Funny messages

[Aeryn]

Okay, does anyone else like funny messages? No? To bad.

If you (reader) have heard any funny answering machine messages. Have read any funny notes left for you (or not), and any other messages in any other way of communication, and would like to share, please post here. Thank you!.

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(From Japanese friend): He-lo! This is Sa-to, If you leave message, I call you soon. If you leave "sexy" message I call sooner!

(College friend)A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.

Hi... Now you say something.

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HEEEEEEEEEERE IT IS! I know you have been waiting for my next thread...here it is...as I said :rolleyes: Bye!

[Humming bird]

That Japanese one is funny!

Okay this is my actual message on my answering machine.

Hello. This is Kerri's answering machine, Daniel, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

[Shadowfax]

One of my friends does the FUNNIEST messages on her machine! One time she put Phantom of the Opera music on in the background and spoke in this dracula accent or whatever, it was creepy! And another time she had classical music on and she was like in theis British accent, "Hello, you have reached the residence of Johann Sabastian Bach..." can't remeber the rest, any way, it was funny. Yeah.

[Elven Archer]

My aunt had a funny one, i can't remember exactly how it went but it was something like , Hi, we're not here right now, if it's important leave a message,if WE think it's important we'll call you. or something like that, but it was funny. My brother and my sister go to the same college and so they got an apt. together but since my sisters a teacher she doesn't want to have a funny message but here's one of many my brother was gonna put on there...
*in a game show host voice* Heelloo and Congratulations! YOu've just won the chance to leave me a message for Philip *********! If we like your message you coouuld win the faabulous prize of getting a call form me!
or something like that, the way he said it was a lot funnier. My cousin used to have one like this......
Hello? *pause* Oh hey! what's goin' on?*pause* yep...uh huh*pause*(continues on like your talking to her untill you realize it's a message.) it wasn't quite like that but it was like you were talking to her until it goes beeep.
a funny one someone left my brother was something like this.... Hi this is matt just calling to talk to matt. *laughter* we have the same name it's like hey this is matt and i'm calling to talk to matt *more laughs* i guess when matt calls me hell have to ask for matt. hahhaha.
or something like that, it was funnier if you heard it and knew the guy. all these are funnier than i can type them.

[Duddun]

One time my sister, Corey called her friend Torrey.
She accidently asked for corey and the brother of her friend got really confused and told her she had the wrong number and hung up.(I was eavesdropping on the other phone)HEHE!:D

[Celandine]

Corey and Torrey, they rime. HAHAHAHAHA

[Duddun]

Thats why my sister made the mistake.

[IronParrot]

"Hello. This is Kerri's answering machine, Daniel, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, God how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding."
Whoa, it's like Marvin!

[Khamûl]

One time, one of my friends had one like Elven Archer's, except he had really loud music playing in the background. At the end, he was like "Oh hey, now I can hear you and I'm not home. Leave a message." He said that a lot of people got mad and didn't leave messages.:D

[Aeryn]

This is just wrong.

Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right....real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.


And Iron Parrot, I believe it IS supposed to be a Marvin impression. Just a guess. ;)

[Ma Uai: Ua Nemti]

Hello, Smith residence. (pause) Hi! How are you? (pause) Actually you know what? (pause) we're not home right now. You can just leave a message after the beep.

Kinda lame but i thought it was funny.

[Aeryn]

Lol, I've heard alot of variations of that. It is funny, there are some real terrible ones like...

(Recorded off of phone sex coversation): Hi I'm Linda, it is so hard being a single beautiful model...(you from far-off) Damn Linda gimme the phone (directly in phone) Hey Leave a message.

(Note I do not have this particular message)

Or,

Speak Worm! (Darth Vater voice)

[Ma Uai: Ua Nemti]

Hehe! "Speak worm!" That's funny.

[Claenoic]

I have one that is extremely juvenile... which is why I like it :D.

You have just called the FBI screening number. Please wait while we scan your physical attributes *make funny noises* You have one message. *Make a high pitched beep* Anderson, listen to me! This is Bryce, you - Oh no! The Beep! I don't have much time, you ha- *beep*

Here's another which I find amusing.

HSSSSS!!! WHY HAS IT CALLED GOLLUM!?!?!?! DOES IT HAVE FISSSSHHHH!?!?!?!?! DOES IT HAVE PRECIOUSSSS?!?!?!? DOES IT KNOW WHERE BAGGINSES ARE!?!?!?!

[Silverstripe]

Originally posted by Claenoic

Here's another which I find amusing.

HSSSSS!!! WHY HAS IT CALLED GOLLUM!?!?!?! DOES IT HAVE FISSSSHHHH!?!?!?!?! DOES IT HAVE PRECIOUSSSS?!?!?!? DOES IT KNOW WHERE BAGGINSES ARE!?!?!?!

LOL! Wonder what happened if a telemarketer called or some poor person just got a wrong number!

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

mine currently is something like:

hi, you've reached liz. she is currently taking over the world, but she will get back to you as soon as she is ruling earth.

if you are trying to reach the ravenna weasel farm, they cannot ship weasels to you at this time. and...you have the wrong number anyway.

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Tanoliel thought of that one :D

i think i'm going to change it soon, though. do something darth vader-ish.

i like the gollum one :D

[Khamûl]

When I get an answering machine, the message on it will probably be like my avatar -- changing all the time.

[Duddun]

I know someone who just changes his if he goes somewhere. Like if he goes to the grocery store it would be this:Hello, I am at the grocery store, please call later*beep*
And when hes there it's:Hello, Im here I just don't feel like talking to you, you can talk to me if you talk after the beep, but I won't talk back.*beep*

[Smaug]

Hi, you've reached Scotty :)

If you have a legitimate reason for calling me, please leave a message after the tone. :)

If you're a telemarketer, GO EAT A FLAMING BAG OF HELL! :mad:

-Scotty

...I used to hate telemarketers so badly that if I posted how badly, I would probably get kicked out of the 'moot for language that would make a Balrog put its wings over its ears and hide in a corner... :eek: Thank God for Verizon's Call Intercept. :) For $5 a month, I don't have to put up with 10-20 telemarketer calls a day anymore... :D

[Duddun]

I don't hate telemarketers but they do get annoying especially the ones that talk really fast.

[Tessar]

I love telemarketers!!! I love talking on the phone.

I dono what it is. I just love talking on the phone, mostly to people who are trying to sell stuff.

[BeardofPants]

Originally posted by Duddun
I know someone who just changes his if he goes somewhere

That's just asking to be burgled.

[Coney]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
That's just asking to be burgled.


Which is why mine says "I'm in the bath, call again in ten minutes" (any potential burglers out there, I'm in the bath, honest;) ).

[Aeryn]

Ah, telemarketers, alas - my ultimate goal is to hunt everyone down and make themapologize for calling people back.

"Hello, please send me email instead. I never playback these stupid answering machine messages anyway. Besides, I am probably online right now"

[Duddun]

Originally posted by Coney
Which is why mine says "I'm in the bath, call again in ten minutes" (any potential burglers out there, I'm in the bath, honest;) ).
Right:rolleyes: do you always jump in the bath when the phone rings?

[Aeryn]

Marvelous question Dud


This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
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"Hello, this is Ron. (pause) Hello? Hello!!? Nah, just kidding. This is an answering machine.
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*In the background can be heard Gregorian Chant or some other church music*.
<In a soft voice> Good Day My child, you have reached (father or sister, then your first name) At Dial-a-Confession. At the tone if you will leave your name, number and short confession I will get back to you with your pennance. Thank you and may God go with you. <Beep>

[Khamûl]

How about Cameron's classic from Ferris Bueller's Day Off?Hello, this is Corally Brothers Funeral home. We deeply regret that we cannot take your call at this time, but if you leave your name and number, we will get back to you as soon as it is humanly possible.I love that movie.:D

[Aeryn]

Amen, that was a great movie, I love that whole car stealing business, that poor kid!

Anyway, it's hard to believe how young broderick is there.

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

i forgot, the first part of mine is 'you have reached the number which you have dialed.' someday that's all i'm going to have :)

i like the funeral home one...i might have to do that sometime as well :D

[Coney]

Originally posted by Duddun
Right:rolleyes: do you always jump in the bath when the phone rings?

Erm........................yes:rolleyes:

[BeardofPants]

Funny. I usually run out of the room.

[Laurelyn]

http://bored.com/ Click on "Answering Machines"

The wost telemarketers are the ones who ring you up and then put on a recorded message, so that you're being talked at by a tape. It ruins the effect of hanging up on them. :(

[gimli-son-of-gloin13]

the good thing about the recordings is that u can talk back to them and they'll keep talking