My screenplay

[Darth Tater]

Here's what I have so far. Please tell me what you think, I know it needs work, but I was just so eager to show you! SCENE 1 [The screen is black and silent. Suddenly a single powerful note pierces the silence, and with that not a blue flame without a source, grows and then fades. This flame slightly illuminates two rows of pillars, showing that the flame is in the center of a great hall. This is the only time we see these pillars in the sequence. That single flame “sings” into being a greater flame, mostly on stage right, which writhes, grows, and fades with a powerful theme of music. This flame is mostly blue, but has hints of green in it. Suddenly a red flame appears on the opposite side of the screen, brought into being by an evil sounding theme of music. For a time we see the red and the blue theme seem to fight each other, but though they are different there music somehow intertwines to create a beautiful theme. Eventually the blue theme seems to prevail, and the red flame becomes part of it, being a small background in the theme of music. The whole flame grows suddenly with a powerful not, similar yet more complex then the note that began the sequence, and immediately goes out, the last part visible being the original blue flame in the center. The screen is black.] SCENE 2 [Cut to forest scene, close up of Carandhel’s face. He is an elf. We see him climb with great agility through the trees. As he carefully picks a fruit from a high branch, making sure not to harm the tree, he hears a crackling noise below. Cut to shot of Beledan, a man, walking through woods. He is week, and about to collapse. Carandhel looks at him for a time before speaking.] Carandhel: Who are you? By whose order do you have the right to walk in these land which are the dominion of elves, and not a place of men? Beledan: [startled, looking around for speaker] I am Beledan. I, I have no right, but I beg pardon. I am lost, my people were slain by a great evil that came out of the north. I seek assistance, or at least asylum, before I go to face this evil, for I must revenge my father’s house. [Carandhel jumps lightly down from the tree, landing in front of Beledan, who is startled and starts to reach for his sword, but hesitates and decides against it.] Carandhel: I can grant you leave at least for a time. Come, you seem to need help. I will take you to my people’s dwelling. There your wounds will be mended and your fate decided. Beledan: I thank you, your kindness will be rewarded. [Carandhel and Beledan walk off camera, Carandhel leading the way.] SCENE 3 [Carandhel and Beledan come to a natural gate in the forest. Carandhel whistles like a bird, and we see two gray figures, who were apparently guarding the way but who we did not see, move to the side. Carandhel and Beledan walk forward.] Carandhel: This is Ar-brethil, great city of elves. Beledan: But I see no dwellings. Where is this city? Carandhel: It is all around you. [Carandhel takes a silver woven ladder from the trunk of a tree, the ladder was not seen before. He begins to climb it and bids Beledan to do the same. They reach the top, where there is a sort of tree house which is built to blend in with it’s surrounding in the trees. Carandhel enters it and Beledan follows.]

[Darth Tater]

Here's the second installment, just a few notes on pronunciation: Feadur has the double dots over the first e, Manator has a line over the first a, and Laurewen has double dots over the first e. Hope you like it. [We see in the tree house Laurewen and Manator, king and queen of these elves. They are discussing something or maybe eating lembas. When Carandhel enters they look up, and when Beledan follows they are started, on their guard. Carandhel bows and Beledan does the same.] Manator: What is this Carandhel? How dare you bring a man into our secret city? Carandhel: Manator my lord, Laurewen my lady, this is Beledan. He seeks aid, for his people were destroyed in a battle with darkness. Manator: Nonetheless, he is a man. Do you realize the danger you could have brought to us? Laurewen: [to Manator] My lord, it seems the man is in need of our help. Would you have us turn him away from our doors? He is a child of Iluvitar as well. [To Beledan] Come, tell us your tail. What evil is it that has sent you homeless on your way? Beledan: My lady, our people were peaceful, we learned from dark elves to live at one with nature, and we were not accustomed to war. But forces of the evil one, who’s name I dare not speak in this fair land, came and destroyed our peace. Great orcs came in hordes; they sacked our villages, stole our wives and children, murdered our fathers. When they were done there was nothing left of our homes but ashes. We tried to fight, but we were not prepared, and I fear that I am the only one who has escaped. I seek revenge on the forces that have destroyed all I had, but I do not want to hurt the beauty of this land. If it is your will I will leave, and go alone to revenge my father’s house. [Laurewen and Manator look at each other for a moment.] Manator: We both are enemies of the same evil and, man though you are, I could not turn you away from our door without help. Carandhel, since you brought him to Ar-brethil you shall aid Beledan in his quest. Go and seek from our people others who are willing to help you in this. Go in peace. [Carandhel and Beledan bow.] SCENE 4 [Beledan is sitting on the grass, eating a lembas. Carandhel approaches silently, followed by four other elves, Feadur, Aramorth, Aragurth, and Calerial. Beledan hears them when they are almost on top of him and rises, surprised, to great them.] Carandhel: These elves have agreed to aid us on your quest. They are Feadur, the brother’s Aramorth and Aragurth, and Calerial [all bow slightly to Beledan when they are introduced and he bows in turn.] Beledan: Thank you noble sirs for your willingness to aid my in my fight. I want to warn you that I go into great danger, for my enemy is in the north, in the lands of Taur-Nu-Fuin, and from that place none have returned alive. Feadur: [Who has a slightly haughty tone] We are elves, we do not fear this evil, I am only surprised that a man is willing to face this, who would usually run in fear. Aragurth: [Trying to fix any injury Feadur may have caused] We are glad to journey with you, and we only hope that we may bring you aid. Beledan: Thank you, I am sure your help will be greatly appreciated, and do not worry, you will be rewarded. Calerial: We do not seek reward. The evil that plagues all these lands is our enemy too, we go to fight it for our people as well. Carandhel: Then let us be off. There are horses prepared who will take us as far as is needed. The queen Laurewen has prepared lembas to feed us on our journey, and she sends her blessings. Also Beledan, she gives this to you. [Carandhel hands Beledan a beautiful clear jewel.] She says it may aid you in your most desperate hour. Beledan: I thank the lady, and I am glad her blessings go with us. Let us be off!

[IronParrot]

More...

[anduin]

Man, it has been awhile since I have asked for more.....but I would like to see some more please.....I like it very much :)

[Fat middle]

Good job! :)

[Darth Tater]

I'll give you more when I actually write it! ;) Anyways, what do you think? Come on, critisize me!!! (I can't beleive I just said that)

[Eruve]

Just a question. When and where (in Middle-earth) is this supposed to be taking place?

[Darth Tater]

That's gonna be established more later, but basically it's towards the north, near the river Sirion, Ar-brethil is in either the forest of Brethil or the forest of Neldoreth, and the stories gonna move up to Taur-Nu-Fuin. It takes place sometime around when the battles with Morgoth were taking place, probably near the time of the fourth and fifth battles.

[Darth Tater]

Think for a moment about your opinion of Feadur before you read this next part. It actually surprised me!!! SCENE 5 [The group comes upon some horses and mounts them. There is a musical sequence showing the group riding through the woods, stopping to eat, etc., to represent the passing of time. Sequence ends with Beledan cupping his hand to drink water from a stream. Feadur walks up behind him.] Feadur: I do not think it wise to drink that water. It flows out of Taur-Nu-Fuin, where we are going, and nothing from that land is good. Years ago a hoard of orcs came out of that land. My family and I were living alone, for I had not yet come to Ar-brethil. I tried to fight, but I was captured, chained to a tree by those foul creatures of Morgoth. I watched as they murdered my family, my wife, my children... [Feadur stops, hurt by the memory.] Beledan: [Rising] I am sorry. I see we two share a similar fate, I understand now why you have chosen to come on this quest. Feadur: I must revenge them, I want to look an orc in the eye and end his pitiful life! I want revenge on all that vile people! Beledan: And that is what we go to, though it may mean our own undoing. Feadur: My life is worthless now, I only want to join my family in the halls of Mandos. [Aragurth and Aramorth enter.] Aramorth: We must be off. The forest ends soon and then we can follow the river Sirion for a time. [Carandhel and Calerial enter with the horses.] Carandhel: Then let us go.

[galadriel1]

Not too bad, Tater! Go on.......

[anduin]

Nice dialogue :) I was wondering if you could put in some character direction.....so we could understand better the emotion that you envision them having.

[Elanor]

Ok, I'm a little sick of revenge stuff right now since we're studying Hamlet in my literature class. It just seems so pointless, and not at all noble. How can a revenge cycle have a happy ending? I'm hoping this story takes a different turn! So there's my feedback, Tater. I like your style, though.

[Darth Tater]

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. Anduin, I'll work on that. Elanor, you have a very wise insight, and I think you can see into the future! I'm not gonna say anything more now though, cause I've got another isntallment: [The company mounts their horses and rides off through the forest. Beledan rides up to Carandhel.] Beledan: I have just spoken to Feadur. I did not realize he had seen such sorrow. Carandhel: Why do you think he chose to accompany us on this journey? All of your companions have a reason to come. The brothers Aragurth and Aramorth saw their father die defending orcs when they were very young. They were kidnapped and managed to escape, but their mother was not so lucky. Calerial’s story may not sound so sorrowful to a man, but to an elf it is sad indeed. He loves the forest, and he considered it his special duty to care for the trees. Once he was away from the forest, and when he returned he saw that the glade he especially loved had been burned down or hewn down by orcs. Beledan: The story of the brothers is sad indeed, but you are right, I do not understand Calerial’s plight. [Calerial rides up.] Calerial: [To Beledan.] Do you know what an ent is? Beledan: No. Calerial: Ents are like trees, but they have a life that even men would see. They are the keepers of the forest, placed here to watch and cultivate the beautiful creations of Yavanna. In the glade I loved there dwelt an ent, but he had grown sorrowful, knowing of all the evils that the servants of Morgoth had done to the beautiful forests of Middle-earth. In his sorrow he grew roots, and was more like a tree then most ents. Yet I loved to visit him, and I was like a pupil of his, caring for the forest the way he would. When the orcs destroyed the forest, he too lost his life. Beledan: That is sad indeed, I see now why you feel you must go to face the evils in the north. I know that our company will fight a good fight, for we all have lost much to the hands of those who we will slay. But Carandhel, you have not told me your tale. What sorrow is it that makes you come on this journey? Carandhel: [Pauses, said defensively.] I found you, I was commanded to come, you need ask no more. [The sky is beginning to grow dark, and suddenly a howling is heard in the distance. The whole group stops, listening.] Aragurth: We near the edge of the wood, and in the lands beyond there are many evils. I see wolves are not a lesser one of them. Aramorth: Come, we must move on. [The company begins riding to the edge of the forest.]

[galadriel1]

"Tater, Tater, he`s our man! If he can`t do it, noone can! Go, Tater!" :)

[galadriel1]

OK, I think my cold medicine and my cough syrup with codeine are interacting! Excuse my silliness! LOL

[Darth Tater]

Someone needs to get off their drugs!!!

[Darth Tater]

Here we go agian. Put the kiddies to bed early, this part might give em nightmares! ;) SCENE 6 [The company rides out of the forest. There is grass for some time, but soon the terrain becomes very barren. Cut to scene of the group around a campfire. Carandhel brakes up a lembas and distributes it. They begin to eat.] Beledan: [Eats a bite of lembas before speaking.] We must consider what moves to make when we attack the enemy. How will we complete this revenge that we all go to? Feadur: I believe we should all fight for ourselves. If one of us fell and the others tended to him the rest of us will soon be lying with him. Aragurth: I disagree. Aramorth: Yes, if we all fight together we shall be a powerful force to conquer the minions of Morgoth. What if a fell beast like a Balrog comes to face us? There are few among the sons of Iluvatar who could face a creature like that alone. [Suddenly the howl of a wolf is heard. It sounds very near. Carandhel jumps up and begins to ready his bow.] Carandhel: Evil is upon us! [The others jump up to fight as well. Calerial readies his bow as do Aragurth and Aramorth, Beledan and Feadur draw swords. The group surrounds the fire so that they form a circle with their backs to the middle, so that all sides are seen.] Feadur: This is the first test of courage! Let us see how we withstand! Calerial: I wish that we did not have to fight now! Feadur: Do not cower in this, our first moment together as warriors! For the honor of my father’s house, I will destroy these fell beasts! [Suddenly a great wolf jump up upon them. He is facing Beledan. He growls, showing an immense set of teeth, and their is an evil hatred in his eyes. Beledan crouches down, preparing his sword to kill the beast if it jumps. Suddenly lesser wolves appear about the circle. There are ten of them. The great wolf lets out a huge howl. One of the lesser wolves jumps at Carandhel, who shoots an arrow right into it’s chest. Another wolf jumps towards the brothers Aragurth and Aramorth. Aragurth shoots the beast, but it still has some life in it, and it lands on Aramorth, who loses control of his bow.] Aramorth: Down foul beast! [Aramorth reaches behind him to the fire, grabbing a burning log. He jabs the fire into the wolves face. The wolf howls with rage before falling back, dead.] Feadur: Be gone evil spirit of Morgoth! [Feadur charges towards a wolf. It rises up but he stabs his sword through it’s chest. Suddenly a wolf jumps on Calerial. He is pinned to the ground.] Calerial: Manwe have mercy on me!!! [Carandhel shoots an arrow at the wolf, piercing it’s eye. The animal howls with rage and runs away. Aragurth and Aramorth kill two wolves with arrows before they are even ready to pounce. The rest of the wolves run away, but the leader still stares at Beledan, growling. Suddenly it pounces. Beledan lets out a warriors cry, slashing at the wolf and scaring it’s face. The wolf turns it’s face for a moment, but then stares at Beledan, growling. Suddenly the two begin to wrestle. The come dangerously near the fire, and Beledan is scratched all over. The others look on, unable to do anything since the would harm Beledan. Suddenly Beledan lets out a great cry, and stabs the wolf in the chest as it is about to slash at his face. The wolf collapses on him. Cut to black.]

[Elanor]

urgh. :P

[Darth Tater]

What's that supposed to mean Elanor?

[Elanor]

exactly what it said.

[Darth Tater]

But it could mean so many things. It could mean "that was awefull!" or "that was incredible!" or "I'm a lazy bumb and didn't read that!" As for the :P, we all know what that means! :P

[anduin]

Nice action :) I know you were expecting more, but you know me ;)

[Elanor]

I guess it seems a bit too much action to me. Kind of bloody, bloodthirsty, etc. Let's just see I'm not overeager to see a movie based on this. :)

[Darth Tater]

Elanor, if you don't like blood I would have to recomend you don't read any more of the screenplay. We're gonna see a lot of it. Thanks anduin, I guess ;)

[Elanor]

Thank you for the warning! Maybe I'll check in here and there, but now that you know my opinions, you don't have to worry about me complaining any more. So go ahead. Far be it from me to stifle anyone's creativity. :)

[Darth Tater]

Finally a new instalment! :rolleyes:
Feel free to speak up if you have any problems with this one, I myself thought for a while if it was "canonical" ;)

SCENE 7
[Morning. Carandhel is mending a wound on Calerial’s arm. Aragurth and Aramorth are sitting at the side of the area. The fire is out. Beledan still lies on the ground, but is awake. The wolf is gone but he is covered by his own blood, as well as its. Feadur enters.]
Feadur: The horses are gone, there are signs of a fight. It seems the wolves did not simply run in fear, we have sustained greater losses then is seemed.
Aragurth: At least we all survived. I see this is a miracle, what we encountered last night was a great test, we were proven admirably.
Carandhel: [Getting up from bandaging Calerial.] Let us go. Without horses our journey will be longer and harder then anticipated.
[All slowly rise and begin to walk. Calerial, Aramorth, and Beledan all have slight limps. The group moves slowly. After a while they stop, Calerial bending over and panting for breath, Aramorth and Beledan doing the same, but not as obviously.]
Calerial: I would that Manwe would have mercy on us now!
[Suddenly a stranger appears coming up a hill, which had hid him. He is robbed in gray, and has a beard which is beginning to turn white. His hat perches almost whimiscly upon his head, but somehow grants a feeling of age and wisdom to him. He has a scarf around his neck which is obviously unnecessary, and he uses a great staff to lean on.]
Stranger: When a child of Iluvitar prays he is heard. You will not go unguarded.
[All turn to look at him. Feadur and Beledan prepare to reach for their swords.]
Feadur: Who are you, a servant of Manwe or of Morgoth?
Stranger: I serve the light, I follow the commands of Manwe, and curse that name of which you speak.
[Feadur and Beledan take their hands away from near their swords.]
Carandhel: We welcome the aid of any who do not serve evil, for we go to fight it to claim our revenge.
Stranger: Revenge is an evil thing and never profits much.
Feadur: Nevertheless we must seek it.
Stranger: So be it, I will aid you as I can.
Beledan: And what, may I inquire, shall you be known as?
Stranger: Many names have I, but you may call me Mithrandir.

[Darth Tater]

Back to the top so people will read it and COMMENT!!!

[Darth Tater]

Finally a new installment (not that any of you care)! I really would appreciate feedback, don't mind if it's negative.

SCENE 8
[The company walks on. They are in a land covered in tall, tan colored grasses. The air is harsh. Beledan walks with Mithrandir and addresses him, an air of respect in his voice.]
Beledan: Mithrandir, it is not often that one such as yourself is seen in these lands. Tell me, where do you come from, and where do you go?
Mithrandir: [Pausing in his step, looking up towards the sky in an absent minded yet thoughtful manner.] Where I come from you do not know, and would not believe if I said. Where I go is where I am lead, and the power that leads me even I do not fully comprehend. [Looks at Beledan.] But you, your destiny does not seem as obvious as that of most mortals. I sense in you a seeking for something you are not yet aware of. [Beledan looks puzzled.] Do not fear, all will reveal itself in due time.
[The grass has grown greener as the company walks, and now they finally see the bend of a river.]
Carandhel: At last a sign that we are on the right path! Look, the glorious river of Mindeb!
[The company runs to the waters to drink, but Mithrandir lags behind. As they go to dip down he leans on his staff.]
Mithrandir: I do not think that wise. Though these waters looks clean now it runs from a land of evil, a place where no good thing lies. Drink it and you drink this darkness.
[Most listen, but Aramorth, overcome with thirst, dips his hand in and drinks.]
Aramorth: If such a dark evil is at the source of this water that it poisons it even hear our quest will indeed prove a failure. But for now I do what I must; my mouth is parched and if I do not drink I cannot see that I will stay alive for long.
[Mithrandir looks, a feeling of knowing something that a fool does not see in his face.]
Feadur: [After a pause.] Well, let us walk on.
[All arise and begin to walk.]

[Darth Tater]

SCENE 9
[We see the sun set behind dark mountains in the distance, as the company walks towards it. Cut to Aragurth is making a fire, Carandhel brings wood. Calerial is sitting on a log. Feadur sits down next to him, eating some lembas.]
Calerial: [To no one.] Why did I come? Oh, why, why did I come? Nothing good will come of this, nothing good. We will all die, all of us!
Feadur: (Stops eating, looks concerned, but tries to cover it up.) Do not say things like that! We come on a great quest. We will fight many evils, but we will triumph!
Calerial: (Puts hands on head.) I do not believe so. No, no. I am so afraid. (A tear falls.) I fear the dark night, I fear this evil we go to face. (Begins sobbing.) Oh Manwe! I fear death so much. I do not want to die!
(Feadur hesitantly puts his hand on Calerial’s shoulder)
Calerial: I do not want to die! (Crying.)
Feadur: (Hesitantly.) We must all fight together. We are all friends, we will work together. You, you will not die.
[Suddenly Aramorth screams. All turn to look at him. He begins clutching at his chest, ripping at his shirt.]
Aramorth: [Flailing on the ground.] I feel it! Evil, inside of me! Help, it is consuming me!
[Aragurth runs over to his brother, kneels down above him.]
Aragurth: Brother! What is this evil? Brother, speak to me!
Aramorth: Oh!!! My heart, it burns!
[Mithrandir walks over rapidly but steadily. He bends over Aragurth.]
Mithrandir: [Pointing his staff down at Aramorth.] Did I not say that water was evil? This is what comes of foolishness.
[Aragurth rips open his brother's shirt, sees blood welling up on the other side of his skin, as fire consumes his insides.]
Aragurth: My God!
[Mithrandir’s staff begins to glow, brighter and brighter. Suddenly blue light streaks from it, wrapping around the growing red in Aramorth’s chest. It consumes the red, bringing it rapidly back into the end of the staff. Mithrandir falls backwards, sitting exhausted.]
Aramorth: [Lying on the ground.] I am not dead? I feel still an evil in me. I should have listened.
[Aramorth’s head falls back, he closes his eyes. Aragurth lifts it up, putting it in his lap.]

[Maglor]

Good, but the first part moves too fast. Try some flashbacs to the stories of Feadur and the others.

BTW. If you want to stay accurate to Tolkien try to put some meaning in the names of the elves. Elven names and especially mother names were known to be prophetic.

PS. Carandhel is a womans name. ;)

[Darth Tater]

There is meaning in the names. Try taking them apart, you'll find it. Yes, I see that it moves to fast. I do plan to go back and add more.

PS. Oops. I guess I'll have to change that in the next draft ;)
Thanks for commenting.

[Maglor]

By meaning, I mean that the names should recemble their personality, but it's not really important.

Maglor

[Darth Tater]

Some of the names give hints to the fate of the characters, some show their inner qualities, some do both.