Tolkien Talk Show!

[Elvish Archer]

*Camera zooms in on the stage*
Elvish Archer: Hello there! And welcome to the Tolkien Talk Show! I am your host Elvish archer but you can call me Elfie. This show is where you get to ask all your favorite tolkien characters questions! To get on the show you have to write down who you wish to ask and the question or questions you wish to ask. Then post it on the "Tolkien Talk Show Questions and Comments" thread! Then my crew and I will pick a few questions and go to middle earth and bring the characters in to the show! Please if you have a question post now!

(have fun! this is a fully interactive thread!)

[Nibs]

The second group of commercials finish. The audience applauds and turns silent. Elfie is noticably perturbed, but remains composed.

"Doesn't ANYBODY have a question?"

The audience looks at each other until one man in the far back stands up. Elfie leaps toward him and thrusts the microphone into his face.

"Do you have a bathroom around here?"

Elfie doesn't lose her ecstatic smile. She merely looks at the camera, takes the mic back, and asks:

"I don't know... can we get Aragorn out here... into our very own studio?? Indeed, WE CAN!"

Any objections from the inquiring man are shut out by Elfie's statement and the ensuing music.

[Allorien]

I would like to ask Saruman why he turned evil and tossed Gandalf around like a ragdoll.
I also would like to ask Legolas and Gimli how the braids in their beard/hair chang ewith every scene.
thank you
**sits down and waits for applause**
:rolleyes:

[Beleg Strongbow]

Gimli: Because we braid each other's hair, silly!
Legolas: How did you think dwarves and elves spent time?


Gimli: Welcome to Moria, land of my fathers.
Legolas: Woah, you had more than one?

[Nariel]

*standing up*
Nariel: Okay, to Legolas: First of all you are SO hot!
*Legolas blushes.*
Legolas: Well so are you, darlin'.
Nariel: Thanks. Two questions: First is why is it that when Celeborn described Gollum, you did not acknowledge that fact that it was your escaped prisoner? Second, how is it that although you recylce arrows, the book shows you picking up Orkish ones and using them, while in the movie, there is only one shot where your quiver is not full of your own arrows?

[Beleg Strongbow]

Legolas: Well, I was embarrased about the prisoner deal. And I have a bunch of quivers of arrows; I just pick up Orcish ones because they're pretty.

[Aeryn]

I have a question for the people who have asked questions. Where in the world do you get this stuff?

*sits down and falls back to sleep*

[Beleg Strongbow]

Beleg, to Glorfindel and Tom Bombadil:

Where were you guys, do you have an inferiority complex?

[Nariel]

Glorfindel: Well, in case you didn't notice, I was on my way to fight a balrog, which I did kill, by the way, but I died there so Thanks a LOT for wakin' me up, buddy. I was having this great dream about-
Elfie: Well, looks like it's time for a commercial break. We'll hear from Tom when we get back.
_They call me mellow yellow (quite right) Gap Khakis_
Elfie: Well, we're back. Beleg had just asked Tom Bombadil where he was. What do you say, Tom?
Tom: I choose not to answer. I don't have to stoop to your level. Have fun on your adventure.

[Beleg Strongbow]

Beleg: Well thanks so much Mr. Bombadil. Some of us didn't make it into the movie either; there's no reason to get all huffy about it.

And now a commercial break: Buy from GAP! The GAP of Rohan!

Beleg: Well, in that case I have a question for Sam and Frodo although anyone may answer the second part: In the scarecrow scene, where Sam says "One more step and this is the farthest from home I've ever been" hadn't you ever been to Buckland before? AND WHO WAS DRIVING THE CAR?

<smirks and sits down>

[Lizra]

Well who do you think, Belbow! Gollum, of course! He stalked us the entire flick! Did you notice him in all the other scenes? Trust me, he's there. Ssing and slinking and moaning and groaning, we could not shake that creep.

[Beleg Strongbow]

aaah, I see. But I thought you were trapped in Moria, Mr. Smeagol.

[Lizra]

Mr. Smeagol! Aaacck! Where is he! Watch your fingers everybody!! :eek: He's here! WHERE? Behind the podium, Sam, get the frying pans....Help! Shine that spotlight on the slimy sucker! Help!!!!

[Beleg Strongbow]

Sorry folks. We'll be back right after these messages.
ARAGORN!
<<fade to ty-d-bowl commercial>>

[Allorien]

Well, with all due respect, this is getting quite amusing.
I have another question, for Legolas, or shall I say Orlando Bloom? What is up with the mohawk???

[Rána Eressëa]

Orlando: I needed a change from the norm. *pauses* That and it tends to drive off one-fourth of the ogling fan girls . . . heh heh . . .

[Nariel]

Legolas: Not to mention that my wig goes farther back than my hairline, so I had to shave some, but didn't want to shave all.
Commercial break:
Are you lonely?
Are you waiting for adventure to come knocking?
Are snotty relatives measuring your house?
Then come to the Lonely Mountain. Riches, honor, adventure, and glory are only one dragonslaying away.
Lonely Mountain. A bard's adventure.
And now back to our show.
To Gollum: What's with the Ssses?

[Beleg Strongbow]

hmmm, we never thought about that one, did we, Precious, it just comeses natually to usss.

(Gollum is forcibly restrained; his arms and legs are duct-taped to the wall to prevent him from running loose again.)

[Lizra]

Sam..."Tape up his mouth! One more "My Precious" and we're out of here, aren't we Mr. Frodo. No wait, ask him how he bounced up from the 'Crack of Doom', only slightly blistered, to continue his Baggins stalk!"

[Human#3.141592653]

Gollum: No! It burnss usss! Hssss! Made by elvesss with the bright eyes!
Elvish archer: No, the duck tape was by an anonymous Latin American duck tape maker imported form Sweden where he made miniature windup Nunzillas. Now—
Gollum: Burnsss!
Elivish archer: But no elves—
Gollum: *Writhing in pain* Hsssss!
Frodo: *Frustrated and annoyed* Oh for pity’s sake…
Gandalf: Pity? It was pity that stayed bilbo’s hand--
All: Shaddap!
Gollum: …ssssssss….

[Lizra]

Pippin and Merry come running up, very excited....."Hey, Frodo, Sam! Did you see the big buffet in the green room! They've got sauteed mushrooms and roast coney kabobs, big bowls of apples, and mashed taters with mushroom gravy! Come on!!! Pints, half pints, miruvor...... tape gollum up again and lets go eat!"

[Glorfindul's_Balrog]

Balrog bursts in.

"Bwah ha ha! Prepare to feel my wrath! Ooh! Cup cakes"

Goes over to the buffet table.

Glorfindul jumps out. "Stupid Balrog! I killed you once and I can kill you again!"

Balrog: "Yeah, well so can I!"

Fight Sceen

Cut to commersial.

"Balrogs charring up your clothes? Get mithril clothes! The most flame retardant metal in this middle earth!"

[Finrod Felagund]

Finrod Felagund walks in. "OOH look! SPAM!...I mean CRAM!"

[Beleg Strongbow]

Originally posted by Lizra
Sam..."Tape up his mouth! One more "My Precious" and we're out of here, aren't we Mr. Frodo. No wait, ask him how he bounced up from the 'Crack of Doom', only slightly blistered, to continue his Baggins stalk!"

Gollum:

We won't talk about it, no we won't, Precious.

<Duct tape is applied>

SHIRE!!! BAGGINNSSSS!!! WE'LL TALLLLK! TAKE IT OFFF!

<Duct tape is removed>

Mmm, it hurt us, gollum, gollum, it hurt us. Feetses were burning, Precious, feetses were roasting. Precious fell, all toasted, baaad... we hateses hobbitses AND VOLCANOSES!!

[Human#3.141592653]

Elvish archer: ...Oh...kay. Wait, I thought that we are on a commercial break?
Stage Hand#4: Gullom ate the crew.
Elvish archer: I see...

[Lizra]

"Well, What are we waiting for!" says Gimli, as he clomps over to Gollum, and kicks his head in. "my pre...my teethhhhhsss" Aiiieeee....Gollum's head is now irretrievably pummeled inside his neck. "Any more from you and we'll blow you up." says Gimli with a smile.

[Beleg Strongbow]

"blow him up with what?" Beleg asks.

(cue Tano)

[Tessar]

*gollum hops around* 'Is that the best you have? A flesh wound! Come on then!'

[Lizra]

Merry and Pippen sneak up behind Gollum, ram a large (already lit) dragon shaped firework down Gollum's loin cloth. Gollum is immediately shot up and through the studio roof, into the stratosphere. A deafening "Kaboom" is heard, and thousands of sparkley silver fish and rings fall from the sky. Gimli is chortling with dwarvish glee. Merry smiles at Pippen, slaps him on the back, and bites into an apple.

[Aeryn]

Such Violence. Can I play too. (looks at the dwarves runnin' around, and rubs her elvish hands together mischeviously)

[Lizra]

Ask a question! :)