Discussion for 'Demaethor and Amariel'

[Rosie Gamgee]

The thread is called 'Aw, heck, this has no name,' and was (is being) posted by me. At the time that I started posting the story contained in it, I had no title for the story. But since I have been calling it--as sort of a 'working title,' if you will--"Demaethor and Amariel." It is the story of two people at the time of Akallabêth, the Downfall of Numenor as told in the Silmarillion. I've been writing the story for almost two years now, after it was abandoned as an RPG. It became quite bigger and longer than I originally intended, I have to say.

But I am nearly finished with the story. It's been very hard to get the final chapters out, especially as I have had very little feed-back from anyone--here and in RL it's been kind of difficult to get readers, or at least commentors.

I'm not asking for praise or anything by starting this thread: it's for feed-back and discussion on the story, the writing, the characters etc. My biggest reason for soliciting discussion and comments is because I'm nervous about wrapping the story up. I need some ideas on where to end it, how to end it..

So, yeah. If anyone wants to discuss with me, please feel free. Thanks for your time.

[Valandil]

GREAT story!!! :D :p

PS: I can change the story title, if you like. :)

[Rosie Gamgee]

And introducing the above poster, my credited co-story-teller, the amazing Valandil! :D Yeah, Val, it is a good story. :p :)

And could you really change the title? That would be awesome of you. :)

[Earniel]

Title changed. :) (That is, you did want 'Demaethor and Amariel' as title, right?)

If you're looking for inspiration when to end the story, I think the departure of the Nine boats of Elendil, or the destruction of Númenor may be a good final act.

[Rosie Gamgee]

Thanks!

I am thinking of 'ending' the story at the actual 'Downfall,' but as that's a little dour... I'd like to end it with a happier note. But you see, almost as soon as the exiles get to Middle-Earth, they discover Sauron's followed them, and there's the whole Last Alliance-first overthrow of Mordor thing... so the whole time-frame doesn't level out to a time of peace until about 130ish years later... at which time Dem and Am might still be alive, but it's kind of far to go in a story. :)

I was thinking of ending the main story with the 'Fall', and doing a sort of epilogue afterward.

[brownjenkins]

Sounds cool!

You have a link to the story, or did you post it already?

[Earniel]

I am thinking of 'ending' the story at the actual 'Downfall,' but as that's a little dour... I'd like to end it with a happier note. I like happy note endings. :D

Sounds cool!

You have a link to the story, or did you post it already?
It's here in the writer's workshop: Demaethor and Amariel (http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=12995)

[Valandil]

Thanks!

I am thinking of 'ending' the story at the actual 'Downfall,' but as that's a little dour... I'd like to end it with a happier note. But you see, almost as soon as the exiles get to Middle-Earth, they discover Sauron's followed them, and there's the whole Last Alliance-first overthrow of Mordor thing... so the whole time-frame doesn't level out to a time of peace until about 130ish years later... at which time Dem and Am might still be alive, but it's kind of far to go in a story. :)

I was thinking of ending the main story with the 'Fall', and doing a sort of epilogue afterward.

Actually, from everything I gather with what Tolkien wrote on it, it was some time before the Dunedain realized that Sauron had survived the Downfall and re-established himself in Mordor. So actually... the old Epilogue I suggested could work - and is a nice, short way to put it to rest, a few years having passed since the arrival on the shores of Middle-earth (I think I still have it in a sent message, if you don't still have it). :)

[Valandil]

And introducing the above poster, my credited co-story-teller, the amazing Valandil! :D Yeah, Val, it is a good story. :p :)
:


And... I think you did so at the start of the story, but let's also give much credit to Beor! :)

The story concept was yours from the start though, and you did a great job carrying it on. :) :)

[Rosie Gamgee]

Actually, from everything I gather with what Tolkien wrote on it, it was some time before the Dunedain realized that Sauron had survived the Downfall and re-established himself in Mordor. So actually... the old Epilogue I suggested could work - and is a nice, short way to put it to rest, a few years having passed since the arrival on the shores of Middle-earth (I think I still have it in a sent message, if you don't still have it). :)
It was some years before they knew Sauron was back... I have this weird feeling toward the characters that if I leave them with a false 'happily ever after', they're going to hate me or something... But you're right: this probably is the best way to wrap it up..
And I think I do still have that message. I'd been saving it for the RPG, and then after I began writing the story, I saved most of the stuff we had collaborated on for ideas.

And speaking of collaboration, yes, BEOR should definitely be credited again!

As to the story 'concept' being mine.. I had an entirely different story in mind when I started the RPG (which was, incidentally, complete rubbish, especially compared with the story Val and Beor came up with).

[brownjenkins]

It's here in the writer's workshop: Demaethor and Amariel (http://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?t=12995)

Thanks!

That's quite a long one, will have to read it at home instead of slacking at work. ;)

Looking forward to it. :D

[Rosie Gamgee]

Thanks, mate! :)

[Valandil]

It was some years before they knew Sauron was back... I have this weird feeling toward the characters that if I leave them with a false 'happily ever after', they're going to hate me or something... But you're right: this probably is the best way to wrap it up..
And I think I do still have that message. I'd been saving it for the RPG, and then after I began writing the story, I saved most of the stuff we had collaborated on for ideas.
:
:

But remember... they DO get over 100 years of peace. That's more than most of us ever see! :)

[Rosie Gamgee]

Yeah, but we'll never live as long as the Numenorians did...
I thought it was less that 100 years.. Must look that up again.

[tolkienfan]

I finished the first ten chapters. It kept me reading, even though I don't like reading on the computer. I enjoyed it a lot, it had suspense, romance, adventure, tragedy. Thanks Rosie! :) I really want to read the end. I don't really have any suggestions on how to end it, other than that Demaethor and Amariel have to end up together. (which at this point seems pretty obvious.)

[Rosie Gamgee]

Thanks SO MUCH for reading, and for the comments!! :) :)

Anyway, second-to-last chapter is now up... I'm not sure I'm entirely pleased with it, but.. Tell me what y'all think.

[tolkienfan]

Oh yes, I did have one suggestion. At the beginning of chapter 4:


“Damnable circumstance!” he shouted, looking about them for cover. None was to be found save for a rocky hillock nigh. Unable to do better, Demaethor spurred his horse toward it. “Ride!” he cried. “They’ve marked us by now; ride! Ride for the hill!”

“Dismount!” he cried, swinging down from his own saddle before his steed had halted. “Haste, haste; make a spear-line!” Forthon, Berihien, Galdûreth and Esteldûr all sprang down from their own mounts. The sound of thundering hoof-beats was growing. “Haste!”


This was confusing to me for some reason. To me it seemed like he was telling them to ride, but then the next second to dismount.
So maybe if you put something like: he cried when they reached the hill, swinging down from...
Maybe this didn't confuse anyone else, and I did get it after I went back and read it again.

Also, I like the new chapter so far. :)

[Earniel]

Anyway, second-to-last chapter is now up... I'm not sure I'm entirely pleased with it, but.. Tell me what y'all think.
Woah, that's some gripping end of Númenor. I like it you inserted a bit about the stone of Erech.

[Rosie Gamgee]

Oh yes, I did have one suggestion. At the beginning of chapter 4:
...

This was confusing to me for some reason. To me it seemed like he was telling them to ride, but then the next second to dismount.
So maybe if you put something like: he cried when they reached the hill, swinging down from...
Maybe this didn't confuse anyone else, and I did get it after I went back and read it again.
I do see what you mean, now that it's been pointed out. I'll go in and change it a bit.

Woah, that's some gripping end of Númenor. I like it you inserted a bit about the stone of Erech.
Thanks; yeah, I had this hankering to put the stone in there. In LotR it's said that the thing came out of the ruin of Numenor, but there's not really anything on where exactly it came from or what it was. I thought for a little about making up what it really was: a piece of architecture or ornamentation from some building, or some kind of sculpture, but I couldn't think of anything that would sound convincing. So I left Dem and Am just as in the dark about it as we are, kind of putting a little mystery to it. I guess it works..

[Rosie Gamgee]

Posted an ending. I intend to follow up with an epilogue... And I'm not exactly pleased with the ending as it is. I don't know. I've just been toying with it for six months, trying to figure out what to do with it, and I feel some obligation to just get it over with and finish the story... so there it is. Tell me what you think.

[Valandil]

Rosie - your completion of what Beor and I started so long ago really more than does us credit - much more! You've done a great job with it. Thank you. :)

Will the epilogue be similar to the one I suggested to you that once? Or have you improved much on that also?

[Earniel]

Nice touch with the battle axe, I hadn't seen that coming, but I like it. Much more original than just rings.

[Rosie Gamgee]

Rosie - your completion of what Beor and I started so long ago really more than does us credit - much more! You've done a great job with it. Thank you. :)
So I didn't ruin/railroad it. Oh, good! Anyway, don't thank me. I have had all kinds of fun doing it, and almost no writer's block (which is amazing for me). :) You're welcome. :)

Will the epilogue be similar to the one I suggested to you that once? Or have you improved much on that also?
Similar, and a bit expanded... I have this insatiable need to see all the way to the end. And I had this hankering to attach Amariel to the line of Findulias, the wife of Denethor. But I think that's too much work. We'll see.

Nice touch with the battle axe, I hadn't seen that coming, but I like it. Much more original than just rings.
Thanks. I had all these objects and phrases that I kind of used here and there in important places. One was the cloak of Demaethor, but I lost it in Elendil's house. So I decided to use the axe.. I'm so glad it works. :)