Do nazguls have to go to the bathroom? and other pointless questions

[Loopy]

I'm really bored so... this is sort of a game or something I'm making up. I'll ask an incredibly stupid question, and you guys give me equally ridiculous answers. <font color="#ffffff" size="4">The Rules:</font> 1: Answers to stupid questions must be entertaining and unexpected, but must make sense 2: You can only give 1 answer for each question 3: Points will be awarded to whoever posts the best answer. Points don't really do anything at all except give whoever wins them a warm fuzzy feeling Here's an example: Q: Do Nazgul have to go to the bathroom? And if they do, how do they do it? A: Well, they don't. Not in the physical sense, that is. However they still must dispose of waste. They just telepathically dump it into the dead marshes. So, here's the first question: A two-headed orc meets a troll in the Misty Mountains. The left head of the orc tries to make friends with the troll, while the right head tries to pick a fight. What does the troll do? <hr noshade color="#000000" size="2"> this entirely unnecessary post has been brought to you by Loopy, goddess of slackdom, eternal nite owl, and creator of PigLatin (http://www.piglatin.net) <hr noshade color="#000000" size="2">

[Fat middle]

Easy. The right hand of the troll offers to shake with the orc´s right hand, but the troll´s index finger of its left hand goes straight to the orc´s left head´s right eye.

[Hernalt]

BOLT I, pg68: "<FONT COLOR=GREEN>Beyond Valinor I have never seen nor heard, save that of a surety there are the dark waters of the Outer Seas, that have no tides, and they are cool and thin, that no boat can sail upon their bosom or fish swim within their depths, save theenchanted fish of Ulmo and his magic car.</FONT>" What car does Ulmo drive?

[Spock1]

The troll kills the orc. Trolls are not subtle!

[Eruve]

I doubt Ulmo drives his own car... He probably has a Maia to do it. As for the type, it's an early 60s model, one with high tail fins.

[Hernalt]

I was thinking it might be the 57 Dodge model (tail fins) that the cartoon bird-character "Shoe" drives.

[juntel]

Nah! This is Ulmo! He drives the amphibian James Bond car...

[Darth Tater]

Would Hobbit's be considered drug dealers today, and would Gandalf be considered an arsonist?

[Loopy]

Re: Would Hobbit's be considered drug dealers today, and would Gandalf be considered an arsonist? <hr noshade color="#000000" size="1"> Gandalf would not be considered arsonist; he would just be an "artist" and dangerous pyrotechnics would be his "art." Furthermore, this would even excuse him dressing in a wizard's hat and robes, and being so moody -- he's not crazy; he's just "eccenteric." It's his artistic temperament. Hobbits as we all know, do not live in the U.S. By now they have all migrated to Amsterdam, where it's perfectly legal to peddle pipe-weed, as they call it. ;p <hr noshade color="#000000" size="1"> this entirely unnecessary post has been brought to you by Loopy, goddess of slackdom, eternal nite owl, and creator of <a href="http://www.piglatin.net"><font size="4">PigLatin</font></a> <hr noshade color="#000000" size="1">

[The One Ring]

What happens when a dragon sneezes?

[Elanor]

A hobbit gets his wings.

[Elanor]

Ok, Tom Bombadil is gathering water-lilies for Goldberry. He gathers 5 red ones, 29 white ones, 74 yellow ones, 24 blue ones, 31 purple ones, and 1 gold one. Meanwhile, Goldberry gathers waterlilies for Tom, and only gets one tangerine one. What happens when they meet in the middle of the Withywindle if Tom swims at 1.5 km/hr, and Goldbery dog-paddles at .09 km/hr?

[Hernalt]

A Barrow-wight loses his arm. Next: If an Orc was on trial today for criminal charges, could he claim insanity? Could he say 'Morgoth/Sauron made me do it!'

[Eruve]

Do you think you could get away with a "the devil made me do it" defense? I guess you never know these days...

[Hernalt]

I feel that people get away with the Devil-made-me-do-it tactic. It's called the insanity plea. [/rant] ;D Which Middle-Earth character was the best dancer?

[Eruve]

OK, then, to answer your question about the defense (and I agree with your rant, BTW), the answer would be no. Because in Middle-earth they just weren't into all that liberal criminals have more rights than vicims stuff. Who's the best dancer? Too easy, it's Gollum. Who can forget his dancing around with a severed finger shouting "Precious!", followed by tripping into a volcano? No one can top that!

[Spock1]

gads zooks what a bunch of warg.

[Darth Tater]

Ok, here's a real thinker for you. If Helm's Deep had been made of the stuff it's made of for the movie, how long would the battle take? Who would win? I wan't 12 point font, doulbe spaced, 3 pages. I wan't it copied and collated. Or you can just post it.

[bmilder]

The orcs would win because they're infested with wood-eating termites that destroyed the sets. This occurred in under .1 seconds.

[Elanor]

How much Water Hot does it take to get Wormtongue to feel happy?

[John309]

I

[John309]

I don't think Wormtongue particularly cares for hot water because when he knows he is in it he sneaks off to Isengard. I do believe there was a spa in one of the upper rooms of Orthanc though judging by the amount of time Saruman spent up there!!

[Eruve]

OK, I've answered several of these, but have yet to ask one. So here goes. Why does Cirdan have a beard?

[Hernalt]

That wiley Gandalf (in his younger years) replaced his fine Elven cologne with Rogaine.

[John309]

Who (or what) were the chief inhabitants of the Wetwang? Feel free to speculate whether they are for, against, or indifferent to the cause of the Fellowship. Don't bother answering if you are indifferent to this question's validity or disgusted with the word Wetwang. "Old King Cole was a merry old soul..and a merry old soul was he..."

[Darth Tater]

Hmmm

[Fat middle]

Cirdan... well, he´s and old sea wolf, and how can you think on an beardless sea wolf. Surely he also smokes leaf with and old pipe.

[Elanor]

Cirdan had a beard? Somehow I missed that... Wetwang--well, the buggets live there. These are sometimes know as the "fourthlings" and are about half as tall as hobbits, sometimes know as peridemiannath, or bulgytla. They live not in holes, but in pillows. The whole place is covered with their little pillow houses.

[anduin]

What name brand of clothing would Ghan-buri-Ghan wear if he lived in Quitman, Mississippi?

[Darth Tater]

Brand of clothing? Heck, I didn't know Gramma got her stuff recognized federally!

[Elanor]

Never having been to MS, I wouldn't know.

[anduin]

Well, I have been to Quitman, MS, and the Wild Men there wear Carharts.

[Elanor]

Who has the most beautiful nostrils of any Middle-Earth character?

[Elanor the Hobbit]

I guess no one wants to tackle that question, eh? :D

[Hernalt]

The Bakshi cartoon had a babelicious Galadriel. She had nice nostrils.

[anduin]

Yeah, but that "CHiPs" hairdo has to go...... :(

[Eruve]

In the immortal words of a friend I saw the Bakshi LOTR with, " She'd be cute if she weren't blue!" This was uttered during the Mirror of Galadriel scene.

[Darth Tater]

If you were a nazgul and you could kill any member of the company except Frodo who would you kill?

[Eruve]

Sam, because Frodo would have never made it to Mount Doom without him. Greatly increases Sauron's chances of regaining his Ring.

[Hernalt]

What would the Nazgul have ridden/driven if they had lost their steeds and Sauron had won? Harleys? Mechershmitz?

[Hernalt]

Very small rocks?

[Eruve]

Panzers.

[Darth Tater]

Either SUV's or skooters.

[Elanor]

A rail.

[Loopy]

If Gandalf fell asleep on a hilltop fifteen miles away from Bree, how many hobbits would it take to pluck out his beard hair by hair before he woke up, and what would they do with all those hairs?

[Elanor]

It would of course take 42, and they would use the hairs for surgical thread.

[Darth Tater]

Can't disagree with that.

[Loopy]

LOL! Good one :p

[anduin]

Yes, but where would they keep them? You know...to keep them safe?

[anduin]

Yes, but where would they keep them? You know...to keep them safe.

[Darth Tater]

Double post!!! Ha Ha!!! :p

[anduin]

Don't be deceived.....check out the punctuation. ;)

[Hernalt]

Discuss the etymology of the Men of Pukel.

[Eruve]

The Men of pukel got this name from their religion. They worship a giant porcelain idol in the shape of a toilet and have to kiss this idol frequently.

[Darth Tater]

The word Pukel is derived from the elvish Puke, to lose your inards to the great abyss. The men of Pukel were constantly doing this, as they were the first people to develop the flu.

[Hernalt]

Aside from the well-documented game of *Golf*, what kinds of sports were there in Middle-earth?

[Fat middle]

I remember something about somebody being throw as if other was playing football with him (in the Hobbit).

And of course, we also have the flying on Delta-Wing (english name?), supporting by Thorondor, Gwaihir and co.

[Elanor]

The Great Sport of Middle Earth: Lava Diving.

Some others: fencing, endurance running, archery, water polo (or at least splashing), white-water rafting, bridge-jumping. That's all I can think of right now.

[Hernalt]

Palantir Will-Wrestling
Shadow Tag
Orc Triathalon
Highland Mountain Building
Highland Valley Delving
Highland Island Dragging
Highland World Changing
Highland Melko Chaining
Highland Balrog Thumbwrestling
Highland Shelob Armwrestling
Ringwraith Horseracing
Ringwraith Stuntflying
Middle-Earth Contact RISK

How about Middle-Earth game shows that were fun for the whole family?

[Eruve]

WWF style grudge match: Melkor vs Tulkas.

[arynetrek]

this one isn't mine, i forget who said it...

Eowyn vs. Arwen - Mud-wrestling for the hand of Aragorn!

aryne *

[Niffiwan]

How come none of the characters in LotR ever go to the bathroom?

which brings me to my next question (Two Towers):

If 200 orcs are traveling at a speed of 10km per hour and one orc would have to leave the group to go to the bathroom, how many kms would he have to catch up considering these facts?
-it takes about 10 min to find a suitable bathroom place in the grasslands
-orcs take 45 min to go to the bathroom (the stuff they eat gives them constipation)
-it takes about 5 minutes for the orc to find a suitable amount of grass in order to use it as toilet paper
-it takes the orc 10 minutes to use the "toilet paper"
-the orc takes another 5 min to wipe its hands on the grass after finding out that grass does not make good toilet paper
-and another 10 minutes wiping his feet after he accidentaly steps on his own mess (orcs aren't very carefull of where they spill their beans)

[Niffiwan]

anyone? :)

[Khazad Yehudi]

These young people! No staying power at all . . .

He never would catch up. For one thing his troop is 14.17 kilometres away (I did that without a calculator) and still forced-marching round the clock; is he supposed to double the pace? For another, no orc would give himself* the trouble even if he could; once that far out of Ugluk's reach, he would light out at once for the Misty Mountains or wherever he came from. And for a third, this obviously isn't a real orc; his manners are far too gentleman-like (toilet-paper forsooth!) Actually he's — oh, somebody else can work that one out.

* That ‘himself’ suggests another thought: What are she-orcs like? What kind of names have they? What do they use for make-up?

[IronParrot]

I suppose they look particularly ugluk. Ugly. Whatever.

[Darth Tater]

To tie this back to the previous question they use dung for make up ;)

[quam]

Why aren't there any naturist/nudist hobbits?

[arynetrek]

hobbits are (or MOST hobbits are) a pretty hairy group. nudism never caught on because under their clothes, a select few of them are completely hairless - it's a family trait. these were, of course, the rich fat influential hobbits, & they wore clothing to cover up their hairlessness. this then turned into a fashion, & later a custom. Hobbits, being the civilized quiet familiarity-oriented people they are, never really went against this custom. & the only hobbit "rebels" ended up on strange journeys...

but of course friends don't care if their friends are semi-hairless mutants or not, & so friends will run around naked in front of each other. especially on barrow-mounds...

aryne *

next question: when Aragorn finally caught Gollum, what did he do to make that vile bad creature squeal? (just kidding!)

[quam]

i don't know what strider did, but i would have let him face the sun all day in a bad of cram(or the elvish variant),while tickling him under the feet and letting the one ring hang in front of him,but in such a way that he couldn't touch it

[Bullroarer]

Did Sauron ever consider farting to take over Middle-Earth? Evil farts smell extremely......ugh!

[Niffiwan]

No, he never really considered it, but it was his farts and not pollution (although they might be counted as pollution) that have permanently damaged the ozone layer. Ever since then, a few people have inherited the gift from him (his weak-but-still-alive spirit farted in their faces when they were born when nobody was looking) and are called "old farts" today.

[Lillian C]

Sauron didn't fart because he lived next door to a volcano. So he sent his Nazgul throughout ME to do it instead; but out of tact, people always referred to it as "The Black Breath." :p

Question, question.......I don't know. Which character would be most deserving of the title "Disco Inferno?"

[Taimar]

Frodo dancing on the table in The Prancing Pony springs to mind. I doubt even Travolta in Saturday Night Fever could have reproduced Frodo`s killer invisiblity move.

[galpsi]

Luthien dancing upon the unfading grass in the glades beside Esgalduin got Beren all hotted up. But she dressed a lot better than Travolta. Does anybody remember the cheesy pin-up version of Luthien on an old JRRT calendar. I think the picture was by Rowena Morrill. Now THAT was Dance Fever!

[arynetrek]

of the following, who is the best hockey player?

Aragorn
Strider
Wingfoot
Elessar
Longshanks
the King of Minas Tirith
the heir of Isildur
the Dunadan
Thorongil
the first of the House of Telcontar
Elrond's son-in-law

aryne *

[galpsi]

I hope that Estel is the best.

[Taimar]

Wingfoot`s speed would be hard to beat.

[trevkw]

Does Aragorn get to wear the Captain's "C," or should he just get the "A?"

[arynetrek]

AAAAAAAACK! I KNEW I'D FORGET A NAME!

aryne *

[Christiana]

lol

[Faramir]

This is a strange but funny thread. :)

[Christiana]

hmm...could the istari wed?:D

[azalea]

Only each other.:D

[Christiana]

lol!:D :D:D

[Menelvagor]

Why is there never any mention of poodles in Middle Earth?

[Christiana]

easy!there r:the werewolves!:D :D ;) :D

[Claenoic]

Discuss what would happen if 4 hobbits, a spork, Shelob's great aunt, and a piece of corn-on-the-cob was placed in an arena.

[Christiana]

while the hobbits were eating the corn,sga would skewer them w/ the spork and eat them!:D:D

[Willow Oran]

Oooh! Random questions, fun! How many bottles of wine does it take to get a gathering of 100 elves drunk if the wine has 50% alchohol content and the elves have tolerances ranging from medium to high?

[Treebeard's apprentice]

50% alcohol content!!!? That's some wicked strong stuff.
To answer the question, though, I think we should need to find out the rate at which the elves would release the alcohol from their systems.

In other words: How do elves go to the bathroom and how many times an hour/ day/ week, and whatnot?

[TinuvielChild]

Well, the Lothlorien elves merely pee off the edges of their talans, and that's how they water the grass!

Sick, I know.


How is it that the elves could commit massive acts of incest and not end up with genetically defective children?

[Christiana]

example?

[Menelvagor]

Easy. elves don't have DNA, they are made up of a mixture of chocolate pudding and moonbeams.

(where did that come from?! :eek: )

Someone else ask a question...

[Willow Oran]

You still haven't answered how long it would take to get them drunk, let's say that they release 10% of the alchohol from their systems every half an hour.

[Laurelyn]

Well, it would take exactly however much time it took for them to drink enough wine to get them drunk. Wouldn't it?

If the Orcs suddenly decdided to go on strike because of lousy working conditions (aka Mordor) what would have happened?
Before answering, consider the following:

1- All of Sauron's Orcs stopped work at daybreak the day they were supposed to attack Gondor.
2- They said if Sauron failed to pay them more and get them a better workplace they would be forced to help the Ringbearer's quest
3-They wanted to be paid the Orc equivalent of 1 million dollars a day
4- Sauron is broke

[Claenoic]

I'm guessing, while Sauron was trying to get all the orcs calm, Gondor would take over Barad-dur, Frodo and Sam would be treated like kings on the way to Mount Doom, and chickens would squack on a random hobbit farm.

What if Lothlorien elves suddenly started to call Galadriel's mirror a Birdbath? Please consider the following,

1. Galadriel just woke up.

2. Celeborn's still in bed because of a hangover from last night's party (don't ask).

3. And rabid penguins are stealing galadriel88's sanity faster then usual.

[Treebeard's apprentice]

Galadriel would banish all birds from Middle Earth, causing massive ecological disruption. Bird-hunters would be completely out of business and worms would infest all the land.

Meanwhile, Galadriel would be put on trial because the people believe she shouldn't have the power to order such a decree. A Lothlorien Congress is established and they immediately pass a salary raise for themselves.

They also establish a law limiting Celeborn's alcohol consumption.

[Christiana]

while the rabid penguens are batheing,galadriel would push galadriel88 into the group of elves.Celeborn would walk into his wife,and theydfall into the fountain.

[Willow Oran]

Does Lothlorien get soliciters?

and

What would the ringbearers, (Frodo, Bilbo, Elrond, Galadriel, and Gandalf), do if, while sailing west their ship sunk and they were stranded on an iceberg with a seal, two red and silver penguins, and a family of evil maniacal pink fluffy killer bunnies?

[Claenoic]

Solicitors are evil, therefore, none of them can enter Lorien.

The clock would strike noon. And rabid penguins would go moo.

[Earniel]

How do the nazguls comb their hair?

[TinuvielChild]

They don't; they don't have hair! Or else they use briar patches...or they don't comb their hair at all.

[TinuvielChild]

Oh, this is sad. I went back and read the last page, which I had failed to read before replying, and when I read the word "Solicitor", I read it as "Solicitorc", as in TLA. Aiya! :D :p

[Treebeard's apprentice]

Not really a question, but:

Briefly describe hobbit puberty (changes in the body, what years it generally occurs, etc).

Please keep it clean, though. We don't want to invoke The Wrath of the Mighty Mods.

[Christiana]

Do elves shave their legs?:D

In answer to previos question, at age 23 they enlist the help of rabid penguins and sprout like trees. :confused:

[Linaewen]

Nay. We have no hair on our legs.

Do the Ents use fertiliser?

[Christiana]

of course, they have latrines, and once a month they fertilize the forest with the contents:D

[Heather Wooltoes]

OK, in keeping with the spirit of stupid and pointless questions.....

1) from the hobbit, What does "dwarf ridden pony" taste like?

2) Do you think Elrond ever regrets not kickin Isildurs butt into the crack'o DOOM when he had the chance?

3) Elrond was Striders foster father and Arwen Daddy, does this make anyone else go EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!??ick ick ick

all typo's sponsered by budweiser

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Heather Wooltoes

3) Elrond was Striders foster father and Arwen Daddy, does this make anyone else go EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!??ick ick ick

This was discussed in some thread, I think titled 'Arwen & Aragorn- Incest?' Besides, the way you have phrased it makes it sound like they are not biologically connected (which they were, however distantly)

[Sminty_Smeagol]

EWWWWW!!! ick ick ick

[Coney]

Something I've wondered about is Dwarven latrine practices.......

I mean, in the hey-day of Khazad Dum (Moria) where on earth did those Dwarfs all piddle?..........It's an underground city (basically a cave) so if they got rid of the excess inside the cave then the air would become pretty ripe:eek: And any underground streams that they used to carry off the effluent would pretty quickly become polluted (which I'm sure the Elves of Lorien would have had something to say about) :/

Maybe there was a mass exodus from the mines every moring.....a kinda Dwarven Bog Call.

I've also wondered if the Balrog was first awoken by an uninvited "gift" delivered from far above.........but I doubt if much thought into the possibility has been commited to paper.........it would explain the Balrogs grumpy termperment anyway.

[Sminty_Smeagol]

Well what else would all those deep rivets and shafts be for? What else did you think kept that Mithril polished and bright (extended edition... I think that was mithril they saw glimmering down there :confused: ) hehe

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Sminty_Smeagol
EWWWWW!!! ick ick ick

*wags finger* Naughty Sminty (with weird arms) hehe

Something I've wondered about is Dwarven latrine practices.......

I mean, in the hey-day of Khazad Dum (Moria) where on earth did those Dwarfs all piddle?..........It's an underground city (basically a cave) so if they got rid of the excess inside the cave then the air would become pretty ripe And any underground streams that they used to carry off the effluent would pretty quickly become polluted (which I'm sure the Elves of Lorien would have had something to say about) :/
Maybe there was a mass exodus from the mines every moring.....a kinda Dwarven Bog Call.

My thoughts are:
a) They evolved to have very poor senses of smell, so as not to detect the presence of Dwarven excretion in such manner.
b) They just RAN all the way out to the outside when they needed to go
c) Who cares about polluted water? When ya need to go, ya need to go...
d) that Dwarven Bog Call could have been true. They also evolved to need to only 'go' once a day...

[Coney]

Originally posted by Sminty_Smeagol
Well what else would all those deep rivets and shafts be for? What else did you think kept that Mithril polished and bright (extended edition... I think that was mithril they saw glimmering down there :confused: ) hehe

Never thought of that!

No wonder only the dwarves were brave enough to dig for the stuff:D

a) They evolved to have very poor senses of smell, so as not to detect the presence of Dwarven excretion in such manner.

*nods* That would explain the beards............acting as a sort of filter system for the more obnoxious fumes :D

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney

*nods* That would explain the beards............acting as a sort of filter system for the more obnoxious fumes :D

ROFL! Haha! Can't get over that. I won't be able to look at anyone with a beard's face properly ever again..

There ya go Coney. You ARE posting intelligently! Haha!

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
There ya go Coney. You ARE posting intelligently! Haha!

It's as close as I get ;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
It's as close as I get ;)

Yeah.. such a shame your intelligent posts have to be on such topics as Dwarf excretion habits. :p

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Yeah.. such a shame your intelligent posts have to be on such topics as Dwarf excretion habits. :p

Well Tokien neglected to share his thoughts on these very important subjects.........so I guess it's up to us to fill in the gaps:D

I was going to approach the sanitory solutions that were used by the Orcs after they occupied Moria.........but after seeing the size of a Cave Troll.............I don't think I'll bother:rolleyes: ;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
Well Tokien neglected to share his thoughts on these very important subjects.........so I guess it's up to us to fill in the gaps:D

I was going to approach the sanitory solutions that were used by the Orcs after they occupied Moria.........but after seeing the size of a Cave Troll.............I don't think I'll bother:rolleyes: ;)

Oh, poor Coney. Can't you fill in IMPORTANT gaps? Or are all your questions related to 'sanitary solutions'

Personally, I think you spend WAY too much time thinking about toilets...

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Oh, poor Coney. Can't you fill in IMPORTANT gaps? Or are all your questions related to 'sanitary solutions'

Personally, I think you spend WAY too much time thinking about toilets...

Oh no I think about all kinds of other important ME subjects...

Would the leathery soles on a hobbit wives feet really irritate a husband when they are in bed together? (or vice versa).

Do the Elves of Lorien have to dig their way out of dead Mallorn leaves during Autumn...?

If Mithril is so darned strong......where did it all disapear to?

Did the Entwives give birth to Acorns (or similar seeds), saplings or did they just take a "cutting" after the appropriate time? (and did they suffer from Entish PMT during autumn?)

Why is their such a rarity of animals in Lothlorien?

Does a Beorning crap in the woods? (although we are getting back to bodily functions with this one).

*sigh* Middle Earth is such a confusing place ;)

[Christiana]

Originally posted by Heather Wooltoes
OK, in keeping with the spirit of stupid and pointless questions.....

1) from the hobbit, What does "dwarf ridden pony" taste like?

2) Do you think Elrond ever regrets not kickin Isildurs butt into the crack'o DOOM when he had the chance?

3) Elrond was Striders foster father and Arwen Daddy, does this make anyone else go EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!??ick ick ick

all typo's sponsered by budweiser

1-like chicken
2-no, they were lovers;)
3-never thought of that

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
Oh no I think about all kinds of other important ME subjects...

Would the leathery soles on a hobbit wives feet really irritate a husband when they are in bed together? (or vice versa).

Do the Elves of Lorien have to dig their way out of dead Mallorn leaves during Autumn...?

If Mithril is so darned strong......where did it all disapear to?

Did the Entwives give birth to Acorns (or similar seeds), saplings or did they just take a "cutting" after the appropriate time? (and did they suffer from Entish PMT during autumn?)

Why is their such a rarity of animals in Lothlorien?

Does a Beorning crap in the woods? (although we are getting back to bodily functions with this one).

*sigh* Middle Earth is such a confusing place ;)

Sorry Coney. I will answer these next time (now I should only be on briefly..)

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Sorry Coney. I will answer these next time (now I should only be on briefly..)

S'ok Lin..........I think the questions can wait a while:D

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
S'ok Lin..........I think the questions can wait a while:D

Hey.. this act you are putting on ain't fooling me, Coney. Some of these questions appear to be very intelligent from where I'm sitting..:D

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Hey.. this act you are putting on ain't fooling me, Coney. Some of these questions appear to be very intelligent from where I'm sitting..:D

They do? that's a bit worrying:eek:

*pulls up another chair*

Try that one Lin;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
They do? that's a bit worrying:eek:

*pulls up another chair*

Try that one Lin;)

LOL! Aha. Yes I see now. Damn that cursed rose-coloured-glasses chair. Yes, you are a stupid wabbit, Coney. Sorry, my mistake.:D

Just kidding. You have posted MORE than 1 intelligent post.(definitely more than 1 dirty post, too;) )You smart bunny.

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Just kidding. You have posted MORE than 1 intelligent post.(definitely more than 1 dirty post, too;) )You smart bunny.

Sshh....yer ruining me reputation here....;)


My posts are never dirty! I polish 'em carfully before hitting the Submit Reply button! :eek:

As to the actual content of the posts..............well, that's debateable;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
Sshh....yer ruining me reputation here....;)


My posts are never dirty! I polish 'em carfully before hitting the Submit Reply button! :eek:

As to the actual content of the posts..............well, that's debateable;)

Rofl! You hilarious bunny! *wonders why she didn't like rabbits before*

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Rofl! You hilarious bunny! *wonders why she didn't like rabbits before*

*sigh* I understand...........ever since Wateship Down all we've gotten is sympathy:(

You've got to learn to look beyond the ears;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
*sigh* I understand...........ever since Wateship Down all we've gotten is sympathy:(

You've got to learn to look beyond the ears;)

Not the ears... no. It's the faeces that I am a bit *hmmph* about!

[Coney]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Not the ears... no. It's the faeces that I am a bit *hmmph* about!

ah yes....rabbit raisins, not the most attractive aspect of a hopping life:rolleyes:

A nice bright bushy tail might be aesthetically pleasing...........but sometimes it is damned impractical..........and the furry wotsit, don't even get me started on the perils of a furry wotsit:(

;)

Ok, ya can all stop worrying now..........I'm going to therapy soon, honest;)

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Coney
ah yes....rabbit raisins, not the most attractive aspect of a hopping life:rolleyes:

A nice bright bushy tail might be aesthetically pleasing...........but sometimes it is damned impractical..........and the furry wotsit, don't even get me started on the perils of a furry wotsit:(

;)

Ok, ya can all stop worrying now..........I'm going to therapy soon, honest;)

Eeek! Coney! *shudders*
'aesthetically pleasing'? A furry tail? Please....lol...


no. Don't worry about therapy. After all, 'Blessed are the cracked....'

[Ornelírë Mistë]

Posted by Heather Wooltoes:
3) Elrond was Striders foster father and Arwen Daddy, does this make anyone else go EWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!??ick ick ick
-------------

I thought they first met when Aragorn was 20. Dunno where I heard that or if it's true.

[Bombadillo]

I'm not a hick but that doesn't really bother me. They weren't blood related.

What's the plural of Nazgul? (The title threw me off.)

[Arcala]

Actually, I think they were blood related. Aragorn was descended from Elros, who was Elrond's borther.:D

[Christiana]

If a deaf penguinn, an urple elf, and a shaved dwarf got together at McDonalds, what would happen?

[Coney]

Originally posted by Christiana
If a deaf penguinn, an urple elf, and a shaved dwarf got together at McDonalds, what would happen?

New recipe for a McChicken Sandwich? (with pickle)

[Linaewen]

Hey, Coney. I'm back with the answers to your questions:
Originally posted by Coney
Oh no I think about all kinds of other important ME subjects...

1)Would the leathery soles on a hobbit wives feet really irritate a husband when they are in bed together? (or vice versa).

2)Do the Elves of Lorien have to dig their way out of dead Mallorn leaves during Autumn...?

3)If Mithril is so darned strong......where did it all disapear to?

4)Did the Entwives give birth to Acorns (or similar seeds), saplings or did they just take a "cutting" after the appropriate time? (and did they suffer from Entish PMT during autumn?)

5)Why is their such a rarity of animals in Lothlorien?

6)Does a Beorning crap in the woods? (although we are getting back to bodily functions with this one).

7)*sigh* Middle Earth is such a confusing place

1) Ummm sorry, but how would the hobbit’s spouse feel the SOLES of the feet in bed? They kick them? (if so, then obviously it WOULD irritate them!)
2) I believe Mallorn trees don’t shed leaves in autumn, just turn gold? (Correct me if I am wrong)
3) It didn’t EVAPORATE Coney! It just.. got stolen by thieving rabbits like you!
4) Interesting question. (This is the intelligent one I referred to earlier) You’ll need to ask someone who genuinely knows their stuff about ME. (in particular, who specialises in the mating of Ents)
5) Maybe there were, JRRT just didn’t write about them. I would think that there would be, as animals could be attracted by the power and majesty of the Elves. (which could also repel them, I have no idea)
6) Who cares, Coney? They’re just Men. The Dwarf-latrine question was more interesting- very interesting.
Yes- the bodily functions thing. Why don’t you start a thread about this? –
Thread title: ‘Bodily functions of races of ME’
Your first post: ‘This is the thread where you can post all your intriguing questions concerning yes, ‘bodily functions’ of various races (namely regarding excretion habits) ‘

[Insidious Rex]

Do Balrogs snore when they sleep?

[Radagast The Brown]

Do balrogs sleep?

[Insidious Rex]

Originally posted by Radagast The Brown
Do balrogs sleep?

yes. sometimes for Ages ;)

[Heather Wooltoes]

Do Balrogs eat? waht do they eat? What does thier dung look like and can I use it to fertilize my lawn?

[Bombadillo]

Hmmmm... an interesting canundrum you've proposed...
I suppose bolrog may 'eat' anything flamable if it sets fire to it, as its fire would really feed off of it and use it to grow. So then it would leave big slimy piles of smoking crap, and I wouldn't recommend that as fertilizer.

Do the nazgul have voiceboxes, or do they all communicate telepathically?
A. If it's telepathic, why does everyone else hear it?
B. If it's not, then why don't they sound like normal humans?

[Heather Wooltoes]

Bombadillo asks

Do the nazgul have voiceboxes, or do they all communicate telepathically?
A. If it's telepathic, why does everyone else hear it?
B. If it's not, then why don't they sound like normal humans?

Hey! thats an intellegent question requiring thought! This is a thread for POINTLESS questions. Take your brain to another thread before I report you!!!

































pointless

[Bombadillo]

Originally posted by Heather Wooltoes
Bombadillo asks

Do the nazgul have voiceboxes, or do they all communicate telepathically?
A. If it's telepathic, why does everyone else hear it?
B. If it's not, then why don't they sound like normal humans?

Hey! thats an intellegent question requiring thought! This is a thread for POINTLESS questions. Take your brain to another thread before I report you!!!
...
pointless *mumbles something about 'just because I ask questions that are too hard for you'*

[Wayfarer]

Do the nazgul have voiceboxes, or do they all communicate telepathically?

Obviously they have voiceboxes- they're just invisible like the rest of them.

If it's not, then why don't they sound like normal humans? They do. Just /you/ see what you sound like after several centuries of continued supernatural logevity without health care, and no sleep. You'd be a bit hoarse too.

[Radagast The Brown]

originally posted by Wayfarer
They do. Just /you/ see what you sound like after several centuries of continued supernatural logevity without health care, and no sleep. You'd be a bit hoarse too.:p :eek: I've never felt sorry for them until now.

[Insidious Rex]

so when did elves go from being such noble elegant creatures of lore to being short funny looking toy makers living on the north pole for a fat man who works once a year? that must have been some transition. is that what happened to the few who wouldnt fade into the west? or did those few get lost on their way back over the ocean? hey i even see some of them in the malls in december out back smoking cigeretts and complaining about the bells on their shoes. :p

[Fimbrethil]

Hmmmmmm...that is something to think about. But you know everyone thinks elves are soooooo great and that they should know the most and be the most beutiful but I want to know what happened to the trees? Does no one love the trees?

[Bombadillo]

What happened to the trees? They were killed by a Bush.

Sorry I don't really have a question. I just couldn't resist the low, not-funny joke on the nuclear president. I support him anyway. Someone else please ask.

[Fimbrethil]

If cookies had legs and milk had lips, what color would the sky be?

[Insidious Rex]

Originally posted by Fimbrethil
If cookies had legs and milk had lips, what color would the sky be?

hun what ever yer on I want some of that ;)

[durin's bane]

Originally posted by Fimbrethil
If cookies had legs and milk had lips, what color would the sky be?

Beige!

:D

[Fimbrethil]

You are correct sir!

okay I've got another one...

If Shadowfax could talk what would he say?

[Coney]

Originally posted by Fimbrethil
If Shadowfax could talk what would he say?

"Gandalf, why don't you stick with Eagle Airlines?.........all this running about is making me tired"

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by Insidious Rex
so when did elves go from being such noble elegant creatures of lore to being short funny looking toy makers living on the north pole for a fat man who works once a year? that must have been some transition. is that what happened to the few who wouldnt fade into the west? or did those few get lost on their way back over the ocean? hey i even see some of them in the malls in december out back smoking cigeretts and complaining about the bells on their shoes. :p
Ack! They're not real Elves. They're a hybrid of Hobbit and Elves (read the follow up to 'beer goggles' theory on the union of Hobbits and Dwarves thread). They're nothing like us.

Fimbrethil: we still love the trees, but there are less of us to go around now. Try helping us out a bit... start building cinderblock houses and using less paper. And for the love of Eru, stop multiplying! Mercy! You're inching into every crevice of this planet!

[Artanis]

Originally posted by Ruinel
Ack! They're not real Elves. They're a hybrid of Hobbit and Elves (read the follow up to 'beer goggles' theory on the union of Hobbits and Dwarves thread). They're nothing like us. Which means size didn't matter after all ;)

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by Artanis
Which means size didn't matter after all ;)
Well, you know, only if you had those 'beer goggles' on. And don't forget the 'magic time' where their power is enhanced. ;)

ROFLMAO! If any of you read our conversation in that thread, you would know exactly what we were talking about. BWAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!

[ArwenEvenstar]

lol this thread is so funny!!

If elves were gay, would they have the gay pride parades? (Picture Elrond in a muscle shirt) (If any one wants me to delete this I will . . . )

[Treebeard's apprentice]

Yes, and Legolas would be the marshal!!



*runs and hides*

[ArwenEvenstar]

LOL!!!

Female elves hot oil wrestling and foxyboxying in Valinor (sp-> i dont even remember if that's the right name:o)

[Legolas]

Originally posted by Treebeard's apprentice
Yes, and Legolas would be the marshal!!



*runs and hides*

I'LL GET YOU FOR THAT!

Concerning the elves - if you read the Silmarillion, you should remember that part of the Noldor who were fleeing from Valinor, had to go through Helcaraxe - the northern ice waste. Some of them perished there. At least everyone thought so. But actually, they did not perish. Their size was reduced by the cold (you know, when you expose things to extreme cold, they tend to reduce in size), and remained there, trapped in cold, until some old man (some say it was Earendil returning from Valinor), later named Santa Claus by some humans, found them while wandering there and made them his servants. He was overwhelmed by the kindness of the elven kin, and so decided to dedicate his life to giving presents to kids once per year. End of story.

[slave21ring]

What would have happened if smeagol kept the ring?
duh, the world wouldn't be here. smeagol would have destroyed Middle earth, cause he's like that. ;)

[Matta]

End of story.

No, no - you forgot that some of them continued migrating past the ice caps, hopped over a couple of more frozen isles and ice bridges, and started wearing green and growing shamrocks. :D

What would happen if Smeagol kept the ring? He DID keep the ring. Lucky for Middle-earth, he had bad peripheral vision.

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by slave21ring
What would have happened if smeagol kept the ring?
If smeagol/gollum kept the ring he would have found a nice hole to crawl into where he could eat fish and finger the ring all day and night. Because he's like that. :D

[samwise of the shire]

About that Troll/Orc bit on the first post: I think the troll would kill whichever head insulted him.
Cheers,
Sam.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Um....ARE there two-headed orcs? :confused:

[Linaewen]

Originally posted by Gwaimir Windgem
Um....ARE there two-headed orcs? :confused:

Sure there are. Lalaith and I.

Hey, I just realised this is a Middle-Earth version of the Anything post. :p

Do M-e creatures use hair products? If so, what types?

[cassiopeia]

Originally posted by Linaewen
Do M-e creatures use hair products? If so, what types?
You'll have to ask Legolas that. :D

[Radagast The Brown]

Why? who says he has great hair! :mad:

[Ruinel]

Well... that's what the fangirls say.

[Radagast The Brown]

cassiopeia is a fan girl? :eek:

[cassiopeia]

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

If I am, please free me of my misery. :o :D

I think Ruinel was responding to your post, Radagast. (I hope!)

[Radagast The Brown]

no, no, no. She said that the fan girls think that Legolas has the greatest hair. You said something about that (hair products).

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by Radagast The Brown
no, no, no. She said that the fan girls think that Legolas has the greatest hair. You said something about that (hair products).
I was responding to your post. You said...
who says he has great hair!
I said...
Well... that's what the fangirls say.
So, the fangirls say that Legolas has the greatest hair. :rolleyes: see....?

[ArwenEvenstar]

I think that all hobbits smust have spilled hair growth stuff on their feet and it got breed into them a long time ago and now its part of their DNA.

[Radagast The Brown]

Originally posted by Ruinel
I was responding to your post. You said...

I said...

So, the fangirls say that Legolas has the greatest hair. :rolleyes: see....? You are wrong.

Cass said: You'll have to ask Legolas that. :D
and then I saidwho says he has great hair!
and you said Well... that's what the fangirls say.

[cassiopeia]

I never said Legolas had great hair; I said ask him if he uses hair products. I like Legolas in the book, but don't particularily care for him in the movies. Leave it at that. :)

[Coney]

Originally posted by cassiopeia
I never said Legolas had great hair; I said ask him if he uses hair products. I like Legolas in the book, but don't particularily care for him in the movies. Leave it at that. :)

He's prolly the only other person that uses more peroxide than I do :/ ;)

leaving it now

[Ararax]

its a wig!!!!! didnt you know all elves are bald! they use hobbit foot hair to make their wigs :D

[Ruinel]

Originally posted by Ararax
its a wig!!!!! didnt you know all elves are bald! they use hobbit foot hair to make their wigs :D
We certainly do not use wigs and we are not bald! :eek:

[Linaewen]

o.O Cassi thinks that Legolas has great hair?
OMI, you guys are funny. Trying to read this thread whilst brushing teeth is not a good idea- I think Radagast is a -little- confused!

What creatures of Middle-earth are most likely to need to use computers? (e.g. Istari, Elves, DWARVES?) Why?

[Ruinel]

Elves, of course, and the Edain.... Because I'm an Elf and I use a computer. When other races consider computers 'Elven magic'... we, the Elves, know how they actually work and do not consider them magical at all. :D

Istari, also are likely to use computers, or so I've heard.

[Dreran the Green]

Aah, yes we do! Gandalf is actually the REAL creator of Google!;)

[Ararax]

Originally posted by Ruinel

Istari, also are likely to use computers, or so I've heard.

yes we do :rolleyes:

[Radagast The Brown]

origially posted by Lin
OMI, you guys are funny. Trying to read this thread whilst brushing teeth is not a good idea- I think Radagast is a -little- confused! No, I'm not. Why do you think I am?

[durin's bane]

Because the cheese smelled funny. ;)

Lol, I couldn't resist.

[Radagast The Brown]

Originally posted by durin's bane
Because the cheese smelled funny. ;)

Lol, I couldn't resist. Huh??? :confused: