Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Grey_Wolf]

It was one of these days and Frodo was having a really bad hair day when Gandalf dropped by trying to push his lousy medicines on him.

...anyone want to go on from here?

[Nurvingiel]

To top it all off, Sam was lurking about with garden shears insisting that his grass needed trimming! Frodo thought his friend really needed to do something about his obsessive compulsive gardening.

[Legoles]

Meanwhile Merry and Pippin had gotten into a fist fight... again. Frodo looked on with dismay as his cousins beat the living daylights out of their opponents
[and back at Mirkwood... Legolas nanced around gaily unaware of the archer behind him... ^_^]

[Grey_Wolf]

The Narsil Powersaw Company Tower, Imladris City

In his office Aragorn was going through the sales figures for the third quarter and it was no happy reading. If he couldn't find a way to boost sales for Christmas he could be looking at no bonuses this year.

[Legoles]

Mirkwood, random place in the forest.
"ah, woe is me!" He cried. "I chipped my nail! Ooh! Pretty light!"

[Haradrim]

Somewhere around Imladris in the forests. Faramir and a group of rangers are huddled in some bushes preparing to ambush a party of orcs. On three they will attack. 1. 2. "Faramir!" cries Eowyn. "Dinners READY!" The orcs charge the bushes. "Ow!" cries Faramir

[Nurvingiel]

"Okay, fine Frodo, forget about my Fine Tonic for Hairy Hobbit Feet. If you don't want a little spring in your step, that's your affair," said Gandalf.
Frodo glared at him.
"I have something much more important," Gandalf continued undeterred. "I need you to deliver..." he paused dramatically, "This package!"
Gandalf grabbed Frodo's fire tongs, and with them, pulled a package out from under his cloak.
Frodo looked unimpressed. "Why can't you deliver it?"
"It's too perilous!"
"Then wouldn't it be too perilous for me?"
"Hobbits are resistant. And fireproof."
"What is it anyway?"
"I can't tell you, it's too perilous! Now Frodo, do you trust me?" Gandalf said, helping himself to some of Frodo's finest Old Winyard.
"Not really."
"Good!" Gandalf continued blithely. "This package is to be delivered to Mountdo Omin Corporated," he said, showing Frodo the address on the package. It was wrapped in brown paper and string and looked perfectly ordinary. Frodo read the address suspiciously. "Wouldn't that read Mount Doom Incorportated?"
"Erm... noo..." Gandalf glanced out the window awkwardly. "So, will you deliver it? I'll give you some fireworks..."
"Fireworks?" Frodo brightened. "Alright fine."

OOC: Got a little carried away there... :D :o *sheepish grin*

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I apologize for taking over completely! :o But there's still a lot of possibilities here, I didn't wreck the story. I hope... :o

[Grey_Wolf]

OOC: I apologize for taking over completely! :o But there's still a lot of possibilities here, I didn't wreck the story. I hope... :o

of course not - go ahead. And all other mooters - get in here and write!!! :D

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I was going to add more, but I feel dumb being the only one posting any more. You should write too GW! Let's go team Sweden!

[Grey_Wolf]

OOC: I was going to add more, but I feel dumb being the only one posting any more. You should write too GW! Let's go team Sweden!

Book 1.3: Three Is Company

OK!

Early next morning Frodo locked the place up left the keys to Sam's dad (him being EO for the Great Potatoe Company offered to stock them up for the long trip, but was to his disappointment turned down) and Frodo, Sam and Pippin drove off in Pippin's Volvo X90 SUV.

[Nurvingiel]

As they drove down the M13, the mortorway to the Brandywine Bridge, they heard the sound of a sports car roaring up behind them.
"Hey, maybe that's Gandalf," said Sam, "He said he was going to meet us."
Frodo listened thoughtfully. "That doesn't sound like his car. I think we should get off the road!"
"Why?" said Pippin, who was driving.
"Well, if it isn't Gandalf, I want to avoid him," said Frodo. "And if it is, I want to egg his car!"
"We don't have any eggs," said Sam practically.
"We do have questionably shaped carrots, provided by Peter Jackson," offered Pippin.
"Forget it guys," said Frodo urgently, "Let's just pull into that service station."

[Grey_Wolf]

They looked back and saw a black Viper rapidly approaching. They immediately pulled up on the shoulder and withdrew into the shadows from the trees. The Viper passed by like a wind, the driver a young man in a black Armani suit.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

When the Viper had passed out of sight, Pippin and Sam appeared again. They hadn't seen anything as they had been fighting over the sharp carrot. As Pippin pulled back on to the Motorway they questioned Frodo over what he had seen.

[Nurvingiel]

"I think it was... a Lawyer. I'm not sure who they are. But the Gaffer said one had been asking about me in Hobbiton, just after we left," Frodo said with foreboding.
"What could they want with you?" said Sam, still triumphantly clutching the carrot.
Frodo avoided the question. "Er, let's just get to Crick's Hollow before the kitchen closes."

OOC: Crick's Hollow could be a pub or a pool hall or whatever.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Or an all Day Buffet!

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Go for it Telcontar! Dooo ittt.... whatever you like. Many funny possibilities here. *imagines the Hobbits stalling their journey to pig out, then the Nazgul Lawyer guy catching up and getting distracted by pie as the hobbits sneak out the back door into the Old Forest* hm...

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Pippin smoothly reversed into the Car Park at Crick's Hollow All Day Buffet. As they all helped themselves to some strawberry gateau Merry said to Frodo.
"Look Frodo. We know about your package. Is that why the lawyers after you. What was in there?"
"I do not know what is in there. But the master of the lawyers is the evil criminal mastermind Sauron. They're after me for handling stolen good," replied Frodo.
"Okay. We can escape. I have four Yamaha Motor Bikes in one of my lock ups here. We can be away in 10 minutes."

[Nurvingiel]

Ten minutes turned into two hours when the hobbits discovered the buffet sidebar, Heap O'Mushrooms. The mushrooms were having a soporific effect, but Frodo still felt a sense of Impending Doom when a young man in a suit walked in. The Lawyer!
"Don't look now, but one of the Lawyers is here!" said Frodo quietly but urgently.
Sam looked. The Lawyer saw them. "Run!" said Frodo, and they all made a mad dash for the exit behind the kitchen.
The Lawyer moved faster than they expected for someone so well-dressed, but he was stopped by the Maitre D'. "Excuse me sir, but this area is for customers who have paid."
"Who are you?" The Lawyer managed to hiss this, despite the lack of esses.
"I'm Farmer Maggot, your host for this afternoon."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Move Mister Maggot," hissed the lawyer.
"No honestly sir. Our Mushrooms are the best this side of the M13," replied Farmer Maggot.
"No sir I insist. Move!"
"Now sir. I'll get my dogs on you. Now eat some mushrooms."
With that the lawyer turned to the Mushrooms to the content of Farmer Maggot.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Looks like we're loosely following the Fellowship here. I think this could be very funny, and it will keep us organized too! And we'll never run out of ideas, thanks Tolkien! :D

While the Lawyer ate the mushrooms, the hobbits crept towards the back door. As they snuck through the kitchen, the Head Chef grabbed Frodo by the shoulder. "Hey Frodo, don't you remember me? Mrs. Maggot!"
"Nice to see you again," said Frodo, relieved. "Um, we really have to get going."
"Take these with you then!" she said, giving him a large, red box. He thanked her, and put it under his cloak with Gandalf's package. They made it out the back exit just as they heard the Lawyer sibillantly shout, "No I do not want any pie!"

OOC: I accidentally added Merry! Sorry guys, the carrot thing made me think of him. I edited those posts. Who's the fourth bike for now I wonder... maybe Merry will join them now, or Fatty Bolger, or someone... :D

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Merry's with them at Crickhollow (Crick's Hollow isn't he)

[Renille]

(OOC-You guys are uncannily close to starting something akin to TLA. I love it. May I join? But later. I have to speak at my school board meeting soon. :eek: I'm so very scared. Anyway, this does look fun.)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

While the Lawyer ate the mushrooms, the hobbits crept towards the back door. As they snuck through the kitchen, the Head Chef grabbed Frodo by the shoulder. "Hey Frodo, don't you remember me? Mrs. Maggot!"
"Nice to see you again," said Frodo, relieved. "Um, we really have to get going."
"Take these with you then!" she said, giving him a large, red box. He thanked her, and put it under his cloak with Gandalf's package. They made it out the back exit just as they heard the Lawyer sibillantly shout, "No I do not want any pie!"
It turned out that Merry only had three bikes in the lockup, but luckily one had a sidepod.
After Merry had started up all the bikes they were off. Merry in front, Pippin behind and Frodo with Sam in the sidepod at the back.
They headed towards the Old Forest Gate which was located near the back of Cricks Hollow. AS they reached there they all looked back and grineed when hearing,
"NO FARMER MAGGOT. I WOULD NOT LIKE ANY MORE MUSHROOMS!"

OOC: If anyone comes up with something better for the Old Forest then I'll edit this post.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Anyone going to post?

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 1.5-6: A Conspiracy Unmasked and The Old Forest

They all blazed off towards the Buckland-Old Forest Tunnel in cloud of dust and soon arrived at the entrance, paid the fee and were off again. Minutes later they emerged at the further exit and drove into the forest along a somewhat disused road which at first were quite straight but soon began to wind.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I thought I posted this already... :p

The Yamahas were excellent bikes, with quiet engines. The road was not so excellent. After a while, the pavement became full of potholes, and then ran out altogether. The trees were closer and closer to the road as it became more unkempt.
"I thought you said this was a good road," said Frodo.
"It's the only road," replied Merry. He sideswiped a particularly large tree branch, bending one of his side mirrors back. "I swear the tree did that on purpose," he muttered.

[Grey_Wolf]

OOC: I thought I posted this already... :p

The Yamahas were excellent bikes, with quiet engines. The road was not so excellent. After a while, the pavement became full of potholes, and then ran out altogether. The trees were closer and closer to the road as it became more unkempt.
"I thought you said this was a good road," said Frodo.
"It's the only road," replied Merry. He sideswiped a particularly large tree branch, bending one of his side mirrors back. "I swear the tree did that on purpose," he muttered.

OCC: Sorry, but The Gate and The tunnel-Entrance could be the same thing, couldn't it?

After travelling along the rutted road a while the pressing nature of the trees were getting to Pippin and he shouted "Oi! Oi! Oi! Let us pass will you!".

Merry: "I wouldn't shout if I were you."

And indeed the mood of the trees appeared to be become even more hostile.

Merry: "We'll soon come to the Bonfire Glade."

They drove on and soon entered a circular clearing in the forest. There they stopped.

Merry: "A Long time ago The Bucklanders cut down a lot of trees and made a bonfire here. Since then this spot has been bare and is called the Bonfire Glade."

They saw the road continue on the other side of the Glade and figured that they'll soon be out of the Forest. Their mood lightened.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: This is a clever line courtesy of Nurvingiel.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," said Frodo, in response to Merry's information about the glade.
After a while they got tired of riding and took a break. Merry and Pippin sat down by the tree and Frodo and Sam went down to a nearby stream. When they returned Merry and Pippin were no where to be seen.
"Merry. Pippin," shouted Frodo assuming they were having yet another fist fight. "Come out. One of you might get hurt."
A muffled yell came from near the tree from where they had been sitting.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I think the Tunnel entrance and the Gate could be the same. Did we cause a continuity problem somewhere?
OOC2: Telcontar is cool! :cool:

The smell of ultra sugary candy wafted through the air, making Sam feel sleepy. Frodo lounged by the stream, and Merry and Pippin were nowhere to be seen. He thought he heard muffled yells, but he didn't care. He just wanted to close his eyes for a moment...

Inside the tree, Merry and Pippin were forced into strange chairs, and strapped in. "Welcome to Old Man Willow's Roller-Coaster of Excitement!" said a creepy voice.
"Help! Let is out!" they screamed to no avail. The ride's engine started and they suddently lurched around the tree. The ride wasn't a roller coaster at all, they were just being spun and jerked around.

Sam was finally awakened by the loud engine and screaming. This accounted for Merry and Pippin, but where was Frodo? "Mr. Frodo!" he shouted. He ran down to the stream, where Frodo was leaning dangerously.
"I can see my reflection Sam, I must touch it..." he said in an odd voice.
"Don't touch the water Mr. Frodo, it's polluted. Look at that green scum. And you can see rusty cars at the bottom."
"Pretty lights..." Frodo leaned over too far and fell in, getting covered with smelly green slime. Sam fished him out, also getting slimed.
"Whew Mr. Frodo, you smell foul but look fair, or whatever the expression is," said Sam.
"You don't look so great yourself Sam; let's help Merry and Pippin," Frodo replied.

They tried as hard as they could, but they could not get into the ride. Finally they sat down at the base of the tree, defeated.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Thanks Nurv! :D

Just at thet moment they heard a man walking down the path near the Tree.
"Help," they shouted. "Help. This tree is eating our friends.
"Tree. I'm afraid not my dear small people! That is no Tree. He is a Carnival Ride. He's been due a Service for a while I'll fix it," replied the old man.
He went round the back of the tree and after a few crashes and smashes he emerged with a Crow Bar hanging out of his pocket.
"It's my beautiful singing voice. Works every time,"he beamed. ""I'm Tom Bombadil. Chief Carnie around here."
As he said this Merry and Pippin emerged out of the Tree, panting like Dogs.
"Let's do that again," said Pippin as he headed towards the Tree.
"No," said Merry firmly, holding him back.
"Anyway, thank you Mr Bombadil. Your help is very much appreciated," said Frodo.
"Anytime. Please come back to my place for a while. Your bike look like they need a bit of fuel anyway," he replied.
Needing not to be asked twice they headed off with Tom.

[Nurvingiel]

Tom was an interesting looking fellow, who never seemed to stop singing. None of his clothes were the same colour - his cap was white, trousers were bright blue, and he was wearing a red felt vest over a tie-dyed T-shirt. Even his socks were mismatched.
"Hey, where are our bikes?" said Sam. The Yamahas seemed to have grown legs and wandered off. Tom looked away.

"Who knows where your bikes have gone,
But please do not look so forlorn,
Come to my house and you'll see,
A place to rest and fair Goldberry."

Frodo was suspicious, but there was nothing they could do. He mostly lamented the loss of the mushrooms - a gift from the esteemed chef Mrs. Maggot. They followed Tom, who set a good pace, his fluorescent orange Nikes squeaking slightly.

Finally, they came to a rainbow-painted Westfailia van. Dusk approached, and it was getting quite cool. The Hobbits were exhausted after their ordeal, but they were refreshed at this cheerful sight. A beautiful woman stepped out, greeting them. "Come inside, warm yourselves by the propane stove. I have prepared Mr. Noodle soup and cookies," said Goldberry melodiously.

"Ah, my fair Goldberry, always is a joy to see,
I have brought gifts from my wandering
After Eight chocolates, ones you can enjoy with tea!"
sang Tom.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As they sat up for tea they realised that all things on the table were green. At this the hobbits were most dismayed and now Frodo really rued losing those mushrooms.

OOC: Haven't got anymore ideas so someone else carry on.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 1.7-8: In the House of Tom Bombadil and Fog On the Barrow Downs

As they sat down around the green table Tom came back (from whereever he'd been) and said:

"Welcome to McBombadil's! And this is Goldberry who's my check-out chick!"

[Nurvingiel]

Frodo thought it was odd to have a restaurant in a van, but no matter. They heartily tucked into McMushroom Burgers, and the unfortunate loos of Mrs Maggot's gift was (nearly) forgotten. After a hearty dinner, they relaxed around the table smoking pipes with odd tobacco.
"This isn't Longbottom Leaf," commented Merry. Frodo was feeling very relaxed, and decided to see what was in the perilous Package. While everyone was looking away, he slowly undid the string, and quietly removed the brown paper.
Suddenly he was in a strange, grey world. It was noisy, and odd machines roared past him. He could hear the distant voices of his friends calling, "Oi! Where has Frodo gone!"
"Come Frodo, put your Package away, it is just a silly trinket. I can still see you you know," said Tom cheerfully.

OOC: I thought it would be cool if modern Earth was the wraith world.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Where lawyers ruled the world!

Frodo did the package back up with a suprise.
"What is it Frodo?" asked Sam quietly with mushroom sauce round his mouth.
"I don't know exacly. But there were lorries every where, moving quickly. And lawyers, so many lawyers," he replied, on the verge of tears.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Yeah! Nice one. :)
Hm. Maybe as the Ring is always capitalized, we should always do the same to "Package"? What do you guys think?

Frodo securely hid the Package and under his cloak, with shaking hands.
"Maybe you would like to see your rooms now," said Tom. The hobbits realized they had smoked and talked for a long time, and it was now completely dark outside.

[Grey_Wolf]

The rooms of McBombadil's Fast Food Restaurant And Hostel was really nice. Proper beds for everyone. The Hobbits slept soundly through the night. Next morning they were awakened by Tom warbling like a robin outside the windows. He saw them off and lend them four more terrain bikes and they drove off towards the distant hills.

[Nurvingiel]

"Oh, it's not just a van," thought Frodo, feeling silly. He went to bed with this thought in his head, and had strange dreams...

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

When they awoke next day they found Tom outside of the van/fast food restraunt/ hostel with their four bikes.
"i um found them wandering round," he said after much questioning from the Hobbits. "And I found another one to. Any way, you'd better be leaving today, don't want to get behind schedule on you journey do you."

[Nurvingiel]

Their packs were still strapped to the back of the bikes. Frodo hurridly searched his, and triumphantly produced Mrs Maggot's mushrooms!
"Let's have lunch before we go," said Pippin. The hobbits heartily agreed. Tom said farewell and left to gather more chocolate.
After they ate, it was well past noon. They headed north along a winding country road towards the Barrow Downs - the wheelbarrow graveyard, where old wheelbarrows go to die. None of the hobbits believed the fanciful tales they heard of the place, and didn't really think it was haunted. They continued their fairly relaxed pace as they neared the rolling green hills. Some of the distant hills were crowned with strange objects.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As the hobbit went further into the Barrow Downs the noises of the bikes behind Frodo slowly decreased until he turned around shouting."Where are you. Hurry up!"
As he turned forward again he saw many white wheel-barrows.
"We are the Barrow- Wights," he hissed. " Come with us."
They were surrounding Frodo slowly as he backed away.

[Nurvingiel]

Frodo couldn't see Sam, Merry, or Pippin. The Wights advanced, and he was rudely shoved, and wheeled away by the Wight Wheel-Barrows. Then there was only blackness.

Frodo woke up on something uncomfortable and metallic. He did not know how long he'd been asleep.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As he awoke he remembered Old Bombadil and the songs he used to sing. With that thought a voice errupted out of him.
"Old McBombadil had a fast food resteraunt.
Ey-Ei-EY-Ei-O
And in that resteraunt he had some chocalate
Ey-Ei-EY-Ei-O
With a chomp, chomp here and a chomp chom there.
Here chomp, there a chomp, everywhere a chomp chomp
Old McBombadil had a fast food resteraunt.
Ey-Ei-EY-Ei-O"

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: That was hilarious Telcontar! :D

As Frodo sang, the horrible darkness lifted. He saw that he was in a garden shed, lying on a pile of gardening tools. Merry, Pippin, and Sam were lying on similar heaps of tools. Frodo went to his friends and gently woke them up.

In the distance he heard Tom's voice answer his song.

OOC: We could have them take the tools as swords maybe.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The hobbits saw Tom coming out of the clearing on his own bike with another four coming behind with no riders.
"I heard your song Frodo, quite a good voice. You should join a choir someday. Any way I see you bumped into the Barrow-Wights and their Wheel-Barrows. Tell me laer. Firts, lets get those overalls off of you," he said in a chirpy voice.

[Nurvingiel]

They discarded the fell overalls of the Wights, but now all they had to wear was leather jackets and pants, and tall riding boots. They quickly found these hot on the warm day. While they changed, Tom knocked down the garden shed, and spread the tools on the grass.
Tom picked up a small pair of pruning shears. "I knew the one who wielded these, a fair lady. She sculpted beautiful topiary. But that age is gone now."
"Maybe we should take some tools," said Merry, "You never know when we might need them."
They looked throught the tools for ones best suited to their needs.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Frodo took a spanner, Sam took a hammer and Merry and Pippin took a crow bar each.
With that, along with Tom, thy set off toward the Souther border of the Forest.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 1.9: At the Sign of the Prancing Pony.

As they came to the border Tom said:

"My estate ends here and I cannot and will not go outside it's borders. So you'll have to handle the rest of the trip on your own. A couple of miles down that road you'll find Bree and the excellent pub Prancing Pony."

They tried to implore Tom to at least come with them to the pub but he was adamant.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"I have no interests beyond this border and no reason to leave it. There are no McBombadil restraunts and I'm not interested in branching out," he replied to their pleas.

[Grey_Wolf]

OCC: Aragorn, an FBI agent posing as the EO of the Narsil Power Saw Company. His sole purpose to crush Sauron's plans of flooding Middle-Earth with Crack.

They drove off after exchanging sorrowful goodbyes with Tom. A couple of miles later they arrived at the Traffic Control Station and paid the fee for travelling the remaining 6 miles of motorway to the bustling resort town of Bree.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

They entrusted the ticket to Pippin and the next 6 miles passed resonably quickly. Just before they reached the Gate Frodo stopped his bike and the ther hobbits follow suit.
"Remember the name Baggins is not to be mentioned. I'm Mr. Overhill if anyone asks. I'm alredy being chased for handling stolen goods. Adding fraud to that will add alot to my sentence if I'm caught," he said, turning on his bike and heading to the Gate.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Hey TD, do you mean that it would add a lot to Frodo's sentence if he was caught?

IC:

As they drove through the gate, no one noticed a shadowy figure clinging James Bond style underneath the cart which came in behind them (most conveniently).
The shadowy figure slipped into the Prancing Pony Equestrian Resort before the Hobbits figured out where it was. The figure took a table in the Common Room, to the slight annoyance of Mr. Barliman Butterbur, proprietor and host.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After the hobbit's ordered some beers they noticed the strange man in the corner speaking to his smart tie.
'Strange,' thought Frodo. 'That man must be insane.'

[Nurvingiel]

After their beers, they had another round. This round was followed by another round. Then, Merry and Pippin began telling funny stories about the Shire. They were quite amusing, and soon the whole bar was crowded around them, listening, and buying them more drinks. Frodo's gaze wandered, and he felt claustrophobic in the body odour smelling room. He realized with horror that Merry and Pippin were starting to talk about their adventure with the Lawyer.
Sam came back from talking to Mr Butterbur. "I got a room for us Mr Overhill," he said carefully. "What's the matter?" he added, seeing Frodo's face.
Pippin was about to describe opening the Package in Tom Bombadil's house. Frodo panicked, and jumped on the table. Attention was diverted to him for the moment.
"There once was a man from Nantucket..." he began to recite.
"Do a dance!" yelled someone in the crowd.
"Yeah, shake that thing, woo!" added another.
"I'm... to sexy for my shirt.. too sexy for my shirt..." he sang, starting to dance around the table. Unfortunately, he put his foot in a bowl of peanuts and slipped, falling hard on the floor. The package had been carfully stowed under his cloak; now it fell to the floor, the knot unravelling in a very convenient and suspicious way.
Suddenly, he was in the cold, grey world. He could hear everyone in the bar gasp, as if from a distance. There were strange carriages everywhere, and endless stone. With shaking hands, he retied the string on the package. He found himself in the smelly bar, and hid the retied package back under his jacket. Somehow, he had crawled away from the crowd. Frodo got shakily to his feet.
"It was magic I tells ya!"
"I dun saw him disappear I did," debated various members of the crowd.
"No magic, I'm here eve- gak!" Frodo was rudely cut off by a strong arm grabbing his collar and yanking him around the corner, into the hall.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Well Mister.. Overhill isn't it?" said the man with the tie.
"Umm... yes. Overhill. I am Mister Overhill,"replied Frodo.
"I don't think so. Mister Baggins. Oh yes I know you," he replied to Frodo sudden astonishment of the use of his own name. "I know you only to well."

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 1.10-11: Strider and A Knife In the Dark

"Oh do you now." Frodo said, saucily."How come you're so confident and cocky."

"Well, I'm a friend of Gandalf's. And I know what you're carrying. I suggest you and your friends join me in the Special Visitor's Lounge for what I don't doubt will be a very informative chat."

Frodo made a non-committal shrug and agreed, telling the others to come along.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Just as Frodo had found Frodo, Sam and Pippin (Merry had gone for a walk) Mr Butterbur walked into there room where they were with the man with tie.
"Sorry Mister Overhill. I've just remember something. Gandalf, the medicine man came in a couple of a months ago asking me to send to this email. But you see nobody here knew hoe to use a computer, and no one was willin' to fetch a technition. Only just now has a computer whizz come in," he said humbly. Just at that moment Frodo's plam pilot went off. 'Beep, beep. Beep, beep. He opened it. You have one new message it said on the screen.

[Nurvingiel]

Pippin and Sam menaced the suspicious man in the tie with questionably shaped vegetables while Frodo read the email. The man seemed not to notice them; he was studying Frodo's face intently. After his rough treatment of Frodo, and his intrusion, the Hobbits couldn't bring themselves to trust him. He was wearing a black suit and tie and a dark brown fedora. He had three days growth of a beard, and looked as though he had spent many nights without much sleep.

[-elfearz-]

After several minutes, Frodo finally looked up from the palm pilot, meeting stares of anticipation with a confused frown. But before he could say anything, the man in the black tie broke the silence.
"Mr Baggins," he barked, "I have a proposition for you."
Frodo frowned more deeply and raised a single eyebrow, creating a look intended to convey sarcastic nonchalance, but which bore a much closer resemblance to constipation. Sam and Pippin eyed their friend with fleeting concern before brandishing their vegetables with renewed menace.
"Let me accompany you", Black-tie continued, unfazed. "I am a friend of Gandalf's. I know you are pursued by Lawyers. And I know where you are going."
"Then you're one up on me," muttered Pippin, realising he didn’t.
Sam fingered his questionably shaped carrot. "How do we know you're a friend of Gandalf's?" he demanded.
Black-tie reached into the inside-pocket of his jacket and rummaged around a bit, eventually producing a familiar shaped bottle marked "GG's Fine Tonic for Unappealing Chin Pubes".
"That don't prove nothing", said Sam defiantly. "You coulda got that anywhere. They're going for 85% off at every pharmacy."
"Not surprisingly", he muttered under his breath, eyeing the nasty red rash that was spreading from his hairy feet to his ankles. "Lousy medicines."
"And how do you know about the Lawyers anyway?" he said, rounding again on Black-tie, who's sympathetic smirk made him seem doubly untrustworthy. "Maybe you're one of them. You certainly dress like them."
"I am not a Lawyer", sighed the man, "nor am I in league with them. This suit isn’t even new – it's a 5 year old Versace cast-off." He peeled open his jacket, revealing a blindingly yellow lining. "A tribute to Donatella's fluorescent spring/summer 2000 collection", he explained. "And her hair," he added with a wink.
An uncomfortable silence followed, during which the hobbits looked utterly unconvinced.
"What does the email say Frodo?" Pippin finally asked.

ooc: i just realised how long that was - sorry for barging in like that!! i just discovered this very funny thread..and couldnt resist :o

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: No Elfearz, you're more than welcome to join! I hope you stick around. You're post wasn't too long at all! (I'd be the last person to criticize you there! :D) That was a great post, very humorous! (I can't get enough of those questionably shaped vegetable references!) I'd continue, but I don't know what to do with the email.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: That's fine elfearz. Good to have someone else joining.

ic: "Dear Frodo.

Sorry that I can't come back to the Shire. My Head Pharmacist needs to speak to me and he lives a long, long way away. Leave The Shire as soon as you get this. Head for Rivendell. Elrond lives there and his daughter is a supermodel, so he's really rich!

Yours medically,
Gandalf.

PS: Don't use the package.

PPS: You might meet one of my friends. He goes around as a man with a tie. Many men try to be like him so make sure i is actually him. His real name is FBI agent Aragorn Telcontar. He's posing as a salesman for the Narsil Warehouse Company.

PPPS: Don't travel by Night.

[Nurvingiel]

PPPPS:
All that is gold is not blindingly yellow.

Frodo read the email twice, then looked at the newcomer thoughtfully. "You claim you're a friend of Gandalf's. What is your name?"
"I tell you this only because I need you to trust me. I am Aragorn, an FBI agent."
"This letter refers to Aragorn. But how do we know you're the real Aragorn?" said Frodo sharply.
"Alas, I must somehow earn your trust. But you're starting to think like an agent anyway," he said, smiling ruefully.
Frodo considered Aragorn, as Sam and Pippin continued to menace him with vegetables, which Aragorn continued to ignore. Frodo thought of his suit, and that is was much poorer than the high-end Armani suits of the Lawyers. They would never have such a hideous yellow lining in their suits. That's it! Frodo thought, rereading the post post post post script to Gandalf's email.
"All that is gold is not blindingly yellow," Frodo said aloud. "I think we will trust you. You look foul, but feel fair, as they say."
Aragorn glared at him, offended. "Hey, do you know how hard it is to buy deoderant in this town?"
"Will you guide us to Rivendell?" said Frodo.
"Yes, I know many back roads where the Lawyers will have trouble following us," said Aragorn.
Since Frodo was ready to trust Aragorn, Pippin would too. He lowered his weapon, and ate it casualy. Sam lowered his weapon too, but was less inclined to trust the stranger.


OOC: I was thinking of paraphrasing the entire "All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost..." poem, but it seemed... somehow wrong. ;)
OOC2: The roads could be a complex network of logging roads. What do you think guys?

[-elfearz-]

Aragorn grinned. "Well, that settles it. We'll leave in the morning," he said almost brightly.
"Oh, and Frodo," he added, as if as an afterthought, "if you ever need legal representation, steer clear of anyone with chin pubes. First impressions count in court."
"Oh, I know all about those charges against you," he continued, as Frodo gaped. "Well I am with the FBI! I'm glad you chose to accept my companionship freely; but if you hadn't, well, I'm not above blackmail." He smiled wryly. "So if Samwise would care to eat his carrot.."

[Nurvingiel]

"Hmph," said Sam, still unconvinced. "I'll eat half the carrot," he said, taking an agressive bite out of the top.
"Hey, where's Merry?" said Frodo. "It's getting dark, and he should have been back by now."
"Maybe he went on a pub crawl," said Pippin.
"Without us? That's unlike him," commented Sam, worried.
"Considering what's following you, I suggest we find him immediately," said Aragorn sternly.

[-elfearz-]

OOC2: The roads could be a complex network of logging roads. What do you think guys?

great idea :D

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Just at that moment Merry burst in with one of the Hobbit's from the bar. He was about to speak to Frodo whn he saw Aragorn and immediatly took a qustionably shaped carrot out of his pocket.
"It's alright he's here with my leave," said Frodo quickly.
"Okay. Anyway, there are lawyers here, in the village," Merry said gasping for breath.
"You'd better stay in my room tonight," h said grimly.
That night the hobbits stayed in Aragorn's room and slept (as most hobbits do) fitfully. The next morning Aragorn took them to their own rooms.
"Look," he said, opening the door. On each bed, lay a court summons. :eek:

OOC: Frodo coul have to be healed because of a wound inflicted by the Court summons.

[-elfearz-]

ooc: this is really way too long...and is no substitute for the law study notes I'm meant to be doing...but anyway..

Mr Baggins,

Pursuant to your apprehension for the mala in se which you are currently charged of committing with full malitia praecogitata; namely those acts of handling and receiving stolen goods and fraudulent misrepresentation; you are hereby summoned to a committal hearing for the hereinbefore stated offences, to take place at the Petty Court of Western Middle-Earth.

Frodo blinked at the document, holding it gingerly between two fingers. "I cannot read the strange words", he concluded eventually, after several valiant attempts to pronounce 'praecogitata'. "Much less understand them."
"That does not surprise me." Aragorn's tone was grim. "They are from the vile and indecipherable language of Legal Jargon. Few can master it, and those that do usually become Lawyers."
The hobbits gaped at him in aghast silence. They continued to do so until they were interrupted by a fretful Butterbur who apologetically informed them that their motorbikes were "gone". Then they gaped at him in aghast silence.
"What do you mean 'gone'?" Aragorn snapped eventually. "Can't a guest park here safely for a night? Or is this your way of keeping people here longer so they can drown their woes in more of that god-awful beer of yours?"
"No, no, no, nothing like that!" The innkeeper seemed on the verge of tears, the hobbits thought, beginning to pity the poor man (and mentally noting never to get on the bad side of an FBI agent). "It's like this," Butterbur blubbered on. "See this man drove in, late last night you see, and I was a bit foggy, being roused from sleep and all...but he was very nicely dressed – smart Armani suit – very respectable." He paused.
Even Aragorn gaped. But this time the surrounding silence was poignant. They had seen this coming.
"Er, well, he says to me, well...I can't remember what he said exactly, but, it was like he could see all my problems, and he knew just how to fix them. You see, business hasn’t been too good lately, and so money's a bit tight. So I've had to cut back on wages, and the staff aren't pleased, so the service is slipping, and, well yes like you said sir, my brew hasn’t been so good of late..." he said, eyeing Aragorn and looking so ashamed that the hobbits felt even more sorry for him. "Anyway, this young man, he gave me these 3 beans," Butterbur continued, holding out his hand indicatively. "He said if I plant them this morning, a beanstalk will grow, and if I climb it, I'll be rich by sunset. All he wanted in return was, well, your bikes. You see, I thought, with me being a millionaire and all, I could more than compensate you before the day was out. And I could get myself back on track. It sounded like a win-win situation."
He smiled, desperate to win them over, but any pity for the man had already evaporated.
"YOU!" exploded Merry, when a sufficiently tense moment had expired. "You mean to say that you traded my bikes for a couple of puny, questionably shaped –"
"No, he was powerless," Aragorn interjected with a sigh. "You yourself would have fared no better. Never try to negotiate with a Lawyer."
When an apologetic Butterbur had left to find them alternate transport – and to plant his beans – Aragorn told the hobbits he had something to show them. He fiddled with the combination lock of a battered brown case, until it sprung open, revealing a small black book. And a huge power saw marked 'Narsil'.
Sam's hand went instinctively to his carrot. Or what was left of it. Aragorn rolled his eyes and picked up the book. It was thin, and labelled "Constitution" in gold lettering.
"This is your best defence against the Lawyers," he explained, flicking it open at a page marked "Fifth Amendment"

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After a while Barliman returned to the hobbits and Aragorn.
"There are no bikes to be found here. The smart men drove them all off. Save one only. Owned by Bill Ferny. But it's in very poor condition and he won't part with it for less than £9,000," he explained. "I'd be happy to pay though, to make up for my blunder."
The hobbits nodded in agreement and then Barliman spoke again.
"Do you know who those men were?" he asked questioningly.
"They were lawyers Barliman. Lawyers of Sauron of Mordor. They are defending him against charges of possesion and intent to supply a Class A drug. He will face the second best judge around, Manwe second only to Illuvatar. There are nine of them. They were once great men, before Sauron tricked them into attending Law School. They were the best FBI agents around. Beware of them, they are at their most dangerous when you are alone with them, they can trick you into doing the most stupid and horrific things as Barliman discover," said Aragorn grimly.
"I knew they were lawyers but I did not know they were that evil," said Frodo in shock.

[Grey_Wolf]

A couple of hours later they were finally on their way. Aragorn driving the fully laden four wheel bike (which was in a lousy condition, the springs almost gone.) and the hobbits walking alongside. All of Bree had turned out to the see them off because of the mysterious goings on the previous evening and night. As they passed a bungalow at the further end of Bree they saw a sneering man standing outside. It was Bill Ferny.
"So, Longshanks, you got some new friends, I see." he said, scowling.

"Yes." Aragorn answered simply.

On seeing the hobbits and in particular Sam:
"Now, Sam, you better service my Little Mule properly."

"And you," Sam answered,"better keep that foul face of your's out of sight or it'll get hurt." Sam threw the carrot at him and heard Bill cursing behing the picket fence. "Waste of a good carrot." He also had a brief glance of a stylishly dressed man in one of the windows, who dropped out of sight quickly."So that's where that Lawyer is hiding."

They kept walking and exited Bree and came onto a rutted two-lane road going east. The children of Bree followed them for a while but soon gave up out of disinterest.

"We'll make for the Weather Top Café first, it being out of season there's isn't all that many people there now." Aragorn said.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Sam had fallen in love with the new bike, naming it Bill after it's old owner. In the mornings the hobbits and Aragorn would awake to find Sam with overalls on, the tool box out and covered in oil.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC:
Just at that moment Merry burst in with one of the Hobbit's from the bar. He was about to speak to Frodo whn he saw Aragorn and immediatly took a qustionably shaped carrot out of his pocket.
Is that a questionably shaped carrot in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? :D This line has to go to someone, perhaps Arwen? Incidentally, I have some really good ideas (I think) for "Flight to the Ford".
Totally hilarious posts guys, I love it!

I took four wheeled bike to mean All Terrain Vehicle, or quad.

Sorry I didn't know a better legal jargon phrase, maybe you can help me on that -elfearz-. :)

IC:
Sam steered the ATV, with both racks piled high with their gear. Every now and then, the bike would stall. Sam would get off and add some more duct tape to the already heavily jury rigged engine. "If I had the correct parts, this bike would be a wonder," said Sam.
"You will find what you need at the Elrond's ATV and Chainsaw Repair. The Last Homely House, and a more peaceful place you never could hope to find," said Aragorn, with a faraway look in his eyes. Pippin grabbed his hand when Aragorn nearly ran into a tree.
"Are you okay buddy?" said Pippin.
"Don't call me buddy," Aragorn replied sternly, reverting back to normal. "This way, into the forest." He added, leading them onto a narrow, rutted logging road. A yellow sign nailed to a tree read 'Block 296-3297'. "The Lawyers will have difficulty following our trail here."
As they walked, Merry thought about the events of last night, when he took a walk before the dreaded court summons were issued. He had been wandering aimlessly throught the streets of Bree, when he overheard two men talking. It was all incomprehensible mumbo jumbo, and he peered around the corner of a building at the two mysterious men. They were both well-dressed, but only one was a Lawyer. He would never forget what they looked like - their sinister gelled hair, the dreaded cut of their suits... he must have been distracted, because before he realized what was happening, the two men were walking in his direction. It was all he could do to dive behind a garbage can in time. As the Lawyer walked by, the words "issue the subpoena" rang in his ears, and he slumped to the ground in a faint. He woke up an unspecified amount of time later, and returned to the Prancing Pony.
He was embarassed about fainting, so he didn't tell his friends what had happened. Now, as they wound their way down the twisting network of logging roads, he realized this encounter with the Lawyer might be important.
Merry sucked it up and told Aragorn of the encounter. He expected jeers, but rather than make fun of him, Aragorn looked impressed.
"Not many can decipher an entire phrase of legal jargon and live to tell the tale," said Aragorn. "Perhaps there's more to you than meets the eye."

[Grey_Wolf]

Meanwhile, at the Weather Top Café:

Gandalf was having his usual Jasmine tea (which he always took when he dropped by) when Five of the Lawyers came crashing through the door.

"Gandalf, now we really caught you with your pants down."

"Oh, really. That's only what you think." And took out a bag from his pocket and threw some dust into the faces of the Lawyers who immediately began sqirming and coughing while Gandalf made his escape.

[Nurvingiel]

"Aaaaugh, it's Gandalf's Athlete's Food Insta-cure Powder," screamed the Lawyers, clawing at their eyes. "It burns!! It burns!!"

Gandalf hastily slapped four strips of duct tape on the wall before he lit out the door.


Meanwhile, Aragorn and the four hobbits were making excellent progress through the forest. The hobbits couldn't follow all the twists and turns of the different logging roads, but they had come to trust Aragorn, even Sam (as much as he came to trust anyone he didn't know well). Bill the Quad turned out to be an excellent bike, after several days of Sam's early morning mechanics.
"Now we have to cross This-probably-isn't-water Swamp," said Aragorn, as he led them off the logging road, down a narrow track. "We're in dangerous country. This is where the Troll Treehackers Logging Company operates. They don't practice sustainable forestry like the Bree companies do."
The track was narrow and bumpy, and they paused to make sure their gear was securely strapped to Bill. After an hour, the hobbits started to notice a very unpleasant smell.
"Excuse you Pip!" exclaimed Merry, who was walking behind Pippin and holding a handkerchief over his nose.
"It wasn't me, I think it was Aragorn," said Pippin, taking out his own handkerchief.
"Nobody farted," said Aragorn, rolling his eyes. "That's the smell of This-probably-isn't-water Swamp." In addition to the putrid smell, they also began to hear the distant humming of large insects. Or was that a helicopter?

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

It was insects! They bit and they stung and after a wile Gandalfs cream was gone and they were stuck with the little devils.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 1.12: Flight To the Ford

They spent two uncomfortable nights in the This-probably-isn't-water Swamp and on the third day after couple of hours of steady walking finally was out of the horridly smelling place, leaving the biting insects behind.

On the second day out of the Swamp they saw the Weather Top Café looming up ahead in the darkness, lights welcommingly shining from the windows from that highly placed water hole for weary travellers.

[Nurvingiel]

They were turned away at the door of the Café because they stank too much. Try as they might, they hadn't been able to get the funky polluted smell of the swamp 'water' out of their clothes. Even Aragorn couldn't get them in, and he seemed to have some pull there.
"Oh well," said Frodo resignedly, "Let's just make a campfire on the hillside."
"Yeah, we can have a wiener roast!" said Pippin enthusiastically.
Aragorn looked thoughtful, but said nothing. They set up camp with remarkable speed away from the Café, and started toasting their dinner. Aragorn made five torches.
"What are those for?" asked Sam.
"This fire may attract the Lawyers, but it is also our best weapon against them," he replied.
"What about the Amendment?" asked Merry.
"I'm impressed you remembered," said Aragorn. "We do have the Fifth Amemendment, and the Charter of Rights and Freedoms. But alas, you can't read them in the dark because the printing is too small."
Frodo thought he heard a noise. He slowly put down is sausage. "What was that?" he asked, suddently getting a feeling of Impending Doom. A worried, slightly angsty expression came over his face.
"We are hear to Issue a Subpoena!" said a Lawyer menacingly, as he and four other Lawyers emerged from the shadows, surrounding the five companions. Each bore a Legal Document, holding it towards Frodo. They ignored everyone else.
"Quick everyone, take a torch!" said Aragorn, thrusting them into the fire and passing them out.
"Aaa, not fire! It might make a hole in my Armani suit!" said one Lawyer, hesitating his advance.
"I'll never get the campfire smell out of it!" said another. It looked like the company had the upper hand.
"Don't be such weaklings," said the leader derisively, "You can get them drycleaned later!"
They advanced on Frodo, who was fingering something under his cloak. Merry, Pippin, Sam and Aragorn arranged themselves around him. The Lawyers thrust the subpeonas towards Frodo, and his friends tried to light them on fire. It seemed to be a standoff, until Frodo, in his panic, opened the package and again found himself in the strange, grey world.
Confusion erupted. His friends could no longer see him, and the Lawyers could see him all too well. One darted forward, and slapped down his subpeona. Aragorn and the hobbits attacked in turn, scorching their suits with the torches.
"Ow! My arm!" cried a Lawyer, retreating. Merry thrust his torch at a Lawyer, who suddenly burst into flames. He ran screaming into the night, and the other Lawyers ran after him, trying to get him to 'stop, drop, and roll'. Sam was grinning wickedly and holding Bill's extra gas can, which was half-empty.
"Frodo, wrap it back up, quick!" shouted Aragorn at the invisible Frodo.
It seemed to Frodo that his friend spoke from a distance, but reason prevailed, and he retied the Package with numb fingers.
His friends saw with horror that a subpeona was stuck to his chest.

OOC: Maybe they can get most of it off with an equivelant of Athelas. (Aloe vera? :D)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Frodo gasped as he cam round saying,
"Where is he? Where is the Pale Chief." They were all relieved to hear him speak, but they were all, bar Aragorn, confused by his words.
"When you open the package, you see the lawyers in their true form, has pale people. For they have been lawyers to long and have faded in the court rooms. The one Frodo saw was their chief. The Lawyer-King. He is evil," said Aragorn, a grim look on his face.

[Grey_Wolf]

Aragorn went back to the Café for some special plants when it occured to him that the subpeona of the Lawyers had given Frodo a evil papercut. Frodo was beginning to feel faint but the herbal tea seemed to revive his spirits.

After a while they packed up and left Weather Top Aragorn driving carefully with Frodo sitting behind him leaning on his back and the other hobbits walking slowly alongside.

Several hours later they reached the forest surrounding Rivendell when they heard a motorbike approaching from behind. They immediately took cover behind some trees. Soon the biker could be seen. Aragorn rushed out with a shout of joy.

"Glorfindel, this is a joyous meeting."

"Well, Dad thought I should do some good for the cause and help you guys and why not, it might help my political career too."

OCC: Sorry, I didn't really know how to handle the finding of the Trolls. Anyone else feel up to it?

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Glorfindel soon left them, promising to return soon but he had a press conference for the up and coming election. The others were making good progress but Frodo's paper cut was again beginning to get worse.
The day after Glorfindel left them Merry and Pippin who had been slightly ahead of Aragorn, Frodo, Sam and Bill the Bike came running back shouting. Aragorn soon gathered that there were thugs just ahead. They approached with caution, only to find out that the thugs were stone, as it was broad daylight.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: I forgot about the trolls. Hm... we haven't really made Sam out as a punk. We could start now if you guys want.

"As you know," said Aragorn, "Thugs can only come out at night. Besides," he added, taking a fake Christmas tree from one of the thugs heads, "This is a strange ornament for a thug!"
Everyone laughed, even Frodo, though it then caused him to cough spasmodically.
"We still need to do something about that paper cut Frodo, and worse, the Subpoena," said Aragorn in a subdued tone. "I've been looking for an Aloe Vera plant, but none seem to be growing in this area."
"Aloe Vera!" exclaimed Sam, "I thought that was just a weed. I know what it looks like though."
"You can help me look," said Aragorn, and the two of them split up and searched the woods. "We'll be right back," said Aragorn.
Frodo felt a sense if Impending Doom. The phrase "I'll be right back" is something one should never say on an adventure, it was usually a signal for something to kill you greusomely. This feeling of doom also might have been from the cold, horrible feeling spreading around the paper cut, or the clammy, unpleasant sensation of the stuck Subpoena on his chest.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After Aragorn and Sam had gone Frodo suddenly remembered something.
"Hey. These thugs are the same one's that Bilbo saw on his adventure, argueing about how to beat up 13 dwarves and a burahobbit," he said cheerily.

[Nurvingiel]

Merry and Pippin had heard Bilbo's tales, but they thought the old hobbit was a bit of a loon. Now they were concerned Frodo was going barmy because of his wound. They exchanged a worried glance.
Shortly, Aragorn and Sam returned with bundles of sweet smelling herbs. Sam built a fire, and they quickly heated a small pot of water.
Aragorn boiled the herbs until he could make a sickly green paste from them. He smeared the paste on the wound, and lo! the Subpoena started to fade. The paper cut lost its foul black hue. The paste seemed to sink into Frodo's skin, and the fumes were having a soporific effect on everyone.
After several applications, the Subpoena was a faint tattoo on Frodo's chest. "Thazz not quite righ'," said Aragorn sleepily. "It should be gone... completely. He needs to see Lord Elrond as soon as possible," he added more clearly, worry creeping into his voice.
They put Frodo on the quad in front of Sam, who drove carefully and slowly. The tired troop continued their journey until nightfall.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The next morning they returned to the road and during this time the Hobbits asked Aragorn who Elrond was.
"He is chief Surgeon at the Last Homely Hospital. His father was Earendil the Pirate, a good one mind you. He is the only one that will be able to cure Frodo," he said. At that moment they drew near to the road. They heard an engine coming down the road and the hobbits shrank back into the bushes.

[Grey_Wolf]

Soon the driver of the bike could be seen. It was an elven woman. Aragorn yet again became extatic, recognising the driver for who she was, his elven love whom he had not seen for a long time her career as supermodel and his as a FBI agent keeping them apart.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Where's Glorfindel?" asked Aragorn, looking around.
"Ummmmmmmm. He ummmmmm still at his conference," said Arwen nervously kicking a nearby bush.
Sam lookad at her in wonder before he to started kicking the bush.
"that's right lady. Stick it to the bush," he said in a harsh voice before the other hobbits pulled him away.
Aragorn then explained to Arwen what had happened near the café. Immediatly she pulled Frodo on to the bike and at the same moment 9 lawyers rounded the corner on their jet black suzuki bike.
"Go," Arwen said urging Frodo to go.
Frodo stalled the bike. "Not without my friends."
"You will be chased whether you ride now or stay," she said urgently.
Frodo did't move. At that moment the bush Sam and Arwen had been kicking moved. out sprang Glorfindel.
"Oh no you don't Arwen. This is my line," he said in a crazed voice. "Noro lim Asfolath. Noro lim."

[Nurvingiel]

"Dammit! I wanted to say that. Well no matter, I can still save Frodo!" said Arwen as she revved the bike. She sped away from them as the Lawyers gained on her and Frodo, ignoring the others.
"Frodo is strong, I only meant to give him my bike!" shouted the now distant Glorfindel.
Frodo was sitting in front of Arwen as they sped through the trees. He was feeling weak from his wound, and kept having flashes of the strange, grey world. The Harley got up to speed, and they pulled away from the Lawyers. The Suzukis were really no match for the Harley Davidson. Suddenly, a low-lying branch whacked Arwen in the face, sweeping her from the bike. Frodo, being a hobbit, was spared this fate. He quickly grabbed the handle bars, though the action made the paper cut throb. He raced to the Ford of Bruinen, keeping ahead of the Lawyers.

[Grey_Wolf]

Frodo saw the Ford glimmering in the distance as he emerged from the forest and onto a wide plain in which the river of Rivendell flowed. The Lawyers' black sukuzis screamed like banshees as their riders raced after their elusive quarry, rapidly narrowing the gap between them.

Frodo nevertheless felt his hopes rise as he closed in on the Ford and risked a backward glance which almost made his heart run cold. The closest Lawyer was only some ten meters away from him when he felt the wheels of bike splash through the waters of the Ford. He gunned the engine once more and made a safe landing on the other side where he stopped and turned back to see if his enemies had dared to follow him. They hadn't.

They just stood there, all nine of them. Looking at him menacingly.

"Go to back to your fell master. Go back to Mordor and follow me no more."

"Come back to us. To Mordor we will take you."

"By Elbereth the Fair you shall have neither me nor the Package."

"The Package. The Package. Come with us."

"No I will not. Leave me alone!"

The Head Lawyer raised his hand, in which he held a subpeona. Frodo felt his throat become paralyzed. He couldn't say anything.

The Lawyers edged their bikes into the river and as they did so the waters receded and a roar could be heard faraway. The elves would not allow the Lawyers to enter Rivendell and had devised an almost foolproof trap should they be foolish enough to try.

The Elves opened up the flood-gates of the Imladris Hydro-Electric Power Staion and flooded the river and thus flushed the Lawyers from it and their bikes with them.

Frodo just heard a terrific roar and then he fainted and knew no more.

|
|
V
Book 2.1: Many Meetings

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

When Frodo awoke he was in a strange room with plastic pipes going in thorugh his nose and an oxygen mask on.
"Where am I," he said aloud to the blue curtain around his bead. "What time is it."
"You're in The Last Homey Hospital. The time is 3pm," saida voice. Frodo looked up.
"Gandalf?" he said as he looked up.
"Yes it is me," he said poking his nose out of the Middle-Earths remedies to Morgul paper cuts by Elrond Half Surgeon. "I'm lucky to be here and so are you. Elrond removed the last shard of paper from you last night in the operating theatre. I was very worried. It was a task beyond my cream and pill," he sighed.
Frodo looked at the other side of the bead where the curtain was open and saw a familiarelven lady with two black eyes and a fat lip!

[Grey_Wolf]

At that moment Sam burst into the room, rushing forward to Frodo's bed and grabbing his hand.

"It's warm, I mean it's been so cold until now and I've been so worried." he said.

"Well, I'm quite all right now. And hungry."

"You've shown you're usual impeccable timing and woken up just in time for dinner. When the Elves heard that you had recovered they began making preparations for a sumptuous feast. Get up and I'll take you to where the rest of the Gang is. They've been waiting most anxiously."

Frodo then practically jumped out of the bed, but before he went off he walked over to where Arwen was lying to inquire how she was doing.

"Oh, I'm quite all right. Father says that the bruises will be gone in a couple of weeks. Then I can resume my modelling career. But, of course, I'll attend the feast in your honour."

Then he went off, followed by Gandalf and lead by Sam through the maze of Imladris' Hospital corridors.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

After many left and right turns the found themselves at the main hospital entrance, and Sam showed Frodo into the waiting room where Merry and Pippin were waiting. He notive that they had a couple of bruises on their faces and when he questioned them about them, they hastily changes the subject.
"Anyway," said Pippin. "How's my cousin Frodo, The Lord of the Rings."
"Frodo is not the Lord of the Rings," Gandalf said as he walked into the room. "The true Lord of the Rings is Sauron, and although evil things do not come into this valley, of them should not be spoken freely."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Gandalf then escorted the hobbits to the Hospital canteen where the tables had been pushed together. At the head of the table(s), sat Elrond with his stethoscope round his neck.
"Welcome," he said standing up. "To our feast in recognition of the recovery of our young hobbit friend, Mr. Frodo Baggins. Here we have a wide spread of hospital delicicies as they was of old. For I remember when a great battle was won. And then Saint Isildur took the Ring on high and said bless this thy holy magic Ring so that we may blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy. And the Lords did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and the sloths, and the carps, and the fruit-bats, and the break-fast cereals," he said in a day dreamily voice.
"Hem hem," said Gandalf, clearing his throat.
"Yes, yes. We also have ready meals and vegetable platter wivh questionably shaped vegetables. May the feast begin!"

OOC: Elrond's speech is courtesy of Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: It's "enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy" but whatev. Awesome post TD! :D

IC:
Everyone helped themselves to the delicious food. Frodo opened a specially marked ready meal - he had his own since he had been ill, and was now on a special diet.
The ready meal had overcooked, dry chiken in a strangely lumpy white gravy, mushy beans, and unnaturally green Jell-o. He ate the Jell-o, which was excellent, and pushed around the chicken with his fork. He was ravenously hungry, but Elrond said that he could only eat the ready meal. Frodo looked longingly at Aragorn's questionably shaped carrot.
Aragorn was chewing thoughtfully and gazing at Arwen. She had a fat lip and two black eyes from the branch, but she seemed to glow. Frodo was pretty sure that this wasn't just because she was sitting in front of the neon sign marked 'Salad Bar', because even with the bruises, Arwen was incredibly beautiful.

OOC: Maybe something about Bilbo and Balin?

[Grey_Wolf]

To his left sat a important looking dwarf, Frodo stopped eating to take a look at him.

"Good Evening. Gloin at your service." He rose and bowed deeply.

"How do you do." replied Frodo, scattering his cushions."Frodo Baggins at your service and your family's. Now am I right in recognising you as the Gloin, friend of Bilbo's and one the twelve adventurers who accompanied him and Thorin Oakenshield on the Raiders of the Lost Treasure Expedition?"

"Quite right." answered the dwarf, gathering up the cushions and courteously assisting Frodo back into his seat."And I do not ask, for I have already been told that you are the kinsman adopted heir of our friend Bilbo the Renowned. Allow me to congratulate you on your recovery."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As Gloin talked of the fortunes of the Lonely Skyscraper which had become a place of great wealth and respect, Frodo admired Gloin's chains and his many Rings.
"What of Balin," Frodo asked in one of the few gaps of Gloins speech.
"I'd rather not speak of that here," said Gloin uncomfortably. "Here we are merry, and we feast on strangley shaped vegetables." At the last past a dark look of envy passed over Frodo's face. :evil:

[Grey_Wolf]

occ: I have the books now (I just didn't have at my parent's place).

[Grey_Wolf]

At length the Cantina-party wound to an end and Elrond and Arwen exited and walked along a corridor with all the company following them. A bit further they opened twin doors to another common room with LCD High Definition TV:s, Playstations, X-boxes and pool tables. Along the further wall there were several bowling alleys where elves were bowling enthusiastically. In the middle of the wall was a fine fireplace.

Elrond and the other elves entered and he seated himself at special place made ready for him. The elves loaded the dvd-players with suitable music.
The Fireplace spread a golden light in the hall lighting up the fair faces of the elves.

Frodo suddenly noticed a small dark figure, not far from the further end of the fire, seated on a stool with his back propped against a pillow. Frodo wondered who he was and whether he was very ill since he hadn't attended the party. His head seemed sunk in sleep on his chest, and a blanket had been thoughtfully laid over his back, though it now covered his face too.

Elrond rose and went over to the silent figure.

"Awake, little master." he said gently.

"Frodo, the time has come which you have eagerly awaited." Elrond beckoned him towards the figure.

Frodo approached and the figure uncovered its face. Revealing, too, a pad computor which he had been working on.

"Bilbo! How nice to finally see you." Frodo said, happily.

"Hullo, Frodo my lad." said Bilbo."So you have got here at last. I hoped you would have managed it. Well, well, so all this partying is your honour, I hear. I hope you've enjoyed yourself."

"Why weren't you there?" cried Frodo."And why haven't I been allowed to see you before?"

"Because you were nearly comatose. I've seen a good deal of you. I've sat by your side with Sam each day. But as for the party - I don't go for those things anymore. Now I have something else to do."


"What were you doing?"

"Why, I was sitting and thinking, working on my webpage on my pad. This is a quit enough place to get such things done. Wake up indeed, Dr Elrond. If you want to know I was deep in thought about a song which I'd almost finished when you came and disturbed me. You ended the party to early. There will be so much noise and singing here to night that I won't get anything done. I should get my friend the Dúnadan to help me. Where is he?"

Dr Elrond laughed.
"He shall be found." he said."Then you shall go into a corner and finish your task and we'll hear it before the evening is over."

SMS:s were sent out to the nurses so that they could locate Bilbo's friend.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Grey Wold, your last two posts were totally awesome and hilarious! Nice! :)

I don't have the books either... um... Telcontar? :)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The SMS's came back reporting Bilbo's friend had been found and was coming to the Entertainment Room.
"Ahhh. Dunadan, you are here," said Bilbo as a figure entered the room.
"Strider. You have many names it seems," said Frodo.
"And Strider is one I have not heard," said Bilbo.
"It's how they were introduced to me. It's one of my tags," said Aragorn. " Anyway, apparntly you need my help."
"Yes. My song is almost finished but it needs a few little tweaks," he said as he ushered Aragorn into a corner.
Frodo sat by himself for a moment but after a while a voice started to speak.

Well I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the Gondolin line
But the times went by and though I tried the money wasn't there
And Morgoth's orcs came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job the answer always no,
"Hire you now" they'd always laugh, "we just let twenty go"
The Valar, they promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum

Then I thought "who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone,
I'm gonna be a pirate on the Great Sea ..." (Arrrrrgh!)

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it, and I stole their buried tresure
A bridge outside of The Havens spans the mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear their stomachs are a quiver
'Cause they know that Captain Earendil is hiding in the bay
I'll jump the bridge and knock 'em cold and sail off with the hay

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well Mounty Osse, he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shore line but he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a comin' so the Mountie lost his job
So now he's sailin' with me and we call him "Salty Osse"
A swinging sword a scum 'n bones and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax, and screw the GST -- "Screw It!"
Prince Thingol down to Doriath, the terror of the sea,
If you want to reach the Co-Op boy, you gotta get by me

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

Well pirate life's appealing, but you don't just find me here
I've heard that in Valinor there's a band of buckeneers
They roam the Coastline, from Arda to Fort Numenor
And you're gonna loose your Helmet and if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a comin' and the chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime, but now I have to go
I hear there's lots of plundering down in Old Valinor

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

'cause it's a Heave! Ho! High! Ho! Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a Ho! Hey! High! Hey! Farmers bar your doors
When you see the Jolly Rancher on Valinor's mighty shores

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: Awesome Telcontar! You rule! Maybe we should also make "Regina" "Stetson" and "fertilizer" something...

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: Okay *edits*

[Grey_Wolf]

The chanting ceased. Frodo, having closed his eyes for a few moments, opened them again and saw Bilbo seated on his stool in a circle of listeners, who were laughing and applauding, holding their mp3-players up to record what was being said.

"Now we had better have it again." said an Elf.

Bilbo got up and bowed.
"I'm flattered, Lindir." he said."But it would be too tiring to repeat it all."

"Not too tiring for you." the Elves answered, laughing."You know you never get tired of reciting your own verses. But really we cannot answer your question at one hearing."

"What!" cried Bilbo."You can't tell which parts where mine and which were the Dúnadan's."

"It's not easy for us to tell the difference between two mortals." said the Elf.

"Nonsense, Lindir." snorted Bilbo."If you can't tell the difference between a man's words and that of a hobbit, your judgement is poorer than I imagined. They're as different as peas and apples."

"Maybe. To sheep other sheep no doubt appear different." laughed Lindir."Or to shepherds. But Mortals have not been out study. We have other business."

"I won't argue with you." said Bilbo."I sleepy after so much chanting and discussing. I leave you to do your guessing, if you want to."

occ: We're closing in on the all important Meeting in Chapter Two of Book Two of FOTR.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Hey Frodo. Do you want to slip out and a have a little chat," said Bilbo.
"Can we?" asked Frodo.
"Sure. This is a party, not a business meeting. They're saving that for tomorrow," Bilbo replied.
As they walked out Frodo saw Aragorn and Elrond break dancing while Arwen watched.

[Grey_Wolf]

They went to Bilbo's personal room and sat down by the nice fireplace which was kept the room at a warm and comfortable temperature. There they chatted about their different adventures and Frodo's own adventurous trip so far.

Later in the evening Bilbo saw Frodo off to bed, it being the night before the Great Meeting To Decide What To Do With The Package, he and Bilbo had to be well rested.

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V
Book 2.2: The Council of Elrond

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The next morning Frodo awoke and found Bilbo and Gandalf talking outside. Just at that moment their three pagers (which everyone in Rivendell was issued) went off. The simulataneously (sp.) walked towards the waiting room where Frodo had met Merry and Pippin the previous day.

As Frodo stepped in he noticed that many people of whom he knew where already there. There was Elrond in his white jacket and his stethoscope hanging from his neck. Aragorn was there sitting apart from the others, near only to another strange man. There was Glor(y)findel holding his stomach and shooting evil glances at the still black eyed Arwen who was sitting next o her father. Also there was Gloin, sitting with a younger dwarf.
"Welcome Frodo," said Elrond as Frodo walked in. "I see your pagers all work," he said then turning to everyone else he said, "Welcome one and all to The Great Meeting To Decide What To Do With The Package!"

[Grey_Wolf]

"First we'll introduce a few new-comers." said Elrond.
"This is Legolas, an forester Elf of Mirkwood Sawmill Inc, sent here by his father, the EO. Then there is Gimli, of the Lonely Skyscraper. Boromir, of the Minas Tirith Architectural Firm, also sent here by his father, the EO."

[Grey_Wolf]

Now not all that was spoken and debated at the Meeting need now be told.
Much was said of events in the world outside, especially in the South, and in the wide lands east of the mountains. Of these things Frodo had already heard many rumours; but the tale of Gloin was new to him, and when the Dwarf spoke he listened attentively. It appeared that amid the splendour of their works of hand the hearts of the Dwarves of the Loney Skyscraper were troubled.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Since the death of Smaug the Fraud the weekly income of the Lonely Skyscraper as continually tripelled. It is now no longer Dain only who is a millionaire. Yet 30 years ago things made a small and what seemed inconvieniant turn for the worse. Balin took some dwarves to Moria in search of greater wealth. At first news was good but then there was no news at all. Then recently riders have come, yet not from Moria. From Mordor! They asked for news of a Package. Just a lowly package that Sauron the Great desired. Twice more has he came since then. Dain sent me here to ask for the councils of Elrond HalfSurgeon!"

[Grey_Wolf]

"You have done well to come here." said Elrond."You will hear today all that you need to in order to understand the purposes of the Enemy. There is nothing you can do but resist, with hope or without it. But you don't stand alone. You will learn that your trouble is but part of the trouble of all the western world. The Package! What shall we do with the Package, this least of things that Sauron fancies? That is the decision that we must make.

Now, therefore, things shall be openly spoken that had been hidden from all
but a few until this day. And first, so that all may understand what is the
peril, the Tale of the Package shall be told from the beginning even to this present. And I will begin that tale, though others shall end it."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"It all began in the Second Age. Sauron, pupil at Morgoth's School of Evil, arose and declared war against the Elves of Eregion. It was not long until Elendil and his people declared war against Sauron and allied with Gil-galad and the Noldor."

[Rosie Gamgee]

"But they defeated Sauron- or so they thought. Unfortunately, he had a subsidiary company called Necromancer, and got away with not filing banckrupcy. Instead he poured all his funds into rebuilding the delapitated Dol Gildur plant, seeking ever at the same time for his Package, which had not been destroyed in that big chemical fire that Elendil and his up-and-rising CEO-in-training son, Isildur, set to Sauron's old factories in Mordor. Isildur found it in one of the warehouses before they set the fire and took it for himself. But he, as you know, was killed in that head-on collision on the stretch of inter-realm highway between Arnor and Gondor, and the Package was lost..." On and on and half-cracked surgeon talked in his high-pitched cackling voice. He spoke of Packages and companies and skyscrapers and Vipers and lawsuits and courtrooms and bribes and dwarves and slimy creatures with webby hands and men and elves and orcs and.....

"Wake up!" Everyone woke with a start and a snort- Legolas with a snit and a "My hair!" Elrond looked ready to cry. "WHY weren't you LISTENING?!" he shouted, a finger poised theatrically.
But at once Boromir stood up, tall and proud- and for being only five-foot-three he did a pretty good job of it. "Give me leave, Master Elrond," he said, and the Half-Surgeon looked a little less ruffled (a little flattery never hurt anyone, Boromir must have supposed), "first to say more of my architechtural company, for verily from that company I come. And it would be well to know what passes there."
The Council settled back in their chairs, preparing for another nap.

[Rosie Gamgee]

Stifled yawns and snores punctuated Boromir's speech, but that did not deter him. He talked much of the integrity of his company- the failing to accept bribes from Mount Doom and others, and the legal conflict that arose between them. They didn't seem to be able to settle it in court, however, and had been reduced to oft-times armed skirmishes at construction sites. "This very year," Boromir said, shouting by this time to be heard over the snoring (at his yells some of them stirred and woke), "in the days of June, we were visiting a site in Ithilien, contracting to do some renovation work, when sudden conflict came upon us out of Mordor, and we and our scaffolding were swept away. We were quite outnumbered: a little troop of architects against a whole slew of gangsters in black pickup trucks- but it was not by numbers that we were defeated. A power was there that we have not felt before.

"Some said it could be seen, like a great black Viper, a dark Shadow under the moon...." Some of the Counsel fell asleep again as he described the fear that befell even the most doughty construction-worker. It threw all of them, Boromir said, into madness, and they jumped into their construction SUVs and high-tailed it for the River, where all but Boromir's battered pickup truck were carried away by the swollen flood. Only he, his brother, and two others were in the little Toyota- all the rest were lost.

It was this little muddy vehicle that Boromir claimed he had driven a hundred and ten days, stopping only for gas and food (he complained, additionally, that there were no McDenethor's to be found this far north and he had to settle for Arnor Fried Chicken). "But I do not seek hired elvish thugs to protect us from the gunmen of Mount Doom Co.," he declared, but his tone suggested strongly otherwise. "I come to ask for counsel and the unravelling of hard words. For the night before we were attacked in Ithilien, my brother had a strange dream, and it came to him again afterwards, and once to me.

"In this dream I thought I saw the eastern sky grow dark, but in the West a pale light l.ingered, and out of it I heard a voice, remote but clear, crying:

Seek for the Pants that were Ripped:
In Imladris they dwell;
There shall be hems taken in
Stronger than a Morgul-spell.
There shall be shown a token
That Doom is near at hand
For the Wearer of Isildur's Pants shall waken
And the Halfling forth shall stand."

ooc: I just had to get the Pant's Game in here somewhere. ;)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Here are the Pants that were Ripped," said Aragorn reaching down to the lower half of his body. "Okay, on second thought maybe I won't show you them, but I have another of Isildur's broken things." At this he prodice a Power Drill that had a big Chunk missing out of and he reached in again producing the missing peice.
"Who are you to wear Isildurs pants and posses his Power Drill," said Boromir questioningly.
Suddenly Bilbo stood up, obviously annoyed on Aragorn's behalf.

'All thats is gold is not blindingly yellow,
Not all those of wear suits are posh,
The old jacket that is tought does not rip (much)
Tough stains are not reached by the Washing Machine.
A match from the box shall be striken,
Yellow from the suit shall spring,
Renewed shall be Power Drill and Pants that were broken,
The demoted shall again be promoted.'

[Rosie Gamgee]

ooc: Teddy, that was hilarious!! :D

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

ooc: I should hope so the amount of time it took me! :D

[Grey_Wolf]

"Not very good perhaps, but to the point - if you need more beyond the world of Elrond. If that was worth the journey here than you better sit down and listen to the rest." he said and sat down with a snort.

"I made that up myself," he whispered to Frodo," for the Dúnedain, a long time ago when he first told me about himself. I almost wish that my adventures were not over, and that I could go with him when his day comes."

Aragorn smiled at him a then turned to Boromir again.
"For my part I forgive your doubt," he said,"Little do I resemble the giant posters of Elendil and Isildur as they hang in Denethor's offices. But I'm just lowly FBI-agent and a heir of Isildur, not Isildur himself. I've had a hard and long life. And the miles that lie between Gondor and here is but a small part of my journeys. I've travelled to many far and distant places, such as Rhûn and Harad where the stars are strange."

"But my home, as I have it, is in the North. For here the Heirs of Valandil has ever dwelt in a long unbroken line from father to son many generations. Our days have darkened, and we have dwindled; but ever The Power Drill has passed to a new Keeper. And this I will say to you , Boromir, ere I end, lonely men are we, of the FBI, persecutors - but persecutors ever of the hired men of the Enemy, for they are to be found in many places and not in Mordor alone."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"That may well be but I myself would like to hear more of Gandalf's tale. Why he was late for example," Frodo murmured to Bilbo.
"You speak for me also," said Galdor, Elf of the Havens. "What also of Saruman. Is he not learned in Ring lore."

[Grey_Wolf]

And then Gandalf spoke.
"I first of all apologise to Frodo for not being able to go with you from the beginning and my tale will explain how Gandalf the Grey was fooled into walking into a trap and actually detained by my boss, Saruman the White."

"I left a datapad with a message at The Prancing Pony with Barliman Butterbur. An unfortunate choice it now appears for a keeper of such important information."

"Anyway, this is what happened. In July I was on my way back from the East and nearing Hobbiton when I saw a stranger sitting by the road and I approached him."

"He was actually One of My Order. Radagast the Brown."

"He said: Oh, Gandalf, finally I find you. I was looking for a country by the uncouth name of Shire and has yet to find it."

"And I told him: be careful what you call it, because you're inside it's borders now and the inhabitants might take it wrong if they hear your discription of their land."

"Well, OK." he said."I'm on a mission for Saruman and he said that if you are in need of help you should go to Isengard and he and you could pool your information because it appears as if the Enemy is growing stronger and is soon about to unleash his great project."

"I will go but I have another mission which is more urgent just now."

"No. Go right away."

"I will."

[Nurvingiel]

"So I went," continued Gandalf, "And the short version is that Saruman was extremely annoyed at accidentally putting his favourite white robe in the colour wash."

"What's the long version?" asked Frodo.


OOC: The next poster can either do a long version, or have Gandalf give a curt reply and do a short version. :)

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, the inquisitiveness of hobbits never cease to amaze me. Well, then here's the long version."

"As a arrived at Isengard there appeared to be a rock concert in progress, the "music" blasting the walls with horribly loud sounds."

"I rode up to the gate and was displeased to see some real punks standing guard outside with a getto-blaster at full volume on the ground."

"I rode past the supposed guards which didn't appear to care all that much about whether some got in or not."

"I knocked on the door and was let in by Saruman himself who was unusually pleased to see me."

"He said: Well, Gandalf, here you are and here you will remain."

"Why is that? I asked."

"And he answered: A new power is rising and the Elves and the Dwarves no longer keep up with the times. We should join this power. This is the Modern Times and there is no place for ancient devotion to Western Culture."

[Grey_Wolf]

"I said: I didn't drive all the way from Hobbiton for you to fill my ears with this rubbish. I could just as well go to Mount Doom Inc's head office and to hear that kind of propgaganda."

"He replied: I see that you do not agree with wise course. Well, Sauron will be well pleased at the delay of one of his dreaded enemies if not the actual hindrance and capture of that enemy. Guards, escort our visitor to the top of the Tower. See to it that he cannot escape."

"Then a couple of goons grabbed hold of me and dragged me up to the topmost room of Orthanc."

[Nurvingiel]

"Did he baffle you with coloured strobe lights?" asked Frodo at the conclusion of Gandalf's tale. "Maybe he forced you into a staff duel and you threw each other around the room?"
Gandalf looked at him oddly. "Of course not! Magic is subtle, not laughable. Whatever gave you such a ridiculous idea?"
"I... erm... I'm not sure," Frodo said lamely.
"Well no matter," Gandalf said kindly, "Even I can be caught by surprise. But I won't allow Saruman to catch me unawares again!"
"The Enemy has many spies at his command. His arm has grown long," said Elrond. Frodo pictured a sort of evil Gumby with stretched out arms and shuddered inwardly. The other members of the Council looked grave, except Boromir, who fidgeted.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Now that all has been told that needs to be told about the story of the Package up to now we must decide what to do with it."

"Frodo, bring forth the Package so that everybody might see the Peril of the West."

Frodo felt a weird sensation in his stomach and a strange reluctance to reveal the Package but did so anyway.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Yet Galdor was not satisfied at Gabdalfs explanation.

"How then did you escape? For I am sure Saruman didn't call you a taxi," he said.

"No. When I met Radagast I told him to tell all planes and choppers that he is friends with to find all they can and report it to Isengard. He did this knowing no reason not to. Then in the depths of a night the most silent and fastest aeroplanes found me on the top of Orthanc. He set me down in Rohan where Prime Minister Theoden bid me take a horse and begone. So I took the finest horse and tamed him. I rode to the Shire and reached it while Frodo was with Tom Bombadil. I then came to Bree only a day after Frodo. I found out out from the bartender at the Pony that Frodo had left the day before with Strider. This news was a blessing to me though the bartender knew not and I could have my first decent night's sleep knowing Frodo was in good hands. However my heart was still not at ease and galloped to Weathertop Cafe like a gale, reaching it twos days out from Bree. The lawyers came at me and I was hard put to escape. I then sent Shadowfax back to Rohan as I could not ride him from Weathertop to Rivendell and that journey took me a fortnight. That is all that is happened up 'til now," he said. "Better?" he snapped at Galdor.

[Nurvingiel]

Slightly awestruck, Frodo stepped forward and cautiously removed the Package from inside his waistcoat, and placed it on the coffee table in the centre of the room.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Lo! The Package of Legend." muttered Boromir."Is truly the Doom of Gondor come at last."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Not the Doom of Gondor," said Aragorn. "For the verse said the Doom, not the Doom of Gondor. I fear this war will effect more than just Gondor."

[Grey_Wolf]

"The Time," elrond said,"has now truly come to decide what to to with The Package."

"It is my opinion that it must be destroyed." said Gandalf.
"It cannot stay here. Rivendell would become like an island under siege and after a short while it would succumb and then Sauron would come to claim his prize."

"Can't we use it against the Enemy?" asked Boromir.
"If it's so powerful, as you claim."

"No, we cannot use the device of the Enemy against him." said Aragorn."We'll risk becomming like him. Evil Lawyers (shudders at the thought)."

"Well," said Elrond," who then shall take the Package to the Destruction Facility? And Who shall go with him as company?"

"With your leave, Elrond." said Gandalf."Me and Aragorn should go, it being his mission, and Boromir, as a Gondor representative. Legolas shall go for the elves, and Gimli for the dwarves. That is Five. Maybe you can find some suitable members from your staff to make up, to my thinking, the number of Nine. Nine walkers versus Nine Lawyers."

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V
Book 2.3: The Ring Goes South

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

'Well that won't do,' thought Frodo. 'Hobbits have bought it this far so it shall be a hobbit that takes it further'

"I shall take," said Frodo. "Although I do not have a map."

"If I have heard rightly (which is unlikely as my hearing is getting exetremley bad) then this task has been appointed to you, Galdor of the Havens." At this point one of the elves near Elrond got up and whispered something in his ear.
"My mistake, Frodo of the Shire," said Elrond. "I told you my hearing was going."

[Nurvingiel]

Sam had been listening to most of the council from his hiding place behind a setee. It had been a lot of talk and not much action, so he had drifted off to sleep a few times. But when Elrond started naming the company, he was outraged that some random staff members would go with Frodo, and not he!
"Frodo isn't going anywhere without me!" said Sam, coming out from behind the setee.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Yes he is. He's going to Mordor," said Elrond.
"No he's not," said Sam.
"Yes he is," said Elrond.
"No he's not," said Sam.
"Yes he is," said Elrond.
"No he's not," said Sam.
"Yes he is," said Elrond.
"No he's not," said Sam.
"Yes he is," said Elrond.
"No h," said Sam but was cut short by Gandalf.
"ENOUGH," shouted Gandalf. "Elrond he can come." At this Sam pokes his tounge out at Elrond.
"If he's going we are to," cried Merry and Pippin running in.
"How did you get here?" asked Frodo. "You're not meant to find out about this until we tell you afterwards."
"Year, we know that. But try telling Peter Jackson," Merry replied.
"Well I would say you're not coming. But someone," at this Elrond looked at Gandalf. "Would just shout at me again."

[Nurvingiel]

"Besides," said Pippin, "You need someone of intelligence on this mission... you know what, I'm just not going to set myself up like that. Honestly."
"What we're trying to say is we've been with Frodo from the start. We're his friends, and we go together," said Merry.
"And if you don't let us come, we're just going to follow you," Pippin added determindly.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, we can't have you rushing about in the wilderness knowing what you do know." said Gandalf."And I heard someone saying that you'll need someone with intelligence on this mission. Well, I'm coming along. To keep an eye on you guys amongst other things."

"But you needn't worried so much the final decision on the four last ones has been made. Sam will go as Frodo's companion, Merry and you will also go as Representatives of The Hobbits."

"As for the time of going. We're going in about a fortnight.
We got to know about the status of the Lawyers before we definitely set out."

"All right!" shouted the hobbits.

"Now take it easy. There's lots of time to laze before we go. And we Grown ups will stock up and prepare for the trip and decide upon the mode of transport."

[Nurvingiel]

"Your snide comments about our height will be graciously ignored," said Sam, glaring.
"Hey, what do I get to represent," said Pippin.
"Beer," replied Merry.
"Yes, beer," said Frodo and Sam in unison. Boromir walked over to the hobbits.
"Hey... so since we're the... erm, this may seem trivial, but does our company have a name?"
"Yes, it's only fitting since we're charged with such an important quest," Aragorn said.
"What is our quest," Pippin said quietly to Sam, "We weren't here for that part."
"Take the Package to Mount Doom and destroy it," he whispered.
"In what, the Garbage Compactor of Doom?" said Merry, a bit incedulously.
"Well, we're th- what are you whispering about over there," said Aragorn.
"How exactly are we going to destroy the package?" said Frodo.

[Grey_Wolf]

"That'll probably happen as it happens, the route to the Garbage Compactor lies across the Plains of Gorgoroth." Aragorn said.
"As for the name I think The Homies of the Package would do nicely."

"Yeah!" the hobbits shouted enthusiastically."That's great."

[Nurvingiel]

"You mean... the Garbage Compactor is Doom is real?" said Merry in disbelief.
"Very real," Elrond said sternly, "And the only way to destroy the Package." Frodo looked grave.
"Hey, relax Frodo," said Sam. "We're the Homies! And nobody messes with my Homies."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The hobbits had two weeks of relaxsation in Rivendell. They expierenced the spas and saunas and most importantly to the hobbits, the Last Homely Pub which was next door to the Last Homely Hospital. By the time it came to set out the hobbits were fully rested and fully stocked up with pipe-weed.

One evening Frodo found himself alone with Bilbo in his room.
"Well Frodo my lad. I would like you to have these," he said producing a soldering iron and what looked to be a bullet proof piece of armour. "You weapon was broken and there is no time to fix it so I though you might have my soldering iron, Sting and some solder."
"Yes, thanks Bilbo," replied Frodo.
"Also, my bullet proof armour, mithril. It was given to me by Thorin."
"But I would not look right in it," said Frodo.
"Put it under your normal clothes. No one will ever know," said Bilbo, his eyes shifting. With that Frodo put it on underneath his jacket and his chest looked all bulky.
"See," said Bilbo. "Invisble to the naked eye."

The Homies set out with few weapons as their hope was in secrecy and not warfare. Aragorn had the power drill of Isildur reforged and renamed it Anduril, Flame of the West. Boromir took a power drill similar to Aragorns but of less battery power. He also took a shield and a megaphone.
"GOODBYE RIVENDELL," he yelled into his megaphone.
"Slow you shall be to shout into that mega phone again Boromir," said Elrond. "Until you near your own borders again."
"I always shout into my megaphone before a journeys start. That way I do not set out as a thief in the dark," replied Boromir.
Gandalf took his ancient soldering iron, Glamdring and Frodo took only Sting and his bullet proof mithril which remained as Bilbo wish almost invisble to the naked eye. Sam kept his hammer from the Barrow Downs and Merry and Pippin kept their crow bars. They all also took a cell phone from Rivendell with 100 free text message and 500 minutes each as gifts from Elrond.

[Grey_Wolf]

Their farwells had been said in the Cafeteria and they were now only waiting for Gandalf, who had not yet come out of the house. A gleam of fluorescent light came from the Great Exit of the Last Homely Hospital.

Bilbo huddled close to Frodo just outside. Aragorn sat on a couch, his head bowed to his knees. Only Elrond knew fully what this hour meant to him. The others could be seen as grey shadows in the darkness.

Sam was standing by the ATV Billy (which had been upgraded with an Artificial Intelligence module) and stood parked, engine ticking over.
Sam eased the pack onto the back of Bill and went over anxiously in his mind
all the things he had stowed in it, wondering if he had forgotten anything; his chief treasure, the cooking gear, and the little box of salt that he always carried and refilled when he could, a good supply of pipeweed (but not enough, he thought miserably), flint and tinder, woollen hose; linen; and various small belongings of his master's that Frodo had forgotten and Sam had stowed to bring them out in triumph when they were called for. He went through them all.

"Rope." he muttered."No rope. And only last night you said to yourself: "Sam, what about a bit of rope. You'll want it if you haven't got it." Well, I want it
and I can't get it now."

[Grey_Wolf]

At that moment, Elrond came out with Gandalf, and called the Homies to him.

"This is my last word." he said in a low voice."The Packageer is setting out on the Mission of Destroying the Package. On him the alone is the duty to hold onto it. Neither to cast away or deliver it to any of the Enemy. Only other Homies are allowed to handle it and Members of the Meeting and then only in gravest need. The others go with him as free companions, so you must help him on the way. You may tarry, or come back, or turn aside into other paths, as chance allows. The further you go, the less easy it will be to withdraw. yet no oath or bond is laid on you to go further than you will. For you do not yet know the strenght of your hearts, and you cannot foresee what each may meet upon the road."

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens." said Gimli.

"Maybe." said Elrond."But let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall."

"Yet sworn word may strengthen quaking heart." said Gimli.

"Or break it." said Elrond."Look not to far ahead! But go now with good hearts!
Farewell, and may the blessing of Elves and Men and all Free Folk go with you. May the stars shine upon your faces."

"Good...good luck!" cried Bilbo, stuttering with cold."I don't suppose you'll be able to keep a datapad at hand, Frodo my lad, but I shall expect a full account when you get back. And don't be to long. Farewell!"

Many others of Elrond's household stood in the shadows and watched them go, bidding them farewell with soft voices. There was no laughter, and no song and music. At last they turned away, only the silenced engine of Bill being heard, and faded silently into the dusk.

They crossed the bridge and wound slowly up the long steep paths that led out of the cloven vale of Rivendell; and they came at length to the high moor where the wind hissed through the heather. Then with one glance at the Last Homely Hospital twinkling below them they strode away far into the night.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Gandalf led the Homies. Behind him came Frodo, then Legolas and Gimli followed by the three younger hobbits and Bill the Quad who was being taken for lugage. Boromir was behind them and Aragorn was walking grimly at the rear.
"Look," asid Sam to Merry and Pippin. "Mr. Frodo's been working out. Look at his chest," he said in amazment.
Many days the Homies walked on and to all save Gandalf and Aragorn, the scenary seemed not to change.

[Grey_Wolf]

The first part of their journey was hard and dreary and Frodo remembered little of it, save the wind. For many sunless days an icy blast came from the Mountains in the east and although they've been issued North Face Strider Acclimate Jackets, the searching fingers of the wind seemed to find it's way in and the Homies never felt really warm, either moving or resting.

They slept uneasily during the middle of the day, in some hollow of the land, or hidden under the tangled thorn-brushes that grew in thickets in many places. In the late afternoon they were awakened by the watch (since they also had been issued DW9051B-1V GShock Classic Style Watches with a Glow-button to enable them to check time during the dusky hours), and took their chief meal, which were Meals-Ready-To-Eat and not particularly cheerful to take in since they couldn't often light a fire. In the evening they went on again, as nearly southward as they could find a way.

At first it seemed to the hobbits that although they walked and stumbled until they were weary, they were creeping forward like snails, and getting nowhere. Each day the land looked pretty much the same as it did the day before. Yet steadily the mountains were drawing nearer. South of Rivendell they rose ever higher and bent westwards; and about the feet of the main range there was tumbled an ever wider land of bleak hills, and deep valleys filled with turbulent waters. Paths were few and winding, and led often only to the edge of some sheer fall, or down into treacherous swamps.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

In his office at the law firm of Sauron, Morgoth and Khamul, Mr Sauron was busy sorting papers, when he decided to turn on his brand new Palantir (TM) television, and see what was on the news.

To his horror, he noticed that a group of hobbits had been travelling southward for a while, near the misty mountains, so he decided to send a nazgul biplane to drop ice cubes on them, to give the impression of snow.

'Now for a bit of mischief!' he said to himself, as he did so, telling his secretary Miss Heard to fetch him a coffee straight afterwards.

ooc: how's that?

[EarthBound]

While passing a peculiar outcrop of rock and stone, The Pip discovered a small 'echo' was in effect.

"Buurrrp!"

Gandalf glares at Pip, "If you must belch whenever you feel the need, Tiny Took, then do it correctly . . . more from the diaphragm, I should think."

Gandalf then stopped the company to soberly give them each Belching lessons incase there was ever "great need" of Intestinal gases . . . or if they got really bored.

Pip whispered to Merry, "Gandalf has been sober for almost two days, it’s just not right, I tell ya, not right at all. Not nearly the fun character he used to be . . .sigh….I wish I was sloppy drunk . . . BURP!�

After only a few hours they tired of burping at rocks to hear the reverberating echoes and continued on.

Sam looked at Frodo and said, "Never will I be amazed at Gandalf's wisdom . . . I bet he could teach me how to spit distance, too." Frodo nodded in agreement to Sam then looked admirably to Gandalf, grinned . . . then belched so hard a bit of vomit etched out the corner of his mouth.

Sam saw this bit of vomit and immediately took concern of his master, before becoming completely grossed out himself and retching on Merry.

Merry then started gagging while Pip wasted no time in barfing on Merry too, because it looked like so much fun when Sam did it.

Aragon’s stomach was made of stern stuff, but the éclair he’d eaten was not, as all observed following it’s recent upchuck.

Legolas grinned and saw this as an opportunity to show Elf-Superiority and demonstrated ‘Projectile Vomiting’.

Gimli, not to be outdone, vomited on Legolas's shoes, to prove accuracy the much more important attribute of retching.

The rest of the company followed suite with barfing and retching until they later become bored of this too and moved on. Little knowing that others could now follow such a well laid scent.

Well, really, they could be smelled all the way in Gondor, but everyone there thought it was another of Saruman’s Toga Parties “Gone Wild� and got really miffed they had not been invited.

[EarthBound]

Merry to Pip, "Hey is it snowing?" Merry looks up. "Naww, I think Gandalf has a bit of a dandraff issue . . . dry, itchy scalp, I'm think'n of lending him my shampoo."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Mr Sauron, tired of the news, turns over the channel on his palantir-vision, and notices a new commercial
'Tired of dry, flaky scalp? hobbits always complaining about your snowstorm dandruff? get new Staff & Shoulders!'
oo! note to self, must get some of that for young gandalf!, he thinks to himslef

[EarthBound]

Sam to Frodo, “Uhm, I think we should have heeded that sign we saw posted on the fence we cut through. ‘Trespassers will be Shot! Survivors . . . will be shot again'"

A few more meters and the party came across another sign that read: “You really don’t get it do you?�

After that, another sign read: “What?! You're still trespassing?! That just burns my butt!� This seemed quite ominous

Then yet another: “Alrighty then, just stay right there, I’m coming to deal with you myself, you Git!�

Suddenly the group noticed that they could spy what appeared to be the Aurora Borealis, the great Northern Lights emanating from around the corner of the mountain they where trespassing across.

Carefully glancing around a large rock, they found Saruman levitating, floating among a blue-greenish gas full of colored lights and a foul song . . .

“Wait a tick!� Aragon exclaimed. “He’s Farting up a storm to try and drive us from the mountain!� A sudden explosion shooting from Saruman’s posterior pushed him even further into the stratosphere and expelled yet more lethal gases.

“Bloody effective, too, I’m outa here,� Frodo grimaced. The rest of the party then began to follow Frodo off the mountain.

“Hey! Wait! We can take him! Come on!� Aragon yells after the group from behind.

“Wonderfully good in a fight, that one, but what a nit,� remarked Gimli to Legalos who was nodding in affirmation.

At the bottom of the mountain Gimli turned to the others and said, "Hey, how about we take the subway? My uncle Bally minds the toll-booth and would give us a ripe good price."

"No Gimli, I would not take the subway for ANY price," remarked Gandalf, who then gazes into the distance . . . "Unless it involved free chilidogs and beer."

Gimili then said, "Aye, the chilidogs and beer are only a buck, but I bet if you would be willing to perform a few wart-removal spells for Uncle Bally the chilidogs could be bargained for . . ."

"To the subway!" Gandalf charges off, licking his lips and muttering about the nuances of beer.

[Grey_Wolf]

It was evening, and the grey light was again waning fast, when they halted for the night. They were very weary. The mountains were veiled in deeping dusk, and the wind was cold. Gandalf spared them a mouthful of Energy which he had been suplied with in Rivendell. When they had eaten some more MRE's, which apparatently had been the cause of the ease of womiting,
they held a council.

"We cannot, of course, go on again tonight." he said."The attack on the Redhorn Gate has tired ut us out and we must rest here a while. After that we'll go to the ancient Dwarf Subwaymuseum of Moria, which is still in function, for all I know. But there is a long way to go yet until we reach it."

|
|
V
Book 2.4: Journey In the Dark

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

thinking ahead, Mr Sauron called his secretary
'Miss Heard?'
'Yes, sir?'
'Get Barry Rogg on the line would you?
minutes later the sound of flames and growling comes up the phone line
'Hi there Barry, i have a favour to ask, do you mind?'
'doom, doom, doom'
'Excellent, that wizard fella might want to pas through the subway system, can you delay him some how?'
'rooaaarrr'
'Wonderful! Leaves on the line, they'll never expect it! Have the ORC (Organized Railway Company) Union workers do something too!TTFN'
with that, Mr Sauron settled back into reviewing his diary next week
'Hmm, let me see, world domnation on tuesday, tea with mother on saturday, can i fit in a meeting with the manager of the Southron Easterling Inc company? guess i'll have to'

[Grey_Wolf]

"And then where are we to go?" asked Frodo.

"We still have our journey and our errand before us." answered Gandalf.
"We have no choice but to go on, or return to Rivendell."

Pippins face brightened visibly at the mere mention of return to Rivendell; Merry and Sam looked up hopefully. But Aragorn and Boromir made no sign.
Frodo looked troubled.

"I wish I was back there." he said."But how can I return without shame - unless there is indeed no other way, and we're already defeated."

"You're right, Frodo." said Gandalf."To go back is to admit defeat, and face worse defeat to come. If we go back now, then the Package must remain there: we shall never be able to set out again. Then sooner or later Rivendell will be besieged , and after a brief and bitter time it will be levelled to the ground. The Lawyers are deadly enemies, but they are only shadows yet of the power and terror they would possess if the Package came into the possesion of their master."

"Then we must go on, if there is a way." said Frodo with a sigh. Sam sank back into gloom.

"There is a way that me may attempt, as I mentioned." said Gandalf.
"I thought about it from the beginning when I first considered this journey, that we should try it. But it isn't a pleasant way and Aragorn was against it, until the pass over the mountains had at least been tried."

"If it's a worse way than the Redhorn Gate, then it must be evil indeed."
said Merry."But you have better brief us in full, and let me know the worst at once."

"As I mentioned before, the Dwarven Subway Museum of Moria, is the way that I propose we take." said Gandalf. Only Gimli lifted his head; a smouldering fire was in his eyes. On all others a dread fell at the rementioning of that name.

"The road may lead to Moria, but how can we hope that it will lead through it." said Aragorn darkly.

"It's a name of ill omen." said Boromir."Nor do I see the need to go there. If we cannot cross the mountains, let us journey southwards, until we we come to the Gap of Rohan, beyond which live the Rohirrim, a people friendly to Gondor, taking the road that I followed on my way here. Or we might pass by and cross the Bridges of Isen into Landstrand and Lebennin, and so come to Gondor from the regions nigh to the sea."

"Things have changed since you came north, Boromir." answered Gandalf.
"Didn't you hear what I told you about Saruman? With him I may have business dealings of my own ere this is over. But the Package must not come near Isengard, if that can by any means be prevented. The Gap of Rohan is closed to us while we go with the Carrier."

"As for the longer road; we cannot aford the time. We might spend a year in such a journey and we should pass through many lands that are empty and harbourless. Yet they wouldn't be safe. The Satellite-cameras of both Saruman and the Enemy is on them. When you came north, Boromir, you were in the enemy's view just a stray wanderer from the south and no matter of concern to him because his mind was busy with the pursuit of the Package.
But you return now a Homie of the Package and you are in peril as long as you remain with us. The danger will increase with every league that we go south under the naked sky."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Since our open attempt on the mountain-pass our plight has become more desperate, I fear. I see little hope, if we do not vanish from sight for a while and cover our trail. By taking this route I, at least, do not think that the Enemy will expect it."

"We do not know what he expects." said Boromir."He may watch all roads, unlikely and likely. In that case to enter Moria would be to walk into a trap, hardly better than knocking at the gates of the Dark Tower itself. The name of Moria is black."

"You speak of what you do not know, when you liken Moria to the Industrial Park of Sauron." answered Gandalf."I alone of you have been in the factories of that utter criminal and only at his smaller and older company's complex of Dol Guldur. Those who pass the doors of Barad-dûr do not return. But I would not lead you into Moria if there were no hope of coming out again. If there are orcs are, it may prove ill for us, that is true. But most of the Orcs of the Misty Mountains were destroyed in The Battle of Five Armies. The Scoutplanes of Elves report that Orcs are gathering again from afar; but there is hope that Moria is still free."

[Grey_Wolf]

"There is even a chance that Dwarves are there, and that in some Office of your forefathers, Balin, son of Fundin, may be found. However it may prove, one must tread the path that need chooses."

"I will go with you, Gandalf." said Gimli."I would gladly like to see the mighty works of my forefathers - whatever might await me there and if you remember the access code of the Doors."

"Very good, Gimli." said Gandalf."You encourage me. We will seek the hidden Doors together. And we'll come through. In the ruins of Dwarves, a dwarf's head might see things more clearly than others. And it isn't the first time I've passed through Moria. I did it once in search of Thráin, son of Thrór, after he was lost. I passed through and came out again alive."

"I too once passed the Dimrill Gate." said Aragorn, quietly.
"But though I also came out again, the memory is very evil. I do not wish to enter Moria a second time."

"I don't wish to enter it even once." said Pippin.

"Nor me." muttered Sam.

"Of course not! Who would?" said Gandalf."But the question is: Who will follow me if I lead you there?"

"I will." said Gimli eagerly.

"I will." said Aragorn heavily."You followed my lead and we couldn't pass the Redhorn Gate and you have not blamed me for it. I'll follow your lead now, but I will give this last warning, in hope of changing your mind. It's not the Package or the others I thinking of now. It is you, Gandalf. And I say to you:
If you pass the Doors of Moria, beware."

"I will not go." said Boromir."not unless everyone votes for Gandalf. What of the little folk and Legolas?"

"I do not wish to go to Moria." said Legolas.

The younger hobbits and Sam remained silent. Then Frodo spoke.
"I do not wish to go, but it this is the only way then I'll follow Gandalf. I trust his judgement in this. But I think votes will be easier gained by daylight and not in this cold and dusky environment. How the wind howls!"

At these words all fell into silent thought. They heard the wind hissing among the rocks and trees, and there was a howling a wailing round them in the empty spaces of the night.

[Nurvingiel]

OOC: ORC union... awesome Chrys!! :D

"What was that?" said Gimli, who had been telling Pippin about the famous hot dog vendors of the Moria subway lines.
"It was the Wigs," said Legolas, his face grim.
"The Wigs? Who could be scared of something with such a stupid name?" said Sam derisively. The eerie howling was heard again, and the most of the company looked afraid.

[EarthBound]

"Inform us soon about the Wigs, my friend hobbit, but for now we need to attention ourselves on passing the toll-gate."

The fellows began to examine the strange runes and symbols exhibited upon the toll-gate house.

"Gandalf! I've found some graffitii spray painted with luminous paint that I believe I can translate," exclaimed Frodo.

"Spiffy color, too," commented Gimli, ever helpful.

"Well, spit it out, must we wait upon your need to constantly "build suspense" for your constant declarations which only . . ."

"Ahem, Ok, we can discuss the individual aspects for "wind-bagging" later . . . Frodo what does it read?" asked Aragon.


"It's a riddle! What is elfish for "Saruman is a Geek - his panty’s always reek - he dresses like a girl - he makes me want to hurl!"

Gandalf looked at Merry and said, "I think the author of this ancient graffiti was trying to say that Saruman is a "Priss"."

Suddenly, upon the utterance of the word "Priss" by Gandalf in a clear annunciated voice, nothing happened. This happened almost immediately.

The fellowship glanced nervously at each other.

"Hmmmm, strange, that was eerily what one would have expected to happen," bemused Sam.

"Maybe you didn't say it loud enough?" asked Sam.

Gandalf looked at the gate and let forth with a commanding voice a string of variations upon the word 'priss'.

"Priss Prissy Prissinator Prissaze 'A real Prisser' Prissi Prisawanabingbang Prisatrophilas"

"Oh, give it a rest, will ya." Moaned Merry, who promptly got out several video arcade tokens and slyly paid for their entry through the gates.

"Now, if we get caught using the incorrect tokens we'll be done for, so not a word anyone," warned Merry.

"What do you think they'd do to us?" asked Pip.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Meanwhile, in the offices of the ORC Union, on the lowest level of the subway, Barry Rog is meeting with the shop steward, and it was like a great shadow, in the middle of which was a dark form, of man-shape maybe, yet greater; and a power and terror seemed to be in it and to go before it, which the ORC Steward quailed at the thought, both revering and fearing the Great Barry Rog (Bal Rog to his friends).

Balrog: they must be delayed at all costs, but do not antagonize the wizard
Orc: we will delay them, but only if they disturb us, such as dropping stones in the wells, or something like that
Balrog: Very well, doom, boom boom
Orc: now my brothers of the union will go back to mending the railway lines in the subways

[Grey_Wolf]

Meanwhile, as Gandalf tried to figure out the access code, Boromir turned towards the lake which waters covered the old highway from Hollin.

He picked up a stone and threw it far out into the lake.

Plopp! it went. Rings fanned out from where it disappeared.

"Why did you do that, Boromir?" asked Frodo.

"I don't like this lake, there's something ominous about it." answered Boromir.

"I don't like it much either."

Out in the deepest part of the Lake of the Gates The Watcher felt the precence of a number of strangers at the other end of the Lake. He moved closer to them, his many arms flowing behind him. (The Watcher was a genetically deformed monster from the early First Age. One of Morgoth's genetic experiments)

[EarthBound]

Suddenly, nothing happened. And it happened quickly. Then something did happen, but it happened slowly. A huge dark figure arose from the waters with many large appendages swinging towards the band of travelers.

Then the figure stepped into a well lit area in thanks to the Dwarves and their marvelous track-lighting they'd left behind.

"Really, the track-lighting is quite marvelous; don't you think so, Merry?" Asked Pip.

Merry gave a concerned look to Pip and answered, "No, sorry, I was a bit engrossed with the MONSTER attacking us from the water, you NIT!"

Then they both turned their attention to the ominous figure advancing upon them...

The creature . . . a genetic cross between a giant and a famous reggae singer. It’s long appendages swinging to and fro were nothing less than dreadlocks full of small stones, leaves, and lost forest animals.

"Oh, this is just sooo wrong," commented Pip.

The creature then spoke, “I say, good chap, any chance for some spare change for a wayward giant would you?�

“Uh, STAND BACK you vile creature from the deep or feel the wrath of my drill-thingy!� Warned Aragon.

“RRRRRRR-then you shall be forced to hear me sing my rendition of ‘Safety Dance’ done by a cult ‘80’s band.�

The creature then began to dance in a circle while singing in a ‘reggae-manner-voice’ –You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind . . . because if they won’t dance and if they can’t dance, well they’re no friends of mine . . . oh, you can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind. . . .�

The fellowship stumbled to their knees in agony holding their hands over their ears to no avail.

Then Leggy did some quick thinking and threw him all the change he had kept in his little elf purse. The giant then picked up the change and strolled off muttering about the nuances of beer in search of a nearby pub.

“Thank you Leggs!� Exclaimed Frodo. “Hey, where did you get that purse?� The purse was emerald green satin with cute little gold sequins and a fancy white bow clasp. The fellowship spent the next hour examining the qualities of each other purses then resumed the task at hand of gaining entrance to the subway . . . and finding the where-abouts of Gimli’s Uncle Bally, Toll-gate attendant and all around good guy by reputation.

[Nurvingiel]

The Homies dashed through the door, before the Watcher regained consciousness and started singing "Safety Dance" again. Indoors, the track lighting seemed to be malfunctioning.
"That's odd," said Gimli, "Lights are always in perfect order here. And usually there's a hot dog vendor who parks his cart right here and serves the best chili dog this side of Mirkwood."
"I'd still like to know how we escaped the Wigs," said Frodo, dripping wet and looking distinctly ticked off.
"Clean lift Frodo," said Gandalf. "Sometimes these things happen."
"I'm still not sure we should be doing this," said Boromir.
"I have to admit I'm apprehensive as well. Last time I was hear they played Musak for the entire subway trip," said Aragorn.
"Balin would never play Musak," Gimli said, slightly offended. "Hey, what's this?" He took down a notice from the wall. "Hm... I can't read it, it's too dark in here." Only the evening light from behind them penetrated the gloom.
"Here, let me see," said Legolas, taking the note. "Notice from the Organized Railway Company Union: The meeting about refurbishing the break-room will be..." he started reading, but was rudely interrupted by Gandalf.
"Organized Railway Company! We must flee at once!"
Just then, the Watcher rose from the water, sporting several painful-looking welts on its face. "'Safety Dance' is an eighties cult classic you cretins! Go listen to Britney Spears!!" And with that, it slammed the doors shut so hard that they shattered, before the Homies could do anything. They could hear the Watcher ripping up the shrubberies and ornamental trees that surrounded the doors. They were trapped - the enterance was now a very solid pile of rubble.
The Homies waited in the pitch dark, in fear that 'Hit me baby one more time' would start playing over the intercom. But all was eerily silent. "The only way out is the other side," said Gandalf, pressing a button on his staff that illuminated the end.


OOC: I happen to like "Safety Dance" EarthBound! :p :D

OOC2: I think just saying it was a clean lift is kind of funny eh guys? And it makes sense in the slightly silly context of our story.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The ORC Steward turned to the CCTV system, and noticed gandalf and the others, with ganalf's light bobbing away like a will o' the wisp
ooc: trying to get a few book lines in :D
ic: excuse me Mr Rog, he said
doom doom!! replied Barry Rog (thats just about all he says)
those people have arrived, should we waylay them, and make them pay a phenomenally high toll for passage to the bridge?
roarr! doom! came the reply
ooc: if u dont speak balrog, you will have to wait and see whether barry rog accepted that proposal or not :D

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

The Homies were cautiosly walking around trying to find each other in the dark. Suddenly there came a loud click from the wall and a light appeared at the end of Gandalf's staff.
"I will lead you through Moria," said Gandalf. "Follow my light." As he walked away from the wall the light went off and Aragorn voice sounded form the grumblings.
"Gandalf! Your staff is the plug-in edition? A great help that will be."
"Not just the plug-in edition," Gandalf replied as the light came back on. "It takes double A batteries to!"

[EarthBound]

The Homies trekked through the darkness in somber silence. Except for Pip, who kept trying to hold everyone's hand and sing 'Dancing in the Dark'. It was very irritating.

While climbing up a long and forbidden stair of stone Legalos easily passed up Gimli and managed to send him a smug grin while doing it.

"Ohhh, look at fancy pants, what a nit!" Growled the Dwarf.

Leggy stopped to glare at his short bearded friend. "If you spent as much time running your legs as you did running that mouth of yours we'd make better time."

The angry dwarf began to reach into his jacket pocket, "Listen Keebler, one more word from you ....."

"Stop it you two! We don't have any time for this!" Chastised Aragorn.

Merry turns to Aragorn. "But I thought that we were ahead of schedule . . . what, with the 'clean lift' and all."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Yes, the 'clean-lift' did help a lot." Aragorn said.

"I am sorry for having to leave Bill the Quad behind." Sam said."I hope he'll manage to drive back to Rivendell in safety."

"You needn't worry, I programmed him for a safe return since I figured we wouldn't be able to take him into Moria." said Gandalf.

"Gandalf, did you know about that horrid thing in the Lake?" Frodo asked."I felt it, somehow, when I walked through that creek emtying into the Lake."

"No, I didn't." said Gandalf, simply, walking carefully along the dusky tunnel, the shining tip of his staff barely lighting up so much of the floor that he saw where he was going."But there are older and fouler things in the deep places of the world."

Boromir muttered under his breath, but the echoing stone magnified the sound to a hoarse whisper that all could hear:
"In the deep places of the world! And thither we are going against my wish."

"With Gimli as my aid we'll get through so I don't think you need whorry." Gandalf said."

As the Wizard walked ahead they came to an ancient non-functioning escalator which they had to walk up. They counted three hundred steps before they came to the first platform. In the faint light of the staff they saw the old posters for the Dwarven Metalworks and The Elven Smiths of Hollin alternating along the walls.

"Let us sit and rest and have something to eat, here on the platform, since we can't find a dining-room!" Frodo said. He had begun shaking off the horror of the Rasta-Monster and suddenly felt very hungry.

The proposal was welcomed by all: and they sat down on the couches placed along the platform, dim figures in the gloom. After they had eaten some of the MRE's, Gandalf gave them a third sip of Energy.

"It will not last much longer, I'm afraid." he said."But I think we'll need it after the Horror of the Gate. And unless we have great luck, we'll need all that is left before we see the other side! Go carefully with the Evian, too! There are many old taps in the Subway, but they should not be touched. We may not have a chance of filling our bottles till we come down into Dimrill Dale."

"How long is it going to take us?" asked Frodo.

"I cannot say." answered Gandalf."The Main Line stretches for about 40 miles from the Western Doors to the Eastern Gates. But going straight, without mishap or losing our way, we'll do it in about three or four marches, I espect."

[Nurvingiel]

"If the Subway was working, of course it would be a matter of minutes," said Aragorn. "But alas, I'm afraid that it is no longer operational." He placed a hand comfortingly on Gimli's shoulder. Gimli looked downcast, realizing the implications of Aragorn's words, that until now he was not ready to accept.
Pippin grabbed Aragorn's hand. "Pippin, if you start singing 'Dancing in the Dark' one more time, I'm going to give you a root canal with Narsil, if you take my meaning."
"No it's not that. I went a bit ahead and there's a huge gap in the walkway! I can't even see the other side!"
"I saw the other side," said Legolas, "I estimate it's no more than two meters."
"Estimate!!? Two meters!!?" Pippin spazzed.
"Yeah, that's huge!" Sam trailed off, swearing. "But I see now that you were right to send Bill back Gandalf. But what about the Wigs? If they chase him... they're a fearsome and relentless biker gang."
"Don't worry Sam, Bill has a better chance of making it safely back to Rivendell than we do," said Gandalf comfortingly.
"That's... not comforting at all..." Sam said, disturbed.
"Alright guys, let's cross this gap! Just take a running start, you can do it!" Aragorn encouraged.
"I'll go first," Boromir said bravely. He took a run, and lept neatly accross the gap.
"I'll go," said Gimli.
"Ooh, how are you going to do it decked out in all that fearsome armour and axes and what not," teased Legolas.
"Eat my shorts nancy-boy. Watch and learn," said Gimli, taking a run and easily clearing the gap, armour and all. Legolas followed him nimbly, and Gandalf also seemed to have no trouble.
"Now it's just us Hobbits," said Aragorn.
"No duh Sherlock," said Sam sarcastically, still bitter about the loss of Bill.
Aragorn ignored him. "You can see the light from Gandalf's staff, just jump for that."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Pippin and Merry made the jump first, clearing it by about a meter. Then Sam ran at the gap but stopped just short. He walked towards Aragorn and whispered.
"Umm, Mr Strider. Could throw me acroos please? I'm not the nimblest of hobbits, or the slimest, and as my old Gaffer says 'Better safe than sorry.'"
Aragorn smiled and picked Sam up and threw him across where he was caught by Gandalf. Frodo then cleared the gap with ease followed by Aragorn.

[Grey_Wolf]

When they had jumped over the gap they continued for several hours until they came to yet another platform where they spent the night.
In the morning (which they only could tell by pushing the glow-button on their Casio-watches), Gandalf handed out their breakfast.
"I have here some Hovis. I, at least, am a bit sick of these MRE US Army leftovers so I hope they'll do."

"And here, have some Gainomax Recovery, the protein will do you good."

"Jolly good." the hobbits said after having a bite and a sip.

"Even better than Lembas from the Rivendell Bakeries." said Legolas.

"What do you know about pastry?" Gimli countered derisively, thinking dreamily about the products of The Lonely Skyscraper's excellent cooks and bakers.

"Anything Dwarves can do Elves can do better" Legolas sang even more derisively.

"Well, have at you, you elven pancy!!" Gimli screamed, clenching his fists.

"Now, now, boys, take it easy. We're all in the same gang here, aren't we? This infighting won't do either of you any good." said Aragorn.

[Nurvingiel]

Legolas and Gimli continued to glare daggers at each other.
"You two really need to deal with this animosity," said Gandalf, "Because in battle you will depend on each other."
"Don't worry, I won't let him die."
"I'll be sure to save his life," said Gimli and Legolas at pretty much the same time. However, they stopped arguing, both thinking that they had had the last word.
"Come on, about ten more minutes along is a Journey's Friend kiosk. We can camp there for the night," said Gandalf. "If my memory serves correctly..." he said more quietly.
"What was that?" said Sam.
"Erm... nothing..."
The Homies continued to the kiosk, which they found abandonned, and sadly, not even an old packet of crisps on the shelves. The kiosk had tall windows all around, some of them smashed. There was a broken payphone inside, and an empty (Sam checked) cash register on the grimy counter. It was situated on a wide platform, and Pippin discovered a deep, dark hole behind the kiosk. He peered over the edge cautiously, unable to see the bottom.
"What are you doing?" said Gandalf, crossly.
"Erm... just wondering what this was," said Pippin sheepishly.
"There must have been a loo there at one point."
Pippin backed away, disturbed, but his curiosity remained.


OOC: Just to keep up the British references... ;)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

While everyone was unpacking and laying out lilo's and slleping bags Pippin wandered over to the toilet. Although he didn't need to go he felt fascinated by it and before anyone had noticed where he was he pulled the flush, expecting it not to work. Unfortunatly for Pippin it did. A loud noise echoed through the kiosk.
"Fool of a Took," said Ganalf hurrying over. The CCTV cameras are usually left un watched but because of your flush I fear that they will be kept under close surveillance now."

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

OOC: I hope no one minds if I join...

Pippin, discouraged by that fact that even flushing a toilet made Gandalf mad, walked over to his blanket. On the way, he passed by Gandalf's sleeping spot, and noticed that he had left a very valuable questionaly shaped carrot lying around.

"Messy fellow, Gandalf." he said to himself, and tuning around, he tossed it right into the toilet. He gulped when the toilet started making nasty sounding gurgles because the carrot had clogged it up. Gandalf ran up to it and yelled "What the heck is going on?!?"

Pippin looked at his feet, and whispered that he had tossed the carrot into the toilet.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf said fo rthe second time in 2 minutes. "Now, because you were such an idiot, you get the first watch!"

Pip gulped, and said "B-but it was your questionably shaped carrot!"

Gandalf started to cry, and everyone took off any hats or hood they and on, and quietly hummed a funeral song. When they finished, they all put their hats back on, and Gandalf, turning to Pippin, said "Now go and take your watch!"

Pippin slowly mad his way to his post, while Gandalf sat down and mourned for the loss of his questionably shaped carrot. After a while, he came and relived Pippin, saying "You go get some sleep. I can't sleep, after the loss of my carrot--" he said, and Gandalf took of his grey hat while both hummed the funeral song again. Pippin went back to his little sleeping spot, and the last he saw before falling asleep (which took awhile, as Boromir snored very loud) was Gandalf sitting all hunched up, and smoking his pipe.

OOC: How was that for a first time ever doing a RPG? I know I didn't take some of the quotes directly from the book, because I did it by memory.

[Grey_Wolf]

The next "morning" they all awoke at the same time. Gandalf had let them sleep all through "night".

"I've used the plentyful time to try to remember my last visit." he said.

At the further end of the platform there was three tunnels.
One descending, one going straight ahead and one accending. The ancient rusting rails where still there.

"I don't like the one to the left, descending one and not the accending one to the right. I think we should take the middle one going straight ahead. It has a good feel to it and we still have a long way to go."

They all stuffed their sleeping bags and whatever things they had brought out and followed Gandalf into the middlemost tunnel.

"This should lead to the Grand Central Station where we might find Balin still alive and well with his company."

OCC: An Official Welcome to tpt1. Welcome to the wonderful world of the Lyrd.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: TPT1 that was great.

Before Gandalf walked away from the door he put his hand on his heart and said,
"O questionably shaped carrot. How I mourn your death. If ever it is within my power to return I will do so and find your remains."
Gandalf then led them into a room at the end of a corridor. It seemed to Frodo that they had walked into an indoor cememtry. In the middle of the room there was a rather large and extravegent tomb stone. Frodo walked up to it and looked at the letters carved into the side.
"There are letters here, yet I have only reache grade 5 in my elvish. This is beyond my skill to read," he said to the Company as Gandalf walked over.
"The words read Here lies [I]Balin sonof Fudin. Lord of Moria,/I]" said Gandalf.

[Grey_Wolf]

"He is dead then. I feared as much." said Gimli.

Meanwhile, the others where looking at a table closeby which contained a still functioning portable computor.

"Hey, Gandalf, will you come and have look at this."

|
|
V
Book 2.5: The Bridge of Khazad-Dûm

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Gandalf walked over and touched the mouse so the screen no longer had a screensaver reading 'They are coming'. Gandalf noticed that a word document was open and the mouse had been hovering over the save icon.
"This document recalls the dwarves fortunes in Moria," said Gandalf after about 5 minutes. "I will not read it all as it is grim reading, but here is the end part. 'They are coming. They have taken the bridge and the lower levels. We cannot get out, they are coming. Floi was slain by an arrow defending the bridge. Then came he shadow of fire. He must have been the security guard. He had a name badge engulfed in terrible flames, it was Durin's Bane. None could withstand his fire, for we have not the skills in hat making as out forefathers of Belegost. They are coming. The end is near. We cannot get out. They are coming.'"

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

Merry and Pippin tried to look over Gandalf's shoulder to read it, though they failed, since they were rather shorter than he was, so they settled for look at it from under his arms, which wasn't a pleasent experience.

"It must have been ages since you wore deodorent, Gandalf!" said Pippin, as he held his nose. "I think I might lose my breakfast..."

"Well, if you must barf, don't do it on me. These are my 'broken-in' clothes. My other ones are too starched. And, for your information, it's only been about, oh say, 50 years since I've worn deorderand."

This made Pip really fell like losing his breakfast, so he did so on Sam, since he was the one who had gotten bafed on least in the past experience. Sam got really ticked off by this, as he also was wearing his broken-in clothes, so he upchucked on Pip in return.

Suddenly, Gandalf yelled "STOP! Right now we really don't need to be found out by anyone who is here by them smelling us out."

"But, you haven't worn---" Sam began, but was soon cut off by Gandalf. "just hush up!" he yelled, and glared at both with such a long, mean glare, that Pippin gave out a little squeak like a mouse, and hid behind Merry, who was now standing over by Aragorn. Merry pushed Pippin out of the way, and whispered "Would you rather tell Legolas that his hairline is receeding, or suck it up and tell Gandalf to stop picking on you?"

Pippin looke at Merry and said "Tell Legolas that his hairline is reeceding..."

"Well, then go do it!"

Pippin ran upp to Legolas and tugged at his shirt. Legolas looked down at him, and said "Is there something you wanted to say?"

Pippin nodded, and in one breath, said "Legolas, you're hairline is reeceding."

Legolas' eyes went all big, and he ran around franticly in search of some water to look at himself in. When he found some his eyes went bigger, and he yelled "It's true! I do have a reeceding hairline! it's almost as sad as the loss of the questionably shaped carrot!" Everyone put their hands on their hearts, and said in unison "May it rest in peace."

Legolas went to have another look at himself, when he said "Hey-- this puddle is yellow." Everyone looked at each other in disgust, until Aragorn said "What?! Did you expect me to pee in my pants? I gotta go somewhere..."
Legolas stared at Aragorn, then the puddle, then back at Aragorn before slowly stepping away form both. Aragorn's cheeks went red with embarresment, but he said nothing.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The ORC Unionists, having noticed the unused toilet had recently been fluched, had called an extraordinary meeting of the committee, "Well," said the secretary "It seems that our unwelcome visitors have been using company property, and yet have refused to join the union, we msut stamp out these capitalist pig-dogs, we are coming" he screamed, in his most propagandist voice, Barry Rog just nodded, stood up and walked up the stairs, followed by hundreds of ORC members, clashing their shields and waving their notices

[Grey_Wolf]

Suddenly, they heard ferocious stamping coming up from behind a side-door.

"They are coming." said Gandalf and rushed over to check who actually was coming, he opened the door slightly.
"It's the ORC unionists trying to make us join them. Everybody, find whatever you can to jam the door shut."

They rushed about for pieces of wood and metal to hinder the opening the door.

From behind the door there came: BOOM, BOOM, DOOM BOOM and the shouts of the ORC's.

"There's something else coming with them. Let me check."
said Gandalf.

He opened the door and held it open a little more and took a peek. He sprang back as a sharp stone whistled past him into the room. He shut the door quickly and the rest of the Homies barricaded the door with metal and wood they had found in the room.

BOOM, DOOOM, BOOOM, DOOOOM, DOOOM there came again from behind the door, shaking it.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"The assistant security guard," said Gandalf, unsheathing his soldering iron and getting out a fresh reel of solder. "Maybe one, perhaps more, I'm not sure."
Frodo pulled out his soldering iron, it was glowing pink, as was Gandalf's, a sign of the ORC unionists. Legolas got out his staple gune and put in some new staples. Aragorn and Boromir took out their power drills and switched them on as Merry and Pippin took out their crow bars and Sam took out his hammer. A nooise came from behind the Homies and they saw Gimli ferociously a swiss army knife as a tooth brush came out, he shook it again as a mirror came out then on his third shake a gigantic axe appeared from it. He looked towards the door and growled.

[Nurvingiel]

DOOOM DOOOM pounded the beat again.

"They're playing bad hip hop!" said Frodo, as strains of "Lean back... lean back..." reached his ears.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The sound of the music reached breaking point, the doors rattled as the ORC Unionists pushed speakers against them, in an effort to blast them open, DOOM DOOM went the beat again, the security guards, wielding heavy torches, burst through the doors, the Unionists swarming behind, waving their membership cards, and hanging red banners all about the chamber.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

But the Homies weren't totally unready. As the security guards came in Legolas rapidly starting firing staples at them, whilst Boromir jumped forward try to chop off their feet. As Frodo saw the destruction around him, an anger so great built up inside him he jumped forward to Boromirs side and started using the solder reel against the security guards, a fire smouldering in his eyes.

[Grey_Wolf]

"One for the Shire!" shouted Aragorn as Frodo soldered a security guard in the eye."You're good at fusing things, Frodo, son of Drogo."

Aragorn, himself, used the Power-drill to great effect on the other guards one after another falling for his deadly spinning weapon.

Gandalf, blinding the his opponents with a IR laser emitter, succeeded in defeating a great number of ORC's with great swings of his oak staff.

The hobbits also used their tools to great effect.

Finally, having enough, the ORC's and security guards fled shrieking from the Information Chamber, slamming the door after them.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Run," yelled Gandalf as the door slammed. Each of them grabbed their packs and ran for the other door. Yet even as this happened the door opened slightly again and an ORC slipped in, holding a weapon that none of the Homies save Gandalf had seen. Gandalf'ss eyes widened in fear and his pace quickened. Whilst the Homies were reacting to this, he pulled a trigger and a number of small metal objects came flying throught the air and hit Frodo. A broad grin spread across his face before Aragorn's power drill beheaded him.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Utterly defeated, the ORC's retreated to the safety of the main lobby, some on foot, others on small bicycles, until they clustered around Barry Rog, wielding a contract of management more powerful than any seen before. he strode up to the door, laid his hand on the ring, and perceived gandalf, and the pop-song that gandalf was chanting to close the doors.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Buddy you’re a boy
Make a big noise playing in the street
Gonna be a big man someday
You got blood in your face, big disgrace
Kicking your can all over the place

Singing we will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you

Keep the beat up, why, I’m gonna turn your heat up
Gonna get you on the floor, gonna burn your feet up
Rocking you like I never rocked you before
Like the way I do got you screaming for more

We causing utter devastation
When we stepping to the place
And better believe that you can see
We’re gonna rock and never stop

And here we go again
Hit you with the flow again
Kick it up the second time around
We’ll bring it on again – shout it out

We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go

Buddy, you’re an old man, poor man
Pleading with your eyes
Gonna make you something someday
You got mud on your face, big disgrace
Somebody better put you back in your place

Singing we will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you
We will, we will rock you."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Yet even as this song sounded from the door Aragorn picked up Frodo and Gandalf replyed to the song only with a chorus for time was short.

We are the champions my friend
And we'll keep on fighting to the end.
'Coz we are the champoins
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Coz we are the champions
Of the world.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

You've done me wrong, your time is up.
You took a sip (just a sip) from the devils cup.
You broke my heart, there's no way back.
Move right outta here baby. Go and pack your bags.
Just who do you think you are?
Stop acting like some kind of star.
Just who do you think you are?
Take it like a man baby if that's what you are.

'Cos I'm moving on up. You're moving on out.
Movin' on up. Nothing can stop me.
Moving on up. You're moving on out.
Time to break free. Nothing can stop me,
Yeah.

They brag a man has walked in space,
but you can't even find my place.
Mmm there ain't nothing (not a thing) you can do
'cos I've had enough of me baby being part of you.


Just who do you think you are?
This time you've gone too far.
Just who do you think you are?
Take it like a man baby if that's what you are

'Cos I'm moving on up. You're moving on out.
Movin' on up. Nothing can stop me.
Moving on up. You're moving on out.
Time to break free. Nothing can stop me,
Yeah.

The counter-spell sung by Barry Rog was so powerful that Gandalf was thrown back down the stairs, with most of the ceiling collapsing in on the chamber.
"What is it?" asked Aragorn
"I do not know," siad Gandalf, "It seems to be some shadowy shape, I fear Balin's virtual tombe is buried for all eternity, let us hope that that something else is also buried in there, go on I will try to hold it back"
"We cannot leave you to hold the door alone!" said Aragorn
"Do as I say!" said Gandalf Fiercely, "Power tools are no more use here. Go!"

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As they raced down the stairs, hearing Gandalf replying to Barry Rog in a deep and loud vooice.

We are the Champions my friend
And we'll keep on fighting to the end
'Coz we are the champions
We are the champions
No time for losers
'Coz we are the champions
Of the world

[Grey_Wolf]

Suddenly at the top the stair there was a stab of white light. Then there was a dull rumble and a heavy thud. Doom boom dooom-boom came the sound that shock the walls and then faded. Gandalf came flying down the stairs and fell to the ground in the midst of the Homies.

"Well, well! That's over!" he said struggling to his feet."I've done all that could. I've met my match and have nearly been destroyed. But don't stand here! Go on! You will have to do without light for a while, because it was damaged in my tumble down the stairs. I am rather shaken. Go on, go on! Where are you, Gimli? Come ahead with me! Keep close behind, all of you!"

They followed Gandalf down the stairs and at lenght came to a great hall. In the midst of which was a great rift. Tongues of fire licked the edges of it. On the other side, stood the ORC unionist. The Homies were safe for the moment. At the further end of the great hall there was a slender bridge.

"That is the Bridge of Escape. Come, let's run now and soon we will be out of here." said Gandalf.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

As they reached the bridge, a great rumbling was heard, the ranks of the ORC Unionists had opened, and they crowded away, as if they themselves were afraid. Something was coming up behind them. What it was could not be seen: it was like a great shadow, in the middle of which there was a dark form, of man-shape maybe, yet greater; and a power and terror seemed to be in it and go before it.

Boromir leaned in close behind Gandalf, "What is this new devilry?" he exclaimed

"he is Barry Rog," said Gandalf "A managing director of the ancient world!" he went on "this foe is beyond any of you! fly!"

[Grey_Wolf]

They ran onto the Bridge, but Gandalf stayed.
Aragorn and Boromir stayed with him.

"Where you stay, we remain." they said determindedly.

"No, this foe is to great for you. Go with the others. I'll soon be with you."

Two great construction workers had laid huge stones over the rift and the ORC unionist rallied to cross when Bally Rog jumped over the rift and came to a stop confronting Gandalf.

"Old man, you should not have returned." he said.
"This will be your undoing."

"I am the Wielder of the Secret Brand of X, The keeper of Itchy Powder, Bane of the ORC. You shall not pass."
said Gandalf.

A great clash could be heard as their weapons met. Then Gandalf retreated a step.

"You shall not pass." he repeated and with that he slammed his staff down onto the bridge which broke off at the point of impact just by his feet.

Bally Rog fell with bridge but just as he fell he threw his whip which thong caught Gandalf around the knees dragging to the edge and over it. Gandalf just held on with his fingertips.

"Gandalf!" shouted Aragorn and Boromir and ran back to aid him.

"FLY YOU FOOLS!" shouted Gandalf as he slipped into the abyss.

The Men and the others turned and ran along the remains of the Bridge and came to a outer hall at which end there was The Eastern Gates.

As they came to them they were confronted by ORC security guards which they promptly slew.

|
|
V
Book 2.6: Lothlorien

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Come," shouted Aragorn, running back acroos the crumbling bridge.. "We must obey his last command. I will lead you know."
He lead them up the steps where they encountered a company of ORC unionists. Aragorn slew the leader and the rest fled in fear of his wrath.

[Grey_Wolf]

They ran out into the Sun and stopped, slightly short of breath.

"You must stand by Durin's stone and look into the Mirroring Pool where the Token of Balin lies until he wakes." Gimli said.

"Well, do tarry, but not too long. It is perilous." said Aragorn.

Gimli and the hobbits went over to the Stone and looked into the Pool. Frodo thought he saw something shimmering at the bottom.

occ: Thanks, TD :)

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: GW, it's Durin's stone. ;)

It was a penny.
"This was where Durin first cast a penny into water, and here may it lie to the world's ending," Gimli whispered to Frodo and Sam, who had wanderd over following Frodo like a puppy dog.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Alas! I fear we cannot stay here longer." said Aragorn. He looked towards the mountains and held up his Power-drill."Farewell, Gandalf!" he cried."Did I not say to you: If you pass the doors of moria, beware. Alas, that I spoke true! What hope do we have without you?"

He turned towards the Homies."We must do without hope." he said."At least we may yet be avenged. Let us gird ourselves and weep no more! Come! We have a long road and much to do."

They rose and looked about them. Northward the dale ran up into a glen of shadows between two great arms of the mountains, above which three white peaks were shining: Celebdil, Fanuidholm, Caradhras, the Mountains of Moria.

"Yonder is the Dimrill stair." said Aragorn, pointing towards a waterfall which flowed at the mountains's feet."Beside it we would have decended had fortune been kinder."

"Or Caradhras less cruel." said Gimli."There he stands smiling in the sun."
he shook his fist at the furthest of the peaks.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Umm Aragorn," said Frodo. "You never said that to Gandalf. He would have listened to you. It's your fault he's dead!
"Come on Frodo." replied Aragorn. "Let's not play the blame game. You didn't say that either."
"Oh yeah. I'll be quiet now," said Frodo.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

all of the homies looked dejected after the loss of their leader in the fight with the MD of the Organized Railway Company, until they turned their heads away from the subways, and glanced down upon the hippy commune of Lothlorien.

The road now turned south and went quickly downwards, running out from between the arms of the dale. some way below the mere they came on a deep well of water, clear as crytal, from which a freshet fell over a stone lip and ran glistening and gurgling down a steep rocky channel

[Grey_Wolf]

The Homies had walked a long way and Aragorn, in his concern to get away from the ORC, had pressed on. When he noticed that Frodo, aided by Sam, was falling behind, he stopped and rushed back to them.

"Frodo and Sam, you should have spoken, we have done nothing to ease you hurts. Come, over there is a small freshet. We'll stay and refreshen ourselves and I'll see to your injuries. Come, Boromir, we shall carry them."

The men carried the hobbits over to the falling water. Aragorn washed their dirty faces and moved to take off frodo's tunic.

"No, I'm all right. I only need to sit down for awhile." Frodo said, reluctant to have the Homies see what lay beneath.

"Oh, no, we must see how you fared between the hammer and the anvil of the Enemy." Aragorn persisted, easing off the tunic from Frodo. He gave a gasp and laughed. Underneath shimmered the Mithril Body Armour. He removed it and saw the bruises left by those small metal object shot from tha strange weapon of that huge ORC unionist.

He held it up and it glittered in the sunlight.
"If it was known to the world that hobbits had such precious skins, armies of hunters would come rushing to the Shire." he said.

"And the arrows of those hunters would be in wain. A Mithril Body Armour! Is this the MBA that Gandalf spoke of. Then he undervalued it. But it was well given." said Gimli, looking in wonder at the shimmering MBA.

"I always wondered what you two where talking about in Bilbo's room just before we left. Now I know, and love him all the more for it." said Merry.

"It is marvelously light. I'm glad that you wear such a protection. If it doesn't cause to much hurt you should wear it all the time while the Quest lasts. Perhaps when you know that you'll be safe for a while you may remove it which won't be too often." Aragorn said and bound some soft pads at a particularly angry bruise and helped Frodo put the MBA on again.

[Grey_Wolf]

Then they had eaten the Homies got ready to go on. They put out the fire which they had lit and hid all traces of it. Then climbing out of the dell they took to the road again. They had not gone far before the sun sank behind the westward heights and great shadows crept down the mountain-sides.

Dusk veiled their feet, and mist rose in the hollows. Away in the east the evening light lay pale upon the dim lands of distant plain and wood. Sam and Frodo now feeling eased and greatly refreshed were able to a fair pace, and with only one brief halt Aragorn led the Homies on for nearly three more hours.

It was dark. Deep night had fallen. There were many clear stars, but the fast-waning moon could not be seen till late. Gimli and Frodo wear at the rear, walking softly and not speaking, listening for any sounds upon the road behind. At length Gimli broke the silence.

"Not a sound but the wind." he said."There are no ORCers near, or my ears are made of wood. It is to be hoped that they'll be content with getting us out of Moria. And maybe that was all their purpose, and they had nothing else to do with us - with the Package. The ORCers will often pursue foes for many leagues into the plain, if they have a fallen Head of Security Board to avenge."

Frodo did not answer. He looked at Sting - and it did not radiate. Yet he had heard something, or thought he had. As soon as the shadows had fallen about them and the road behind was dim, he heard the quick patter of feet.
Even now he heard it. He turned swiftly. There were two tiny gleams of light behind, or for the moment he thought he saw, but at once they slipped aside and vanished.

"What is it?" asked the dwarf.

"I don't know." answered Frodo."I thought I heard feet, and I thought I saw a light - like eyes. I thought so often, since we entered Moria. But I didn't want to bother Gandalf with it."

Gimli halted and stooped to the ground.
"I hear nothing but the night-speech of plant and stone. " he said."Come! Let us hurry! The others are out of sight."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

ooc: this is brilliant!:D i cant post much till i get home tonite tho :(

[Grey_Wolf]

The night-wind blew chill up the valley to meet them. Before thema wide grey shadow loomed, and they heard an endless rustle of leaves like poplars in the breeze.

"Lothlorien!" cried Legolas."Lothlorien! We have come to the eaves of the Golden Wood. Alas that it is winter!"

Under the night the trees stood tall before them, arched over the road and stream that ran suddenly beneath their spreading boughs. In the dim light of the stars their stems were grey, and their quivering leaves a hint of fallow gold.

"Lothlorien!" said Aragorn."Glad I am to hear again the wind in the trees! We are still little more than five leagues from the Main Entrance, but we can go no further. Here let us hope that the virtue of the Elves will keep us tonight from the peril that comes behind."

"If Elves indeed still dwell here in the darkening world." said Gimli.

"It is long since any of my own folk journeyed hither back to the land whence we wandered in ages long ago." said Legolas."But we hear that Lorien is not yet deserted, for there is a secret power here that holds evil from the land. Nevertherless its folk are seldom seen, and maybe they dwell now deep in the woods and are far from the northern border."

"Indeed deep in the wood they dwell." said Aragorn and sighed as if some memory stirred him."But we must fend for ourselves tonight. We will go forward a short way, until the trees are all about us, and then we will turn aside from the path and seek a place to rest in."

He stepped forward; but Boromir stood irresolute and did not follow.
"Is there no other way?" he said.

"What other fairer way would you desire?" said Aragorn.

"A plain road, though it led through a hedge of swords." said Boromir.
"By strange ways has this Band of Homies been led, and so far to evil fortune. Against my will we passed under the shades of Moria, to our loss. And now must enter the Golden Wood, and it is said that few come out who once go in; and of that few none have escaped unscathed."

"Say not unscathed, but if you say unchanged, then maybe you speak the truth." said Aragorn."But lore wanes in Gondor, Boromir, if in the city of those who once were wise they now speak evil of Lothlorien. Believe what you will, there is no other way for us - unless you would go back to Moria-gate, or scale the pathless mountains, or swim the Great River all alone."

"Then lead on!" said Boromir."But it is perilous."

"Perilous indeed." said Aragorn."Fair and perilous; but only evil need fear it; and those who bring some evil with them. Follow me!"

[EarthBound]

Then Aragorn waved everyone forward and onward . . . ever the captain, he looked smashing and seemingly knew it this day. With a joyful glint in his eye he pressed into the lead of the others, strutting briskly forward . . . before tripping into a gorse bush so completely, that the party had to stop to free him before continuing.

Moving onward once again with a chagrinned Aragorn they pressed into the eves of the forest.

Holding towards the back, the Gimli spoke out of the side of his mouth to Pip while glaring ahead at Aragorn, "Mental, that one, I tell ya. Ever notice his boots? They're made out of the hide of a platypus." Pip nodded to Gimli as though he gave a rip what Gimli thought and continued marching.

"WHOOMP!"

Merry reaches down and picks up an object that had suddenly flew at them. "Odd, where did this come from?"

"What is it, Merry?" Asked Aragorn.

Carefully untying a grubby string around the balled up object Merry suddenly let out a cry and dropped the bundle. "Ahhhhh!"

"Merry are you, OK?" Worried Pip out loud.

"No, I'm . . . so . . . D I R T Y !!!" With that cry Merry held up his hands to his fellow homies and showed them his palms. Green and black with an ancient grime, so foul with stench Frodo immediately wretched on himself.

Kneeling down, Sam poked at the bundle, "It's it's, I can't believe it . . . it's . . . orcish dirty laundry!"

"It is worse than I feared,� muttered Boromir.

"I was just wondering, to myself, naturally, where do you suppose this bundle of dirty orc laundry came from. Or. More importantly. How did it happen to join us. I mean . . . what are the odds, really, of a bundle of laundry suddenly flying into our midst?" Asked Legolas.

Suddenly a large group of orcs appeared at the far end of a clearing they'd just finished crossing. They were waving more bundles of dirty laundry and yelling about union dues and subway passes.

[Grey_Wolf]

Suddenly, Hummers appeared with combat fatigue clad elves armed with uzis blazing away at the ORCers. Lianas dropped from the trees and Elves slid down and half-heartedly surrounded the invaders, them also carrying uzis and Carl Gustav desposable rocketlaunchers.

The yet living ORCers seeing the stiffening opposition turned tail and ran like mad back towards the mountains.

The Elves surronded the Homies and one elf detached himself from the group and approached.

"Greetings, my name is Haldir. What are you doing here? Pursued by ORCers and all."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

'Mae Govannen, Haldir of Lorien!' said Aragorn
'Might we be permitted to speak of the matter with the Hippy-Lady Galadriel?, for tidings are to dark to speak of in the open forest!'

[Grey_Wolf]

They spent the night high in the trees on specially made platforms which could house at least 7 people. There were three such refuges in the trees close by the clearing.

Frodo, Sam and two of Haldir's brothers slept in on the refuges.

The evening passed and night came. Suddenly they heard scratching noices on the outside of the tree. Frodo leaned out and saw a dark figure climbing the tree. It's eyes shone with like two mini-flashlights in the darkness.

One of the brothers woke up and came over to Frodo and took a peek. The figure dropped off the tree and disappeared.

"What was that?" the elf asked.

"I don't know, but it's been following us of late."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

the dark figure disappeared off to the north of the path at the sound of Frodo and Haldir's brother talking.

"I first noticed the ees in the ancient subways of the dwarves," said frodo
"and they have been present ever since!"

[Grey_Wolf]

Sam woke up when he heard their conversation.

"Begging you pardon, Mr Frodo, I think I know who that figure is. I heard Gandalf and Elrond speaking of some daring thefts who had occured in Mirkwood. Opening personal safeboxes, diamonds and other valuebles disappearing. I can put a name on that figure. Its the infamous cat-burgler Gollum."

"Why didn't you speak up before!" Frodo said, somewhat angry.

"Well, at first I didn't think it was important, and then all that's been happening made me forget about him." said Sam

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"well," said frodo, looking fondly at sam, "it would seem that there is no real harm don, yet, but we shall see, hopefully we might lose him in the fair hippy-commune of lorien?" frodo went on, looking hopefully at haldir's brother

[EarthBound]

Then stout Gimli arose from sitting upon the platform and made a small speech, "I for one, do NOT wish to enter the hippy compound. For eating and jostling with a bunch of high, long-haired, granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing activist sounds as about as much fun as brushing my teeth with toilet calk! Of course, I don't object to medicinal uses of, ‘ahem’, certain applied herbs and such, 'cough'."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"I agree with you Gimli," said Boromir. "Against my will did the Company enter Moria, and to our loss. Not happily will I enter this hippy refuge."
"Well what fairer route do you desire," replied Aragorn.
"A plain one. Though it would lead through a hedge of swords, and many bushes of spears."
"There is no other way. Unless you would return to the gates of Moria to scale the mountains, or swim the Great River alone and have the ORC unionists shout 'LONER' at you and shoot you."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, you can't go back until you been brought in front of the Lord and Lady of the Galadrim. They will pronounce judgement on you. Wether to let you go or to imprison you in the Spa Section." said Haldir.

"The Spa Section!" mused Gimli."Perhaps on the other hand I think I'll remain with the company."

"Me too." said Boromir, immediately more cheerful.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Boromir and Gimli were still talking and laughing together when the furst rays of sun crept over the tallest trees.
suddenly, haldir's head appeared through the middle of the flet
'Wakey Wakey, sleepy perian-children!' he called to frodo and sam,
'the others of the fellowship have risen, and are on the woodland floor! we got to meet the Lady of the Golden Hippy Commune today!'

They travelled far, blindfolded as is the law of the land, until frodo smelt a wondrous scent, 'you smell the mellyrn leaves,' said haldir, noticing the smile on frodo's face, 'they bear leaf yearly, and the blooms fade not though the leaves turn a wondrous golden colour' he went on.

Soon, they were come to cerin amroth, where they were met by a company of elves that had approached silently. haldir conversed for a moment with the leader, before returning to the fellowship. 'The lady of the commune has bidden you walk unblinded,' he said 'it would seem fresh tidings have come, from elrond perhaps!'

ooc: sorry, but we seemed to be stuck in that tree for a long time :D

[EarthBound]

Looking happier with his chore, Haldir seemed to visibly relax. "So, since everything is 'cool now', let’s head into the commune in a groovy style, eh. In fact, why don't we all hold hands, sing some way-cool songs about light, trees, and medicinal herbs as we go?"

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

All of the Homies looked at Haldir strangley, and all left him bar Frodo, who was still trying to figure out the hippy dialect. After aminute or so he walked off in the direction he had senn Aragorn go. As he came to Amroth's mound he found Aragorn standing there, tall and proud as a young and fearless lord. In his hand he held a group of flowers that according to Haldir were called elanor. As Frodo approached Aragorn spoke to a person Frodo could not see.
"Arwen vanimelda namarië"
He then turned to Frodo.
"Come Frodo. Here lies my heart in Hippidome," he said as they left the mound.
There Aragorn necer came as a living (or dead) man again.

[EarthBound]

He did, however, visit Mia's Tortias for lunch and often for Wednesday dinners . . . throughout his long life.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Soon Haldir lead the Homies into Caras Galadhon, home of Hippy Lords Celeborn and Galadriel. They pass throughtt the realm seeing many Hippy vans on the way until they reached a ladder which lead in to a tree house, which was high from the ground.
"My Lord and Lady bid you climb. Frodo shall come first and with him Legolas. The others may follow as they will," said Haldir.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Frodo nodded, and bagan the ascent to the highest den, passing many flet and talan along the way, some small, to either side of the steps, other large, fitted about the bole of the tree, with the ladder passing through, until at lastthey came upon the Lord and Lady of the Commune.

At the arrival of the fellowship of homies, Celeborn and Galadriel put down their joints and rose to greet them, as even the mightiest of elf-lords may do at times to such guests as these were.

'Eight there are here now, yet nine were set out from Imladris, or so the Lord Elrond sent word.' said Celeborn 'Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I desire greatly to speak with him'
'He has fallen,' said the Hippy-Lady Galadriel, 'In great darkness he has passed, to whither? Even the wisest can not tell ... his steps are hidden from me, yet hope remains, whilst the company is true, but! stray but a litttle, and the quest shall fail, to the ruin of all - beware this quest stands upon the edge of a chainsaw!' the lady went on

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Tell us now the full story of what has happened since you set out from Riv-en-dell," Celeborn said slowly without blinking.
"Alas," cried Legolas. "He fell into Shadown. For we saw an elfbane greater than any that walks this arth save the one that sit in the Dark tower. It was a Barry Rog of Morgoth."
"Alas," cried Gimli. "It was Durin's bane. A shadow engulfed in flames."
"Come now," said Lord Celeborn, still not blinkiong. "Tell us the full story."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

As aragorn recounted the full story of the travels through the ancient subways ofthe dwarves, th lord celeborn's face grew graver, until the tale of Barry Rog, when the Lady interrupted between drags on her spliff 'I have seen this Managing Director,' she said 'of all elf-banes, the most deadly! I have seen him, ever has he haunted my waking dream!'

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Waking dreams?" said Sam. "But you can't have waking dreams. You gotta be asleep to have dreams you silly-pretty-elf-hippy-woman!"
"It is not so for the elves. For when we sleep we are awake in all respects save that our minds deel elsewhere," replied Galadriel.
"Oh. Okay then," said Sam.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

the lord celeborn now rose, and spoke in a singly monotonous voice, without punctuation or blinking 'Now is the time for sleep friends for i sense you are weary beyand compare and the grief of mithrandir shall not be assuaged ever easily have no fear these borders are wel protected you shall all be at ease now!'

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

An elf appeared in the tree house and led the Homies back down the ladder to the place where they would be staying.
"I swear I have heard that same monotone coming out of the mouth of someone who never blinks before," said Merry.
"Here," said Legolas getting out what seem to be a hand held television, he inserted a disc and a monotone of a voice boomed out of the speakers. It stopped after a couple of minutes when Merry walked away grumbling some about Peter Jackson.
He found Aragorn nearby with something in his cell phone in his hand.
"What are you doing Strider," asked Merry.
"I'm trying to text Elrond news of Gandalf's fall, but I can't get a signal which is strange in these parts. Alas I fear that Sauron has cut all signal in Middle Earth," replied Aragorn. Merry walked closer towards him and peered at the screen from under his arm and read the non sending text.

Gndlf as faln in btle wiv Bry Rg. ESTEL
PS: Giv my luv 2 arwn.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The homies were all sleeping about the base of a tree, except for frodo and sam who were talking together. 'I tell you for one,' said frodo, 'i hope very much that before we leave we shall see the lady again'

even as he spoke, they saw the lady galadriel, clothed in a tie-dyed garb reminiscent of the 60's, she spoke not a word, but beckoned to them, as she walked past. Turning at the end of the path, she ed them down th slopes of caras galadhon, through a small hedge and down some steps to a sheltered dell, where there was a large television, and a collection of video tapes.

'Here is the CCTV system of Galadriel!' she said 'I have brought you here so that you may look in it, if you will' she turned silently, and switched the TV on, beckoning the hobbits forward as she did so
'What things shall we look for, and what shall we see?' asked frodo
'Many things may be bidden shown,' said galadriel 'but the TVF is wayward, it shows many things, things that were, things that are, and some things the TV shows, that have not yet come to pass, and what these are, even the wisest can not tell'

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Well? Will you look?" Galadriel said steadily.
"I will m'lady. If you willing," said Sam edging up to the CCTV stystem. "It'll probably only be a car park anyway."
"Just as I thought," said Sam looking at the screen. "Wait a minute. It's the Shire, but different. It's a big Farm. And thats Ted Sandyman bulldozing down a factory, he shouldn't be doing that. I'll bulldoze 'im! And thats my ol' Gaffer farming potatoes! They should know that he's allergic!" then Sam went quiet. He could see a picture of Frodo lying against the walll pale and asleep. Turing, Sam walked back to Frodo.
"Will you look Frodo?" asked Galadriel.
"What do you counsel me to do?" replied Frodo.
"I do not give counsel, for in both answers evil may come, yet I think you have the strenght to press the play button."
"I will look," said Frodo. He moved towards the screen, picked up the remote and squeezed the play button, only just did it play. Barely did he have the strength. The screen flickered into motion and he saw a picture of Gandalf, in white! Or was it Saruman, not Gandalf on one his many journeys. The picture changed and he saw a picture of Bilbo in his room in Rivendell, rain patting on the windows, and papers everywhere. The picture changed again. It was all black with a single red dot in the middle. The dot grew larger until the plasma screen saw nothing else. It was an eye in a reel of fire. The Ring somehow appeared on it's chain and Frodo was leaning towards he screen.
"Do not touch the screen," Galadriel said softly. "I know what it is you saw last. For it is in my mind also. For I can see his thoughts,well all that are to do with the elves and the hippies, but my mind is closed from him." And behold as the held up her hand in radiance and hippy beauty a ring was revealed on her hand. Here in Nenya, the Ring of Adamant. Elrond would not spek of his, yet it can not be hidden from the Ringbearer who has seen the eye."
"I will give you the One Package, Galadriel, if you ask for it."

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 2.7: The Mirror of Galadriel
/\
II
II

"So it has come to this. What I ask you willingly want to give me. But it must not be. I would become a Lawyeress. Worse than The Dark One himself. People would love me and despair. No, it must not be. I will remain the zany old Galadriel and loved by my people and when the time comes I will pass into the west." she said.

"I wish you would take the Package. You would set things right. Stopping Ted Sandyman from ruining The Shire for starters." said Sam.

"Well, it would begin with that and end with everyone being worse off." said Galadriel.

"Now we must go back, because tomorrow the time will have come for you to leave Lorien."

[EarthBound]

The star field glow fell through the veil of leaves above them as the trio strolled in a hush and contemplation back to the others. Treading old paths of green and musk, beside forgotten pools and lost stone elders.




OOC - I thought I'd write something "pretty" for my 200th post. (Nobody tease me for my poor grammar or I'll fish-slap you!)

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The next morning, Galadriel & Celeborn met the homies upon the green grass of Egladil, where Galadriel gave each a parting gift, to Merry, Pippin and Boromir, she gave each a gold-clasped belt, to Aragorn, she gave a green brooch, and said 'Take now the name that was prophecied for you, Elessar!' to Legolas she gave a bow and quiver, longer and more sturdy than his own, to gimli she said 'And what would a dwarf ask of the Hippy of Lorien?' to which he replied 'Can i have a pair of your knickers?', and of course no was her answer, and so he instead settled for three strands of her hair, to sam she gave a box of mud, and to Frodo, at last she turned and said 'Wit you lies the quest, I can not offer wisdom, for such advice can oft lead awry, however, I give you the torch of Earendil, our most beloved star, just make sure you change the batteries regularly!' after this, they all took a meal, and the homies were furnished with three elven speed boats, a cloak each, and a length of rope each

[Grey_Wolf]

"Rope!" said Sam."I´ve been worried about not having any ever since we set out. What kind of rope is this? It is in the family, you see."

"Well, if we've known it was an interest of yours we would have shown you our ropefactory. But now, alas, it is too late. You will have to make do with our gift."

"Thanks a lot. I will treasure it."

And then he got into the boat with Frodo and Aragorn.The other Homies where distributed as follows: Boromir, Merry and Pippin in one boat. Legolas and Gimli in the last one.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: GW. Aragorn was with Frodo and Sam, not Gimli! ;)

[Grey_Wolf]

OOC: GW. Aragorn was with Frodo and Sam, not Gimli! ;)

occ: thanks. editing done.

[EarthBound]

Sam continued to finger and handle his new prized rope when Frodo took notice of something, "Sam, let me see that bit of Elvin rope." Sam handed the rope to Frodo and waited for the certain praise.

"Uh, say Sam, this white soft medallion thing that the rope is strung through, do you have any idea what it is?"

"I guess it's a manufactures seal of some sort. Probably the guarantee agreement."

"Oh, well, it's just that it looks suspiciously like 'Soap-On-A-Rope' (SOAR) is all."

Sam seemed to get even more excited at this possibility, "Shirky, it's like two presents in one . . .very cool." He took back the alleged 'SOAR' and immediately brought the loop over his head to rest it upon his neck and shoulders. "Now I'm like way-cool!" He exclaimed.

Aragorn looked back from paddling at the SOAR then at Frodo then rolled his eyes and muttered,� Hobbits..."

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 2.8-9: Farewell To Lorien and The Great River

Since they didn't want the ORCers to hear them as they slowly glided along the River they had decided upon paddling the small Elven speed boats.

Far away on a tongue of land they saw the Lady Galadriel waving good-bye, they waved back.

Suddenly the River swept round a bend, and the banks rose upon either side, and the light of Lorien was hidden. To that fair land Frodo never came again.

The Homies now turned faces to the journey; the sun was before them, and their eyes were dazzled, for all were filled with tears. Gimli wept openly.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

legolas touched gimli on the shoulder 'the memory of that fair land will live in your heart forever,' he said encouragingly, as the homies glided softly down the great river.

[Grey_Wolf]

So the Homies went on their way long way, down the wide hurrying waters, bourne ever southwards. Bare woods stalked along either bank, and they could not see any glimpse of the lands behind. The breeze died away and the River flowed without a sound. No voice of bird broke the silence. The sun grew misty as the day grew old, until it gleamed in the pale sky like a high white pearl. Then it faded into the West, and dusk came early, followed by a grey and starless night. Far into the dark quiet hours they floated on, guiding their boats under the overhanging shadows of the western wood.

Great trees passed by like ghosts, thrusting their twisted thirsty roots through the mist down into the water. It was dreary and cold. Frodo sat and listened to the faint lap and gurgle of the River fretting among the tree-roots and driftwood near the shore, until his head nodded and he fell into an uneast sleep.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

as if in a dream, he thought he saw the eyes once again. He sat up with a start, and rubbed his eyes, it was just a log, albeit an oddly shaped log, with four spindly branches, and a humpy midsection.

[Grey_Wolf]

Frodo was roused by Sam. He found that he was lying, well wrapped, under tall grey-skinned trees in a quiet corner of the woodlands on the West bank of the great River Anduin. He had slept the night away and the dim morning was dim among the grey branches. Gimli was busy with a tiny Calor gas stove near at hand.

They started again before the day was broad. Not that most of the Homies were eager to hurry southwards: they were content that the decision, which they must make at latest when they came to Rauros and the obsolete Tindrock Isle Internet Café, still lay some days ahead; and they let the River bear them on at it's on pace, having no desire to hasten towards the perils that lay beyond, whichever course they took in the end. Aragorn let them drift with the stream as they wished, husbanding their strength against the weariness to come. But he insisted that at least they should start early each day and journey on far into the evening; for he felt in his heart that time was pressing, and he feared that the Dark Lord had not been idle while they lingered in Lorien.

[Grey_Wolf]

Nonetheless they saw no sigh of an enemy that day, nor the next. The dull grey hours passed without event. As the third day of their voyage wore on the lands changed slowly: the trees thinned and then failed altogether.

On the eastern back to their left they saw long formless slopes stretching up and away toward the sky; brown and withered they looked, as if fire had passed over them, leaving no living blakde of green: an unfriendly waste without even a broken tree or a bold stone to relieve the emptiness. They had come to the Brown Lands that lay, vast and desolate, between Southern Mirkwood and the hills of the Emyn Muil. What pestilence or war or evil deed of the Enemy had so blasted all that region even Aragorn could not tell.

Upon the west to their right the land was treeless also, but it was flat, and in many places green with wide plains of grass. On this side of the River they passed forests of great reeds, so tall that they shut out all view to the west, as the little boats went rustling by along their fluttering borders. Their dark withered plumes bent and tossed in the light cold airs, hissing softly and sadly.

Here and there through openings Frodo could catch sudden glimpses of rolling meads, and far beyond them hills in the sunset, and away on the edge of sight a dark line, where marched the southernmost ranks of the Misty Mountains.

[Grey_Wolf]

There was no sign of living things, save birds. Of these there were many: small fowl whistling and piping in the reeds, but they were seldom seen. Once or twice the travellers heard the rush and whine of swan-wings, and looking up they saw a great phalanx streaming along the sky.

"Swans!" said Sam."And mighty big ones too!"

"Yes." said Aragorn."and they are black swans."

"How wide and empty and mournful all this country looks!" said Frodo.
"I always imagined that as one journeyed south it got warmer and merrier, until winter was left behind for ever."

"But we haven't journeyed far south yet." answered Aragorn."It is still winter, and we are far from the sea. Here the world is cold until the sudden spring, and we may yet have snow again. Far away down in the Bay of Belfalas, to which Anduin runs, it is warm and merry, maybe, or would be but for the Enemy. But here we are not above sixty leagues , I guess, south of the Southfarthing away in your Shire, hundreds of long miles yonder. You are looking now south-west across the north plains of the Riddermark, Rohan the land of the Biker Lords. Ere long we shall come to the mouth of the Limlight that runs down from Fangorn, Home of the Extreme Environmentalist Movement of the Ents, to join the Great River. That is the north boundary of Rohan; and of old that lay between Limlight and the White Mountains belonged to the Rohirrim. It is a rich and pleasant land, and its grass has no rival; but in these evil days folk do not dwell by the River or ride often to its shores. Anduin is wide, yet the ORCers can shoot their arrows far acroos the stream; and of late, it is said, they have dared to cross the water and raid mechanic shops and garages of Rohan."

Sam looked from bank to bank uneasily. The trees had seemed hostile before, as if they harboured secret eyes and lurking dangers; now he wished that the trees were still there. He felt that the Homies was too naked, afloat in little Daycruisers in the midst of shelterless lands, and on a river that was a frontier of war.

In the next day or two, as they went on, borne steadily southwards, this feeling of insecurity grew on all the Homies. For a whole day they started their engines and speeded ahead. The banks slid by. Soon the River broadened and grew more shallow; long stony beaches lay upon the east, and there were gravel-shoals in the water, so that careful steering was needed. The Brown Lands rose into bleak wolds, over which flowed a chill air from the East. On the other side the meads had become rolling downs of withered grass amidst a land of fen and tussock. Frodo shivered, thinking of the lawns and fountains, the clear sun and gentle rains of Lothlorien. There was little speech and no laughter in any of the boats. Each member of the Homies was busy with hi own thoughts.

[Grey_Wolf]

The heart of Legolas was running under the stars of a summer night in some northern glade amid the beech-woods; Gimli was fingered gold in his mind, and wondering if it were fit to be wrought into the housing of the Lady's gift. Merry and Pippin in the middle boat were ill at ease, fo Boromir sat muttering to himself , sometimes biting his nails, as if some restlessness or doubt consumed him, sometimes pushing the throttles a notch higher and driving the boat closer to Aragorn's. Then Pippin, who sat in the bow looking back, caught a queer gleam in his eye, as he peered forward gazing at Frodo.

Sam had long ago made up his mind that, though boats were not as dangerous as he had been brought up to believe, they were far more uncomfortable than even he had imagined. He was cramped and miserable, having nothing to do but stare at the winter-lands gliding by and the grey water on either side of him. Even when they were using paddles Sam was not entrusted with one.

As dusk drew down on the fourth day, he was looking back over Frodo's and Aragorn's heads and the following boats; he was drowsy and longed for camp and the feel of earth under his toes. Suddenly something caught his sight: at first he stared at it listlessly, then he sat up and rubbed his eyes ; but when he looked again he could not see it any more.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 2.10: The Breaking of the Fellowship

That night they camped on a small eyot close to the western bank. Sam lay rolled in blankets beside Frodo.

"I had a funny dream an hour or two before we stopped, Mr Frodo." he said."Or maybe it wasn't a dream. Funny it was anyway."

"Well, what was it?" said Frodo, knowing that Sam would not settle down until he had told his tale, whatever it was."I haven't seen or thought of anything to make me smile since we left Lothlorien."

"It wasn't funny that way, Mr Frodo. It was queer. All wrong, if it wasn't a dream. And you had best hear it. It was like this: I saw a log with eyes!"

"The log's all right." said Frodo."There are many in the River. But leave out the eyes."

"That I won't." said Sam."'Twas the eyes as made me sit up, so to speak. I saw what I took to be a log floating along in the half-light behind Gimli's boat; but I didn't give much heed to it. Then it seemed as fi the log was slowly catching us up. and that was peculiar, as you might say, seeing as
we were all floating on the stream together. Just then I saw the eyes: two pale sort of points, shiny-like, on a hump at the near end of the log. What's more, it wasn't a log, for it had paddle-feet, like a swan almost, only they seemed bigger, and kept digging in and out of the water."

"That's when I sat right up and rubbed my eyes, meaning to give a shout, if it was still there when I had rubbed the drowse out of my head for whatever-it-was was coming along fast now and getting close behind Gimli. But whether those two lamps spotted me moving and staring, or whether I came to my senses, I don't know. When I looked again, it wasn't there. Yet i think I caught a glimpse, with the tail of my eye, as the saying is, of something dark shooting under the shadow of he bank. I couldn't see no more eyes, though."

"I said to myself: "dreaming again, Sam Gamgee." I said; and said no more just then. But I've been thinking since, and now I'm not so sure. What do you make of it, Mr Frodo?"

"I should make nothing of it but a log and the dusk and sleep in your eyes, Sam." saÃ*d Frodo."if this was the first time that those eyes had been seen. But it isn't. I saw them away back north before we reached Lorien. And I saw a strange creature with eyes climbing to the flet that night. Haldir saw it too. And do you remember the report of the Elves that went after the ORCers?"

"Ah." said Sam."I do; and I remember more too. I don't like my thoughts; but thinking of one thing and another, and Mr Bilbo's stories and all, I fancy I could put a name on the creature, at a guess. A nasty name. Gollum the Cat-burgler, maybe?"

"Yes, that is what I have feared for some time." said Frodo."Ever since the night on the flet. I suppose he was lurking in Moria, and picked up our trail then; but I hoped that our stay in Lorien would throw him off the scent again. The miserable creature must have been hiding in the woods by the Silverlode, watching us start off!"

"That's about it." said Sam."And we'd better be a bit more watchful ourselves, or we'll feel some nasty finger round our necks one of these nights, if we ever wake up to feel anything. And that's what I was leading up to. No need to trouble Strider or the others tonight. I'll keep watch. I can sleep tomorrow, being no more than luggage in a boat, as you might say."

"I might." said Frodo."And I might say "luggage with eyes"." You shall watch; bu only if you promise to wake me half-way towards morning, if nothing happens before then."

In the dead hours Frodo came out of a deep dark sleep to find Sam shaking him."It's a shame to wake you." whispered Sam."but that's what you said. There's nothing to tell, or not much. I thought I heard some soft plashing and a sniffing noice, a while back; but you hear a lot of such queer sounds by a river at night."

He lay down, and Frodo sat up, huddled in his blankets, and fought off his sleep. Minutes and hours passed slowly, and nothing happened. Frodo was just yielding to the temptation to lie down agian when a dark shape, hardly visible, floated close to one of the moored speedboats. A long whitish hand could be dimly seen as it shot out and grabbed the gunwale; two lampliek eyes shone coldly as they peered inside, and then they lifted and gazed upon Frodo on the eyot. They were not more than a yard or two away, and Frodo heard the soft hiss of intaken breath. He stood up, drawing Sting from its sheath, and faced the eyes. Immediately their light was shut off. There was another hiss and a splash, and the dark log-shape shot away downstream into the night. Aragorn stirred in his sleep, turned over, and sat up.

"What is it?" he whispered, springing up and coming over to Frodo."I felt something in my sleep. Why have you drawn Sting?"
"Gollum." answered Frodo."Or at least, so I guess."
"Ah!" said Aragorn."So you know about our little footpad, do you? He padded after us all through Moria and right down to Nimrodel. Since we took to boats, he has been lying on a log and paddling with hands and feet. I've tried to catch him once or twice at night; but he's slier than a fox, and as slippery as a fish. I hoped the river-voyage would beat him, but he's too clever a waterman."
"We shall have to try going faster tomorrow. You lie down now, and I'll keep watch for what is left of the nigh. I wish I could lay my hands on the wretch. We might make him useful. But if I cannot, we shall have to try and lose him. He's very dangerous. Quite apart from murder by nigth on his own account, he may put any enemy that is about on our track."

[Nurvingiel]

Boromir sat apart from the others, glancing around shiftily and biting his nails. Pippin was tired of journeying with such a nervous wreck (for they shared the same boat) so decided to do something about it.
"Boromir," he said, approaching the man, "I know this trip has been hard on you. You've been on the road longer than any of us, save maybe Gandalf, who knows what he gets up to, so..." Pippin lowered his voice, "I'm going to let you in on a secret."
Boromir stopped biting his nails, "It was a long, difficult road to Imladris. I didn't even have a map! And after I lost my horse... now I... well..." Boromir wanted to confide in the cheerful young Hobbit, but he dared not reveal his dark desire.
"Well maybe this will take a load off your mind," said Pippin, sitting next to him. He glanced around at the Fellowship. No one was looking their way. Slowly, he reached inside his cloak and took out a small hip flask. "Sixty-year-old scotch," he whispered conspiratorilly, "It was a present from Fatty Bolger before we left. Go on," he offered the flask, "Have a sip. It will put things in perspective for you."
Boromir took a swig and visibly seemed to relax. "Aaah..."
"Things aren't so bad now are they?" said Pippin cheerfully, taking back the flask. "I'll leave you to your thoughts."
Pippin walked back to the camp, but as he sat contemplating, Boromir's eyes slid to Frodo.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

Frodo looked uneasily at aragorn and the others, he knew what he must do, but he was afraid of doing it. 'Aragorn!', he called out 'I wish to be alone for a few moments, to think,' 'Very well,' said Aragorn, 'But do not stray too far, and do not be too long about it!' only sam marked boromir's eyes fixated upon frodo as he left the clearing

[Grey_Wolf]

At first Frodo walked aimlessly around in the forest but he noticed that his steps where steadily taking him towards a higher point. He came to a ruinous path which he followed. In steep places stairs of stone had been hewn, but now they were caracked and worn, and split by the roots of trees.

He kept on going for a while until he reached the summit where Rowan-trees grew in a circle in which midst there was an disused parabolic antenna. The little upland clearing was open upon the East and was filled with early sunlight. Frodo halted and looked out over the River. to Tol Brandir and the birds wheeling in the great gulf of air between him and the untrodden isle. The voice of Rauros was a mighty roaring mingled with a deep throbbing boom.

He sat down upon the stone and cupped his chin in his hands, staring eastwards but seeing little with his eyes. All that had happened since he left The Shire was passing through his mind, and he recalled and pondered everything that could remember of Gandalf's words. Time went on, and still he was no neared to a choice.

Suddenly he awoke from his thoughts: a strange feeling came to him that something was behind him, that unfriendly eyes was upon him. He sprang up and turned; but all that he saw to his surprise was Boromir, and his face was smiling and kind.

[Grey_Wolf]

I was afraid for you, Frodo." he said, coming forward."If Aragorn is right and the ORCers are near, then none of us should wander alone, and you least of all: so much depends on you. And my heart too is heavy. May I stay now and talk for a while, since I have found you? It would comfort me. Where there are so many, all speech becomes a debate without end. But two together may perhaps find wisdom."

"You are kind." answered Frodo."But I do not think that any speech will help me. For I know what I should do, but I am afraid of doing it, Boromir: afraid."

Boromir stood silent. Rauros roared endlessly on. The wind murmured in the branches of the trees. Frodo shivered.

Suddenly Boromir came and sat beside him.
"Are you sure that you do not suffer needlessly?" he said."I wish to help you. You need council in your hard choice. Will you not take mine?"

[Nurvingiel]

"Sure Boromir," Frodo said warily, desperately trying to think of a good way to change the subject. There was an odd gleam in Boromir's eyes, and Frodo suspected he would not be deterred.
"Why don't you come to Gondor with me? We could protect you there, you would be safe! No need to continue this dangerous errand," he continued. He looked so eager Frodo didn't want to shoot him down. He tried a more subtle track.
"I have heard about... um... the famous baking of Gondor," he hedged.
"Really? My father, Denethor, can make a great lemon cake when he has the time, but that was more of a family thing. Our time is mostly devoted to the arts of war, and our ovens lie neglected." Boromir looked downcast. Suddenly, he burst out, "But if you came to Gondor we could use the Package to fight Sauron!"
"No Boromir," said Frodo, jumping up and taking a few steps away, "You know we can't use it like that. We might as well put a "FREE to a good home" ad in the newspaper for the Package. We must fullfill our quest."
"But you'll be taking it right into his hands! What right have you to deliver it to him. It should be mine by right, mine!" And Boromir sprang at Frodo, attempting to take the Package. Just in case this wasn't already obvious, his skin turned green, fangs protruded from his mouth, and his eyes grew large and a bit yellow.
Shocked at this unsubtle and alarming transformation (which indicated Boromir was overcome by a fit of madness enduced by the Package), Frodo hastily untied the string, which seemed all to eager to come loose.
He was in the grey wraith world; he ducked under Boromir's arm, and stumbled away. He could barely see the forest floor of the real world. His vision was blurred by the stone walkway of the wraith world.
Distantly he could here Boromir cry, "Frodo! I'm sorry, come back!" seemingly returned to normal, but Frodo did not heed him.

[Grey_Wolf]

Frodo didn't hear his appologetic cry. He was already far away, leaping blindly up the path to the hill-top. Terror and grief shook him, seeing in his thought the mad fierce face of Boromir, and his revolting visage.

Soon he came our alone on the summit of Amon Hen, and halted, gasping for breath. He saw as through a mist a wide flat circle, paved with mighty flags, and surrounded with a crumbling cement wall; and in the middle, set upon four carven pillars, was a huge Parabolic antenna, in front of which there was a stair. Up he went and sat upon the uppermost step just beneath the antenna, feeling like a lost child that had clambered upon the throne of mountain-kings.

At first he could see little . He seemed to be in a world of grey mist in which there were only shadows; The Package was open. Then here and there the mist gave way to a multitude of visions. There was no sound, only bright living images. The world seemed to have shrunk and fallen silent. He was sitting near the Gondorian Laser Communication Parabola Station, on Amon Hen, the hill of the Eye of the Men of Numenor.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

away in the distance it chanced that he spied the offices of the law firm of morgoth sauron partnerships, when suddenly a feeling of malice seemed to turn toward him, and the tower block seemed to grow immense and speed toward him, as if there was an eye roving for the Package. It seemed to frodo that he could hear a voice in his head crying out "tie the string, fool, tie it up!" at whichj the malice turned and called "come to me, do not tie the Package", to both frodo closed his mind and followed his own desire, kneeling upon the stone walkways and he tied the Package, and was once again in the real worldwhere a grey malic stretched out from the east, and passed over as the Package was tied.

[Grey_Wolf]

"That was close." Frodo murmured. He realised now that the Package was at work in the Homies and the only way to save his friends was to leave them.

"Even Sam will have to remain behind." Frodo continued to talk to himself."I cannot bring any of them along. OK. The decision is made. I'm going now."

And then then he untied the Package and disappeared.

[Nurvingiel]

The rest of the Homies had been trying to decide the next course of action. Aragorn admitted he hadn't decided on an official plan, but he had several good ideas. He explained his plans, each more complicated than the last. After he had finished, the Homies roused themselves from sleep and pretended they had been listening the entire time.
"Explain that part again... you align the Twelve Stones of Power and sprinkle them with the blood of a sacrificed chicken?" asked Legolas, who had actually been listening.
"No, it's a --" began Aragorn, but Sam interrupted.
"Hey, isn't someone important missing?" he said. Blank stares. "Frodo! Frodo has been gone for some time now."
"He said he needed time to think," said Merry.
"Yeah, but he's had enough time. I don't like him being gone in this territory," Sam said grumpily.
"You're going to have to overcome your dependency issues," said Merry. Sam glared.
"Sam's right," said Aragorn, "It could be dangerous."
"Hey, where's Boromir?" asked Gimli.
"You know, I was meaning to comment, he was acting strangely earlier," said Pippin.
"We should find Frodo now! Sam, come with me. The rest of you--" but it was too late to organize. The Homies seemed seized by an irrational panic, and split up, not always in pairs, which just invites distaster. "Wait! Stick together!" called Aragorn futilely. "Come on Sam, we'll go to Amon Hen, the Hill of Seeing!" and with that he dashed into the forest, too quickly to hear Sam's witty reply of, "Is that where you were going to sacrifice the chicken?"
Sam ran after him, but soon found he couldn't keep up to the seasoned FBI agent.

[Grey_Wolf]

Then Sam stopped in his tracks as a thought struck him.
"Something happened with him and Boromir. Perhaps that Man tried to take the Package from. And then he screws himself up to go. Even without me. No way am I gonna let him."

And he turned and dashed off towards the camp. He saw one of the speedboats turning and gliding out in the River.

"Mr Frodo! Stop! It's Sam!" he cried and jumped into the River.

A disembodied voice cried out in dismay and the boat turned.

"Here, Sam, I'm right by your side. Take my hand."

"But I can't see it." Blubbed Sam coming up for air.

Frodo appeared again as he tied the Package."Here I am. Now take my hand."
And he dragged a soaking wet Sam up into the boat, turned back to the camp and let him ashore.

"That's hard, Mr Frodo. Trying to run away from me an' all."

"Of all comfounded nuisances you are the worst, Sam." said Frodo.

Sam went off and got his pack.
"I figured we be off today so I've packed my pack. Where do you think would have been without me?"

"Safely on my way." answered Frodo.

"Safely on your way?" exclaimed Sam."You wouldn't be able to handle yourself all the way to Mordor. You need old Sam to cook and take care of you."

"Yes, you're quite right, Sam. And I'm glad that you are with me here and now."

And then they set off across the River and once they'd reached the other side they hid the Elven speedboat and shouldered their burdens, they set off, seeking a path that would bring them over the grey hills of the Emyn Muil and down into the Land of Shadow.


THUS ENDS THE FIRST PART OF THE LYRD OF THE RYNGS

[Grey_Wolf]

THE FOUR TOWERS

THE SECOND PART OF THE LYRD OF THE RYNGS

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 3.1: The Departure of Boromir

Aragorn ran up the hill, unheedful of Sam not being with him.

"If I read the signs right Frodo ran up the hill. I wonder what he saw there? But he returned the same way and went down the hill again."

Aragorn hesitated because he desired to see the Great Parabolic Antenna of Gondor himself. And perhaps to see something there which would help in making the right decisions.

Looking down at the forests he heard the harsh cries of the ORCers chanting Black Sabbath tunes. Suddenly there was loud call from a Megaphone.

"Boromir! He is in need! I've been tarrying to long!" he cried and with that he dashed down the hill toward the rapidly deminishing calls.

[Nurvingiel]

"Hey jerks, I don't want to fight a horde of orcs by myself!" called Boromir over the Megaphone of Gondor one last time, before he was forced to clip it back to his belt in favour of using his shield.
"In the feilds the bodies burning," sang the orcs as they approached, "As the war machine keeps churning!" A few orcs carried guitars, which must have been amplified through some orcish magic.