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Lady Arwen56
04-02-2004, 11:32 AM
Yeah...well...here goes...this is part of my new novel, The Nundai. It's not very self-explanitory in the beginning, but it eventually gets there.

Chapter One

Silence. Thats all that reached Andrith's ears. That's all that had reached them for a while. She had been sitting alone out in the middle of nowhere, just thinking, for quite some time now. It was peaceful. Peaceful, and yet...dreary.

The days were long and cold now, and the simplicity of what her life once was and still was bewildered her beyond all comprehension. She always wondered why she had nothing exciting to do. Her life was a complete bore, always the exact same things every single day. It was the same old routine as it had been before.

And yet...something was different. Something new was about to happen. Something exciting. Andrith could sense it. Andrith could actually feel something on the brink of happening. She stared out at the sunset, her heart beating wildly within her chest. Something was going to happen, and soon.
~~~~~~
Evra sat ontop of two wide gothic pillars. She laid down, stretching out, and looking down on the town of angelic fools she lived in. Everywhere you turned flocks of white or golden robed angels with their brilliant wings.

This town was so dull. All of these...good-doers droning about and talking sense and greatness into the mortals when they got down and depressed, made her so...bored. She got tired of it. She didn't understand why she had to live in this forsaken clan of deprived idiots.

But then again, there were plently of things she didn't understand nowadays. Like she didn't understand why she had done what she had done. She didn't understand how the angels found out about it, and then forebid her to "enter" the city ever again. It wasn't fair. Even though she had been banned, here she was, lying ontop of the prized Meeting Hall, contemplating her unfortunate luck.

She was always contemplating everything, but lately, instead of getting her own thoughts, she had gotten evil ones. Thoughts about people dying, and of her being the one who murdered them. She didn't understand that. There was only one person she had ever killed or even thought about killing. And that was her mother.
~~~~

Andrith stood up, looking into the twilight, and walking back towards her home. As she walked along the stoney path, something caught her azhure eyes. She leaned over and picked a black rose out of the soil, caressing it with her fingers. It had begun.

~~~~
Evra closed her eyes against the black night, whisps of her straight raven-hair falling into her face, and the moon dropped a bit of silver light around her head, making her look as though she was an angel.

She also looked evil. Her eyes were of pure red at that moment, and her hair was swept by a wind of it's own. For a moment, she looked like a positively hellish demon.

But in another way, she looked twisted. She looked neither angelic, nor demonic. She didn't even have a human form. It was as though the light surrounding her made her look unreal, like a porcielin doll upon a shelf.

She stood up silently, wrapping a black cloak tightly around her, and covering her face with it's hood. Shadows cast themselves across her face as she moved to the edge of the building, looking down.

She lept, cat-like off the roof, and landed silently on the ground, her eyes glinting with mischeviosness. She had to find Tristan. It was time to leave.

~~~~

Lady Arwen56
04-02-2004, 12:03 PM
Chapter One...cont

Andrith pressed her lips together, and held in a slight sigh. Her eyes glazed over, and she stared up at the stained windows within the Anuza Cathedral.

They were brilliant.

They were complicated and yet simple all at once. They were colorful, and intricate, and very...different.

She had seen them every year on this exact date for the past ten years, but she never bored of them. She loved them with all her heart and soul.

Each one had a different story, and it seemed to her, as she looked up into the different colors of the glass, that each one was ready to spill that story out word by word.

There were windows of the ancient wars between Angels and Vampires, and Vampires and Mortals. Each one showed either defeat, or victory, displaying it with a beauty and a passion that Andrith couldn't possibly understand.

The blood spilling from soldiers was painted with such a red that it looked real, and yet unreal. The shimmer of the metallic silver of the mortal's armor looked positively real as well. It was magnificent.

"Andrith! Andrithlian, come here!" Her father's stern voice snapped her out of her daze.

He stood behind, tapping his foot impatiently upon the ground and glaring at her.

She turned around to face him, raising an eye brow, her lips parting as though she wanted to discipline him for searching her out so loudly within a place of worship, even if he was her father.

Her father was a very handsome being. He had silver streaked chocolate colored hair down to his chin, and bright crimson-gold orbs he called his eyes. He was different from any other immortal on this planet. He was her father, Stefan Marcus Damion De Lacrate. He was the leader of the forsaken clan of Vampires they lived with.

"You called, father?" Andrith said, whipping her golden hair out of her eyes.

"I've been looking all over this town for you, asking every single one of the clan members where you were until I finally found Renyk, and he informed me of your present whereabouts." He gave her a look a

"Oh, I'm sorry father. I should have told you myself, but..."

"Don't be sorry! This is fantastic! It's the first time you've ever defied my wishes! Maybe you will finally take the Devil's path to redemption, and be saved by Satan himself! Or do you still long to be a Saint, head Angel? To roam around teaching good instead of evil Like your deceased mother?" He ended rather viciously.

Andrith rolled her eyes. "Yes father, I still wish to become a Saint. Nothing can ever change that, not even you ever persisting mouth."

Her father grumbled something, and then grabbed hold of her arm.

"Come, I would like to show you something."
~~~~

Tessar
04-05-2004, 11:50 PM
Well you have a very creative writing style. The theme seems a little... off though. Maybe it's because I just don't like vampire themes, or it could be because the story is just starting. :)

There were a couple of awkward sentences, but I'm not going to hit on them. The main 'problem' I noticed was when the father of the vampire girl was in the Church.

If he's a worshiper of Satan, it's VERY unlikely that he'd be entering a church (assuming you're not talking about some kind of 'Devil' church or something). If he did go into a Church, he'd probably be jumpy, or in a nasty mood.

Also if the daughter wants to be good shouldn’t the father be striking her down to her death or something?

Lady Arwen56
04-13-2004, 11:10 AM
He knows he can't control her, and in this story, some Vampires do worship God. He used to *which will be explained further in the story*, and so he does not get that mad at Andrith for wanting to be an Angel. Although, unless she grows wings she will never fully become one. Like I said, this isn't very explanitory yet. It's kind of complicated at first.

Tessar
04-13-2004, 11:50 AM
Ah. I see then.

Well, carry on. :)