Poem

[Ragnarok]

[Since 1990 there have been 93 wars in 70 states all around the world, with 5.5 million people dead. 75% of these people were civilians, 1 million of them were children...]

Anthem For the Year 2005

Sons of men so alarmingly blind
Why do you forsake reason..
For such reckless hate?

Sons of men lay to rest your bigotry
Be wary of the dangers of pride
Show some mercy in your eyes

Sons of men so easily corrupted
Do not be tempted by power or greed
May your minds be guided by wisdom

Sons of men, architects of fate
Who look upon evil and do nothing
Realize the consequences of actions

Sons of men, regulators of war
In your hearts always remember
Lasting victories are those of peace

Sons of men can’t you see?
Sons of men save yourselves

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Constructive critcism is always welcome. :)

[Pirate]

wow! That was really powerful!

[Rosie Gamgee]

Well written. The emotion is strong. That last line "Sons of men, save yourselves" was particularily powerful. It conveys the futility of the statement, a pleading for an impossible thing, I think.

[Ezora]

that poem was pretty deep, im a poet myself, and if i say its good, its good!!!

[Ragnarok]

Well written. The emotion is strong. That last line "Sons of men, save yourselves" was particularily powerful. It conveys the futility of the statement, a pleading for an impossible thing, I think.

Absolutely, you hit the nail on the head. :) Thank you all for your kind words.

[Ñólendil]

This poem sort of reads like a prayer, in the way it is structured. I think the best thing it has going for it is simplicity and straight-forwardness. I think this sort of approach can be effective when one is addressing an issue like this (war), a subject in itself rather complicated by history and motives, and grandiose imagery and propaganda, or just simply the grand scale of the idea of war. So being simple and straight-forward in the structure of a poem that is critical of war can sometimes, I think, really drive the point home. If that's what you were going for, then I think you did well.

However, I think if you really want to make more power and passion in your poem, I think it could do with some more figurative language. You use "architects of fate" to describe the "sons of men", but "fate" is rather abstract, and hard to imagine. You could insert things into each stanza, or you could just add new stanzas in between if you like, illustrating by way of example what was said in the "sons of men" stanza before it. Show how the sons of men are building their fate with weak stones of apathy and sloth, if that is what you want to show. Show the buildings crumble, and existence end in pain, if that's what you're getting at, as long as it is shown. Give readers imagery.

So I think maybe adding to the stanzas you already have, rather than altering them, would be the best way to go, if you want to add a vivid punch to the honest-critical-wisdom I think you've already achieved. But that's just if you're interested in adding these kinds of elements, I think the poem does okay as it is.