for what seemed to be an hour, then she came to a stream, which she followed deeper into the forest. The stream seemed as only a thin silver line, slithering through the vast woods. Saren stopped once the spring flowed into a small pond. On the other side was what seemed to be the side of a cliff, she waded through the water, which only reached her waist. Saren faced the cliff wall. It was flat and steep, with no blemish in it’s face. She scanned the wall, searching for a cut in the stone. She found her mark, there was a small hole, about the size of her palm. She placed her hand upon the crevice and cried out, “Yi an siran yohan!” Saren stepped back, waiting for something to happen. Ever so slowly, the small crevice grew bigger, and eventually became a small passage way. She had found her refuge.

thank you!

[PippinTook]

Fourteen years later, Aiya woke in her room, dimly lit, but comfortable. Only yesterday she had celebrated her fourteenth birthday, and now she was offically a ‘teenager’. She slipped into her pants and tunic and ran down the hall of the dormitory. Down the stairs she leapt, and into the dining room. Most of the other students already occupied the huge dining hall. Aiya ran down the long row of wooden tables, looking for her friend. Suddenly she spotted the curly mass of brown hair at the end of the table. “Lauri!” Aiya called to her best friend. “Aiya! You are late! Master Hort won’t be happy if he finds out.” said Lauri as Aiya sat down beside her. “Well, he didn’t find out, did he?” said Aiya, who was glad she hadden’t been caught. She wasn’t on very good term’s with the dorm master, Master Hort. “Quite on the contrary.” said a chilly voice behind the two girls. “Good morning, Master Hort.” said Aiya with false politeness. “Aiya, this is the third morning this week you have been late for morning assemblies. Though yesterday, I was inclined to excuse you, considering your birthday.” said the old man. His white beard laid upon his purple robe, which w always wore. His bristly eye brows often shadowed his dark eyes. “Yes, Master Hort, I understand, sir.” replied Aiya, lowering her head, hoping to keep from his hard glare. “If this happens again, I will have to send you to the detention dormitory.” said Master Hort. Aiya threw her head up and stared the mans traight in the eye. “The detention dormitory?” she said with green eyes open wide. “I am afraid so, this tardiness can not last. Of course it would not be a permenant replacement.” He added. Aiya nodded. “I will not be late again, Hort!” she said with smile. The old man glared at her. “Oh, I mean, Master Hort, sir.” she added hastily. Master Hort nodded and walked slowly to the big table up front where he sat with Master Irin, and Mistriss Mordon.
Master Irin was quite a few years younger than Hort, but just as greatly feared. He was the head master of the male dormitory. Mistress Mordon was the head master of the smal school, and was loved by all the students. She was at draw with Hort in years, and just as wise and revered.
The school’s main purpose was to train the students about the world, and sciences, and language. The students were brought to the school through parents, or gaurdians whose chirldren were being hunted by the empire. For the evil king, Zarfoth, and his son, Silivryn, ruled the empire with an iron hand. Anyone who believed in elves, or said that they did were killed immediately. .
Mistress Mordon stood. She raised her frail hand, and the students hushed. “Good morning children. Today Brother Ard has prepared eggs and bacon for our morning meal.” said the lady. “You may now eat, and immediately following, go to your classes.” Mistress Mordon sat and everyone ate. Aiya picked up her fork, and dug into the fryed eggs. “A bit runny,” said Lauri, with her mouth full. “But not too bad!” she took a swig of water. “What class do we have first?” asked Aiya who could never remember which class she took first. “History of Earosia, taught by Master Irin.” replied Lauri. “History is so boring! I would rather learn about what is going to happen, not what happened a hundred years ago!” said Lauri regretfully. ‘I love history, why without history we wouldn’t be here!” exclaimed Aiya. Lauri looked at her friend queerly. They were soon finished with thier meal and were dismissed from the dining hall.

[PippinTook]

Lauri and Aiya walked down the hall and up a flight of stairs. They entered a huge room with tall ceilings. They quickly found thier seats and opened thier books. Master Irin stepped into the room and walked to the pulpit. He cleared his throat and spoke nervously, “Welcome students, I trust you have been studying.” he said. “Yes, Master Irin.” the entire class replied in unison. “Today we will be learning about the war, the only war in the history of Earosia. A hundred years ago the elves had ruled all of Earosia, with compassion, and mercy. They dwelt along with the humans in the capital city of San Lilead. They accepted the humans, and treated them as equals. If an elf and a human had a child, the half-elven infant would be taught to be a dragon rider. The dragons had been living in Earosia since the begining of time. The elves never rode the dragons, because they had no say in war or battle like the humans. The humans did not have to magic of the elves. The dragon eggs would only hatch in the presence of a half-elf. Therefor the half-elves were the only dragon riders.

[PippinTook]

There was one human, born with malice and hate for the elves. His name was Aerostad. He mustered a force to march against the elves. Soon almost the entire population of humans wanted to kill all the elves. The humans fought with the elves. The elves did not want to fight, and surrendered. They suddenly dissappeared, and the humans were taught to believe that they all died. All the elves were believed to go to the great city in the sky. But some of the humans missed the friendliness and gentleness of the elves. Soon Aerostad took the throne and slowly corrupted the empire. Everyone was drawn to the empire, because the fields and crops were soon cut down by soldiers.
The rest of Earosia turned to desert. All but one forest. The forest was inhabited by the humans who loved the elves. They called themselves the Kandar, they provided shelter and schooling for any other believers. One day, an elf, who had been living in the desert, came to the Kandar for help. He had been scarcely living for fifty years. His name was Rhyran. He lived with the Kandar and was loved and respected by all the people living there. He soon fell in love with a human woman, Lirtha, and they were married. They helped rule the Kandar for years. Lirtha gave birth to a son, Loroth, the first half-elven infant. Soon after that Rhyran dissappeared, some believe he died, others believe he went to live with the elves in the city of the sky. Loroth was greatly loved and appreciated by the Kandar. He was wise and beautiful. In his green eyes were held love and deep knowledge. They all lived in harmony and tranquility. The only thing that Loroth was loathe about, was dragons. He was born with the desire to be a dragon rider. He searched high and low, looking for some scroll or book that told of a lost dragon egg. One day he found a old, worn piece of parchment that told of the great war between elves and men. He found that King Zarfoth had stolen a dragon egg from the elves and hidden it deep in his palace. But the egg would not hatch for Zarfoth because he was a human. Loroth was determined to find the egg and become the next dragon rider. He and five of his friends stormed the castle. Alas, none of them left. They were all slain by the gaurds. The Kandar were still hidden, but thier pride and joy, Loroth was killed. Since then, they have recouperated, and become a very successful haven for believers of the elves.” He sat down, exasperated from his long lecture. “Do any of you have any questions?” He asked. Aiya raised her hand. “Yes, Miss Aiya?” said Master Irin. “Does Zarfoth still posses the last dragon egg?” she asked. “Yes, as far as the Kandar know, the King till has the egg hidden in his kingdom.” replied Irin. Another student, much younger than the others asked timidly, “Does King Zarfoth know where we are?” Master Irin smiled. “No, Julie, you are very safe in the possesion of the Kandar.” he said softly. “Now, class, you are dismissed, you may have sme time to do what you wish.” Master Irin closed his book and stood, nodding to the class. Aiya and Lauri walked out of the room and into the courtyard. “That was boring, Master Irin’s lectures are so dreary!” said Lauri throwing her books in the grass. “I thought it was fascinating! About the elves, and the war! i wish something excitingwould happen like that!” sighed Aiya, who sat down beside her friend. “I am content here, I have everything I need! A good school, good food, and a best friend!” said Lauri. “I guess so, but still, I get tired of the mundane routine after a while! I think it would be great if I could meet an elf!” said Aiya wistfully. “Well, for one thing, all the elves lived a hundred years ago, and then they dissappeared. Master Irin said they went into some big city in the sky.” said Lauri. “If the elves didn’t actually die, they could still be alive, and there is no proof they went to the city in the sky! They could very well be right here in Earosia!” said Aiya enthusiasticly

[PippinTook]

Lauri shrugged, “Either way, they’re not here, and everyone is safe.” she laid her hed back on the grass. “I suppose you are right. But for how long?” asked Aiya. Lauri sat back up, “What do you mean?” she asked couriously. “How long can we hide and not be found? How long will it be before the King finds out we exist and find the Kandar?” Aiya’s face was solemn. “But you can’t possibly mean-” said Lauri uncomfortably. “What I said, how long can we remain hidden safely.” said Aiya. “You are scaring me.” said Lauri, standing up. “Lauri, you need to be scared. You have been sheltered all your life! We have been living underground since we were babies!” Aiya said, standing by her friend.
It was true. Lauri hadn’t even been outside the walls of the great underground kingdom of the Kandar. The city had all the supplies they needed. It was an amazing sight to behold. The great Kandar city of Telesmere. The great ceiling was transparent, but seemed to be rock from the outside. Some believed the elves rought it, to help the Kandar. It brought light to the city and to the hearts of its people. Lauri was born here, her parents had traveled to the city before she was born. Her parents lived in Telesmere working as bakers. Aiya had no parents. She knew nothing of her father, and her mother had died soon after she was brought to the Kandar. Aiya was taken in by an old herbalist, Johanna. Aiya was soon sent to the school, like all the other children, and was now in her ninth year.
“It’s time for Master Hort’s grammar class!” said Lauri. Aiya winced. “On we go into battle, by good and faithful friend!” she said, putting her arm around Lauri. “Aye, madonna! We go to fight the great battle of grammar!” mocked Lauri. Aiya laughed as they walked back into the great school hall.

[Akamai Deredal]

Hey Pip... Wow that was a lot to read, but... I do have to say I loved it. Other than a few typing mistakes, i couldn't really find anything wrong with it, except sometimes you mention something more then once every few sentences.... Oh well, I do it too so no worries. Keep writing, i want to read more! Now, soldier, lol.

[PippinTook]

Thank you akai! are the charactars ok? I'll keep you posted, but for now, thats all i have written. I will probably write more today. I'll try to work out the grammar stuff!
pip

[PippinTook]

As usual, Master Hort’s grammar class was exsesively dreary, but the two girls handled it with grace and bravery. And so went the events of that day and the next day to come. Aiya wanted a holiday horridly. The mundane routine was playing with her sanity. “Lauri,” she said one day as they sat in the grass, “Let’s do something!” Lauri stared at her friend. “Aiya, did you break into Brother Ard’s ale cabinet again?” she asked warily. “No, of course not! I just want to do something, something different!” said Aiya. “Well, there’s the courtyard, and the garden, and Sister Merda’s library.” said Lauri absentmindly. “The library! What a lovely idea!” exclaimed Aiya. Lauri shook her head. “What in Earosia do you plan to do in the library?” asked Lauri, thinking of all the insane pranks Aiya could play. “No, nothing like that, I want to read, about the elves! There must be something there about them! After all, that is why we are here!” said Aiya excitedly. “Come on, Lauri!” Aiya dragged Lauri through the hall. Lauri groaned.
They arrived in the great library of the school. It was one of the biggest rooms in all the school. The burgandy stained vaulted ceiling and walls made the room seem dim, but beautiful. Sister Merda sat at a desk, looking over old scrolls. She was a small woman, and very tightly drawn. “Hello, Siter Merda!” said Aiya, with an unhushed voice. The woman nearly flew from her seat. Once she saw who it was, she regained her composure and straightened her reading specticales, “Aiya, what in the heavens are you doing here!” she whispered. “Horridly sorry, Sister, but I was looking for a book about the elves.” said Aiya quietly. Sister Merda’s eyes widened. After a pause she rose, “Yes, of course, over here.” she said, standing. She led the girls past rows of small tables where students sat studying. They walked down a long, tall, line of bookshelves. “Here we go.” said Sister Merda. “There is, ‘Of the Elvish Language’, ‘Of Elves and the War’, and ‘Of Loroth and the Half-Elven Age’.” read Sister Merda. “I will take them all!” said Aiya, who hastily grabbed the three books. They were old, and browned with age. The rinds were crusted with dust and over use. Aiya handed a book to Lauri who shifed under the weight of the massive heaviness.
Aiya and Lauri carried the books to Aiya’s quarters. “Right here, thank-you, Lauri.” said Aiya dropping the books on the desk. “You aren’t going to read all of this, are you?” asked Lauri. “No, not now, but I will try to larn something.” said Aiya, thumbing through the script. Lauri shook her head. “What made you want to learn so much about the elves? You always hated studying as much as I did!” said Lauri. Aiya looked up from the book, “I don’t know, it just seemed so fascinating to me!” said Aiya enthusiasticaly. “I just don’t get it,” said Lauri witha sigh. “That was a hundred years ago, and they are all gone! It’s not like they are going to pop up right here in Telesmere!” Lauri was agitated. “Either way, I like it. It’s like, I have something to do with it, like I am supposed to be looking through allt hese old books!” replied Aiya softly. A bell rang through the halls, it’s clear sound resounding in the girl’s ears. “Supper time.” said Lauri, walking to the door. “Right ho!” Aiya said, closing the book. They ate thier supper and soon were backat the dormitories, ready for bed. Lauri found sleep easily, but this did not come to Aiya. She tossed around in her bed. After a while, she decided to read. She lit her lamp and opened the dilapidated pages.

[PippinTook]

This is where the story gets good,

The next morning Aiya found herself with her head laying upon her desk. The old book lay under her ear like a pillow. She yawned and streched. She did not rest well, but- wait, she was late for breakfast again. ‘Great! I will be sent to the detention dormitories!’ she thought as she hastily pulled on her trousers and green tunic. The detention dormitories is where the students were sent if they were in trouble. They were serparate from everything else. She stumbled out of her room, and towards the dining hall. She quickly found her chair, beside Lauri. “Oh, dear, Lauri, I am late again! What will Master Hort say!” she cried. Lauri’s face was blank. “What ever is the matter?” Aiya asked, surprised by her friend’s reception. “Master Hort won’t be sending you to the detention dorms, Aiya.” Lauri said slowly. “Well, that’s a relif! But, why not?” said Aiya. “You know how Master Hort goes outside the cliff wall every year, to check the weather?” said Lauri. “Yes, I know.” replied Aiya. “He went last night, and didn’t come back. This morning they sent a search party after him, and found his body, just outside the cliff face.” Lauri said softly. Aiya was speechless. “Who killed him? Who would do that?” asked Aiya. “They found a red arrow in his back, it is supposed to belong to some people named the, Rhohatar.” Lauri said. Aiya shook her head. “No, not the rhohatar! That can’t be possible, unless-” said Aiya, who face was riddle with thought. “How do you know who they are? I had never heard of them before.” asked Lauri. “I was reading last night, that is why I was late this morning. The rhohatar were the King Aerostad’s murderers. They had magic, and could poison thier darts and arrows. They were always red. There were only three of them, but they were deadly.” said Aiya. “Wait, that was a hundred years ago!” protested Lauri. “They can live forever if not slain by elven hand.” said Aiya. “So do they know where we are?” asked Aiya. “Mistress Mordon hasn’t said anything about that. But all the students are being sent home immediately after breakfast.” said Lauri. “Well, that is a relif!” sighed Aiya. They ate thier breakfast quietly and were dismissed to thier rooms, to pack thier things.
Aiya unloaded her clothes into her pack and threw it on her back. She was about to leave the humble room, when she stopped. The three books still laid on her desk. She laid her pack back on her bed. She loaded the three books into her bag. Surely, Sister Merna wouldn’t miss three torn apart books. All the students met in the courtyard. Master Irin led them out of the school’s front gate and into the city of Telesmere.

[PippinTook]

The children were all drear and gloomy. They were getting out of school, but for an awful cause. No one particulalry like Master Hort’s classes, but the old man was cared for by the students. They reached the middle of town, and the children went thier serparate ways. Fortunately, Lauri and Aiya lived next to each other. Their walk home was quiet and melancholy. Once theire houses were in sight, the girls ran for what they knew they could trust. Lauri burst through the door of the bakery, and was welcomed by her mother and father. Aiya swung the door open to her own home. It was old and wooden, but held the one thing Aiya truly loved, her family. “Johanna! I am home!” she called. An woman, well in years, peeked over the counter. “Aiya! I am so glad you are home, I heard what happened. Are you okay?” the woman asked, looking over the child. “Doing well, I am a teenager now!” Aiya said proudly. Johanna’s bright eyes, looked down at the floor. “Yes, well, do you know anything about the killers?” asked Johanna. “Yes, I read abouth them, in these books!” said Aiya, pulling out the old scripts. Johanna gaped. “Do you know how old these are?” she asked, running her hands over the rough edges. “Old, I suppose.” shrugged Aiya. “Aiya, these books must be at least a hundred years old!” exclaimed Johanna. Aiya’s mouth fell open. “Then, these weren’t written about the war, they were written during the war!” she said. Johanna nodded. “Where did you get them?” she asked. “In the school library.” replied the girl. Johanna shook her head. “Strange days.” she said below her breath. Johanna stared at the books for a whil, but soon pulled her gaze from them. “Now, child, about your age.” began the woman. There was a long pause. “Yes, what about my age?” asked Aiya. “Let’s sit.” said Johanna, pulling up to wobbly chairs

[PippinTook]

Aiya sat warily. “Do you know anything about your mother?” asked Johanna. “Aiya was surprised to hear her talk of this. “Well, she brought me here, when I was a baby, and then she died in Telesmere.” said Aiya, and truthfully, that is all she had known. “Yes, and do you know who she was?” asked the woman. “No, I know nothing of her.” replied Aiya. “She was a beautiful woman, very brave and very kind.” said Johanna, who looked like she was searhing her memories. “You knew her?” said Aiya. “Yes, I was the one who took care of her the shot tme she was here, that is why I have been your guardian.” replied Johanna. “She told me everything about her, and you.” said Johanna, very slowly. Aiya was begining to get anxious. “And she told me of your father.” Aiya gasped aloud. “Yes, I know, I should have told you, but I swore never to tell you until you were old enough.” said Johanna apologetically. “I-but you-who was he? This is so overwhelming!” stammered Aiya. “Than maybe you should sit back, dear.” said Johanna kindly. Aiya’s eyes were wide, with fear, with antisipation, and with plain wonder. “Your father-” started Johanna. “Yes, please carry on!” cried Aiya. “Your father, was an elf.”said Johanna. Aiya said nothing. She did nothing. She plainly stared at the old woman. “Aiya, are you okay?” Johanna asked warily. “That-that makes me-” began Aiya. Johanna nodded. “Half-elven.” she said. “So the elves didn’t go to the city!” she said with sudden realization. Johanna smiled. “No. They reside somewhere in Earosia, but your mother, Saren, died before she told me where.” she said. “What was my father’s name?” asked Aiya, who was now, full of questions. “Celebre.” said Johanna solemnly. “So, why don’t I look like a half-elf? I don’t have pricked ears!” said Aiya, feeling her ears. “But you do look like a half-elf. Have you seen any other human with bright emerald eyes like yours? Or raven hair, no one has those amazing feautures. Your ears will begin to prick soon, within days. The half-elves, unlike the elves, would not get thier ears untill they were fourteen.” said Johanna. “So I will have pointed ears?” asked Aiya. Johanna nodded. “What about the-” Aiya stopped short. “Will I live forever, Johanna?” she asked softly. Johanna looked at her with passionate eyes, then slowly nodded. “Yes, but along with that comes the gracefullness and magic of the elves.” said the woman. “Magic? But how amI to learn magic? And what have these Rhohatar to do with me?” Aiya asked. “The rhohatar were used by the king to track down the elves. They can sense elvish blood from a mile away. They must have been lurking in the forest when Master Hort came out of the cliff wall door.” said Johanna. “What were they doing here?” asked Aiya. “Somehow, the king must know that there is another half-elf, and sent them to search for you.” Johanna said. “They are looking for me then. What am I to do?” cried Aiya. “There is one man in Telesmere that can help you.” Johanna said. “Who?” asked the girl. “Krian. He is a sword and loremaster. He knows more about the elves and swordplay than anyone in all of Telesmere.” Johanna said. “Where can I find him!“ asked Aiya. “He lives on the other side of the city. We will go and see him as soon as you feel better.” said she. ‘I am fine, I want to go see him now!” exclaimed Aiya. Johanna smiled. “Well, little one, if you feel up to it, we will go now.” said Johanna. So they gathered thier things and left for the house of Krian.

[PippinTook]

The streets of Telesmere were busy, but drear. Nothing like this had ever threatened them. Aiya shuffled her feet, kicking a pebble in front of her. “So you knew all of this?” she asked. “Yes, and it was hard keeping it from you, but I knew I had to tell you now. Within a few days, your ears will begin to prick.” Johanna said. “how do I know I can trust this Krian guy?” asked Aiya suspisiously. “He is an old friend of mine, and a good man.” said Johanna. “Why haven’t I ever met him?” asked Aiya. “He doesn’t like children, or unwelcome visitors.” said Johanna. Aiya nodded. “So you expect him just to take me in and teach me all about the elves?” she asked. “He will take you.” Johanna said shortly. Aiya shrugged, “If you say so.”

They strode down the main road, but suddenly Johanna led her down an old alley. After they came to the end of the narrow alley, Johanna turned sharply right. The walls on either side of them were damp and gray, unlike the bright city. Johanna rapped sharply on a wooden door. After a long and greuling pause, the door creaked open. “Who are you?” asked a young man, through the thin space. Johanna and Aiya were surprised to hear the voice of a boy. “I am an old friend of Krian’s. I have something to show him.” said Johanna, holding her head in a high and demanding aire. “May I ask your name?” asked the man. “Johanna Tornik.” she said. The man nodded and shut the door. Soon an older man opened the door wide. “Johanna, what are you doing here?” he asked Johana, though he stared at Aiya. “I believe you know why I am here, Krian.” said Johanna coldly, though she was happy to see the old man again. Krian nodded. “Yes well, you may come in.” he said, letting the two in his parlour. It was a very humble home, full of bookshelves and desks riddled with old papers. He quickly cleared some parchments from two chairs. “Please, sit.” he gestured. Krian sat across from Johanna, in front of the fireplace. Krian’s eyes flashed from the old woman in the chair, to the girl standing behind her. “This is the girl.” he said finally. “Yes, Krian.” Johanna rolled her eyes. “Yes, well, little girl-” he began gruffly. “My name is Aiya, and you don’t have to talk about me like I’m not here, I know what I am.” she said straight forward. Krian nodded, “Of course, Aiya.” he said politely.

[PippinTook]

Aiya liked the old man, but it seemed that Johanna was surprised at his chivalry. “Johanna as most likely told you a lot of things. But, I doubt she has told you everything.” Krians said, glancing over at the old woman. “Your mother stayed in the care of Johanna for the short time she was here. She lived only three days after you were brought here. Saren’s wounds were not deep, but very deadly. We found a small dart in the back of her neck. It was feathered red, and poisoned with something we had never seen before. Johanna, being the herb mistress she is, had not even heard of it herself. I am learned in lore, all kinds of lore. Therefore I helped her, search the meaning of the poison and where it came from. It is called slithe poison, and can only be found in the toxic pools, which are extremely hard to find. The Rhohatar use this poison to kill thier enemies.’ Krian said. “So, my mother was killed by the Rhohatar?” asked Aiya. “Yes.” said Krian, lighting his pipe. “They must have known that you were different, and were searching for you.” he said after a long draught on the wooden pipe. “They killed Master Hort, because of me?” Aiya asked. Krian slowly nodded. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t go and fight the Rhohatar, and the people of Telesmere are no warriors!” she was begining to panic. Krian raised his hand. “No, the citizens of Telesmere are definately not warriors, but I can help you, if you let me speak!” he huffed. Aiya nodded, closing her mouth tight. “Now, you are half-elven, which means you can use the magic of the elves.” Krian said. Aiya’s eyes lit up, “Will you teach me?!” she asked excitedly. Krian lifted a hand, and scowled at the girl. “I can intruct you, though I can not perform magic myself. You are only half-elf, so it will be harder, but it is possible. I can only teach you simple things, knocking over a glass of water, picking a flower, raising sticks-””How will I be able to defeat my enimies with flowers?” Aiya interupted. “For now this is all I can teach you, untill you get your dragon.” This time, Krian stopped, for he knew a load of questions would come. “My dragon? Where is it? How will it help my magic? When do I get it?’ Aiya asked hastily. “The only dragon egg remaining is in a dungeon in King Zarfoth’s castle. It will help your magic because, dragons are also magical, and will make up for the human part of you, making you as powerful as the elves. And you will get it soon enough. Does this answer all your questions about dragons?” Krian said tiredly. Aiya shook her head. “Well, I am not going to answer any for the moment!” said Krian. “I am afraid I will not have enough time to train you properly, so I will have to take you with me to the elven city of, Von Scotia.” Krian said. “The elves? That is wonderful! This is amazing! But what about Johanna?” she asked. “Johanna will have to manage without you. But I am sure she will be kept safe.” said Krian kindly. “Lauri’s family will help me.” Johanna said to Aiya. Then it struck Aiya, “What about my friends?” she asked. “Johanna has told me about Lauri, and she seems trustworthy, you may tell her, but make sure she knows the urgency of your misson, don’t let this get outside her family.” said Krian. Aiya nodded. “So we are going to travel to Von Scotia by ourselves?” asked Aiya. “No, my son, Rhys will accompany us. He is seventeen, and a good boy. I have taught him swordplay, which I must also teach you.” said Krian, who then called for his son.

Rhys came through the back door, and laid some books on a cluttered shelf. “Rhys, this is Aiya.” said Krian. Rhys was the same young man who had opened the door for them. “Hello, Aiya.” he said with a smile, offereing his hand. She shook his hand, it was firm but warm. He flicked his light brown hair out of his eyes. “Now Aiya, you may go home, but I expect you to be here tomorrow, all your things packed.” said Krian, standing up. “Tomorrow?” asked Aiya. “Yes. Do you have a horse?” he asked. “No, sir.” Aiya replied. “You may ride one of mine. She is a worthy mare. and will bear you far.” he said, leading the two to the door. “Goodbye, Krian.” said Aiya. “Goodbye little Aiya.” he replied kindly. “It was good to see you again, Krian.” said Johanna. “And you.” replied Krian shortly. Johanna and Aiya stepped out of the door and back to the street. They slowly and silently made thier way back to the herb shoppe.

[PippinTook]

and so end chapter two of my story. it is still titleless though. for the moment I am calling it Half-Elven for obvious reasons, but if you can think of anythign better, feel free to tell me!

-pip

[PippinTook]

By the time Johanna and Aiya had reached their home, it was late and the moon’s silver light was the only thing that lit the streets. Aiya walked to the back of the shop, and fell on her bed. She was tired and her body ached for want of rest. But her mind was riddled with questions that would not let her body sleep. She lay awake for hours, thinking, wondering, and wanting. She was overwhelmed by everything she had learned, but she was excited. What with dragons, elves, sword fights, long journeys, her life was about to change! She also realized that this wasn’t a good thing, that her life was about to change. What about Johanna, and Lauri, and all her oher friends? So this is how she spent her last night in Telesmere. Her mind fighting with her body for control. Finally sleep took her, though it was an uneasy sleep, it was welcomed.

Early the next morning, before dawn, Johanna woke Aiya, who was sprawled out on the mattress. “Aiya, you slept in too late, we have to meet Krian!” said Johanna, who tried to drag the girl out of bed. Aiya grunted, “Nope.” is all she said. “Yes, Aiya, you have to get your things ready!” Johanna urged. Aiya yawn and streched her arms out. “I fell asleep two hours ago!” she complained. “And that is your own fault. Now, comb your hair and get dressed, we have to meet Krian at his house in an hour!” Johanna said, handing Aiya the comb. Aiya reluctantly slipped into her pants and tunic. She grabbed an olf bag and stuffed some clothes and a few personal belongings in. Aiya stumbled into the main shop, “Ready!” she said, holding her arms out. Johanna laughed, “Lovely hair, Aiya.” she said. Aiya rolled her eyes. Her black hair was kept in an untidy pony tail. “It will be fine, let’s go.” Johanna said, slipping her coat on. Aiya threw her pack on her back and she walked out of the herb shop for the last time. She knew she would miss her home, the smells of the stewed and dryed herbs and spices. A few scattered street lamps were lit, but the city was dark. The short journey seemed forever long to Aiya. It was chilly, but she felt nothing. Once they reached Krian’s home, Aiya was almost reluctant to knock on the old wooden door. Nevertheless, the door was opened by Rhys, who answered her groggy acknowledgement with a sweet smile. “Come in!” he said, opening the door wide. “Thank you, Rhys.” Aiya managed to reply. Aiya slumped down in a chair. “Tired, Aiya?” Rhys asked. She nodded, ‘I’m not used to getting up this early with a lack of sleep.” she said. Rhys laughed aloud, “You will have to get used to it!” he handed her a cup of tea. “Thanks.” she said, taking the cup gratefully. The tea was hot and felt good as it went down her throat. Krian walked into the room, “Good, you’re not late.” he said shortly. “No, but I am afraid te early is going to be the death of me!” said Aiya. Krian grunted, “Aiya, you are young! If this old man can get up before dawn, you can!” he scowled. Aiya smiled. “When do we leave?” she asked. “Now, if I can manage to get you are horse. Have you brought your things?” He asked. “Yes, I have. It’s not much, but I suppose it will suffice.” she said. “Let us go, then.” said Krian, shouldering his own pack. They all left the small house and stood in the narrow alley. Aiya embraced Johanna, wiping a tear from her face. “Take care of yourself! And don’t let anyone tell you who you are, Aiya Ailediel. Go and live your dreams.” Johanna said, tucking Aiya’s hair behind her ears. Suddenly, Johanna laughed. “What is it?” asked Aiya. Aiya’s hand flew to her ear. “Now, you look the part!” Johanna said. Aiya nodded, hugged her friend again, and left with Krian and Rhys to her future.

[Akamai Deredal]

*drools* More Pip! More! I want more story to read! *whines* This is unbearable! I hate it when you just leave me hanging... and the story's so goooooood! *grumbles* I'll just have to wait...

[PippinTook]

Just half a mile away, was the stable where Krian’s horses were kept. He pushed open the door, which creaked loudly on it’s hinges. There were two long rows of stalls, with th occassional horse’s head poking through the openings. A man stood, shodding a black colt, who seemed rather annoyed by the whole thing. “Morna! I have come for the horses!” said Krian, trying to talk over the loud clanging of metal on metal. “What? What? Oh, yes, Krian what c’n I get fur yeh?” the man said, slurring every word. “I have come to take all my horses out of your stable.” said Krian. Morna seemed disturbed, “I hope, I havern’t offendered yeh, Mister Krian.” said Morna slowly. “No, nothing like that, I am leaving, and taking my horses with me.” said Krian, who was growing impatient. “Oh, well if that be der case!” said Morna happily. Morna led them down the long stable hall, kicking up sawdust wherever he happened to step. “Right here, s’r! This is yer stallion, and a beauty at that!” he said, taking a tall, brown horse ot of the stall. “An’, here is your mare.” Morna said, stepping out of the stall with a proud black horse. “An here is your little filly, I b’lieve that un’s that dam o’ this un.”He said pointing to the black mare. “Yes, Morna, she is.” Krian rolled his eyes at the stable keeper. “There yeh go! An’ here is ther’ saddles, and bridles.” Morna said, laying the tack on the floor. Krian and Rhys soon had the three horses saddled and they were on thier way. “Hope ter see yeh agin, Mister Krian1” called Morna, but Krian was out of earshot.

Aiya lauged, “That was interesting!” she said. Krian shook his head, “That man, Morna, can wear my nerves thin in a minute!” he said exasperatingly. “He is a good man though, and an old friend, but his jaw may prove him otherwise!” Krian said. “What are the names of these horses?” asked Aiya. “This stallion is, Triton.” said Krian patting the brown steed’s withers. “And this is my mare, Nilia, and she can out run any other horse in Telesmere, though there is barely a need for them.” said Rhys. “Your horse is called, Kea, and is Nilia’s filly. She is only three years old, so she may prove fiesty, but she is of good blood.” Rhys said, pointing to the grey horse that Aiya sat on. “One thing, I must give you before we leave Telesmere.” said Krian to Aiya. “Yes?” she asked. “A weapon. You have probably never had the need for one in the underground city, but you will learn to live by it.” said Krian, who then pulled a sword scabbard from behind him. The blade was metal, but had a blue hue to it. No jewels or jems studded the hilt. Small runes were littered all over the blade and handle. Aiya grasped it, it seemed to fit her hand well. The blade seemed extremely heavy and she soon had to drop the sword on her lap. “You will grow accustomed to the weight.” said Krian. “Does it have a name?” asked Aiya, who studied the blade. “Yes, it is called, Elohae.” said Krian. As he said the name, his voice changed, it seemed young and fluent. “I will teach you when we stop. It was my wish to instruct you before we left, but we have been pushed.” said he. Aiya nodded and sheathed her sword. “Thank you!” she said earnestly. Krian smiled, “It is my wish to see you use it one day, though I hope it will prove a good weapon.” He urged the horses on, and they made for the exit of the city.

It was begining to get lighter, and this lightened Aiya’s spirits. “How are we going to leave?” she suddenly asked. “There is a back exit, not known to many.” said Rhys. “From there we will make west, towards the western borders of the forest. We will probably make camp there, and then tomorrow we will venture out into the Earosian desert.” said Krian. “And then we will go to see the elves?” asked Aiya excitedly. Krian laughed. “We willl have to pass over the mountains of Gorgirath, and through the fertile valley of Eresmine. Then we will come to the elven city of Von Scotia.” said Krian. “How do you know where all this is?” asked Aiya. “I have a map, given to me, long ago.” he said. He then pulled out a map, and showed her where evrything was. There was a forest, in the south eastern side of the map. “That is the Forest of the Kandar, where you have grown up.” he pointed out. Clearly marked at the eastern side of the forest was Telesmere. In the north eastern corner was the empire. “That is the Empire of Earosia, ruled by the malicious King Zarfoth and his son, Silivryn.” said Krian solemnly. “The capital is San Lilead, and the two other cities, one north and one south, are Las Grecia and Mirronor. Las Grecia sits on the sea, and therefor controls all the imports in the empire. On the western side of the map was a long range of mountains, “Those are the Gorgirath Mountains. They are the highest peaks in all of Earosia. And extremely hard to pass.” Krian said.

[PippinTook]

They were soon on the outskirts of the great underground city. There was a small tunnel, barely enought room for a few men to walk abreast. Aiya had never noticed the tunnel before. They walked in single file, Krian in the lead, followed by Aiya, with Rhys bringing up the rear. They seemed to be walking forever, and the darkness of the tunnel was blinding and the silence was deafening. “How long is this tunnel?” Aiya asked. “about ten miles.” said Krian. Aiya sighed audibly. “We are nearly half of the way there.” he assured her. They rode for hours, Aiya could not judge how long. Finally, she saw light ahead. “Is that the end?” she asked hopefully. “Yes.” said Krian. The tunnel began to incline and they were soon out in the open. Aiya squinted her eyes, for they had been used to the dank darkness of the long tunnel. After they were adjusted, they stopped for lunch. “Where are we?” asked Aiya. Rhys pulled out the map. “We are right here.” he said, pointing at a spot far west of Telesmere. “Why couldn’t the Rhohatar just walk right into Telesmere using the tunnel?” asked Aiya. Krian laughed and pointed back to where the tunnel was. Aiya looked behind them, and nothing was there. “But, how did we-” she gaped at the empty clearing where the tunnel had been. “I don’t know all the wonders of the Kandar. It is just another trick, probably crafted by elves. You can use the tunnel to leave Telesmere, but not to get into it.” said Krian, who was unpacking thier meal. It consisted of dried meat, some fruit and bread, and water. Aiya wasn’t used to such a meager meal and was wanting some sugar fruit or candy by the end. She knew she would have to let go of these luxuries. “We have to get going.” said Krian. The packed thier things and mounted the horses. Aiya was amazed at what she saw, she had not been outside of the underground city since she was a baby. The trees were much taller, and there were so many birds and other animals. Rhys often had to tell her to hurry up, for she would stop to look at everything. “Aiya, if you continue like this, we will not reach the border by nightfall! Or even by tomorrow at noon!” Rhys laughed. “Oh, sorry.” Aiya said as she nudged Kea.

They rode through the thick forest swiftly, and soon reached the forest’s edge. The trees stopped, and Aiya looked out into the desert. It was as far as she could see, tan nothingness. “We have to cross that?” she asked despairingly. Krian nodded, “But for now, let’s see what I can teach you!” he dismounted Triton and tied his reins to a tree. Aiya did the same for Kea. Aiya unsheathed Elohae and eyed it. Krian laughed, “No, I am not going to give you your first lesson with a real blade!” he said. “Oh, good.” Aiya said relieved. She sheathed Elohae. Krian gave her a wide, and heavy stick. Aiya stared at it. “A stick?” she asked. “Yes, a stick, for now. Once you master the stick, you will be promoted.” Krian said, picking up a stick of his own. Aiya nodded, and they stood at a fighting stance. She struck first, going for his left shoulder. Her blow was quickly blocked and a counter attack came at her left shoulder. “Ow!” she exclaimed, staggering backwards. “Don’t leave yourself open!” Rhys called, for he was now sitting, watching the two spar. Aiya came at Krian again, three times her hits were blocked by the old man. She grasped her stick with two hands and struck him on the leg. Krian jumped back, “Very good! Again!” he said, throwing a blow to her hip. She blocked this, but suffered a hit to her right arm. They went on like this for an hour. Finally, Krian stopped the sword fight. “Good, you may rest now.” he said, sitting down on the damp ground. Aiya felt like she was falling apart. She had not done anything like that before in her life. Bruises covered her arms and legs. Krian rubbed his shin, the one place where he had been hit. He lit his pipe and stared into the fire. Aiya fell asleep swiftly to dreams of trees, birds and furry woodland creatures.

[PippinTook]

and so ends the third chapter of Half-Elven, Of Pointed Ears and Stick swords. I hope you like it so far! It will be a couple days before I will have chapter four ready. Thanks for your support!

-pip

[PippinTook]

Rhys woke Aiya early the next morning. Her whole body ached, and she was even more tired than she had been the last day. They ate a quick breakfast of bread and water. Rhys filled thier water skins in a stream before the started out into the massive desert. Aiya had never felt the blistering heat of the sun. Through the transparent ceiling of Telesmere, light was filtered through, along with some warmth, but this came directly from the face of the sun herself. They had to stop often to water the horses and themselves. “How far does this desert reach?” she asked when they stopped. “Miles and miles.” said Krian dryly. They didn’t speak often, maybe because they were tired, or maybe they plainly couldn’t because they had to save thier saliva. “How long will it be before we reach the mountains?” asked Aiya. “It will be a week before we get to the Gorgirath.” Krian replied. “How will we get over the mountains?” asked she. “The caves of the Mountain Faeries.” Krian said. “Faeries?” said Aiya suspiciously. “Yes. They do exist, though they might not be like the ones you were told about when you were a child.” Krian said. “Interesting little creatures. They were brought to Earosia by the elves.” He said, his voice cracking. Nothing more was said for a while. Aiya had many more questions, but Krian’s voice was audibly dying.

About four hours later, they stopped to give the horses a break. Aiya gave Kea some water and took a sip herself. She sat on the sand, staring out into the brown nothigness. Suddenly, she saw a black splotch in the distance. She thought it nothing at first, but when it didn’t go away she said something, “Krian, do you see something?” she said, pointing to the black spot. “Yes, it could be a trick of the sun. But we will go and check it out.” he said reluctantly. They stood and mouted the horses. The black thing was farther off than they had expected, but it was soon more visible. Suddenly Rhys cried out. “What is it?” asked Krian for his eyes weren’t as keen as his. Rhys rode ahead and stopped Nilia, leaping from her back. Aiya and Krian rode after him. There in the sand lay a woman, garbed in black. “Is she dead?” asked Krian. “No.” replied Rhys after he checked her pulse. The woman was extremely beautiful. Her hair was in long golden locks, that fell about her face. Rhys picked her up gently, and put her on Nilia’s back. He hopped on the rear of the mare. Krian studied the woman’s face. He softly pulled the hair around her ears back, to reveal them tapered and pricked. Aiya gasped, “An elf?” she said quietly. Krian nodded, “Is as I thought. I knew she couldn’t be human, there was something about her.” he said under his breath. “What is she doing here? On the east side of the mountains, and in the desert no less!” Aiya said. “I don’t know, but we have to get her back to her people as soon as possible. For now, I think I have something that might keep her alive.” said Krian, rubbing some red cream onto her head. “What is that?” asked Aiya. “It is ointment that will help fight heat stroke.” said Krian, mounting Triton. Aiya climbed into Kea’s saddle and they pushed further into the desert.

[PippinTook]

That evening, they stopped to rest, the elf laid upon a blanket in front of the fire. “Now, another lesson!” said Krian. “We haven’t eaten supper yet!” pleaded Aiya. “Your food will wait!” scowled Krian. Aiya moaned, and grabbed her stick which they had saved from the previous night. They sparred for a while, again, Krian had no bruises, and Aiya was black and blue. Aiya found it easy to sleep that night. She curled up in her blanket, and drifted into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, Aiya woke to find the elf standing by the fire, cooking some meat. Aiya sprang up, “You are okay!” she said. The elf quickly looked in her direction. “Yes, I am doing better thanks to that jeerna lusrta.” said the elf. Aiya was surprised at the sound of her voice. It was smooth and seducing. “Who are you and what is your name?” asked the elf. “I am Aiya, I was raised in Telesmere and now me and my companions travel to Von Scotia.” said Aiya. At first she was wary to give this stranger information, but after all, she was an elf. Suddenly the elf laughed, “Von Scotia? How do you know how to get there? I have heard of no human that had this information!” she said. “We have a map, and Krian knows much about elves.” said Aiya. The elf stopped laughing. “That he does.” she said solemnly. “You know him?” asked Aiya, surprised at the elf. “I have heard of him.” she said shortly. “What is your name?” asked Aiya, trying to change the subject. “I am called Alaithia.” she said with a smile. “I should thank you for saving me.” Alaithia said. “It was no problem I’m sure. Why were you in the desert? And so close to the forest!” asked Aiya. “The Rhohatar are abroad, they have been seen outside the borders of the Gorgirath. The Rhohatar are-” Alaithia began, “I know, they have been in the forest, and killed one of our people.” said Aiya solemnly. “It is worse than we feared! Well, I was coming to warn the people of Telesmere, the king sent me. I know, they would be surprised to see an elf, but it had to be done. On my way, they found me. They shot my horse with a red arrow. I escaped, only by chance. But without steed, and so far into the desert, I was soon taken by the heat of the sun.” Alaithia said. Aiya nodded, “Where are they now?” asked Aiya. “Who can say, that was five days ago, so I assume they made straight for the forest after they found me.” said Alaithia. “We have to get to the mountains as soon as possible!” she said. Krian groaned from where he lay, and soon sat up. He stared straight at Alaithia, who just looked right back at him. “I am glad you are feeling better.” he said finally. “Thank you, you saved my life.” said Alaithia, bowing before Krian. “Obliged, may I ask your name?” he asked. “Alaithia. I came to warn the Kandar about the Rhohatar, but as Aiya has told me, you have heard that they are abroad again.” she said. Krian nodded, “I suppose Aiya has not told you everything, eh?” he said the last words towards Aiya. Aiya shook her head. “She is one of the two.” Krian said slowly to Alaithia. The elf gaped, looking from Krian, to Aiya, to Krian. She smiled at Aiya. ‘What is going on?’ Aiya thought. Rhys yawned and stood. “Father, we need to-” he started, then noticed Alaithia. “Hello, I am Alaithia.” she said politely. “Oh, er I am, yes, I am-” he studdered. “This is Rhys, Krian’s son.” said Aiya. Alaithia laughed, “Well met, Rhys.” she said. “Now, we need to get moving.” said Krian. “I agree, the sooner we get to Von Scotia the better!” Alaithia said. “I am afraid your mare will have to bear us both Aiya.” said Alaithia. “I’m sure she will be able.” Aiya said, saddling Kea. They were soon off, into the desert and the blistering sun.

[PippinTook]

Aiya sat in the saddle, with Alaithia behind. She found herself telling the elf everything about her childhood, friends, and memories. They went on like this for several days. Then Alaithia spoke up, “How old are you, Aiya?” asked Alaithia. “Just fourteen, about a week ago.” said Aiya. “And you?” she asked. Alaithia laughed, “Seventy-five!” she said. Aiya laughed, she had almost forgotten that Alaithia was an elf. “I am actually very young for my race.” she added. “So you were born after the war?” asked Aiya. “Yes, and I am greatful for it, we elves don’t take to battle.” she said. Aiya nodded, “I understand.” she said. They stopped to feed the horses, but were soon on thier way again. The sun was creeping to the west, and Aiya was getting tired. Suddenly, Kea bolted. She tossed her head wildly, neighing, and kicking her hooves. It was all they could do for Aiya and Alaithia to stay on her back. An ear piercing, cackling laugh came from behind them. Silouetted against the setting sun, were two massive animals, to the liking of a Ghryphon. On the backs of the animals sat two black cloaked figures. Thier faces were hidden, but two red eyes shone through. Malicious eyes, the likes of which Aiya had never seen before. “The Rhohatar.” Alaithia said, her voice soft and raspy. One of the grhyphons shreiked, making Kea bolt again. “Go Kea! Vinwe Voromir!” cried Alaithia with a voice commanding and threatening, unlike her own. All the horse’s ears pricked and they shot forward. The Rhohatar seemed to shrink at the voice of the elf. “Shirk Nashga!” she cried out again. Dust and sand flew into Aiya’s eyes, almost blinding her, but the horses pressed forward. A dust storm formed around the three horses, as they galloped relentlessly over the flat land. They seemed to be running for miles, an occasional shriek pierce thier ears, but they kept on. Ahead, Aiya could see the dust cloud clearing, and the opening of a cave could be seen. The rhohatar’s laugh turned to screams. Something drove the horses harder, as they came into the mouth of the cave. Kea stopped, with a cry of, “Sherna!” from Alaithia. Silent darkness surrounded them.

[PippinTook]

Well, I hope you liked the fourth chapter of Half-Elven! It was alot shorter than the past chapters, critique me! Did you think the chapter title fit? I couldn't really find a good one.

[PippinTook]

The four companions sat silently, in the dark, musky cave. “What just happened?” asked Aiya after a long pause. “They must have been following us, but waited to attack untill they knew where we were going.” Alaithia said, her voice was strained. “Are you alright?” Aiya asked. “I shouldn’t have used magic, it has weaken my body, for I wasn’t quite healed from my heat exaustion.” she mumbled. “Where are we? We have to get you to Von Scotia!” Aiya said. “Not enough time, but we might be able to get to the Mountain Faeries on time.” Alaithia said, her breathing was becomin heavier, and she was slowly drifting into unconsiousness. “Rhys! Krian! Alaithia needs help!” cried Aiya. “I know how to get us to the faeries, I just need some light! Rhys, where are you?” said Krian. “I am right here but-” Rhy started, but suddenly gave a cry and a loud thud was heard. “Rhys?” Aiya called, worried that he had fallen. “I am fine, but Nilia collapsed!” Rhys cried. “We need light!” said Aiya. “Aiya, give me your fighting stick!” Rhys said. Aiya handed the stick to Rhys, once she found him in the dank cave. Rhys mumbled something, and they heard a few sparks and then saw a fire at the end of the make-shift sword. ‘A torch!” said Rhys proudly. From what Aiya could see, Triton and Krian were ahead, and Nilia lay sprawled on the ground, a red dart protruding from her neck. Rhys wept over his beloved steed, “They killed her.” he said softly. “I am sorry, Rhys.” consoled Aiya. Rhys stood up and shook himself. “Father, I will have to ride with you.” he said coldly. “Triton will bear us.” Krian said. So Rhys mounted Triton, and Aiya sat behind the fallen elf. The dead horse lay at the closed mouth of the cave.

The cave turned out to be more of a tunnel, and led straight for a long time, but soon began to spiral upwards. Rhys held the torch, but it was dim and did nothing but light the path ahead. Aiya sat silently, thinking about what had occured. The Rhohatar were obviously affected by what Alaithia had said. What was that great dust storm? How did the cave mouth open and close like that? What were those massive beats that the Rhohatar rode? So many questions, that had to wait to be answered. The horses were weary, but they pressed on.

The tunnel was so dark, and it made Aiya feel depressed. She wanted light, happiness, and love, but these were not found here. Suddenly, a light appeared ahead of them. It was small, but it was light nonetheless. Once they finally reached the blessed beam, they found it was a small gateway. Triton led the way throught the gate, and they appeared on a well-lit path that winded downwards. ‘Great, another long trek.’ thought Aiya, but she was glad it was light. “Do you know where we are?” she asked Krian. “Yes. Soon we will reach the gates of Titania, the Faeries’ city.” Krian replied.

[PippinTook]

The path was a pleasant change for Aiya. The vast desert was obviously an eye sore, and the dank cave was rather depressing as well. The cobble-stoned road with green plants on either side was enjoyable. For the first time since Aiya had left Telesmere she was comfortable. Suddenly Aiya looked ahead and saw a great white gate. It had many runes and ancient writing on it. It was a marvel to see, and th most beautiful sight Aiya had seen. Krian dismounted Triton and stepped up to the massive wall. Aiya waited for him to speak some spell in an anient language to magically throw the dors open. Krian sharply rapped his knuckles on the door. Aiya rolled her eyes, “Yes, and I am sure all the faeries will open the gate and let us right in.” she said, her voice seeping with sarcasm. Krian said nothing as a small peek-hole opened, showing a small face. The hole was just shy of three feet off the ground. “Who knocks on the gate of the Mountain Faeries?” asked the face. “Krian, from the underground city of Telesmere. We have a ingured elf with us.” said Krian calmly. “Come in.” said the face, as it shut the small hole and opened the massive gate. Krian led Rhys and Triton through the gate, followed by Aiya and Alaithia on Kea. Standing behind the door was a small person, only three feet tall. Her cheeks were rosy, and she was built lightly. She giggled as they walked into the city. “Welcome to the Faerie city!” she said, her voice was sweet and polite. “I am Pala, the gatekeeper.” she said lightly. “We need to get to an infirmary.” said Krian, motioning to Alaithia who sat unconsious in the saddle in front of Aiya. “Yes, of course.” said Pala, the lightmes in her voice unchanging. They walked through the cobble-stoned streets of the city. On either side were trees, tall and strong. “Do they have no houses?” Aiya asked Krian quietly. “We live in the trees, the ones you see here.” Pala answered her question. Aiya was surprised that the faerie had heard her. Aiya looked at trees again, only to see small faces popping out of thier boughs. All of them were happy, and smiling. The presence of the faeries brought up Aiya’s spirits. Suddenly she noticed, the in the trees were small flats, which were hidden well by the green leaves. “Here we are. You may tie your horses and follow me!” said Pala. Rhys dismounted Triton, and lifted Alaithia from Kea’s back. Aiya leapt from the himdquarters of Kea and tied her to the post.

[PippinTook]

The began to ascend up a flight of stairs that wound around the trunk of the enormous tree. The bark was smooth and it seemed to shimmer when the light hit it. They finally reached the top of the great flight of stairs, and landed on a wide flat. Aiya could tell is was made of the same wood of the tree. She soon realized that there seemed to be a house on the flat, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed on which to lay Alaithia. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, compared to the light green cloak of Pala. “Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked Alaithia over, laying her small hands on the elf’s forehead. “She was smitten by heat stroke when we found her in the desert, she seemed to recover, but we were chased by Rhohatar, and she used magic. After we were free of the monsters she fainted again, and has not risen.” Krian said to Lara. The faerie shook her head, “This is not the work of the sun’s heat.” she said solemnly. “She was poisned, by Rhystarien leaves. I don’t know how she was infected, but Rhystarien leaves can only get into the bloodstream through an open wound.” she said. “Help me roll her over.” Lara said to Rhys. Rhys helped her roll Alaithia on her stomach. Lara opened the back of her tunic gently, revealing her white shoulder. On it was a deep scratch, but more visible was a scar. Lara gasped at the sight of the mark. “What does it mean?” asked Krian anxiously. “That is the mark of the shapeshifters.” she replied. “She is a shifter?” asked Krian dumbfounded. Lara nodded. “There hasn’t been a shifter since the war.” she said. “The elves must have known!” said Krian. “Yes, I don’t see why they would have hidden it from us.” Lara said. “They must have tried to kill her from behind with a blade smothered with Rhystarien oil, but didn’t succeed and left only the poison.” Lara said, looking at the wound. “Why didn’t the poison kill her?” asked Aiya suddenly. “The only way to kill a shapeshifter is to pierce the heart. She can be cured with the right ointment.” said the faerie. “Pala, get me some lista.” asked Lara. Pala hurried away, in search of lista. ‘So she will be okay, right?” asked Aiya. “Yes, if I can draw the poison from the wound with lista oil.” Lara replied. Pala came back into the room, and handed Lara a small bottle. “Thank-you.” Lara said, taking the ointment. Lara applied the oil to Alaithia’s gash. The oil was thick and dark as it poured into the scratch. The skin around the wound began to twitch, and soon the wound itself turned blue and began to glow. Lara quickly wiped it with a white cloth and the deep scratch dissappeared. Rhys and Aiya gazed in awe at the clean, white skin. Lara smiled. “She will recover.” she said as she walked from the room. “I will take you to your flat.” said Pala, leading the group back the way they came.

[PippinTook]

Hope you enjoyed the fifth chapter of Half-Elven, A Shift in Shape. what was wrong with it? what do i need to add/take out. did you like it? thanx for all comments!

-pip

[Nurvingiel]

Wow Pip! I love your story! It's so interesting and exciting, and it reads like a fantasy novel! The only comment I would make is the story needs a few more edits, especially on how you structure your paragraphs.
A new paragraph should occur every time a new person speaks, or each time a new subject or idea is introduced. Sometimes I was confused as to who was speaking. More paragraphs, correctly placed, make the story easier to read.

For example, I would write this paragraph:

The began to ascend up a flight of stairs that wound around the enormous tree's trunk. The bark was smooth and it seemed to shimmer when the light hit it. They finally reached the top of the great flight of stairs, and landed on a wide flat. Aiya could tell is was made of the same wood of the tree. She soon realized that there seemed to be a house on the flat, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed on which to lay Alaithia. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, compared to the light green cloak of Pala. “Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked Alaithia over...

As:

They began to ascend a flight of stairs that wound around the trunk of the enormous tree. The bark was smooth and seemed to shimmer when hit by light. They finally reached the top of the great stairs, and arrived at a wide flet (or ...a wide flat area). Aiya could tell it was made from the wood of the tree. She soon realized that there was a house on the flet, though it was open and high. Pala led them to a bed where Alaithia would rest. Rhys laid the elf gently on the sheer sheets. Another Faerie came to the bedside. She was as tall as Pala, though her garb was different. It was white and draped around her, as opposed to the light green cloak of Pala.
“Lara, this elf has been hurt.” said Pala. Lara looked ...


A few points as to what I did.
1) In some places I just guessed what you meant. When you edit your story, you will know what you really meant to say. My edits aren't necessarily correct. (I just assumed you meant "flet" in the part where they reached the top of the stairs, but you could have meant "wide flat area".
2) This brings up the point that it should be clear to your audience exactly what you mean. You've invented a very cool fantasy world, and your story is essentially explaining what it is like.
3) Grammar mumbo-jumbo: There should be two spaces between each period and the beginning of the next sentence. With spelling, I would recommend writing this in a program like Microsoft Word, OpenOffice, or WordPerfect. That way you can run a spell-check - much easier than trying to catch all the typos yourself. When anyone writes a story, there are always many typos.

That's all folks! My criticism may seem harsh, but I really enjoy your story so I wanted to point out everything I felt needed improvement. Having a lot of editing does not reflect badly on the quality of your story. Sure, there's a spelling mistake here and there, but you have the most important elements of the story: an interesting plot, and unique characters.

Your engine is built Pip, you just need to polish the chrome.

Eagerly awaiting more chapters!
Nurvningiel

[PippinTook]

wow, your comments are really motivating. I'll be sure to be careful about paragraphs and stuff from now on. I did mean flet, and I will make use of that spell check! I am so happy that someone is reading my story! Your complements are a BIG help!
-Pip

[PippinTook]

They followed Pala down the stairs of the giant tree. Once they had reached the ground, Pala led them down the main street, which had trees on either side. Each trunk had the same steps that the infirmary had. Aiya wondered how they could see the difference between each tree. Then she saw small markings at the foot of every massive trunk. They were in a ancient language that Aiya had not seen.
“What are those symbols?”
she asked Pala. “They are in the old tounge of the faeries. It names the family of the faerie that lives there.” Pala replied. She sprang swiftly in front of the group, lightly moving over the cobble-stoned path. Aiya was amazed at the nimbleness of the small creature. Pala finally stopped at a tree, identical to the others. “Here is your temporary home.” she said, leading them up the staircase.

The big flat was much like the infirmary, but a bit smaller.
“If you need anything, just call my name,” said Pala politely. “Try to get some rest, tomorrow we will take you to Von Scotia.” she said, begining to climb back down the stairs.
“What about Alaithia?” asked Aiya urgently.
“She will be ready to ride again by sunrise. The faerie healers are very efficient.” Pala smiled, and then was gone. Aiya looked around her, the floor seemed to be made of the wood of the tree. The green leaves sheltered the flet, but still seemed to let light in.
“This is truly amazing.” she said running her hand over a thick branch nearby.
“There is no place like this.” said Krian, leaning back on a grey branch. “This city sits inside a mountain, yet the trees flourish. A mountain stream flows around the outskirts of the city, the one you saw on the path down here. Light filters in through an opening at the peak of the mountain, being the tallest peak of all the great mountains, no one has found it.” Krian spoke as if he was reciting. Rhys sighed,
“I can’t wait untill we get to Von Scotia!” he said wistfully. Aiya looked at him strangly. He had never posessed such a want for the elven city before. “Why do you want to go?” she asked.
“I don’t know, I just feel like I should be there.” Rhys said shrugging his shoulders. Krian shuffled uncomfortably,
“I am going to bed.” he said, walking to the other side of the flat. “And you should too! We will have a long day tomorrow.” Krian lay down on a small matress and was snoring. Aiya wasn’t so lucky. Aiya laid down on the soft sheets, trying as hard as possible to fall asleep. For the first time in a while she was safe to sleep ungaurded, and she was unable to shut her eyes. She sat up studying her surroundings. It was semi-dark, thin rays of silver light streamed through the leaves. Krian slept soundly as well as Rhys. Aiya was amazed at the noise that thier combined snoring produced. Her eyes wandered around the small flet, resting upon thier small packs. She stood and picked up her own. It contained her bowl, a spare cloak, some old twine, and a wooden spoon. Tied to the bag was her sword, Elohae. With some sudden impulse she untied the blade and let it rest upon her lap. There was nothing special about it, save the strange runes inscribed on the long metal blade. She slowly ran her fingers over the hilt, which was bound by soft black leather. The butt of the hilt was silver, pure silver. It relfected the pale moon light like a pool. Aiya studied it harder. There seemed to be something written on it. She turned it so that the light shone down upon it. ‘Elohae, the DragonBlade’ was inscribed in fluent letters. Aiya shrugged, “Elohae must mean dragon blade in elvish or something.” she thought to herself, not thinking anything of it.

[PippinTook]

Suddenly, Krian shifted in his sleep, which made Aiya jump up. Promtly, Krian began to snore again, and Aiya tied Elohae back onto her pack. She laid back down on her mattress, hoping that sleep would find her, and soon it did.

Early the next morning, Aiya woke to Alaithia shaking her by the shoulders.
“Wake up, lazy!” Alaithia said lightly. “The sun is nearly risen!” Aiya jumped up quickly, staring at the elf akwardly.
“Well, I am glad to see you are feeling better.” Aiya said, still staring at Alaithia. “Why didn’t you tell us?” she asked with a sudden change of subject. Alaithia shuffled uncomfortably.
“That’s not something you go around telling everyone.” she said solemnly. Aiya nodded,
“What exactly happened?” Aiya asked.
“I was sent by the elves to come and find you, but the Rhohatar found me first. I was in the shape of a human, but when I saw them I shifted into an elf, knowing that I might intimidate them. They saw me shift. One of them tried to stab me in the heart, but I dodged and tried to fight him off. The other one stabbed me from behind. I blacked out, but the wound had missed my heart. They must have administered Rhystarien when I was unconsious. Why they did not kill me, I do not know. They left me, assuming I was dead. That’s where you found me. I could not tell you how they really wounded me, because Rhystarien would have killed anyone but a shape shifter.” Alaithia said, while Aiya sat and listened.
“When they came upon us, I used what magic I could to distract them. Shifters have the magic of the elves, if not a bit stronger. Because I had not totally recovered, the use of magic had weakened me. Now I am completely healed, thanks to the healers of the Faeries.” Alaithia said, standing to her feet.
“We must wake our sleeping comapanions!” said Alaithia. Aiya smiled. They attempted to wake Rhys and Krian, which was quite a task considering the deep sleeping state they were in. After a significant amount of shaking and prodding the two awoke.
“Well, it is nice to see you feeling better, Alaithia!” said Rhys, who was surprisingly good-tempered for one who had just been jostled into conciousness. Krian, on the other hand was not so civil.
“In the name of Earosia, Alaithia you rouge! You shouldn’t shake one so! You should be grateful that I saved you, you little knavish scallywag!” Krian growled. Alaithia simply laughed at the old man’s coments.
“That I am! Very grateful indeed!” she said, trying to keep a straight face and a solemn tounge. Krian reluctantly got out of bed and they packed all their bags just in time for Pala to come bounding onto the flet.
“Are you all ready to go? Hastily now, we don’t want to be late!” she said jumping about the travelers.
“Yes, yes, we are ready!” Krian scowled. Pala smiled
“Well then, let us be off!” she said, leading them down the stairs. Aiya suddenly decided to strap Elohae about her waist instead of onto the pack. They were soon on the cobble-stoned road once more. Pala led them back to the stable where they had left their horses the day before. Triton and Kea had been well taken care of. Pala led out the two horses, handing the leads to Krian and Aiya. Another faerie brought two white horses.
“Take these horses, the two you have will not be able to bear you efficiently by themselves.” Pala said, handing the two leads to Rhys and Alaithia.
“Thank you, Pala. That is a very gracious gift, we are in your debt.” said Krian politely.

[PippinTook]

“Think nothing of it my friend. Their names are Norama and Jeon.” she said, mounting her own pony.
The group left the stable and rode down the road, the horse’s hooves clicking as they hit the stone. Suddenly, the trees came to a stop and a tall gate stood in front of them. The gate keeper let them through and Pala led them from the faerie city. Alaithia rode upon Norama and Rhys upon Jeon. The horses were well trained and obeyed as if their lives depended on it. Aiya looked around, it was getting darker, soon the only light in on the path were small torches on the walls. It became narrow and they rode in single file.
“Where are we?” asked Aiya.
‘We are decending into the very roots of the mountain. Soon we will arrive in the valley.” Pala replied. She rode in front upon her short yet valiant little pony. It was a dark and dank road through the mountain. Aiya was beginning to drift off to sleep when a bright light was visible ahead of them. As they drew closer to the light, Aiya could see that it was a large opening that led down into a fertile valley. She was happy that there was something besides the darkness around them.
Pala led them through the hole and into a wide field. The grass was lush green and the sky was bluer than anything Aiya had laid eyes on. The mountain range loomed up behind them and another row of massive cliffs were ran parellel with the mountains. A stream rolled over the meadow, bubbling and gurgling as it went.
“Let us stop and water the horses.” Pala said, dismounted her pony and led him to the stream. The others followed her lead. Once they were all refreshed, Pala led them over the meadow and into a massive forest.
The trees were not like those in the Mountain Faerie city. They were taller, and all the golden leaves reflected the sun’s rays. The floor of the forest seemed to be a golden path because of the leaves that had fallen. Though the ground was covered, the branches always seemed to be full. Again, Aiya felt a peacefulness surround her. Birds flew from the tops of the massive trees and red squirrels lept from branch to branch.
“We are almost there.” said Pala softly. Suddenly she stopped her horse. A wide stream crossed their pathway. Aiya supposed it was the same one they had stopped at before.
“How are we going to get past this?” Aiya asked.
“We aren’t.” replied Pala shortly.
“So how are we going to get into the city?” Aiya asked, het temper rising. Pala said nothing. She silently dismounted her pony and stepped into the water. “Great, so we are going to swim, eh? How are we going to get the horses through? That water is too deep!” Aiya complained. Pala said nothing. she was now waist deep in the water. She mumbled something under her breath. The water slowly parted, two tall walls of water stood on either side of the faerie. Aiya sat in awe.
“Well, are you coming with me?” Pala asked lightly. The three followed her into the bed of the river. There was a wide staircase descending. It was wide enough for the horses to be led down. The walk was not long and soon they came upon a long tunnel that began to slowly slope upwards. They followed the path once again until they came to ground level. Aiya found herself standing in the forest once again.
“Why are we still in the forest?” she asked.
“Von Scotia lays in the heart of the forest.” said Pala.
Aiya shrugged and they followed their guide, knowing not to doubt what she said. As if it jumped in front of them, Aiya saw the elven city of Von Scotia. It was amazing, something that she had not even seen in her dreams. She stood speechless. There was no gate, they needed no gate. A tall waterfall sprang over into the city. The water seemed to change colors, like a glittering rainbow. The waterfall soon fed into a small spring that wound its way through Von Scotia. A huge building stood right in the middle of the city. Gables and balconies littered the outer walls of the city’s great hall. An elf ran up to Pala, embracing the faerie in his arms.

[PippinTook]

‘Pala, my friend! It has been many a cold winter since I have seen you my friend!” he placed the faerie back on the ground and looked up at the others. “Alaithia?” he said, staring at the girl who stood beside Aiya. “We thoguht you were dead! When you didn’t come back, we thought they had killed you!” he stood in front of Alaithia simple staring.
“Earoth, stop staring. I was attacked, but they didn’t kill me. I found them, Earoth.” Alaithia replied. Earoth turned to look at Aiya, then at Krian, then at Rhys.
“Why did they come?” he asked sharply.
“They were bringing her here, but this is no place to speak of such things.” said Alaithia, her usually merry voice was solemn. “We need to see Elrian as soon as possible.” she said. Earoth nodded and led hem in the direction of the Great Hall.
Earoth stopped at the stables. “Give your horses to Jurik, they will be well taken care of.” Earoth said, pointing to an elf standing in the door of the stable. They handed their horses’ leads to the elf and strode on to the Great Hall.
They arrived in a common-room with tall cathedral ceilings.
“Wait here.” said Earoth as he climbed up a tall staircase.
The small group stood in the room, taking int hier surroundings. There were elves who would pass but payed no heed. Most of the Great Hall was colored cream or light colors. Soon Earoth returned, downt he staircase from which he came.
“Elrian can not see you now, so I shall take you to your quarters.” he said, in a much more polite tone. He led them up a different staircase, which led to a long hall with many doors on either side. He showed them all their separate rooms which were well furnished and comfortable.
“You may roam the city and the Great Hall, but Elrian wants to see you all at sunset.” Earoth said.
Rhys shuffled anxiously, “Me and father have things to attend to.” he said, glacing over to Krian who nodded in reply.
“I want to go too.” Aiya blurted out. Rhys glanced over at his father, who looked back at him. They seemed to be having a silent conversationw itht hier eyes.
“I don’t see why not. There are things you must learn.” Krian said.
“I will go with Earoth, we have some catching up to do.” said Pala, looking at her friend. Earoth smiled,
“That we do, Pala.” he said. So they left to talk of old times and memories.
“Alaithia, what are you going to-” began Aiya, but Alaithia had already fallen asleep on the mattress.
‘Let’s go.” said Krian. They walked down the steps they had just ascended. Soon they had left the Great Hall and Krian led them behind the massive building. Behind the Great Hall were smaller, but no less elaborate buildings. Krian led them pass a few of these and suddenly stopped at a small cottage like home.
Krian opened the door, without bothering to knock. An elf sat behind a small table in the back of the small room. He looked up at Krian.
“Krian?” he asked dumbfounded.
“Yes, Pilin, it’s me.” Krian said to the elf.
“You old devil! You finally came back!” said Pilin embracing Krian.
“Back?” thought Aiya to herself.
“Rhys, you have grown so much!” sadi Pilin, looking Rhys up and down. Rhys simply nodded, he obviously didn’t know Pilin as well as his father. Pilin suddenly turned his eyes to Aiya and smiled.
“Hello Aiya.” was all he said.
“How does he know my name?” was the natural thought of Aiya.
“We have been waiting long and hard for you, all of us.” Pilin said, his voice not changing.
“Pilin, you know why I am here.” Krian said, nodding at Rhys.
“Oh, yes, of course!” Pilin said, snapping from his day dream. Pilin motioned for Rhys to sit in a chair. Rhys obiediently sat. Pilin staring long and hard at the boy of fifteen. He closed his eyes and began to chant something under his breath. Aiya stood awestruck as Rhys’ hair color began to grow darker and his brown eyes were tinted with green. Soon his hair was raven black and his eyes as emerald as Aiya’s. Pilin smiled. Rhys ran his fingers through his hair, he uncovered his ears which were as pricked at any elf’s.
“What? How? I mean-” Aiya studdered.
“I am half-elven, Aiya.” said Rhys sheepishly.
“Well, I have figured that much out, but-” Aiya said. She looked over at Krian, “You have some explaining to do!”

[PippinTook]

Well, hope you liked the sixth chapter of Half-Elven. What should I change? Is the form better? Was the ending clishé?
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I didn't think the ending was cheesy. Actually, I didn't expect it. I wondered who the second half-elf was when you first mentioned it nearer the begginning, but then I forgot about that particular plot-device. So, nice work!

I like how you're doing the paragraphs now, it makes for an easier read!

I'm still really enjoying your story! Von Scotia is exciting, and not just because it reminds me of Nova Scotia! (Canadian province.)

Congradulations on your recent Elf Lord status! If you're wondering what a good custom title is, you could put "Pippin's scarf" or maybe "Aiya's Creator"!

Cheerio!

.../\...
../_\..
./__\.
...||...
~Tree

[PippinTook]

Thanks! how do you change your title? I have been planning on changing it to, "Tea-Drinking Hobbit" its a inside joke between me and some of the rpgers. Anywho, I have been really sick the past few days (Figures I get a stomach virus on ThanksGiving!) so I haven't started the next chapter yet. I'm glad you like it, I always loved the name Nova Scotia, sounds nice. Thats why I named the city Von Scotia. I'm from Tennesse, now living in California, so I'm not Canadian, but I still like Nova Scotia. Again, thanks for all your supposrt! It is what keeps me going!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I've actually never been to Nova Scotia, but some of my friends go to St. Francis Xavier university there.

California, Washington, and Oregon are my favourite states. I've never actually been to California, but I do live in res with a Californian and I think it's an exciting state.

I hope you feel better soon! Maybe there'll be some tasty turkey-stuffing-cranberry-sauce sandwiches (with a scarping of mayonnaise and some pepper) left over for you! In my opinion, those are almost as good as the dinner itself!

Looking forward to your next chapter, when ever it comes!

[PippinTook]

Thanks Nurvingiel! I ate a turkey and cheese hoagie to break my fast today! I've actually gotten alot done and should have the next chapter up today or tomorrow. This one is a bit shorter than the last one, but it should be okay.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Chapter Seven

Krian sighed, “Have a seat, Aiya.” he said, sitting down. Aiya did as she was told. She looked from Krian, to Rhys, to Pilin. After a long silence Krian spoke, “After the great war a prophecy was spoken.” He said slowly. Krian lifted a piece of parchment that seemed to be very old. He read,
“Yaia-Syhr Elohai,
Come and wake them,
Hidden in the depths
Find the lost gems.
Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.
Elohai Syhr,
Search for the gem
Darkness, deep, do not sleep,
Elohai Syhr, find them.
Find them, before the end is nigh,
Yaia-Syhr, the riders, the last Elohai.”
Krian sighed after reading the long riddle.
“What does it mean?” asked Aiya. “What are Yaia-Syhr Elohai?” she asked.
“It is mixed up.” said Pilin.
“I’ll say!” replied Aiya. Krian laughed,
“No, he means the letters are mixed up. If you reposition the letters, it says, Aiya-Rhys Elohai.” Krian said.
Aiya gasped, “They knew my name? Who wrote this?” she asked.
“It is said that the last living dragon wrote the prophecy.” said Pilin. Again Aiya swooned in her seat.
“A dragon?” she asked. “But what does Elohai mean?”
“Elo is traslated in elvish to ‘dragon’. Hai means ‘rider’.” Krian said.
“My sword is named Elohae, on the hilt is inscripted ‘DragonBlade’.” Aiya said. Pilin shot around and looked at Krian.
“You have the Elohae? You didn’t tell me!” he said huffily.
“I am sorry, Pilin, I had forgotten.” Krian said agologetically.
“Forgotten, humph!” said Pilin grunting.
“How much do you know about all this?” Aiya asked Rhys.
“As much as I could get out of my father, which was not alot.” Rhys replied. Aiya was still getting used to his changed appearance.
“What about Elohae?” Asked Aiya.
“The blade Elohae, the DragonBlade, was made by Loroth in the early days and used by him to kill one of the Rhohatar. He did not succeed in killing all three. That blade is highly valued and all the elves believed it was lost!” said Pilin.
“I stole it from the elves before I left, in hopes that you would be born in Telesmere.” muttered Krian.
“May I ask, why don’t I get a legendary sword?” asked Rhys in a light tone.
“Oh, but you will.” laughed Pilin. “Hidden with the egg that lies in Von Scotia is the sword of Rhyran, the elven warrior. He hid it when he laid the dragon egg there. It is called, Selohae, the Elven Blade.”
“Well, I suppose we are even, Aiya.” laughed Rhys.

[PippinTook]

“Now, back to the prophecy!” said Krian.
“The prophecy states,
‘Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.’
If we were to translate it, it would read, ‘Aiya firstborn, By green moonlight, Stars align, DragonRider Aiya see the sign’ This obviously means that you were to be born first.” Krian said.
“But Rhys is older than I am.” said Aiya.
Krian nodded, ”I know. For some reason, Rhys was born before you were. This has presented much contreversy.” Krian said. “Rhys was born here in Von Scotia. His mother and I met after the war when I was injured and brought to the elven city.” Aiya began to say somehting, but was stopped by Krian hand. “Fifteen years ago, Rhys was born. A week later, his mother was found outside the city, pierced by a red arrow.” Krian stopped, his voice cracked.
“The rhohatar?” asked Rhys. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked in a hurt voice.
‘That has been said often today!’ thought Aiya to herself.
“You couldn’t have handled it.” Krian said. Rhys said nothing, he just shuffled in his seat. Krian went on,
“After that, I decided to travel to Telesmere because the elves were having trouble accepting thay Rhys had been born before you had. Pilin here, put a spell on him, to make hm appear to be a human, I couldn’t have him looking like an elf in Telesmere.” He said to Aiya. Aiya could not repress her questions any longer.
“If you fought in the war you sould be over a hundred years old!” she blurted. Krian laughed,
“One hundred and forty two.” he said. Aiya stared at him,
“How?” she asked.
“I was the father of a half-elven child. Your mother would have had a long life, if it had not been cut short.” Krian replied. “Now, back to the prophecy. After I had moved to Telesmere, I positioned myself as a blacksmith. I waited for a year with no sight of any half-elven children, until your mother came to Telesmere.” Krian said. “She came with you, searching for a healer. I knew she was important because she knew the elven password to get into the city. I made it my business to learn everything about her. Johanna took care of her along with myself. On Saren’s deathbed, she told me and Johanna everything. She was living in the empire but had escaped to the desert somehow. There the faeries found her and brought her to Von Scotia. She fell in love with an elf named Celebre. They lived there happily for a while, untill your mother left with reason. No one knows why she left, but she traveled far into the desert. There she was attacked by the Rhohatar. Somehow she made it to the city, but the slithe poison took its toll.” Krian said solemnly.
“What are we to do now?” asked Aiya.
“There is an egg here in the city, though no one knows where it is. Another is in San Lilead, the capital city of the Empire. You must find the eggs, both of you.” said Krian.
“What did the prophecy mean by ‘gems’?” asked Aiya.
“The gems are another name for the dragon eggs. They are said to be like bright jewels.” Krian replied. “By what the prophecy says you are to find the first egg, here in Von Scotia, but it also said that you were to be born first.” Krian said, shrugging his shoulders.
“It has been an hour now, we must get back to the Great Hall to meet with Elrian.” Rhys said after a long pause. Krian nodded. It was a silent walk to the magnificient hall.

[Nurvingiel]

Why did Aiya's mother leave? Is her father still alive? Why why why??? Questions that will later be answered in interesting ways, no doubt. I love your story Pip!

Would you be interested in reviewing one of mine? It's in the new thread Erin the Elf (http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=307365#post307365). I'd really appreciate input from a fellow fantasy author!

[PippinTook]

Aiya's mom died, I guess I didnt make that clear enough, tee-hee *bangs head on wall* other questions will be answered in due time. I would LOVE to read your story Nurvingiel! I'll hop right over! Again, thank you for all the positive feed back!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

I knew she died, but didn't she die after she left Von Scotia? That's the impression I got. I'm glad you like my feedback! I'd put criticisms too, if I had any. The only thing I can think of to add is to go over the story again for continuity and grammer, but I already said that anyway. Cheers!

[PippinTook]

Oh, okay. Yes, you got it right. She was attacked by Rhohatar in the desert, then later died in Telesmere. I haven't started the next part, but I have lots of ideas so it should be in a day or two of writing.
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

Yea! I'm sure my questions will be answered then. A good author never answers all the readers questions at the beginning anyway. :D

[Treehobbit]

Hello! I havn't read all you're story yet but fdrom what little I read so far you're quite a good writter. I wrote a story, it's still not done. 224 pages long and I'm no revising it!

[Nurvingiel]

Wow Treehobbit! A story that long and you bet you're still revising it! :D My story (Erin the Elf) might end up that long someday. Right now it's about 30. Let's hear it for short stories!

[PippinTook]

Thanks TreeHobbit! Wow, mine is only 48 pages at the moment. *Hooray for stories!* Eighth chapter almost done. Get it in by tomorrow.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Chapter Eight

Aiya, Rhys and Krian were led by Pilin into the Great Hall. Elves walked to and fro on thier light feet. They followed Pilin down a long hall and into a room with high ceilings and large table. Many elves sat around the oaken table, all thier fair faces turned towards Aiya, Rhys and Krian. Aiya noticed that Pala, Alaithia and Earoth sat on the other end of the table near a tall elf who was robed in green and white garments. His appearance was fair, but mighty. Long locks of dark hair laid upon his shoulders. A circlet of gold sat upon his head, in the shape of a swan. His eyes seemed to be deep with wisdom. Aiya naturally assumed that this was Elrian, Lord of the elves. To his right sat an elf, clothed like Elrian, with the same regalness of he. Upon his head sat a circlet with likeness to Elrian’s, but smaller. He seemed to be very young, about Aiya’s age, but elves’ age can be decieving.
Pilin led them to sit next to thier comerades on Elrian’s left side. Aiya sat in between Alaithia and Rhys. She felt uncommonly uncomfortable. Every elven eye was resting upon her and Rhys. The room was deathly quiet for a time untill Elrian spoke.
“Welcome to Von Scotia, Elohai.” he said. His voice was smooth and filled the room as it echoed off the high ceiling.
“Thank you, Lord Elrian.” said Rhys a bit awkwardly.
“You both have been summoned here for a conference. You are the last Elohai, the DragonRiders and saviors of Earosia. Long ago a procpecy was spoken by the last dragon, Chrysophian, he foretold your coming and the finding of the lost Elokin, the dragon eggs. This council is being held to determine your furture and the furture of us all.” Elrian said, his silky voice was solemn.
“Two eggs lay hidden, one here in Von Scotia, another is deep in the Empire of Zarfoth in his capitol city, San Lilead. You, Aiya Ailediel, for that is your true name, must find the Elokin along with Rhys.”
“Lord Elrian, I am loathe to point out that the prophecy stated that Aiya was to be firstborn, yet Rhys was born before she.” stated an elf who sat a few seats down from Aiya.
“This may have many meanings. In only one way will we know. You both must find the Elokin, working together, for that is who you are. Please present the prophecy, Krian.” Elrian motioned to Krian who sat by Rhys.
Krian slowly pulled the parchment from his cloak. A silence fell upon the room. Elrian nodded at him, Krian began to read,
Yaia-Syhr Elohai,
Come and wake them,
Hidden in the depths
Find the lost gems.
Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.
Elohai Syhr,
Search for the gem
Darkness, deep, do not sleep,
Elohai Syhr, find them.
Find them, before the end is nigh,
Yaia-Syhr, the riders, the last Elohai.”
Krian ended with a sigh. He laid the paper on the table and sat down.
“This riddle can be solved with effort. Time must not be wasted. King Zarfoth is getting no younger, and his son grows in the ways of his father. The King is evil, but Silivryn is ten times more malicious, he was born of evil, raised in evil, and breathes evil night and day. He and his murdering servants, the Rhohatar will not cease hunting you. Eventually they will find this place and the golden leaves of Von Scotia will burn. The fertile valley of Eresmine will wither. Even the Gorgirath will crumble. Silivyn will stop at nothing to find us, and you.” said Elrian, directing the last words to Aiya and Rhys.

[PippinTook]

“We will do everything in our power to save Earosia.” said Aiya, surprised at her own courage. Elrian smiled,
“And a great power that is, Elohai Aiya.” he said. “May the strength of men, and the magic of elven be with you.” said Elrian as he stood from the table.
The other elves stood after thier Lord Elrian. Aiya was glad that they had all stopped staring at her. All but one. The elf who sat next to Elrian kept his keen eyes fixed on her intently. She tried to look back into his sea gray eyes, but she could not keep eye contact with him. He stood and began to walk towards her. She kept her ground, her feet fixed to the floor. The elf smiled as he approached her.
“Hello, Aiya.” he said simply, his face glowing with a vibrant smile.
“Erm, Hello, er, sir.” Aiya replied awkwardly.
“Celebre, my name is Celebre.” He said.
“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she.
“I knew him once.” Celebre said softly.
“Really? What was he like?” asked Aiya eagerly.
“He was a good elf, always kind and fair. He never wanted to leave the Empire,. He wanted to stay and fight. Our surrender never set well with him.” Celebre said. Aiya smiled,
“I am glad he was brave.” she said.
“Very brave indeed.” Celebre replied.
“Why do you wear those garments and that circlet, if I may ask.” Aiya said with a change of subject.
“I am the grandson of Lord Elrian, the last elven heir to his rule. My father was his only son.” Celebre said sadly.
“Oh, I am sorry, I suppose we have something in common.” Aiya said in condolence.
“Yes, we do.” Celebre said with a stunning smile.
“My father, when did he die?” asked Aiya.
“Only a year ago, the same as mine.” Celebre replied. Aiya nodded,
“How old are you?” she asked, expecting somewhere in the hundreds.
“Just shy of thirteen.” Celebre said with another smile.
“Well, I have to say, I expected two-hundred thirty-seven!” said Aiya gaily.
“I am very young for an elf, not many are my age.” said Celebre.
“Aiya! We have to go solve this blasted riddle!” called Krian from the door.
“I am afraid I have to be going, I will see you later, Celebre!” said Aiya as she left for the door.
“I hope so!” called Celebre after her.
Aiya ran up to Krian who was holding the great oaken door ajar.
“We have to get started or we will never get finished!” he said closing the door behind them. Rhys, Pilin, Alaithia and Pala stood in the hallway waiting.
“I see you met your brother, Celebre, a good boy the young rip!” said Pilin non-chalantly.
“Brother? What do you mean, Pilin?” asked Aiya supposing that Pilin was joking. Krian shoved Pilin in the ribs with his elbow.
“Ow! Krian you scallywag! What was that for?” asked Pilin, rubbing his sore side.
“Pilin, what did you mean by my brother?” asked Aiya more seriously. Krian sighed,
“My wide-mouthed friend here is telling the truth. Celebre Ailediel is your brother. His father and your father are the same, though you do not share mothers.” Krian grumbled. Aiya shook her head. She didn’t say it, but she though it,
‘Why didn’t they tell me!’
“I did not tell you because Lord Elrian would then be your grandfather, and I don’t think you could have sat through that conference without a mad slew of questions!” Krian said as if in reply to Aiya’s thought. It was true, Aiya probably could not have handled it. She looked at Rhys,
“Don’t look at me, I didn’t know a thing, which seems to be the theme of the day.” he replied.
They soon arrived at in a room, alot smaller than that of the conference room. A small round table sat in the middle of the study, six chairs surrounding it. They all sat down at stared at the prophecy which laid in front of them.
“Well, I suppose we should start at the begining.” said Krian.
“Indeed, now the first part about the gems is,
‘Yaia firstborn,
By green moonlight,
Stars align,
Elohai Yaia,
See the sign.’” said Pilin.
“We known that Yaia firstborn means Aiya, but she wasn’t first born, so we will overlook that.” said Pala thoughtfully.
“What in Earosia does green moonlight mean?” asked Rhys. Pilin shrugged his shoulders.
“The moon shines white light here in Von Scotia, just like anywhere else.” he said.

[PippinTook]

“What about stars align?” asked Aiya. No one spoke.
“Wait, it could be talking about the Luniran!” said Alaithia. Everyone waited for her to speak more.
“Once a year all the stars in the sky line up and produce a great beam that sines right on top of the Great Hall roof.” Alaithia said.
“Well, I suppose this is a start, but what sign is it speaking of?” asked Krian.
“Who knows? It could be anything, but when is this Luniran?” asked Rhys.
“It is tonight, at midnight all the stars will be aligned.” Pilin said.
“What luck! I think we should stay up on the roof tonight.” Rhys said.
“I agree, is there a way to get to the roof, Alaithia?” asked Krian.
“I believe so, there is a tall staircase the leads up through the Hall’s ceiling which is high and vaulted.” Alaithia said.
“Well, let’s go!” Pala exclaimed. They all stood and left the study. Alaithia and Pilin led them into the Main Hall which was a massive hall with intracate tapestries, sculptures, and paintings of the history of Earosia. Paintings of great ships and long battles flooded the walls. The ceiling reached high and was vaulted with oaken beams.
“Over here.” Pilin said leading them to the left side of the hall. Almost hidden because it was carved in the same wood of the walls, Pilin opened a small door. Steep steps spiraled upwards. They seemed to be walking forever upwards and Aiya expected them to be in the heavens when they arrived at the top.
“Well, that was a pretty little trek!” said Rhys as he sat on the floor. They seemed to be in a loft, the walls were blank, as was the ceiling. A large opening was in the ceiling in the middle of the room.
“What is that?” Asked Aiya refering to the opening.
“On the roof there is a small tower, on top sits a green prism, when the light his it just right, it lights the city with green light.” said Pilin.
“Do you think that the stars will reflect the prism? Maybe that’s what is meant by ‘green moonlight’ and ‘stars align’!” Rhys said excitedly.
“There’s only one way to know, Rhys and I will stay up here and wait untill midnight to see what happens.” Aiya said. Alaithia laughed,
“Oh, no you’re not! I will not allow you to chase after dragon eggs with out me.” she said
“She won’t, but I will!” Krian said, “I have a very comfortable bed, and I will take advntage of it!” he said with a smile.
So Pilin, Krian and Pala left the three others to sit with anticipation until midnight.

[Nurvingiel]

Two little things:


“Two eggs lay hidden, one here in Von Scotia, another is deep in the Empire of Zarfoth in his capitol city, San Lilead. You, Aiya Ailediel, for that is your true name, must find the Elokin along with Rhys.” It is spelled: capital


“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she. I think it would sound better if you said "she asked."


Other than that, you continue to write a wonderful story! I loved the dialogue between Celebre and Aiya. This part makes me laugh out loud:

“Hello, Aiya.” he said simply, his face glowing with a vibrant smile.
“Erm, Hello, er, sir.” Aiya replied awkwardly.
“Celebre, my name is Celebre.” He said.
“Celebre? That was my father’s name.” Aiya said, her tenseness loosening. Suddenly Celebre laughed,
“Did you know your father, Aiya?” he asked.
“No, I never met him, nor do I know anything about him, why?” asked she.
“I knew him once.” Celebre said softly.
Cheerio!

[PippinTook]

Thanks Nurvingiel! I'll change those things you mentioned. I'm so glad you like it!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

But of course my dear Pip! You don't have to do those things, I just think they're good ideas.

I also laughed at the part where Aiya thought Celebre was over 200, and he turns out later to be her brother. (A cool plot twist by the way.)

[PippinTook]

Really? Thanks Nurvingiel! I am so happy that someone i sreading and enjoying my work. It's very encouraging! By the way, I started the next chapter.
-Pip

[PippinTook]

Okay, now is the time where I mess with all your heads! I am away from home at my grandparent's house for Christmas. before I left, I started the next chapter, now I am on a roll, so I will be writing more of the story, unfortunately, a HUGE chunck will be missing, so if you please. just ignore this thread for the next 2 weeks untill I get the rest of the story up.

sincerely yours,
Pip

[PippinTook]

"In heaven's name boy, can't it wait untill morning!" grumbled Krian.
"No, afraid not." replied Rhys excitedly.
Sphora stepped up to the besdie and looked at Krian curiously. Krian stared her in the eye, oblivious to anything else.
"Hello." said Sphora.
Krian didn't speak.
"Father, this is Sphora." Rhys said. Krian nodded and reached out his hand to touch the dragon. Sphora purred softly as he stroked her head.
"That is a dragon." he said after a moment of silence.
"Whoa, Krian, you are a fast one!" said Alaithia sarcastically.
"She talks." said Krian, ignoring Alaithia.
"Of course." said Sphora.
"We must go show Elrian." Krian said

[Nurvingiel]

Er... should I not read your latest installment? :confused:

Maybe you could post a brief synopsis to bring us up to date! I love your story, I don't want to ignore it! :)

[PippinTook]

NO! dont read it, you see, I am on Christmas Holiday, so I am away from ym computer, where the story is, but I still wanted to write, so I am writing straight to the moot, instead of to the computer, therefor, there is a whole chapter missing, and a long one at that. Just 2 weeks and I'll be home and I'll post the rest. Sorry nurv!
-Pip

[Nurvingiel]

*Averts eyes sadly*

Okay... I'll wait. I haven't written more of Erin the Elf either, so I guess I can't really complain. :D

(I do have some more segments I need to post though.)

[PippinTook]

I'm baaaaack!

Chapter Nine

Over the Gorgirath mountains, across the far Earosian Desert and int the heart of the King’s Empire lay the city of San Lilead. Once the streets of the city were bright and people roamed freely, trading, buying, and fellowshipping with eachother. The city was built by the elves, the cobblestoned streets and quaint homes were now riddled with ash and filth. The streets were dark and people only left thier homes to buy necesities. Crops stopped growing long ago, now they had to be shipped in from the grasslands east of Las Grecia, the sea harbor city in the north. Soldiers of the royal empire patrolled the streets, and kept the people in line. There was a tax on almost everything. The palace of the King sat in the middle of the city. It was made of gray stones, an iron gate surrounded the walls. Everything about it was bleak and dreary. No flowers or color could be seen. This was the capital of San Lilead.
High in the chambers of the palace King Zarfoth lay in his bed, deathly ill. No one was allowed into his room save the royal healer and his son, Silivryn. And so these came to him one morning, the healer and the son. The healer’s name was Horace. He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and drug the floor as he walked. Horace was old and feeble, but he was cunning. He lay his bag of herbs on the table next to the King’s bed. Silivryn sat next to his father, his piercingly evil violet eyes starig into those of his only parent.
“How do you feel, Father?” he asked with false sincerity.
“Better than last night, those herbs helped.” came the raspy reply.
Silivryn shot an evil glance at Horace.
“Really, well I believe I have something that should have you up on your feet in no time, your Majesty.” said Horace, trying to avoid the stare of Silivryn’s eyes.
Horace poured a cup of what seemed to be tea and crushed some unknown leaves into it. He handed the cup to the King who slowly drank it. The King’s face went pale, he looked down at the empty tea cup than up at his son, who bore a sinister smile.
“I knew it. I knew you would do this, Silivryn, you black-hearted monster.” the King said to his son, with all maliciousness and despite of a sworn enemy. Those words would be his last.
Silivryn stood and turned towards Horace.
“I swear, healer, if you tell a single soul what happened here, I will hunt you down and boil your filthy guts when I find you.” Silivryn said with surprising calmness. Horace winced,
“Not a soul, your Majesty, not a soul.” he said.
Silivryn smiled at Horace, that smile was enough to freeze the heart of any man. Silivryn ran out of the room, false concern and pain was on his face.
“Gaurds! Gaurds! That man killed my father! Sieze him! I want to see him at the gallows by morning!” he cried once he was out of the royal chambers.
So goes the first act of Silivryn, King of Earosia.

Back in the Eresmine valley, the sun was setting on Von Scotia. Krian, Pilin and Pala had all settled down after a busy day, but Rhys, Aiya and Alaithia sat high in the rafters of the Great Hall, waiting impatiently for midnight’s hour.
“All this horrid waiting will be the end of me!” said Alaithia impatiently.
“Only a few more hours.” Rhys laughed. Aiya stood and paced the room. She was just as impatient as Rhys and Alaithia if not more. She unsheathed Elohae and studied the blade. It was beautiful. The light streaming down from the prism reflected off the shiny metal.
“That is a wonderful blade.” Alaithia remarked.
“Thank-you. I am still a novice at sword play, I hope to do Elohae justice one day.” Aiya replied sheathing her sword.
Aiya walked over the spot directly underneath the prism. It was a circle, a flat green tinted circle. She knocked her foot against it. It sounded just like any other wood floor.
“I don’t see how the light shining onto this circle will do anything.” Aiya said dismally sitting down.

[PippinTook]

“Who knows, midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.
And so went the next two hours. A few comments, a few dry replies. They waited for three long hours. Finally the stroke of midnight hit. The bell in the belltower stroke a soft and clear one, two, three. The three friends stood around the circle, waiting, waiting. Four, five, six, seven. The stars began to align high in the black night sky. Eight, nine, ten, eleven. Now was the time, the elokin would be found. Twelve. A blinding green light shone down in front of them. It seemed to fill the circle on the floor without touching anything else. The light fell in the shape of a star the spun aroun in the circle. The ground began to shake. The circle in the floor fell inwards revealing a set of stairs. Suddenly everything was quiet.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” asked Alaithia, breaking the silence. Aiya and Rhys smiled.
They began to descend the steps.

The steps ended abruptly. There was a tall stone archway with elven writing along the top.
“What does it say, Alaithia?” asked Rhys.
“Only the Elohai may enter.” said Alaithia. “Curse you, Chrysophian!” she mumbled.
“I’m sorry, Alaithia.” Aiya said consolingly.
“It’s okay. It’s only a dumb lost dragon egg.” Alaithia said with a smile.
Rhys and Aiya entered through the arch. They were in a dark room. A glass table sat in the middle of the room. A large round object sat on it. They moved closer, being sure not to touch anything. The egg was sapphire blue and opaque. A light shone down on it, illuminating the smooth surface.
“One of us has to touch it.” Rhys said.
“It seems an injustice to disturb it.” Aiya said softly, gazing at the jewel-like egg.
“You go first, Aiya.” Rhys said, nudging her on.
Aiya reached her hand out towards the egg. She paused and stared at it. This was the moment she had been waiting for. She softly laid her pale hand on the shell. Nothing happened. She placed both hands on it. It did not move. Aiya sighed and stepped away.
“Touch it Rhys.” she said.
Rhys laid his hand on the egg. Something happened. They heard a crack. A large jagged razk was formed down the middle of the shell. A claw appeared, then a scaly arm, then a tapered head of a dragon poked through the shell.

brash ti 90 second rule

[PippinTook]

Rhys and Aiya jumped back. The baby dragon sat upon the glas table looking at them inquisitively.
“Hello.” said Rhys after a long pause.
“Hello.” replied the dragon.
“I am Elohai Rhys Parianath.” Rhys said in a hoarse whisper.
“I am Sphora. I have been waiting for you.” replied the dragon.
She was beautiful. Her scales were a sapphire blue, her long sloping neck formed into a triangular face. The most amazing thing about her was her eyes. They were as deep as the blue seas. They held the wisdom of worlds of men and the innocence of an infant. They stood for a long while and stared at eachother. Rhys was mesmerized. He reached his hand out to touch her. Sphora streched her tapered snout towards his hand. He stroked her as she purred with delight. She turned her face towards Aiya.
“Who are you?” she asked inquisitively.
“I am Elohai Aiya Ailediel, the other dragon rider.” Aiya replied.
“Your dragon has yet to hatch.” Sphora said.
Aiya nodded, “He lies in San Lilead.” she said, surprised that Sphora knew of her soon to come dragon.
“Let us go.” Sphora said hopping down off the glass pedastool.
“Can you fly?” asked Rhys.
“Not yet. Young dragons age quickly. I will be fully grown in two weeks.” Sphora said, standing beside Rhys.
“We should go.” said Rhys.
“Not yet, I have something for you.” said Sphora.
She reached behind her and grabbed a sword with her teeth. Where it came from, Rhys had no idea. It’s blade was crimson, and the hilt black. Runes covered the leather bound handle.
“This is Selahae, the elve blade.” said Sphora as Rhys took it.
“Looks like we are even, Aiya.” he said as he twirled the sword.
“Not quite, my dragon is hidden in the Empire, gaurded by who knows what.” she replied.
“Let us go.” said Sphora. For one so young, she seemed to hold the nobleness and wisdom of an ancient ruler.
Her head reached Rhys’ waist. As they walked towards the arch, Rhys kept his gaze on his dragon, almost walking into a pillar in the process. Sphora’s talons clicked on the marble floor. She held her regal head high.
They left the room and stepped onto the steps where Alaithia waited. She stood speechlessly staring at Sphora.
“Alaithia, this is Sphora.” said Rhys proudly. Alaithia gaped.
“Hello, Alaithia.” said Sphora politely.
Alaithia jumped back in surprise.
“You can talk?” she said in amazment.
“Yes.” said Sphora as she inspected Alaithia. She was so curious. They walked up the steps and into the loft. Sphora stopped once her claws hit the wooden floor. She sniffed it and slowly decided it was safe. She stepped out onto the floor and walked with the others. One of her sharp claws became caught in a small hole in the wood. She shrieked and flapped her wings.
“Sphora! It is okay.” Rhys consoled her and helped her pull her claw from the hole. She still had much to learn.
They walked down the long case of stairs untill the came into the Great Hall.
“What a big place!” Observed Sphora.
“This is the Great Hall of the elves.” said Aiya. Sphora nodded.
No one walked the halls. It was late and the moonlight filtered through the windows.
They hurried through the many winding hallways untill they came to Krian’s room. Rhys burst in without knocking. Krian lay in bed snoring. Rhys promtly shook his father into wakeness.
“Father! I have something to show you!” said Rhys excitedly.
"In heaven's name boy, can't it wait untill morning!" grumbled Krian.
"No, afraid not." replied Rhys excitedly.
Sphora stepped up to the besdie and looked at Krian curiously. Krian stared her in her deep sapphire, oblivious to anything else.
"Hello." said Sphora.

[PippinTook]

“She talks" said Krian, ignoring Alaithia.
"Of course." said Sphora.
"We must go show Elrian." Krian said.
Krian hurriedly put his robe on as they made thier way to Lord Elrian’s chambers.
Once they arrived, Kria rapped sharply on the wooden door.
“Lord Elrian! It is Krian, we have something to show you.” he said.
The elf lord opened the door. His eyes fixed on Sphora.
“Vidwe, elokin.” he said to her.
“Vidwe Lonar Selo.” replied Sphora.
The others were surprised to hear the dragon speak elvish, but Lord Elrian seemed to expect it, and allowed them to come in.
Krian, Alaithia, Rhys and Aiya sat opposite the elf lord as Sphora stood in the middle.
“Where did you find her?” he asked.
“In a secret passage way in the loft above the Great Hall.” said Rhys.
“Did you find Selohae?” asked Elrian.
“Yes.” replied Rhys, unsheathing the blade.
“So you are the first Dragon Rider since Loroth.” Elrian said dryly. Rhys nodded.
“Sphora, is it?” Elrian said, turning his attention to the dragon hatchling.
“Yes.” she replied, gazing at the elf curiously.
“Sphora means blue gem in the ancient elvish tounge.” said Elrian.
“Suits her.” said Rhys.
“When will you be fully grown?” asked Elrian.
“In two weeks.” said Sphora. Elrian nodded.
“How many riders will you be able to bear?” he asked.
“Two, at the most. I can carry three, but it would be hard and laborous.” she said. “At that time, I will also be able to breathe fire.”
“Good. In two weeks you and Rhys and Aiya will fly to San Lilead. The other Elokin lays hidden somewhere in that city. I have a map that will lead you to the correct dungeon.” he said.
“A map?” asked Krian, on th edge of anger.
“Yes. It was kept hidden because of its value. It is the only one of its kind, and only the Elohai will find it.” Elrian said. Krian grunted.
“For the next two weeks, you two Elohai will practice magic. Rhys will be stronger, because of Sphora, but both of you must learn.” said Elrian in closing. “Alaithia will be your tutor.” he said. Alaithia chuckled.
The company left the elf Lord’s chambers. Sphora followed closly behind Rhys.
“Nice to meet you.” she said politely to Elrian. Elrian smiled widely and nodded.

[PippinTook]

*wipes forehead* well, there it is. how was it? I think i'll post a pernuciation guide, just for the heck of it.

Aiya-EYE-uh
Rhys-reese(like the candy)
Krian-KREE-ahn
Alaithia-uh-LAY-thee-uh
Earosia-air-oh-SEE-uh
Elrian-el-REE-uhn(rymes with gun)
Sphora-sfor-uh
Pala-PAH-la
Pilin-PILL-in
Telesmere-TEL-es-meer
Eresmine-AIR-es-meen
San Lilead-San-lil-AY-id
Las Grecia-lahs-GREESH-uh
Mirronor-MEER-oh-nor
Gorgirath-GOR-geer-ath
Titania-tight-TAIN-ee-uh
Elohae-EL(short)-oh-hay
Elohai-EL(short)-oh-high
Elokin-EL(short)-oh-kin
Selohae-SEL-oh-hay

okay, so that was pretty much needless, but I did it anyway

[PippinTook]

okay, I am still bored, so i am going to post what I have of the elven tounge, which will come to play more in the future

elf-selo
friend-myma
I-yi
you-ti
am-yahm
kill-shrik
King-malan
old person-wana
child-jorin
fire-siya
spirit-vash
water-hastil
break-cristi
sleep-listo
take-betha
me-nin
air-hanoben
wing-hanim
blade-hae
evil-rhoh
angel-alen
love-mina
hate-kari
fear-bosti
brave-coorahin
magic-spora
black-atar
blue-spho
gem-ra
fast-asatar
awake-alina
rider-hai
change-mirthi
death-rithnak
curse-brash
beast-bahil
protect-lithin
raise-raista
throw-bornik
greetings-Vidwe
Lord-lonar

yep.

[Nurvingiel]

Continuing to enjoy your story. I’ll put the line from your story in quotes, followed by my suggestion(s). All the comments are in the same order as the story.


Chapter Nine

Over the Gorgirath mountains, across the far Earosian Desert and int the heart of the King’s Empire lay the city of San Lilead. Once the streets of the city were bright and people roamed freely, trading, buying, and fellowshipping with eachother.
“Once, the streets of the city were bright, and people roamed freely, trading and socializing (or another word other than “fellowshipping”) with each other.”
At the beginning, “and into the heart of the King’s Empire” (mistype.)
I felt putting trading and buying was redundant, since buying is already implied. Each other is two words, and I just didn’t like “fellowshipping”, but it’s your call.

The city was built by the elves, the cobblestoned streets and quaint homes were now riddled with ash and filth.
“The city was built by the elves, but the cobblestoned streets were now riddled with ash and filth.” I like your description of the streets. Very mood-setting.

The streets were dark and people only left thier homes to buy necesities.
“The streets were dark, and people only left thier homes to buy necessities (2 s’s).

I feel that “The palace of the King sat in the middle of the city.” should be the beginning of a new paragraph.

It was made of gray stones, an iron gate surrounded the walls. Don’t you mean that there was an iron gate providing access through the wall?

And so these came to him one morning, the healer and the son. The healer’s name was Horace.
“And so these came to him one morning, the healer, Horace, and the son.”

He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and drug the floor as he walked.
“He wore a red cloak that hung about his shoulders and dragged on the floor as he walked.”

Silivryn is excellently evil. I can picture him stroking a white cat and going “Buahaha!” (Just kidding, he’s great.)

The light streaming down from the prism reflected off the shiny metal. There’s nothing wrong with this sentence, but what about “translucent” instead of “shiny”? It just sounds cool.

I only have a few questions since I haven’t read the story in a while. Who are Pilin and Pala again? *sheepish grin* And what are they waiting for?

Nice work. I’ll do your next post too. :)

[Nurvingiel]

Comments on the second post in Chapter Nine.

“Who knows, midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.
“Who knows? Midnight is nigh, let’s wait and see.” Rhys replied.

And so went the next two hours. A few comments, a few dry replies.
Starting with “And so” worked before when Horace and Silivryn entered the sick king’s room, but I don’t feel it’s appropriate here. This is a device you wouldn’t want to use very much.
How about… “This is how the next two hours passed – a few comments, a few dry replies.”

Finally the stroke of midnight hit. I don’t know if “hit” has the right connotations for this. What about “Finally, the stroke of midnight.”?

Now was the time, the elokin would be found. Should you capitalize “elokin”?

Never mind my question about what they were waiting for. It has obviously been answered.

(It wouldn't let me post this before. Poop.)

[Nurvingiel]

Surprisingly, I have nothing to add for the last two parts. You're very good at dialogue, and I especially enjoy Sphora and all events and discussions surrounding her. She's now my favourite character after Aiya. I do like Rhys and your other characters too.

:)

Edit: By the way Pip, about your pm box: try emptying the Sent Items folder (make sure you're looking at all pms from the beginning). Sometimes it gets out of hand.

[PippinTook]

Okay, thanks for pointing out those things, nurv. I keep forgetting about typos, so sorry about that. Do you really like the dialouge? I have always been in secure about it. i emptied out the sent items in my box, so it might work now, lol. Wednsday I will be leaving for jolly old england for 10 days, so I wont be posting here or in the rpg forum. But hold out, I'll be back! Thanks again for all your encouragement! it is what keeps me going, in fact 'm not sure If i would have pursued the story if it had not been for you and akai, so thanks!
-pip

[PippinTook]

well, I'm back! Jolly old england was loverly, but i'm glad to be home. thanks for waiting.

Chapter 10.

It was late, so they all went to bed. Sphora followed Rhys into his bedroom. She looked around inquisitively. Moonlight shone through the window, illuminating the room. Sphora leapt onto the bed and stared at Rhys. Rhys laughed, and collapsed next to his dragon. He was tired, and soon was drifting to sleep.
“What are you doing?” asked a voice suddenly. Rhys wasn’t sure whether it was a dream or not. He opened his eyes to find Sphora staring at him curiously.
“I am sleeping.” He said tiredly.
“Why do you sleep?” she asked. Rhys stifled a laugh,
“People have to sleep to be strong and stay awake.” he said.
“I suppose dragons must sleep also.” she replied.
“I suppose so.” said Rhys as he drifted into sleep again. Sphora curled up next to him, and soon began to purr delightfully.
The next morning, Rhys woke up to two slitted blue eyes looking at him. He jumped out of surprise, and was half startled to see a dragon by his bed. He soon rememered the events of the previous day.
“The yellow face has been awake for a long time.” said Sphora. Rhys looked outside, the sun was high in the sky. He stod and looked at his dragon.
“You are bigger!” he said. Sphora nodded, her head was at his waist.
“We grow swiftly. For now, we must go find Alaithia.” she said. Rhys pulled his jerkin over his shirt as they found their way to the courtyard.
There stood Aiya and Alaithia, talking.
“Hullo, Rhys, my new pupil!” said Alaitia jubiantly.
“Hello, Sphora.” said Aiya kindly.
“Hello everyone. When do we start?” asked Sphora.
“Right now.” said Alaithia. “I will start with the basics. You both have magical powers, due to your elven heritage. All elves can use magic to some degree, and because of our dragons, your magical powers are tripled, making you very powerful. Aiya, you will not be as strong yet, because of your lack of dragon.” said Alaithia. Aiya nodded. “When you use magic, you are speaking in the elven tounge, it is am ancient and long lost language, only known by the elves. It has the magic of the elves in it, as it was made by them. If you speak these words, with the right application of power, you can do many things.” she said. “Raista lorana!” she said commandingly at a flower. The flower rose and floated in the air. Rhys and Aiya stared at it, awestruck. Alaithia let the flower drop to the ground.

[PippinTook]

“I just told that flower to raise, by saying, ‘raise flower’ in elvn tounge. But you can not just speak the words, you have to feel the power inside of you, and channel it to where you want it to go. Now you try, Rhys.” she said.
Rhys concentrated hard. He lifted his hand and said, “Raista lorana!” The flower slowly lifted, but did not get a foot off the ground before it dropped. Alaithia smiled,
“With time it will become easier for you to use magic.” she said. “Now, this one is harder, but I think you can do it.” she said. Alaithia threw a few sticks onto the ground. She raised her hand and said, “Siya!” The sticks caught fire. “You must be very careful when working with elements, I could have easily caught you on fire, Aiya.” said Alaithia.
“How do you keep from doing that?” asked Aiya.
“It is all a matter of channeling your power and concentrating on a certain thing.” said Alaithia. “Now, Aiya, put the fire out with, hastil, the word for water.” she said.
Aiya concentraded on the fire, found her power and commanded, “Hastil!” A burst of water shot from her palm and hit Alaithia.
“Thank you, Aiya, but I already had my bath today.” said Alaithia.
“Sorry, it is alot harder than it looks!” said Aiya.
“Rhys, because of Sphora you are stronger, but before you can do that, you have to connect with her. Reach her conciousness and link your minds.” said Alaithia.
Rhys was confused, but he searched for Sphora’s mind. Suddenly, he hit something. He reached into her mind, and felt her feelings.
“I got it.” he said.
“Now, put out the fire.” said Alaithia. Rhys raised his hand and spoke,
“Hastil!” water shot from his hand and soon the fire was gone. Alaithia smiled,
“Very good. Was it easier?” she asked.
“Much easier. That was amazing!” he said, pulling his mind away from Sphora’s.
“Together, we can do anything!” said Sphora.
“Almost anything. The only task a rider must never perform is healing. The strength that it takes could put you into a deep sleep, that you would never wake from.” said Alaithia solemnly.
“How can you perform magic?” asked Aiya.
“Shapeshifters are very powerful. We have the magic of elves, I use it when necessary, like when we fled from the Rhohatar.” said Alaithia.
“For now, I will teach you as many words as I can. You must practice as much as possible. In two weeks, when Sphora is fully grown, you will fly to San Lilead.” said Alaithia. “Oh, I almost forgot!” Alaithia pulled two brown cloth wrapped parcels from behind her. “These are what the dragon riders wore, it keeps you warm in the harsh weather you will find high in the air. The craftsmen just finished them.” She handed the parcels to Aiya and Rhys.
Aiya opened the brown cloth to find an unusual riding outfit. It was black leather, including pants and a cloak that fit tight around the shoulders and torso, but hung loose behind her. It also came with black riding boots, that reached to her knees. Rhys’ was similar, beautiful black leather. Aiya noticed a seal on the back. It was a dragon in flight, holding a flaming sword in it’s teeth.
“That is the seal of the dragon riders. Well, go try them on!” said Alaithia.
Aiya and Rhys emerged minutes later, clothed in black.
“Now you look like Riders, not that your hair and eyes didn’t give you away!” said Alaithia, inspecting them.
“This is the most comfortable clothing I have ever worn!” said Rhys, flexing under the fitting leather. Aiya inspected her new attire. The long leather formed to her body, moving as she moved. Sphora sniffed Rhys curiously.
“I like it.” she said plainly.
“Now, back to lessons!” said Alaithia, once Aiya and Rhys had thoroughly enjoyed themselves. “Aiya, light the candle.” she said, lifting up a wax candle.
Aiya lifted her hand, and commanded the fire to light the candle. A shoot of blue fire shot from her hand, lighting the wick. She smiled, proud of her success.
“Why was the fire blue?” she asked.
“It depends on the person. Some people’s fire is green, or red, or violet. Mine, for instance, has always been violet.” said Alaithia, putting the fire out with a shoot of water. “Time to eat!” she said, sitting down and calling to an elf to bring them food.
“Eat! Sphora, you haven’t eaten anything since you hatched! Aren’t you hungry?” cried Rhys. Sphora looked at him and nodded,
“Food would be most satisfying.” she said. Rhys and Sphora went to the kitchens to search for some meat.
“Alaithia, what do you really look like?” asked Aiya once Rhys had left.
Alaithia looked at her curiously. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I mean, have you always looked like this; blond hair, blue eyes.” said Aiya. Alaithia smiled,
“No, I haven’t. All shape shifteres have the same traits. I only shift to this so that I don’t call too much attention to myself. If you wish, I’ll show you.” she said.
Alaithia stood, her long locks of blond shifting into an electric blue, and her bright blue eyes, turning black. She smiled broadly, “Not your average elf, eh?” she said. Aiya sat open-mouthed.

[PippinTook]

*bump* more posts coming your way, I am having compy problemos, lol.
-pip