Ask Snape Column

[PippinTook]

Okay, I saw this game on another Harry potter sight and it was hilarious, so I thought I would bring it here and see how it goes since I know there's a good HP following going on here.

Anywho, the idea is students or other HP people write to snape and snape answers, so the first post would be such, "Prof. Snape, I lost my homework. Neville." (well, be more creative than that, lol) And then the next person posts Snape's reply and a new question for Snape. See? So it goes like this,

Person 1:
Prof. Snape
Lost my homework,
Neville

Person 2:
Neville,
50 points from Gryffindor,
Prof. Snape
------------------------
Prof. Snape
URA Ugly Git
Signed,
Not Fred and George.


See? Quite fun, really. Anywho, I'll start the first one and then the next person pick it up with Snape's reply and another question.

Dear Professor Snape,
I don't understand this P I got on my Potions final. I got every question right, sir! I can't get an P! You got it wrong, man! I do not get P's! Please change this grade.
Hermione Granger

[thranduil]

Dear Professor Snape,
I don't understand this P I got on my Potions final. I got every question right, sir! I can't get an P! You got it wrong, man! I do not get P's! Please change this grade.
Hermione Granger

Miss Granger. Obviously books arent everything. Knowing something doesnt mean you can do it. And you barely managed to get a P. 50 points from gryffindor for interrupting the lesson granger!

-So eh, snape, another year in er potions? Just cant' get tha DADA job can ya? -Rubeus Hagrid

[Beren3000]

Hey, fun game!

Next morning, Hagrid found this anonymous note in his cottage:

"Go kiss a Hippogriff you The following part of the note is censored"


Hyia Snapey,
I've known you for the last 5 years and I can't help it anymore: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! So if you're interested in a date, meet me in the Slytherin common room at midnight. What do you say, muffin?
Secret admirer

:D

[Nurvingiel]

Dear Fred and George,
You'd be surprised what you can use potions for, such as revealing the sender of an "anonymous" note. Maybe you can use one of your Puking Pastilles to get rid of the rash.
Professor Snape


Dear Professor Snape,
It is inappropriate to hex, poison, or cast any harmful spells on students. Fred and George are now recovered.
Minerva MacGonagall


Hey Harry,
Would you believe what that evil git Snape did to us!? If you want to join us in a prank meet us in the Astronomy tower tonight after dinner.
F&G

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

I thought we were only meant to do the one replying to the one above and one new letter! :confused: Oh well!

Hey Harry,
Would you believe what that evil git Snape did to us!? If you want to join us in a prank meet us in the Astronomy tower tonight after dinner.
F&G

Dear F&G
Great anything to annoy that evil git.
Harry.

Dear Mr. Filch
Mrs Norris has been murdered :D To collect her corpse please come to my office.
Prof Macgonagall

[PippinTook]

This is great! I'm so glad some people have posted. Bleh, I would feel so stupid if nothing happened and I had to listen to the crickets.

A couple things. 1, the posts should all have 2 parts, one from snape and one to snape.
person 1:
Dear Fred and George,
Next time don't use your own scribbly handwriting when you write me love notes. 10 points from Gryffindor.
Snape
=================
Snape,
You forgot the vodka at the DE meeting, don't let it happen again!!
Wormtail

Ok, so the next person would reply to wormtail and then present a new question for snape. see? no more or less than 2 messages a post. Problem 2, its only supposed to be for snapey-poo, sorry Nurv, dear.

Alrighty, enough of sounding like a rule-maker rather than a rule-breaker! LETS PARTY. The next person can reply to the wormtail comment ;)

[thranduil]

oh so there is a rulebook for this game

[Nurvingiel]

Now I'm confused. But the first two letters in my post work right?

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Snape,
You forgot the vodka at the DE meeting, don't let it happen again!!
Wormtail
Damn, I'm always leaving that places, I'll be round to collect it as soon as I can give Dumbledore the slip.
Snape


Snape,
I think Mrs. Norris has been murdered :eek: What do I do?
Filch

[Elanor the hobbit]

Argus:
She was old. And ugly. Please do not cry, for I have no sympathy for you. Do not bury her on school grounds.
Your friend,
Severus

===========

Dear Severus,
I have foreseen that you will soon be meeting a short fat and ugly stranger. Please come to my classroom and I will tell you the rest of your future.
Sybil Trelawny

[thranduil]

[QUOTE=Telcontar_Dunedain]Damn, I'm always leaving that places, I'll be round to collect it as soon as I can give Dumbledore the slip.
Snape


I think they meant he forgot to bring it to the meeting :p

[Beren3000]

Dear Severus,
I have foreseen that you will soon be meeting a short fat and ugly stranger. Please come to my classroom and I will tell you the rest of your future.
Sybil Trelawny
Dear Miss Trelawny
I never used to believed in Divination, until I met Hermione Granger's mom in the hallway right after reading your note. Expect my visit very soon!
Severus

Fom: webmaster@deatheaters.org
To: sevsnape@hogwarts.co.uk

Dear Mr Snape,
Care to own the Death Eaters priviliges card?
It earns you up to 30% discount in any shop in Knock Turn Alley, PLUS it has a handy, built-in, wand for any Potter related emergencies. Please contact me if you're interested to learn more.
May the Dark Lord bless you,
Webmaster

[PippinTook]

Beren!!! Thats hilarious! *dies of laughter* alrighty, got the hang of it now.

Re: Webmaster@deatheaters.org
From: Drk_artz_4me@hotowl.com
Sure, sign me up. Do we get free DeathEaters robes dry cleaning because I am getting tired of people getting killed and splatting blood all over my robes.
S. Snape

=================

Snivellus,
BARK.

Padfoot

[Vadskye]

"Padfoot",
Do NOT bother me again, Fred and George! Twenty points from Griffindor!
-Severus

__________________________________________________ ______________

Professor Snape,
Oh, wise one, how must I make 's Eye potion? Please instruct me, oh great master.
-Draco Malfoy.

(hint: he's sucking up. :P)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Umm Vadskye, Padfoot is Sirius not Fred and George! ;)

[Beren3000]

Professor Snape,
Oh, wise one, how must I make 's Eye potion? Please instruct me, oh great master.
-Draco Malfoy.
Dear Draco,
Eye potion is a very advanced type of potion. You need to (very carefully) mix some frog mucus with 3 drops of ant urine and a hint of spider eyelashes. Now -carefully, mind you- stir the mixture for 3.25 minutes and finally point your wand at it and perform the Microwavus Ovenus spell we've been working on in class. Once your Eye potion is ready, I suggest you try it on Mr. Potter :evil: it causes temporary blindness with a very severe rash. Enjoy!
Kindest regards
Prof. Snape
P.S.: Kindly send your father my regards; tell him: "we will bask together in the Black Light one day" (he'll understand).
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Severus
I'm very concerned about your choice of career. Do you think it pays to be a Death Eater, sweetie? I think you have a great deal of potential. I wish you had taken up after your great uncle Disgustus. Now he was a real man! He scooped up lizard entrails for the Dark Lord for 30 great years of his life; and you? You choose to be a Death Eater. I can't believe you! Please, honey call me as soon as possible. I want to hear about the new career path you're going to choose!
Your very concerned Mother
Med Usa

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Mother,
I am quite happy where I am thank you. Luckily for you I'm not discussing you career paths!
Severus


Mr A Dumbledore
I am writing to you regarding the spot for The Defence Against The Dark Arts teaching position.
S Snape

[Vadskye]

Mr A Dumbledore
I am writing to you regarding the spot for The Defence Against The Dark Arts teaching position.
S Snape

Professor Snape
You have done so already, on many occasions. I will, as previously stated, inform you if you to take the position. Have a good day.
-Dumbledore

__________________________________________________ _______________

Professor Snape
Wouldn't it be a pity if all your nice tidy bottles fell off their shelves? He he he he...
-Peeves.


Oh, and Telcontar_Dunedain- I knew that- Snape doesn't. So he assumes it's Fred and George again. :D

[PippinTook]

Ah yes, but Snape did know who Padfoot was. Remember when Harry warned him in OOTP, "He's got Padfoot at the place where its hidden." and snape went to check on Sirius? Yeah ok.

Peeves,
Wouldn't it be a pity if the Bloody Baron found out about your shenanigans?
S. Snape.

________________________________

Severus,
Please stop leaving doggy treats on the Grimmauld Place kitchen table. Very tactless, Sirius has been raving and Dumbledore is not amused.
R. J. Lupin

[Manveru]

Severus,
Please stop leaving doggy treats on the Grimmauld Place kitchen table. Very tactless, Sirius has been raving and Dumbledore is not amused.
R. J. Lupin

Moony,
God can't anyone take a joke!? I know you two don't have a sense of humour but I thought Dumbledore might.
Severus

P.S. Tell Sirius I said "bark, woof, rrrrrrr."
________________________________


Snape,
How do you type with boxing gloves on.. uh.. i mean oh crap!
fhqwgads

________________________________
www.homestarrunner.com

[Lostyia Delr-Padroot]

:eek: i acedently retyped something so i got rid of the bad one.

[Lostyia Delr-Padroot]

Moony,
Snape,
How do you type with boxing gloves on.. uh.. i mean oh crap!
fhqwgads

________________________________
www.homestarrunner.com


Dear Fred and George,
do not waist my time on petty questions! 50 points from Gryffindor!
-snape
---------------------------------
---------------------------------

dear mr. snape,
i got confused during your lecture and scewd up the potion. could you help me?
-neville

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Neville
No
Snape




Snape
Potter assaination has been schedueled for february 4th. Can you do it?
Voldemort

[Lostyia Delr-Padroot]

Snape
Potter assaination has been schedueled for february 4th. Can you do it?
Voldemort

voldemort,
you would cost me my opp. for d.d. so no.
snape
---------------------------------------------
dear mr. snape,
POTTER screwd up my potion!
-malfoy

[Tessar]

Snape
Potter assaination has been schedueled for february 4th. Can you do it?
Voldemort

To: Voldemort@HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED.org
From: Snape@hogwarts.net
Re: Potter Assasination

Sorry. Have a doctor's appointment.

Love,
Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: Snape@hogwarts.net
From: wandzforcheap@wandz4cheap.net
Re: Wand enhancements

Snape,

Tired of a limp wand? Want a longer wand? Want more satisfaction when doing spells?

Try our wands! They are guaranteed to provide satisfaction! The women will want you, the men will envy you and your wand size!

http://www.wandzforcheap.net

Japp Longwand

[Lostyia Delr-Padroot]

To: Voldemort@HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED.org
From: Snape@hogwarts.net
Re: Potter Assasination

Sorry. Have a doctor's appointment.

Love,
Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: Snape@hogwarts.net
From: wandzforcheap@wandz4cheap.net
Re: Wand enhancements

Snape,

Tired of a limp wand? Want a longer wand? Want more satisfaction when doing spells?

Try our wands! They are guaranteed to provide satisfaction! The women will want you, the men will envy you and your wand size!

http://www.wandzforcheap.net

Japp Longwand


japp longwand,
take me off your mailing list.

not truly yours snape
-------------------

dear snape,

i learned recently that there was trouble in your class considering mrs hermonie granger and my son. have it fixed promptly.
your friend lucious(sp) malfoy

[Manveru]

dear lucius,
don't worry i'm planning to have that mud-blood mysteriously 'disappear', and by 'disappear' i mean 'never to be seen by mortals again' and by 'never to be seen by mortals again' i mean 'no one will see her ever' and by 'no one will see her ever' i mean i'm going to kill her. she'd be dead already if that basilisk didn't kill her a couple years back. Well when you want things done right you gotta do them yourself i guess.
Severus

_________________________________

Dear Snape,
What do you want for Christmas this year?
-Santa

[Elemmírë]

"Santa",
Another of your lame jokes and you will be expelled. If you insist upon continuing with these antics, try a more imaginative name next time.
Snape

_____________________________


Professor of Potions,
I am writing to inform you that I am the new D.A.D.A professor for this term. I hope that this year at Hogwarts will be a productive one, and am sure that we will all be able to work together to assist the students.
Sincerely,
Your newest professor,
Remus Lupin

[PippinTook]

Lupin,
Oh God no.
The most superior and amazingly dashing and so much better than you, Snape

_________________________________

Prof. Snape,
I've got those extremely rare plants for that Nose-shrinking potion you were planning on making, though I don't know if anything will work for that schnoz of yours.
Prof. Sprout

[Arcala]

Wouldn't it be fun if we actually wrote about the events of a year in the letters? Like, this could take place during Book 5 or something. Just an idea.

Prof. Sprout,

I will need the plants by next Wednesday, and keep your thoughts about my "schnoz" to yourself, IF you please.

Snape

*******
Snapey-poo,

Wanna go on a -broomstick ride- tomorrow?

Your Very Secret Admirer

[Minielin]

Snapey-poo,

Wanna go on a -broomstick ride- tomorrow?

Your Very Secret Admirer
Fred and George:
20 points from Gryffindor. Further suggestions of this variety will be responded to with immediate confiscation and incineration of said broomsticks.
Professor Snape

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snivellus:
Make one more dog joke and I'll patent the grease from your face as being a highly efficient wart remover.
Sirius

[Mercutio]

Dear Professor Snape,

Ever since I saw your lookalike in Jane Austen's "Sense & Sensibility," I can't imagine anything but wonderful, brilliant, sorrythatmariannedidntloveyouatfirst, willoughbyisajerk, you'remyhero thoughts when I see you. Do you think I have an obsession? Does this offend you?

until next time, dearest,
P.W.

[dawningoftime]

Dear P.W.


I have no idea what you're talking about.



Professor Snape

[Lostyia Delr-Padroot]

dear Professor Snape,

Guess who?
bet you don't know!!
hehehe.
what will happen if i spill a really bad smelling potion in your room?????

-your freindly ghost "headless nick"
:D hehe

[Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane]

Dear NEARLY Headless,
I would sick the bloddy baron after your not quit solid butt.
Severus.


Prof. Snape
Once I've taken over this school prof. you will be the new DATDA teacher. Count on it. By the by...that Verataseruim that I tried to use on Potter didn't work. Are you slacking on your potion making skills? Must I turn in to Fudge before you even get promoted?
Love,
Umbridge

[Minielin]

Professor Umbridge:
Clip, clop, clip, clop, clip, clop...
-Snape

[Manveru]

Dear Professor Snapey,
why don't you go see what's in your cupboard?
Peeves

[Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane]

Peeves,
I thought I changed my address you idiot thing that isn't even a ghost. Guess I'll have to do better next time. Or I could just sick the Bloddy Baron on your tail. I'm sure that'll shut you up.

Prof. Snape,
I did that assignment you on werewovles that you asked for. It's 40 rolls of parchment longer than you requested though, do I get extra credit? Also, Prof. Lupin said we didn't have to do it, I still want credit. Will you make him give me credit? I know how much you like to boss and I hope you'll do it even though I'm not your favorite student.
Sincerly,
Hermione

[Elanor the hobbit]

Miss Granger,
I am not responsible for your attempts to show off what an insufferable know-it-all you are. Go back to your muggle parents and ask for credit.
Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape,
My best friend is so annoying. She won't stop talking about this guy she likes, and how he has the most adorable Irish accent, and she's driving me insane! Please tell me what to do!
DivintnGurrl

[The Wizard from Milan]

Dear Professor Snape,
My best friend is so annoying. She won't stop talking about this guy she likes, and how he has the most adorable Irish accent, and she's driving me insane! Please tell me what to do!
DivintnGurrl


Fifty points from your house, Ms. DivintnGurrl (unless your house is Slytherin) and 50 from your ninnyhammer friend (unless she is in Griffindor, in which case it is 100). And if your breath stopped stinking like bulbotuber puss you would have boyfriend too.
Prof. Snape

__________________________________________________ _____________

Dear Prof. Snape, Sir,
Harry Potter has been putting bat-guano in your pensieve.
Yours in truth,
Draco Malfoy

[Elanor the hobbit]

Mr. Malfoy,
How do you know about my Pensieve? I never told you! Have you been snooping around my office? And where did you get the bat guano?
Professor Snape

(Wizard, you were supposed to figure out that DivintnGurrl was Parvati...)


Dear Professor Snape,
I just realized that I sorted you into the wrong house! You were supposed to be in Hufflepuff all along. Please forgive me for any mistakes that may have occurred as a result of you being sorted into Slytherin. I shall speak to the Headmaster and see if we can't get you a nice set of yellow robes and Hufflepuff decorations for your classroom. Have a nice day!

The Sorting Hat

[The Wizard from Milan]

(Wizard, you were supposed to figure out that DivintnGurrl was Parvati...)

Sorry :o

[EarthBound]

Dear Sorting Hat,

As you've just managed to point out, you often m a k e m i s t a k e s , so please excuse me if I ignore your fedora rumblings completely and tell you to go tie yourself into a bonnet you mangy headdress .

Excruciatingly,

Professor Snape

PS...I've seen better hats on a circus clown...






Dear Professor Snape,

Is there any way of making up the exam I missed last Tuesday? Due to my hospitalization with 17 broken bones and temporary blindness from the womping willow and a poorly chosen shortcut I hope you will excuse my absence and grant a re-test.

Sincerely,

Nancy Butterbeerous

[The Wizard from Milan]

Miss Jorkins,

You must have lost the last ounce of your already minuscoulous brain if you ask me for a re-test. And for the dark lord's sake try to remember at least your name, or I might regret that my detention prevented you to go on a night stroll with Peter Pettigrew (for now).

Professor Snape.


================================================== ==========

Dear Professor Snape:

We would greatly appreciate if you could lend us some of your bezoar; we have mended our ways; we are now decided to take the NEWTS in potions next year and we would appreciate your help in our preparations.

Weasly Wizard Weezes

[EarthBound]

Ah, yes...the twins, ahem.

After careful thought and balanced consideration I am delighted to inform you that in the interest of the betterment of your standing and situation I have with whole heart decided to "NOT" give you one DROP of anything from my stores of goods or give you anything more than a dreadful glare concerning "my services" towards helping.

Also, enjoyably, I have placed severe curses upon my entire regioin of the dungeon that will specifically, and hopefully, inflict much damage upon your persons if you visit.

It is with sincere "Thanks" I thank you for this oppurtunity to hinder your progress in life...frankly, I live for these moments.

Professor Snape



Dear Professor Snape,

If you checked beside your desk after class last Thursday you may have noticed a package...and if you opened it...you found a green sweater with an "S" knit on the front...this could stand for your "house" or "Snape", tehehe.

your sweater maker,

XXX

PS: Maybe you could wear it at the next tournament?

[Nurvingiel]

Bleh. I had a link here for an Mmail fic, but it degenerates into fangirlish ravings after a while.

I like your Ask Snape Column much better. :)

[emily leonard]

dear prof snape i am wrighting to imform you that you are a big slezy git all my love mother :rolleyes:

[Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane]

Mum,
I am writing to inform you that I still cannot understand your writing. MY childhood with you stunk and I hope you posion yourself.
Severus



Dearest Snape,
I was wondering if I couldn't get an extension on that moonstone essay. There might be something good in it for you. *wink wink*
Sincerly,
Dean Thomas

[durinsbane2244]

Mr. Thomas,

If by "good" I am to understand that I will be able to perform ridiculously painful and damaging curses upon your person, than yes, by all means, you may have your, what was it, "extension". If that is not the case, than you had best study. Oh, and watch what you drink, ahem, *wink* *wink*

-Proffesor Snape

[durinsbane2244]

oh, i give the next one, i knew that, o' course i did!
well,

Dear Professor Snape,
Have they found any leads on me yet? You swore to keep silent! Do not betray me in my hour of need.

-Karrkaroff
(spelling?)

[Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane]

Karrkaroff,
You are as smart as you are pretty, the Death Eaters will be on your doorstep at any moment. Your hour of need, bah! By the way, and just between friends, Nagini hasn't been feed latly and she prefers her food alive.
Wishing you only the best,
Severus Snape


Severus,
Have the supplies arrived yet? I grow impatient. Oh, yes, Karrkaroff sends you his worst wishes. Ah, how he screamed. I love it when they beg. But I digress. You may be interested to know that Mr. Malfoy is being given an assignment of a most peculier nature. More on that when we meet tonight. Bring the supplies.
Yours Sincerly,
The Dark Lord
Ps. The new robes were lovely, thank you.

[Elanor]

Um, Spoiler warning....


To the Mighty Lord of Darkness:

Have Killed Dumbledore. Expect raise.

Snape



(Please, let's keep this going! It's so much fun!)



Dear Severus,

Heard you lost your job. Too bad. I just got a job with Grunnings, a company that makes drills. Hope you're proud of your old dad. My boss's name is Vernon Dursley, and he seems a bit odd, but works hard. Mind if I come visit at Spinner's End this weekend?

Love,
Tobias Snape

[PippinTook]

Wow! I can't believe this thing is still alive! Y'all had to defibrillate it a couple times, didn't you?

Embarrassing scum under my shoes,
Did not lose my job, thank you very much. There were difficulties with my boss and I quit. Fled, in fact. Sure, come to Spinner's End. You can meet my new boss. He loves cute little muggles like you. You would have such fun.
Your superior son,
Severus

Dear Snape,
Bah, thanks for ruining all the theories about me being the Half Blood Prince. Geez. First you're the reason for my death and now this. What, do you have a crush on me or something? **Lily/Snape shippers squeal**

From beyond the grave,
Lily Potter

[tomstheman]

Spoiler warning


How dare you besmirch my name you filthy mudblood. To even insinuate that I would have a crush on a piece of half muggle filth like you makes my blood boil. Having now killed Dumbledore, my next task shall be to help the Dark Lord iradicate the last piece of self-centered vile trash in the hopes that it shall irradicate the name Potter from all the land.
Worst Wishes
Severus Snape

Dear Snivelus,
Once i find you, you dirty coward i want you to know that i will drag you back to Hogwarts and take you into the forest, tie you to a tree and let Grwap have his way with you. Then I'm sure there's a few people who would like to get a piece of you before we allow to leave us forever.
Sincerely
Harry Potter

[Smeagol_fan]

Spoiler warning

Dear Snivelus,
Once i find you, you dirty coward i want you to know that i will drag you back to Hogwarts and take you into the forest, tie you to a tree and let Grwap have his way with you. Then I'm sure there's a few people who would like to get a piece of you before we allow to leave us forever.
Sincerely
Harry PotterSenior Potter Brat ~
Once again, FYI - I am NOT a coward, smartbutt.
~Professor Snape

[Fleur Delacour]

Hi professor Snape.

Well, I just wonder if you seen a jumping wand down in your office? * Blush* Fred and George Weasly jinxed it, and they told me it was there. So have you seen it professor? and can I please get it back?

With love from Fleur Delacour

[Lord Choc Obo]

why of course miss delacour,
if you don't mind I just take a few of your hairs on the way, who knows what potential they still have, even though they probably lost much of it seeing that you're NOT a PURE BLOOD WIZARD BUT SOME EVIL VILE YUCKYBUCKY CONVERGION OF THE SUPERIOR WIZARDING RACE WITH THAT OF YOUR MOTHER WHICH I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO MENTION BECAUSE IT'S SO TERRIBLY HORRENDOUS.

haaa, now that's of my mind, sure, come and get it


P.S., tell fred and George I will dock 50 points from each of them for jinxing that wand into trying to jump up my robes


_____________________________________________

dear professor snape,

if you haven't noticed yet, I hate you and I'm going to kill you...

yours truly, The Chosen One

[Fleur Delacour]

The Chosen one..
*raises an eyebrow*
*sneers* It might be wise to try to be less gullible in the future, 50 points from Griffingdor!!!Just because I can!!.
Sincerely,
Professor S. Snape

[Lord Choc Obo]

you've forgotten the next question dear Fleur :-)

[Fleur Delacour]

Here it comes=)

Dear S!

Have you ever had...wait a minute I have a gift for you(* Fleur gives Professor Snape his present who contains hair shampoo.*) I'ts the same type I juse in my hair sir.( *smiling nervous* )Why do you always wear black clocks? It would be fun to see you in a different colour for a change, im begining to get a little bit tired of that black one you juse all the time. Well I quess I have to go now, Hermione Granger are waiting for me, you know SPEW stuff..


With love from Fleur Delacour

[Elanor]

Just a review of the rules of this thread: Your post should contain both a reply to the previous letter from Snape, and a new letter to Snape from a different character.

Also, a request from me: Please refrain from misspelling words, inserting actions (people normally don't put actions in their letters, even in Harry Potter world), and please keep to the current time period (right after HBP).

Miss Delacour:

I work for the Dark Lord and I am certainly not thinking about my hair and robes, but for the record I have never worn clocks at any time. I was not aware that you are involved in Miss Granger's infantile house-elf pampering club, and aren't you getting married in a week? I would prefer not to continue corresponding with an almost-Weasley part Veela, so kindly Do Not Write To Me Again.

Severus Snape




Dear Severus,

I hate you. You are a disgrace to Slytherin, an embarrassment to me and all your former teachers, and a horrible person. How could you murder the one person who truly trusted you? I can't believe that I once respected you as a fellow Potions Master. You'd better watch your back, because I'm not the only one who will not hesitate to kill you on sight.

Disrespectfully yours,

Horace Slughorn

[Lord Choc Obo]

my big fat Slughorn,

boohoo, I'm scared, let's not forget who's part of the Dea....I mean the Dark Arts Teacher Club, so YOU should watch your back.

kind regards....NOT

snape

________________________________________

my dear snape

I would just like to tell you that I totally trust you and always will untill the very day I die.

just to let you know

A. Dumbledore

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Dumbledore

That doesn't ame a great deal to me, as that day was at the end of the last book.

S Snape

------------------------------------------

Buy One Get One Free Weekend at Weasly's Wizard Wheezes.

Fred and George Weasly.

[Fleur Delacour]

[QUOTE=Elanor]Just a review of the rules of this thread: Your post should contain both a reply to the previous letter from Snape, and a new letter to Snape from a different character.

Also, a request from me: Please refrain from misspelling words, inserting actions (people normally don't put actions in their letters, even in Harry Potter world), and please keep to the current time period (right after HBP).

Ok, sorry. I'm from Norway so that explain my bad grammer :rolleyes: But I will not insert actions and I will keep the "letters" to the current time period. Got it!! :D

Weasly...
No I would not, nor do I want any free Weekend at Weasly's Wizard Wheezes. Stop bothering me, Otherwise, I will be deducting points at every available opportunity from your old house...

Professor Severus Snape
----------------------

Dear Professor Snape,
I'm writin' ter ya, cause I gots me a big problem here. I kinda, sorta tripped and er fell and by gosh... a Flobber Worm got stuck where it shouldna! Oh, Snape sir, I'm sure yer wonderin' why I just don't go ter Maddame Pomfrey... Well I thought "Who could I trust not ter say anything abowts this here problem?", it's you!... D'ya have anythar potions that could help me here problem? If so, send it ASAP... Thank ya. You are after all the old potionmaster at Hogwarts and i don't trust Slughorn..yet..
HAGRID
p.s. Please don't tell ther dark lord... or Harr'y... Thanks ya.

[Lord Choc Obo]

rubeus,

as you kindly requested in your last letter I wrote an open letter to every newspaper I could find, even the quibbler and a few muggle newspapers, to inform people of the danger of Flobber worms.

and NO, you will get no help from you halfblood :D MOEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

yours truly, Snape

____________________________________________

hello professor snape

it was just to tell you that I think you might be infested by hundreds of Greasegrossers by the looks of your hair.

with kind regards, Luna Lovegood

[Fleur Delacour]

Dear Miss, Lovegood
My hair is naturally prone to oiliness. Perhaps next time I see you, I should point out your acne and see how you like it.
Sincerely,
Professor S. Snape


Dear Professor Snape,
I am writing to you from St Mungos Hospital where I am being treated for forgetfulness, or am I? I can’t actually remember. Anyway, I seem to recall that I may have worked with you at some point in my life & wondered if you would care for a signed copy of ‘Magical Me’. It’s very good, and apparently I wrote it,
Yours smilingly,
Gilderoy Lockhart

[Elanor]

Lockhart, my old friend:

Guess what? I feel so bad about you losing your memory that I'm going to tell you exactly what you were like before you lost it. You wore pink robes all the time with lime green bows and orange flowers in your hair. You also liked to carry around a sign that said "Kick me-- in an effective spot", and you liked to pretend you were a wizard. You have a girlfriend named Minerva McGonagall, so I think you should go visit her, but don't tell her I told you. She misses you a lot, so take her a big bunch of pink carnations. She might sneeze when you give them to her, but that's just because she loves you so much. Don't be discouraged, old boy. She might play hard to get, but keep it up.

Oh, and you have a strong affinity with magical creatures, especially Blast-Ended Skrewts. I think you should ask Hagrid for one as a pet.

Your old colleague,

Professor Snape


---


Snivelly Snape (got that name from an old map of ours),

Ha ha! You're not a professor anymore, so you can't take any points from Gryffindor, ever again!

Hey, Fred, maybe we should apply to work at Hogwarts, then we can take points from all the Slytherins.

That's an idea, George, but what would we teach?

You take Transfiguration, I'll take Defense.

Sounds good. Oh, and Snape? If you've kept reading this long, the Itching charm we put on this message should have had time to attach itself to various parts of your body. Just a little gift from us.

Cheers!

Fred and George Weasley

[Lord Choc Obo]

F. and G. (you're not worth saying your entire name)

I would just like to say that I always use pupils from Gryfindor that are in detention to read me the mail I get by regular post (as you might have guessed, I have other ways of communicating with important people) so you just jinxed your poor brother.
why don't you come and teach at Hogwarts? you might find it quite amusing, the job of DADA is really jinxed, so you'll be bickering about who WOULDN'T get it, rather than deciding who gets it.
oh and please be near hogwarts when the Death Eaters come back, it would be so much fun, thank you.

yours not really

Snape
__________________________

Dear Snape,

this is lord V.-stop
urgent message-stop
Harry potter-stop
must be-stop
destroyed-stop
by me or else-stop
the spell I'm-stop
preparing-stop
won't work-stop

I hate muggle telegrams, but I have to stay undercover for a little while, I can't tell you why.

Lord V.

[Fleur Delacour]

My Lord, I will try my best to attend. I wouldn’t recommend killing him yet. I recommend a strong potion so I can get my revenge on him after 6 years of temptation... I can brew one for you if you like...

Your faithfull server S


Sir,
I’m terribly sorry, I forgot to do my Potions Homework. I can’t tell you in person as I had a slight accident climbing down the ladder from my Divination class (Professor Trelawney says I should have forseen it & taken more care), so I’m sending you this owl from the Hospital Wing. Would it be ok to hand it in next week?
OOps, sorry I forgot, you are not longer the Potionmaster, can you please give Slughorn this message?
Neville Longbottom

[Lord Choc Obo]

you DIMWIT, if you had the time to write down that I had to give it to Slughorn, you could just have sent it to HIM, FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BOTHERING.

you should have forseen this too.

slow recovery, Snape

____________________

good Professor Snape,

I would like to invite you on a little date to have a chat with me in the hogshead, just to write down your thoughts on harry Potter.

Rita

[Fleur Delacour]

Ehmm, didn’t I tell you not to write to me. In fact didn’t I tell you not to communicate with me in any form again?I don’t know what came over me last night - you must have drugged that wine with some sort of bewitching potion. Leave me alone..Luckily for many of my students, I do not choose favourites... There are some who cause frequent trouble in my class... perhaps more frequent than others, but I have reconciled to the fact that there will always be something wrong with the majority of my students....
Potter's welfare, from the moment he steps outside my classroom, is none of my concern, nor is it yours!

Sincerely,
S. Snape

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)


Dear Mr. Snape,


We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.


Yours Sincerely,


Minerva McGonagall,


Headmistress.

[Lord Choc Obo]

Minerva, what kind of a sick jo....

FRED AND GEORGE, I will dock 2 points for every letter in your message from Gryffindor.

NOW STOP PESTERING ME.

Snape

__ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

good old snape,

remember me??? it's Burke, from the store...you still owe me money my friend for that...Dark object you purchased here the other day.
you better pay fast or else I'll let the Big Chief know.

yours truly, Burke

[Fleur Delacour]

Burke,
Please don’t insult my intelligence by pretending I Still owe you money for that silly toy...It dosen't even work you mindless dolt!. Everyone’s heard the rumours about what you get up to with those ‘Dark objects’... Your "Cheif" is nothing against mine, so you don't scare me...
Sincerely,
S. Snape
------------------------------------------------

Severus,
I seem to have run out of that special potion you’ve been brewing for me and wondered if you might send some with this owl, only there’s a full moon coming up and... Well you know what happens, you’ve seen the effects for yourself,
Thanking you in advance,
Remus Lupin

[durinsbane2244]

Remus,
Ah, Remus, old friend, of course! I'll send some strait away!
It always has been and always will be a pleasure to help my old classmate!
-Severus

P.S. You may want to check for some of my, ah, "personal" ingrediants, they
seem to have gone missing, and we both know I wouldn't want to have anything happen to you! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the cause of any misforutne for you, my dear friend Remus!

P.P.S. I attatched a flea coller, happy belated. . .

[Fleur Delacour]

Sir,
Father told me to tell you that it’s all your fault that he’s in this mess, and you would do well to remember that he's the only friend you’ve got. Nobody would ever talk to you at school except him - and you’re a big nosed greasy haired git.
please don’t get mad at me - he said that.
Sincerely
Draco Malfoy

[Elanor]

Draco:
Your father is a loser, and I hope he stays in Azkaban a long time. You can tell him I said that.
Severus Snape
--------

Dear Severus Snape,

I heard through the grapevine recently that you witnessed one of those miraculous creatures-- a Crumple-Horned Snorcack! I'm writing to ask if you and I might meet to discuss this, and I could possibly write an article on you and prove to the wizarding world once and for all that the Snorcack does exist. Please reply as soon as you can and let me know when I could interview you.

Best regards,

Leonardo Lovegood
Editor of the Quibbler.

[Lord Choc Obo]

dear Leonardo Lovegood

as you might know, I don't like harry potter...and i don't like anyone who has anything to do with harry potter, and I most certainly don't want to appear in a magazine where harry potter has been in as a main article.

so no, I do not want to meet you

I hope your really hurt and fall off a stair.

yours not really

Snape

P.S.: Twenty points from your daughter's house for you bothering me

-------------------------

dear professor,

could you make us some Felix Felicis for next weeks Quidditch match? or I hope you've got some left for our Seeker atleast, we know it's kind of illegal, but hey, we're your house, so it's okay isn't it??

the Slytherin Quidditch team

[Fleur Delacour]

Certainly, Please find the required potion in the phial I have attached to this owl.I hope you are practising hard for next weeks’ Quidditch match. I expect you to beat those Gryffindors at any cost. Use any means necessary, even better, if you give that troublesome Potter brat a visit to the hostpital wing.

Sincerely,
Your old Head of House
Professor Snape
-------------------------------------
Dear Severus,
I felt it only fair to warn you. Today I saw in the tea cup that Neville Longbottom will break a cauldron in tomorrows Potions Lesson.
Take heed
Oh, is it true that you left the school? I can't remember you told the staff about it...
Sybil Trelawney - Divinations Dept

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Sybil
I don't teach Potions anymore.
Snape

------------------

Dear Mr Snape.
We intercepted an owl being delivered to the Slytherin Quidditch from you with a phial of Felix Felicis. As a result your team have automatically been disqualified from the Tournament and are to be arrested.
Ministry of Quidditch.

[Lord Choc Obo]

this must be some kind of trick of Harry Potter, he knows he can't beat our team, so he just tried to get them disqualified, I'm most certain of this, and if you would just be so kind to drink this little brew I attached to the owl which will make you feel much refreshed, you'll see things from my point of view.

Snape

_____ ______ _________ ______ _____


good professor Snape,

I would just like to say that I'm not happy with your way of work in the DADA classes at all, mostly you don't teach us anything we could use, and most of the things you try to teach us we already knew. could this problem be resolved??

Hermione granger

[Gil-galad]

Miss Granger,

It's a pity your Inner Eye fails to serve you. You might have predicted my reaction to your cheek. Ten points from Gryffindor. I do hope you enjoy being an insufferable know-it-all, because it will be your only consolation next time. Give me a reason to expel you. I beg you.

Snape

------------------------

Dumbledore's Pet,

I still don't trust you. Thought you ought to know.

Bellatrix

[Lord Choc Obo]

you wouldn't even trust your own hands unless they were carrying food Bella, so I don't care at all...I know you're lying to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I'm a perfect occlumens, remember, you wouldn't want HIM to find out???

Snape

____ccccc______CCCCCC_______cccccc_______

Snape,

I don't trust bellatrix anymore, could you get rid of her for me???

Voldy (I like that name, it sounds...cool, please adress me like this in the futur, or else you'll die a painfull death)

[ladymadaysia]

you wouldn't even trust your own hands unless they were carrying food Bella, so I don't care at all...I know you're lying to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, I'm a perfect occlumens, remember, you wouldn't want HIM to find out???

Snape

____ccccc______CCCCCC_______cccccc_______

Snape,

I don't trust bellatrix anymore, could you get rid of her for me???

Voldy (I like that name, it sounds...cool, please adress me like this in the futur, or else you'll die a painfull death)
Voldy,

I would gladly get rid of that useless woman for you. She aggravates me, anyway. Would you like a slow and painful death or a quick death. Avada Kedavra? Write back soon.

Severus Snape

Dear Snape,
I don't appreciate your use of poisons on the Potter kid. Kindly please refrain from poisoning him again.
Minerva McGonagall

[ladymadaysia]

this is fun =)

[EarthBound]

Minerva,

How was your tea this morning ? [grin]

Snape



Professor Snape,

Why do you always wear black, kinda gloomy don't you think?

anonymous student

[Lord Choc Obo]

dear anonymous student

by touching this letter, you just became colour blind for a month, thanks to a special potion of my own making... from now on I will write the instruction rules on the blackboard in dark green... see of you can read that.

I like black okay, it's just a reflection of my mind, now be gone.

snape

//////////////////////////////////

good old Snape

remember me??? I don't remember me at all, so I was hoping you knew me...

love, Lockheart

[ladymadaysia]

Dear Lockheart,

I remember you. I also remember the job you took from me. Sorry to hear that you don't remember yourself, but just know that you were a pompous sleezebag, and I, I was a handsome man that poisoned your drink with need-to-pee every so often.

Good day,
Snape

Dear Snape,

Did you love my mommy?

Love,
Harry

[Lord Choc Obo]

dear harry, I am the cause of your mother's death, I didn't love her a single bit, I despiced her with all the hate I had in my body.

so no, I did not love her at all.

now I will kill you

your dearest Snape


_____ ______ ______ _____


good snape,

I just saw in my glass orb that Harry Potter is out to kill you, watch out for the boy.

The One With The All Seeing Eye

[ladymadaysia]

Dear One With The All Seeing Eye,

Your glass orb is nothing but a fishbowl full of water that is upside down. I know that the Potter kid is out to kills me, so if you please don't mind, keep your nose out of other people's business.

Severus

---

Dear Snape,

Can we have your autograph? We'd love to put it up in our new joke shop.

Sincerely,
The Weasley Twins

[Nurvingiel]

Dear Snape,
May I have some Boomslang? Lee Jordan told me if you put a pinch of Boomslang in photograph developing solution, you can actually get the subjects to throw objects outside the picture. Consider this a special study project.
Sincerely,
Colin Creevy

Mr. Creevy,
You need remedial studies, not special studies. Since you have only served to illustrate why I don't let incompetant students get their unwashed hands on my private stores, the answer is no.

Snape

PS. You have an extra assignment from me for your foolishness. Write 12 inches on why you must not take Potions advice from Gryffindors. Due next lesson.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Nurv. You're meant to answer the last letter in the last post, and write but not answer a new letter in your post, not write and answer.

[ladymadaysia]

Mr. Creevy,
You need remedial studies, not special studies. Since you have only served to illustrate why I don't let incompetant students get their unwashed hands on my private stores, the answer is no.

Snape

PS. You have an extra assignment from me for your foolishness. Write 12 inches on why you must not take Potions advice from Gryffindors. Due next lesson.

Dearest Snape,

I accidently put love potion inside of your drink yesterday. I hope you aren't angry with me.

Sincerely,
Professor Umbridge

[Lord Choc Obo]

I knew something was wrong when I woke up next to minerva this morning.....




____ ________ _______ ____ _________


dear professor snape

I was wondering if you would give us slytherins a few dueling lessons, we're thinking about taking over the gryffindor common room you see.

thank you

signed, the slytherin suicide squad

[Lord Choc Obo]

well dear slytherins, I don't think you will even need dueling lessons, just say BOO and they'll scatter and run like the cowardly chickens they are.

don't forget about the AK spell I thaught you if Potter or Weasley tries to resist.

jolly hunting young men.


_____________________


Snape, it's been a long time I heard of you, what've you been doing these last years?

your DAD

[Fleur Delacour]

Dear Father,
What on earth would have given you the idea that I actually cared if you were alive or not?. From the first day that I was born and I saw your ugly pointed face sneering down at me like a rabid boar. Perhaps you would have done us both a favor by killing me at birth. Perhaps then I would not have had to put up with your malice, your conceit, and your utter contempt for life.

Sincerely,
Professor S. Snape

Severus,
I seem to have run out of that special potion you’ve been brewing for me and wondered if you might send some with this owl, only there’s a full moon coming up and... Well you know what happens, you’ve seen the effects for yourself,
Thanking you in advance,
Remus Lupin

[durinsbane2244]

Lupin,

Oh, my DEAR, DEAR Remus, of course! who could imagine a better task than slaving over a hot cauldron so you can sleep at night! i mean, it's not like i'm busy at the moment, i'm only PLOTTING YOU AND YOUR FRIEND'S DEATHS!

sincerly yours,
severus
--------------------------------------------------------------------
dear snape,
watch out punk, i'm comin for you! it's your fault my mum and pa are dead, and you killed Wob Wo-i mean, Dumbledore! fear me!

H.P.

[rohirrim TR]

hey whats with the scar in the movies, i just watched, um whats the title..? Prsoner of azbakan and Harry's scar went from the rights side of head to the left and then back in less than 2 minutes, JUst a continuity error or what?

[Lord Choc Obo]

rohirrim, keep to the thread :mad:
____ ____ ____ ____

dearest harry,

I'm very sorry for the death of your parents, why don't you come and meet me and He who must not be named for a cup of coffee??? that way it's easier for us to kill you, we will in the end anyway, no need in running and hiding you know.

deadly yours

snape

____ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

good snape,

remember me? it's Slughorn, your favorite potions teacher. how have you been doing? still not up to my league now are you??? never mind that, I was wondering if you would cut up a few carrots for me, thank you.

Slughorn

[durinsbane2244]

nice, nice...i'll let someone else go...but the temptation...oooh...carrots... :D

[rohirrim TR]

i thought this was a question thread. oh wait snape is that really grumpy dude huh. oh so its like a joke thread *realization dawns* oops :o

[Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane]

Haha, I can't believe this thing has lasted so long!

Ah Slughorn,
Carrots? Why, yes. I shall cut up some carrots for you, then I'll add you to the pot! Not up to your leauge, bah! I could out potion you in my sleep, you fat old man. By the by, He Who Must Not Be Named is still looking for you. Still hanging out in that nice muggle house?
Most Unsincerly,
Severus Snape



Severus,
It has come to my attention that perhaps Dumbldore was mistaken about you. Would mind reporting to the Ministry for questioning? I'm asking nicely now, but I don't mind losing the other half of my nose if I end up coming after you, because I assure you, you will be losing all of your head if that happens.
Yours Truly,
Alastor Moody

[Lord Choc Obo]

alastor, how's that eye of yours? I wonder what would happen when I scream ACCIO MAGIC EYEBALL near you... come and get me, woodchipper *malicious giggle*

Snape


dear Snape

hello, I'm the editor of the Quibbler and I was wondering wheter you, as the HBP would mind giving an interview about your triangle relationship with He Who Must Not Be Named and Bellatrix Lestrange.

kindly respond hastly

[ladymadaysia]

Dear Editor,

I think you would be better off to keep to your own business. HWMNBN will be contact you shortly with the AK spell.

-Snape

Dear Professor,

Remember the time you blamed me for stealing from you to make polyjuice potion and the gillyweed for underwater survival? Remember how it really wasn't me who did all of that? I am still waiting for your apology.

-Harry

[Lord Choc Obo]

I'm sorry Harry, now read this spell out loud to all of your friends please:
"cruciatus totalus"

jolly fun spell, no? made it up myself.

yours deadly, Snape

______________________


good Snape,

remember me? I was the one you loved a long long time ago back in school, would you like to come and drink a coffee in my toiletroom??

Myrtle

[Fleur Delacour]

What on earth would have given you the idea that I actually would drink coffee with you? I am not in love with you Myrtle, nor shall I ever be! Get it through your skull! I should dearly like to have a word with who-ever started this rumour..Potter...
50 points from Griffindor..., just because I can!

for ever NOT yours
Snape


Dear Professor Snape,
Would you let me sneak into the Gryffindor's Common Room and craftily set off a few stink bombs then go back to the Slytherin Dorm without getting docked points? Would you let me Hex Potter for being a nitwit? May I please? It'd be really fun!
Goyle

[King of The Istari]

Dear G Goyle

As much as I would like SOMEONE to Hex that sniverling Potter Brat I sencirley doubt it will be you, you would most likely miss or set something on fire so therefore I will be NOT allowing you do get into the Gryffendor Common room or to Hex potter, that is MY priverlige.

Severus Snape

--------------------


Dear Snape

You KILLED me Severus... You Killed me!
Change your ways or you will die along with your dark master!

Albus Dumbledore

PS. I agree with Harry you are a Coward!

[jammi567]

Dear Snape

You KILLED me Severus... You Killed me!
Change your ways or you will die along with your dark master!

Albus Dumbledore

PS. I agree with Harry you are a Coward!

Dear dumbledore

i'm not a coward, we talked about this for the past year, you knew what i had to do you ungrateful *******, making me go through all this pain!

snape


__________________________________________________ _____________


Snape

What to come over to my place for a quick bite. How about on the next full moon...

Yours, Lupin.

[Ireth]

Mr. Lupin,

As much as I appreciate your invitation, I am not ready to die yet.

Snape.



Snape,

What is this I hear about you and Trelawney? You promised to marry me!

Pomona Sprout.

[Beren3000]

Please allow me to bump this thread! I think it'd be fun if people used it to express some of their speculations on book 7.

My dear Pomona,
Yes, I did promise to marry you; but I know you and I know your wants and desires all too well...
Let's just say that after a certain "incident" with the Dark Lord, I find myself not being able to...fulfill your marital needs.
To cut a long story short (such an unfortunate metaphor for me to use now!), I decided to act like a gentleman and bow out of this marriage.
Snape

P.S. I don't care what people have been saying; I go up to Trelawney's tower to get tea and only tea!

Dear Snape,
A little birdie told me that your ex-girlfriend, Pomona, is trying to patch things up with you. Next time you hear from that mud-grubbin' idiot, you better tell her to back off!
Your "tea"-buddy

[ladymadaysia]

Dear "Tea Buddy",

For your information, we are not "patching things up", as you say. I don't want anything to do with her and I have the same feelings for you. So you back off. Besides, we only are together for tea.

-Snape

Snape,

Don't go into the whomping willow at midnight.

-James

[The Sasquatch of Fangorn]

Dear Snape-

How do I stop setting my eyebrows on fire?!

- S. Finnagin

[Coffeehouse]

Snape why u hatin' so much brotha?

[Midge]

Seamus,

First of all, quit pointing your wand at your face. If that doesn't work, go swimming often. If you're not sure it's YOU setting your eyebrows on fire, then shun all your friends and join what Muggles call a Monastery: a place where radically religious Muggles live the rest of their days in silence and celibacy. Do you know what "celibacy" means? Ask Ron Weasley, he's probably got it figured out. There are plenty of good monasteries in Southeast Asia; India, Burma, Taiwan, and the like. Hope I never see you again!

Your nothing-special-in-particular,
Professor Snape.

(Note: Going back in time because I had a good idea for a letter, probably first or second year).

Dear Sev,

Remember me? When we were little, you lived down at Spinner's End! You always liked Lily better than me, but I have an idea you might enjoy. You may or may not know this, but Lily's son, Harry, lives with my family and he is quite the bunion on my left foot. I give you full permission to torture him in any way possible. My husband and I are quite glad he's not here now, but we pity that school of his for having to put up with him now. I am not very creative, of course, but I can ask my husband (who's really quite imaginative) to come up with ways to agonize Harry should you ever run out.

I just wanted you to know that no matter what you do to him, as long as you don't kill him, I suppose, we are behind you 100 per cent. There will be no lawsuits with the school on account of us.

Greatest love,
Tuney.

[Alec]

Dear Tuney,
I will try my best to make his life terrible him but I was planning on doing it anyway.
Best wishes,
Snape

Dear Snape,
I need you to tell me were the grifendor common room is so I can curse Potter back.
Malfoy

[Princess Fluttershy]

Dear Prof. Snape,
You rarely notice me but i am paired up with Ron and he messed up our potion making him puke slugs is there a potion i can use to reverse the effects?
Aria