insults

[afro-elf]

there was an earliear thread about what elves said in tolkien's books

how about we create are own i.e

two dwarves:

yo' momma has no beard

two hobbits:

yo' momma's got bald feet


what an elf married a human, what's the world coming to the 4th age or something



two balrogs:

yo' momma got no wings


two humans :

you post on entmoot

[Selwythe]

Two Orcs:

You suck.

Hey, realism okay?!

[Tessar]

two trolls "your daddy was afrade of the sun!"

[afro-elf]

tesseract 12 not bad kid

[Ñólendil]

Happy Birthday Tesseract12! Don't spend it away on Entmoot, go eat some cake, or something :)

[Tessar]

;) oh dont worry about me spending all day on the commp, i didnt i had some cake and we went to a festivel.

how about this one......

two wizards : "you son of a Saruman!" or maybe "you son of a Witch King" ........?

[And it's name is Epyon]

You fight like an Orc, and you look like a troll.

[easterlinge]

You smell like Shelob!!

[Tessar]

a hobbit "you hight lover!"

a nazgul "you coward! you run at the first sound of an elf!"

some one talking to me "gee! you spend so much time going to that tolken mb your starting to look liek an elf!"

me "wow! really?! cool!"

lol

[Tessar]

two elves: "you look like a ork!"

i thought of that cus of the thing about orks being messed up elves ;)

[Tessar]

two noldar: "your just like the Valar!"

Gandalf to Saruman: "ha! what are you gona do now? your not a wizard anymore!"

[Tessar]

Ha! I could crush you like a balrog!

lol ;)

[easterlinge]

To a Balrog:
"Your Momma can't even FLY. Your Daddy's got no wings!!"

To Boromir/Denethor:
"Who do you think you are? The King?" (Ouch. That ought to hurt.)

[Legolas]

To Aragorn:
"Hey, what is the metal your sword is made of? Pile of rust?"

[Gimly]

To an Elf:
"Your voice sounds like an Orcish one!" (Expect to die, or get injured badly after this)
To Feanor:
"Your Silmarills are fake" (Expext even more ;))

[CaranIstar]

To Morgoth: "Hey, do your hands sting?"
or
" Hey, those seven wounds still hurt? Hah."

[Finglas]

To an Ent: "Son of a Beech!"

[afro-elf]

you type like afro-elf

[Arathorn]

To Sauron: "Want some KFC? They're finger-lickin' good."

To Legolas: "Wanna go with us to the beach? You have to give us your parent's permission slip first, of course"

To a balrog:"Is there a cold draft in here? Hey guys, check out the black light!"

To Melkor:"I like this place middle-earth! My compliments to the Valar. Oops sorry Morgoth. Oops sorry Melkor."

To Gandalf: "So, I guess the Valar couldn't stand a smart-aleck."

To an Ent: "What's with all the weeds? Oh, your going into business for the pipe industry"

To Gollum: <sniff sniff> "Did you just kiss an Elf?"

To the One Ring: "Hmm. Not as shiny as the other One Rings I saw on-line"

[Nibs]

Good ones, Arathorn. I'll take a stab.

Orc: Your momma's an obese cave troll!
Other Orc: Thanks!

To Melkor: Do you have two left feet or what? Oh. Don't curse me, please.

To Sauron's lidless eye: Care for some visine? It gets the red out.

Hobbit to another hobbit: You adventuresome above-ground dweller!

Dwarf to another dwarf: You like forests and singing!

Elf to another elf: You enjoy caves and metal forging!

To Feanor: Is it hot and tempermental in here or is it just you? I hear the Helcaraxe is nice this time of the year.

[Elf Girl]

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.

To Elf: Non elen sila lumenn omentielvo. (probably deadliest insult possible)

To Galadrielf: That's Nenya? That lump of tarnished metal? How long has it been since you polished it?

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Originally posted by Elf Girl
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum.

To Elf: Non elen sila lumenn omentielvo. (probably deadliest insult possible)


Could you translate that please, for us non-Elvish speakers. I can't even tell if it's Sindarin or Quenya, just something about not and stars. I think it's Quenya, though. er, yeah. And I call myself a fan.

To an orc: You call that playing battle drums? I bet an elf could do better than that!

[Arathorn]

thanks Nibs. I like your Feanor insult, BTW.

[ArwenEvenstar]

to an orc :
"Your mom acts like an Elf"
"Your dad dances and sings like the Elves"

[Laurelyn]

Eruviel Greenleaf: elen sila lumenn omentielvo is indeed in Quenya. It means "A star shines on the hour of our meeting," and is a respectful way to greet someone. I think to actaully say "A star doesn't shine on the hour of our meeting" would be something like Elen sila la lumenn' omentielvo . . . aw heck, I'm only on lesson 5 of the Ardalambion Quenya course, I can't alter it properly. The translation of the original phrase is from FotR.

To a balrog: Yo momma had wings . . . :D *grins evilly, then admits that balrogs have got wings so this wouldn't work*

[Arathorn]

A hobbit to a dwarf: "Great hole you've got there" (trying to make a compliment but fails miserably)

To Shadowfax: "Nay, Naaaaay, Naaaaaaaay! You didn't get that? Ok, <Neigh, Neigh, Neigh>Ok, this here <shows him saddle> is the Royal Backharness of Honor..."

[Tanoliel]

*stops laughing long enough to type*
these are awesome! I like the Feanor one, too...and the one ring. "Not as shiny..." LOL!
I'll think of some in a bit, I promise...
-tano

[afro-elf]

nibs loved you feanor and sauron

[Elf Girl]

Originally posted by Laurelyn
"A star doesn't shine on the hour of our meeting" would be something like Elen sila la lumenn' omentielvo

Yeah, probably but (a) I'm only on lesson 1 and (b) I wanted it to be understandable to non-obsessors

[Khadrane]

My attempt at an insult:

Me: Yah, well, YOU don't like Tolkien!!!

Person I'm "insulting": So?

[Earniel]

Originally posted by Khadrane
My attempt at an insult:

Me: Yah, well, YOU don't like Tolkien!!!

Person I'm "insulting": So?

That guy should be shot, hanged and so on. A worse insult is unimaginable. *shivers*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Originally posted by Eärniel


That guy should be shot, hanged and so on. A worse insult is unimaginable. *shivers*

Agreed.

[Arathorn]

To Sauron: "Let me get this straight. Saruman here gets <place unspeakable cuss word here> by a bunch of large angry treelike creatures and you by 3 bungling cute little--check that--one miserable bunglish slimeball and 2 bungling cute little--what's that word again?--HALFLINGS? <ROFLMAO> here's another one oh GREAT SAURON: Melkor and his BIG spider and Sauron and his LITTLE people <ROFLMAO>"

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

LOL. Those are great, Arathorn. Now I can't stop laughing. . :D

[Ërendil]

Originally posted by Eärniel


That guy should be shot, hanged and so on. A worse insult is unimaginable. *shivers*

I can think of a worse 1

"Get a life- they are only fictional stories" (Said to me numerous times by various people!)

[Arathorn]

To Saruman: "So how's the little upstart deity doing? I see your ripoff orcs are finally working. How many ages did THEY take you?"

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Originally posted by Ërendil


I can think of a worse 1

"Get a life- they are only fictional stories" (Said to me numerous times by various people!)

My brother keeps saying that to me. . .and certain others. I keep calling him a "foul dwimmerlaik." Not that he cares.

*tries to think of a decent insult to post here and fails* oh well.

[Dwarven Sen]

This is something my bro says to people but i guess it would work here

To elf you so fat at school you sat next to everybody

to dwarf i've seen khazad dum its nothing special
glittering caves my arse

[Elvellon]

Yes!, 100 posts!

An obscure insult, interesting to certain Thingol haters: :D (just joking)

A noldor addressing Thingol as Elwe Pindacollo (his name in Quenya and using P instead of S, as someone we know insisted).;)

[Earniel]

Originally posted by Ërendil


I can think of a worse 1

"Get a life- they are only fictional stories" (Said to me numerous times by various people!)

Oh! *silence then a thud is heard*

Now you've done it mate! I'm dead.

[Nariel Starfire]

To a dwarf: TREEHUGGER!

To and Elf: CAVEDWELLER!

TO Sauron: Vader was a better bad guy!

To Boromir: Yo daddy ain't even king!

To Glorfindel: Arwen!

TO Aragorn: All the King's horses
and all the king's men
Couldn't put Aragorn's sword
Together again

Elrond:You are a Virus!

To Gandalf: You couldn't start a fire if a balrog was on your side!

[afro-elf]

To Glorfindel: Arwen!

OUCH!!

[Arathorn]

To Feanor: "Glass blower"

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

To Aragorn: Well, what are you going to do about it? You aren't King yet!

okay, that was kinda bad. . .oh well. :)

To an orc: You have a lovely singing voice (or something like this) *thud!* the orc proceeds to pound the insulter into the ground.

To a hobbit: You like adventures!
I was thinking hobbits might have "Yo mamma so thin!" jokes. . .:D

[Tanoliel]

to an elf: you need glasses!
okay...okay, that was bad. sorry.
-tano

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Not that bad, Tano. :)

Wait, I'm an elf that needs glasses. . .

[Arathorn]

To a dwarf: Wanna go for a swim?

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Originally posted by Arathorn
To a dwarf: Wanna go for a swim?

Or to certain hobbits. :)

[Arathorn]

Another yo momma insult...

To Gollum: "You look like yo momma."

[Nariel Starfire]

To Barliman: Butterball!

okay, so that was bad.

[Elf Girl]

I'm an Elf that needs glasses too.

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Hooray, Elf Girl! I'm not the only one! :)

[Elf Girl]

All glasses-wearing Elves unite!

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Aye! We shall unite and conquer-wait, what are we trying to conquer? Let's just stick with uniting. . .Any other glasses-wearing elves out there? :)

[Nibs]

Originally posted by Eruviel Greenleaf
Any other glasses-wearing elves out there? :)
What kind of insult is that :) ?

To Elrond: If you can't take the heat, stay out of Orodruin, dude.
To Gimli: Dwarves are scared of the de-ad, Dwarves are scared of the de-ad...
To Legolas: Featherweight.
To Frodo: Cover your shoulder, Halfling, cover your shoulder!!
To Gandalf: You know, you'd be perfect for a Gilette commercial.
To Boromir: You know, you'd be perfect for a Gilette commercial.
To Gimli: You know, you'd be perfect for a Gilette commercial.
To Aragorn: You know, you'd be perfect for a Gilette commercial.
:D :D :D

[Arathorn]

ROFLMAO Nibs:D

To Galadriel: And I thought the hobbits had a leaf problem...make love not war, flower girl.

To hobbits: You need to stop wearing undies on your feet when you sleep.

To Gimli: Hi, Dimli son of Dopey.

[Elf Girl]

Originally posted by Arathorn
To Gimli: Hi, Dimli son of Dopey.

That's one of the funniest insults in this thread. :D

[Wayfarer]

heheh:

Hey, Azog! Nice stick!

[Khadrane]

You're no Baggins, you're a Brandybuck. (Not very creative, but who cares?)

[Tanoliel]

You Tookish Hobbit! (to the hobbits of hobbiton, who seem to decry anything similar to an adventure)
-tano

[TinuvielChild]

i'm a glasses-wearing Elf too! (well actually contact lens-wearing elf, but who cares??)

To Melkor: Yo' mamma was an Elf!

[Khadrane]

I need glasses too. I'm not really an elf though.:(

[Elf Girl]

Originally posted by Khadrane
I need glasses too. I'm not really an elf though.:(

If you want to join forces with the glasses-wearing elves, go ahead!

[Arathorn]

To elves: Claustrophobic insomniac treehoppers

[Earniel]

Heheheh, good one, although I would have used the term 'treehuggers':)

[Arathorn]

*Peers out of a hole from under a tree and slips out in dwarf fashion*

To Elves: "All your tree are belong to us!"

*Elf leaps down from branch*
To Dwarf: "Someone set up us the stump!"

[Elf Girl]

To an Elf: Is that a grey hair?

[samwise of the shire]

To a Hobbit: Yo Momma got no hair on her feet!(Elf Girls thing gave me an idea) orrrrrrr*looking down at a hobbits foot* is that a bald spot I see?

To Lotho: Would you like some Acne Cream?ORRRR....Yo pipe weed stinks.

To Lobelia: What? You lost your umbrella? ORRR How do you like my spoon collection?

To Gollum: Yo momma's so poor she cant afford RINGS!Orrrrr. You smell fishy.

To Melkor: Yo Momma was a valor

To an Orc: Yo momma was an ELF!
Sam

[FrodoFriend]

To Gimli: Hi, Dimli son of Dopey. \

ROFLMAO!!! *wipes tears away*

To Galadriel: So Celeborn couldn't afford the REAL Ring?

To Tom B. : *singing* Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, his nose is blue and his teeth are yellow! When he walks he shakes like jello, and he can't rhyme worth a snowball in hell-o!

[Arathorn]

To Legolas: Landlubber

[FrodoFriend]

To an Elf: Bet you can't shoot this apple off my head.

[Arathorn]

Another one for Legolas: Hi Legolac the Insomniac

[FrodoFriend]

For Denethor - snore whenever he talks.

[Earniel]

Originally posted by FrodoFriend
To an Elf: Bet you can't shoot this apple off my head.

Oh-oh, that may not be a healthy thing to say!:)

[Arathorn]

To an Elf: Bet you can't shoot this apple off FrodoFriend's head.:p

[FrodoFriend]

To an Elf: I know this guy Arathorn . . . he says he's a better bard than you Elves. :p

[Earniel]

to Legolas: You're not even a real blonde!

[samwise of the shire]

*singing* Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, his nose is blue and his teeth are yellow! When he walks he shakes like jello, and he can't rhyme worth a snowball in hell-o! ROFLMBO that is HILARIOUS FF.

Sam

[Arathorn]

Originally posted by FrodoFriend
To an Elf: I know this guy Arathorn . . . he says he's a better bard than you Elves. :p

To an Elf: I'll respond when you've taken yer shot. FF's a good friend and I don't want anything bad happening to her.*watches Elf split apple off FF's head* OK. You know what, I AM a better bard than you guys.:D

[Elvellon]

Originally posted by FrodoFriend
\
To Tom B. : *singing* Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow, his nose is blue and his teeth are yellow! When he walks he shakes like jello, and he can't rhyme worth a snowball in hell-o!

I agree with Samwise of the Shire; that is hilarious!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to insult…

a Dwarf: oh, you grow lice in your beard?

an elf: are you a top model? No really, are you a top model? Ah, you can’t full me, that’s all makeup!

a Gondorian: it took just an arnorian ranger and a handful of midgets to do what all your people couldn’t do.

an Arnorian: hello! Is anybody here?

a Rohirrim: You’re supposed to ride the horse, but I figure that, in your case, it is better to do it the other way around.

a Hobbit: you’re the first anorexic hobbit ever.

Morgoth: you never tire of loosing, do you?

Sauron: yep, “Gone with the Wind”, they could have made this title for you.

Arwen: I like the Arwen in the movie better.

Glorfindel: Glorfindel who?

About Aragorn: you say his nickname is Strider? Right, back in Bree we used to call him that… that is, until the day he took his boots of in the resting room of the Prancing Pony. Now we just call him Old King Smelly.

[FrodoFriend]

Originally posted by Arathorn


To an Elf: I'll respond when you've taken yer shot. FF's a good friend and I don't want anything bad happening to her.*watches Elf split apple off FF's head* OK. You know what, I AM a better bard than you guys.:D

Eep. :eek:

To an Elf: Arathorn is a better bard than you! *runs off singing the Bath Song and wiping apple sauce out of her hair*:)

To an Ent: You'd make a lovely armoire.

[BeardofPants]

Haha! These are all so funny!

*Wipes tears of mirth out of her eyes*

To Gollum: I'm going to COOK these conies.

To Arwen: So, I hear you're a hausfrau....

To Sauron: Have you been to therapy lately?

[FrodoFriend]

To Sauron: *in a voice like Ben Stein* Try Clear Eyes, relief for red, dry eyes . . .

[Arathorn]

To Sauron: Aren't we the cutesy wootsy little eye... *makes baby faces and squeezes red eye as if it had cheeks*

[BeardofPants]

Originally posted by Arathorn
To Sauron: Aren't we the cutesy wootsy little eye... *makes baby faces and squeezes red eye as if it had cheeks*

Eeeeeeewwwwwww.......

[FrodoFriend]

To Saruman: Are you aware that your beard is a pair of pants?

[BeardofPants]

Why no, I was not. Were you aware that you are turning into a box?

[FrodoFriend]

*peeps out from under cardboard lid*

Frodo smells even better in enclosed spaces.

[BeardofPants]

So do my socks. Ah! Nothing like stinky sweaty socks to smell in enclosed boxes.

*BoP and her box hurtle offscreen as if they were going a million miles an hours*

[Elvellon]

An orc to another: vegetarian!

[Arathorn]

To an Orc: You weren't born an orc. You were merely corrupted.

[Tanoliel]

To Saruman: Come on, I KNOW there's a good heart down there somewhere...
To Boromir/Aragorn: Don't even try. Sam will kill you if you try anything. (This is for anyone who's read the Secret Diaries!)
-tano

[BeardofPants]

So, Viggo, do you have a community living in that dimple?

:p

[Elf Girl]

To an Elf in a mallorn: Be careful! I wouldn't want you to fall!

[Tanoliel]

To any climbing elf: Are you SURE you don't want that climbing equipment? It's so much safer...

[Wulažg]

So what is EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO anyway?




To a Dwarf: You know, the Drœedain were better stonecrafters than you...

[Elf Girl]

Is that an insult or a question?

[Tanoliel]

I'll answer it like it was a question....:)
EIDRIORCQWSDAKLMEDDCWWTIWOATTOPWFIO stands for "Extremely insightful and deeply reflective individuals of rare character and quality who share a deep and abiding knowledge of literary masterworks of extreme detail and delightful creativity, without whom the incredible works of a tremendously talented Oxford professor would fade into obscurity." This was said by Bropous, when a whole bunch of mooters were trying to come up with a name for ourselves (like "trekkies"....only better).
We've got it now...we're just not quite sure how to pronounce it...:)
-tano

[Elf Girl]

To Thorin: *looking at Arkenstone* Is that a flaw?

[Varda Oiolosseo]

Originally posted by Eärniel


Oh! *silence then a thud is heard*

Now you've done it mate! I'm dead.

oops...that is the thired person this week...oh well lol

[Varda Oiolosseo]

This is the second time i have done this. I am Erendil on Varda's computer at her house. Naturally i am in on her name.
Sorry for any confusion caused.
Erendil

[Nariel Starfire]

TO gimli if you want to die: Yo' momma so ugly, even the TIDE won't take her out.* proceeds to get a sound beating from Gimli

[afro-elf]

Yo mama's teeth so yellow trolls run away 'cos they think the sun is shinning

[Heather Wooltoes]

To Sauruman:
Let's see if I got this straight......
Melkor tried to rule the world and got his A** chained up.....
Sauron tried to be just like Melkor..got his bootaaay kicked multiple times.......
and you want to suplant Sauron??

YOU SIR ARE NO MELKOR!
YOU CAN'T KICK ORC BU**!

Geez...how stupid can you get?!!

You wanna'be of a wanna'be wanna'be!!!
LOOOOOSSSERRRRR!!!!!!!!

[Heather Wooltoes]

Sauruman To Gandalf: Grey is like sooo NOT this seasons neutral, What were you thinking! Good God man, It's spring! Think Pink! That sack makes you look like so....frumpy

[afro-elf]

yo momma's so old when eru composed the music she said " nice tune"

yo momma's so old that when the elves woke up she said " rise and shine"

[Arathorn]

You is so ugly I think when Morgoth rained all the ugliness on Arda your umbrella musta been broke.

[Cirdan]

Your father was an orc and your mother was an Oliphant.

Her butt is so big Frodo tried to throw the ring into it.