People that lie on line.

[Sister Golden Hair]

What would you do if you met someone on line and became friends for several years, and then traveled halfway across the country to meet them and found out everything they told you on line was a lie?

This happened to a friend of mine and he was devistated because he really cared for this lady. She cried and appologized for everything and came clean, but he just felt so betrayed and his trust in her was gone.

He forgave her and still speaks to her on the phone and in IMs, but he says that it isn't the same.

I have never got that close to anyone on the internet. I know a lot of people I like but have never felt the need to meet them, although I have spoke to some on the phone.

How would you feel if you had this happen to you. What would you do? I am not sure I would continue the relationship.

[Lizra]

I couldn't keep the friendship going. I'd feel like I had wasted all this time and mental energy on a lie! Honesty is crucial to any kind of relationship. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall for that meeting! How sad. I guess I could forgive her if she cried and came clean, I'd feel sorry for her, but it could never be the same and my interest would be history. Ick!!

[galadriel88]

Well it depends on what kind of a relationship it is. Romantic? I might continue it, if the other party sincerely apologizes and I can seet hat they are truly sorry and are making a conscious effort to gain my trust back. Just friends? It's hard to say. It really depends on the situation. And overall, it would have to be decided on the circumstances.

[olsonm]

It depends what they lied about. If they misrepresented themselves in a minor way I could get over it. But if they completely fabricated an on-line persona it'd be tougher to stay friends, as they would become almost a stranger.

[BeardofPants]

This happened to a friend of mine that I met over the internet. She comes from Germany, and she went to visit a mutual internet friend in Utah. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the friend in Utah dumped her in an inn, instead of putting her up, as promised, and ignored all her phone calls. Needless to say, she spent three weeks in a small town in the middle of nowhere, with no access to food, entertainment, or people. And believe me, she WAS NOT impressed with this. And on top of that, she's lost a helluva lot of weight from having to walk an hour and a half to the nearest restaurant and back. (In this place she stayed in, there are no taxis or public transport.) She's back in Germany now, and VERY depressed about her experience in Utah, and her weight loss. What makes it even scarier, was that I was going over to Utah in November to visit as well. You can be sure, I'm not going to now!

[Sister Golden Hair]

Well, he's a married man, she's a married lady. It was just a good friendship. No romantic interest. She lied about her age her appearence, her children. The problem with their meeting he said was that he got such a surprise when he saw her. He was looking right at her and didn't know it was her, because he had such a different picture of her.

[Lizra]

What's with people, :( how could you do this to a GUEST! my God, roll out the red carpet....she came across the water, I can't hardly believe she was treated so shabbily. Are you sure you're telling the truth! :)

Edit: this was to BoP, SGH slid in afterwards. :)

[BeardofPants]

Originally posted by Lizra
Are you sure you're telling the truth! :)

Nope! ;)

It's really bad though. She's REALLY depressed about it. And it is bad, because we both spent the last 7 or 8 months talking to each other online, every weekend or so, when we could get the times to stop clashing (NZ, Utah and Germany are SO hard to co-ordinate!) I thought I knew this person so well... and it turned out that she was a major dirtbag! (the one in Utah, that is.)

[olsonm]

That's so evil. :( I hope your German friend is OK.

[Sister Golden Hair]

That is bad, because I think that that can destroy your views of all people on the net. It is hard to know who to trust indeed. Is your friend from Germany and you still trusting of each other? I mean, that is the kind of thing that could really destroy all friendships that you've ever made on the net.

[BeardofPants]

Yeah. She's better now. Thank god.

(Good thing you started this thread SGH, otherwise I might have had to start it!)

Yeah: me and the girl from Germany are still trusting of each other. At least from my end. We're both so similar in personality, that it's pretty hard for me to imagine her trying to swindle me. Whereas the girl from Utah WAS different from us in personality. I never pegged her for a love 'em, leave 'em type though.

Geez, sometimes, you think you have someone figured, and then everything turns out to be completely different. All I can say is: People Beware!

[Sister Golden Hair]

I absolutely agree with that. BEWARE! I have only been on line for about two years. I have met a lot of nice folks. It would ruin it for me, and I would probably never get on line again if I left myself open and fell victim to something like that.

[Shadowfax]

I have never gotten into any knid of relationship over the internet, and I don't know if I want to (I never really have). I dunno. I'm fine with stuff like this - message boards where it doesn't get very personal if you don't want it to ... but I've never really been into the "chat" thing, and getting to KNOW people.

[Artanis]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
All I can say is: People Beware!
Yes, a dash of scepticism is needed on line. It is important to remember that you don't really know the people you meet on internet. Not only minor girls need to take care.

I think the opportunity to create yourself a new personality and be a different person on line, is quite fascinating to many people. Here is a chance to explore multiple sides of their personality. Also, I think some people lie about age, looks, family and so on to make sure not to be recognised by anybody. Of course if they do that it's silly to befriend others on the net and propose a meeting. :rolleyes:

And there's absolutely NO excuse for the b***** Utah guy. :mad:

[BeardofPants]

The person from Utah was a female. But still. Absolutely no excuse. You don't take a guest and them dump them in the middle of nowhere.

[Artanis]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
The person from Utah was a female.
Ah, sorry. Guess I was thinking: Typical male behaviour. :p

[Faramir]

I would block them and try to forget about it. I'd be pretty mad though.

[Starr Polish]

Scary stuff. I've never made arrangements to meet anyone that I met online, though I'm in the process of doing it now. We both live in the same state, and we're going to see if we try out for All-State Choir in the same area, and seek each other out, so it won't be like I'm putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation.

I'd never talk to them again.

[Renille]

Some people...what do they get out of dragging someone halfway accross the world to say "Haha...you're really gullible!" anyway? I would only meet someone that I had met online if I was within an hour or so from my own home or with another, genuine friend.

[Sween]

it depends how you want to pretent yourself. I mean sometimes me and my mates go in chat rooms and pretend to be women and laugh at all the sad perverts.

Its easy to lie online. thats the whole problem not so easy to lie to someones face.

I have met someone off the net b4 she lived in the same town as my cousin and i had talked to her for a year or so and everyopne was at work so i thought may as well texted her and we did. it was fun but a bit awarkward. i would only meet people if it were convient and they didnt scare me.

[Sister Golden Hair]

Originally posted by Sween
it depends how you want to pretent yourself. I mean sometimes me and my mates go in chat rooms and pretend to be women and laugh at all the sad perverts.

Its easy to lie online. thats the whole problem not so easy to lie to someones face.

I have met someone off the net b4 she lived in the same town as my cousin and i had talked to her for a year or so and everyopne was at work so i thought may as well texted her and we did. it was fun but a bit awarkward. i would only meet people if it were convient and they didnt scare me. Well, goofing around in a chatroom isn't the same as talking one on one to someone for two years, and then feeling comfortable enough to go meet them in person and find out that all that time you were intentionally lied to about everything.

[Sween]

Originally posted by Sister Golden Hair
Well, goofing around in a chatroom isn't the same as talking one on one to someone for two years, and then feeling comfortable enough to go meet them in person and find out that all that time you were intentionally lied to about everything.

well its not hard to lie for 2 years. The the thing about the internet is you can sit tyhere and kinda think well should i tell her the truth or should i tell her what she wants to hear? Plus you have got to rember there a lot of weird people out there. I mean i've had people begging to meet me saying they will leave there bf and all sorts of stuff i mean who does that? Just got to consider that some people are sad and odd and its easy for them to hide it.

I feel the internet is a haven for lossers esspecially the chat rooms not here of course we are all really cool :D and a lot of people i feel would like to believe they are the person they are presenting themseleves to be. Its a kinda escapism.

[BeardofPants]

There's still a difference between goofing around, and stringing someone along for two years. However, neither case is deliberately malicious. Nor is my german friends situation. These are relatively harmless occurances. The scary thing is, that there are some people out there who do intend harm.

[Sween]

Originally posted by BeardofPants
There's still a difference between goofing around, and stringing someone along for two years. However, neither case is deliberately malicious. Nor is my german friends situation. These are relatively harmless occurances. The scary thing is, that there are some people out there who do intend harm.

voice of reason as ever. So here has lied on line. I may of told a few white lies in my time. But i tend to exgerate more than lie. For example

Girl x: so when did you lose you viginity
David: Oh when i was 11 to a gergeous blonde named stacy (real story 2 a not so gergeous blonde at age 15)
Girl x: oh was it nice and romanatic
David: oh yes i layed rose petels all over the bed (we did it down ally)
Girl X: ohhhhh thats so sweet see her again?
David: well we dated for a bit then you know drifted apart (real story i was so drunkl i dont rember much about it but after having her pointed out to me when sober its probably for the best we didnt date)

acctually thats just flat out lieing. Anyway the point im trying to make is sometimes the truth just isnt that plesent and thats why many people will just lie.

[Rána Eressëa]

I would never go to meet someone without bringing the family along. ;)

[BeardofPants]

Originally posted by Rána Eressëa
...without bringing the family along.

No way. The person would think that I'd taken them to the circus or something. :rolleyes:

[Ben]

As I said in the other thread, I've met a number of Entmooters, and they've all turned out ok.

I suppose you just have to hope for the best. I met Tater, Nolendil, and IronParrot together with my entire family and their family came as well. It's a bit harder to fabricate an entire family ;).

Also, other than the Entmoot 2001 thing where it was a whole group, the meetings just worked out with our schedules. We didn't specifically travel just for the meeting, so it wasn't inconvenient. IronParrot was visiting a college near me, DT was visiting grandparents in my state, and my family was vacationing in the state where Nolendil lives.

[osszie]

I've met several people I've come into contact with throught the internet (I host in a chatroom when I'm not browsing these boards;) )

We've always kept the meetings short and sweet, maybe lunch and a couple of drinks after.

I think most people want to meet up because of a natural curiosity about the folks they chat with............and a long term meeting.........say agreeing to stay at someones home .......at an initial meeting is just crazy to me:confused:

keep it nice and simple initially:) ...... and see where it goes from there............that's the rule I stick to........and I've made some great "real life" friends (as opposed to internet friends) and those of us who didn't get along at the meetings.......well it was just an hour or 2..........so no-one got burned;)

do I lie on the internet:confused: ................not personally........but there are plenty who do;)