Funny Middle-earth lines

[Tuor of Gondolin]

This idea was borrowed from a different site and I didn't find anything similar in a search, so...

What is your funniest bit from a Middle-earth book?

How about:
"What are yer?"
"Bilbo Baggins, a bur- a hobbit, said poor Bilbo, shaking all over, and wondering how to make owl noises before they throttled him.
"A burrahobbit?" said they a bit startled. Trolls are slow on the uptake, and mighty suspicious of anything new to them.
"What's a burrahobbit got to do with my pocket, anyways?" said William.:D

[ryttu3k]

A burrahobbit? Think it's related to a kookaburra?

How to kookaburrahobbit...

Er, my favourite... I believe someone has it as a signiture here.


"What's all this?" said Frodo, feeling inclined to laugh.

"This is what it is, Mr Baggins," said the leader of the Shirrifs, a two-feather hobbit: "You're arrested for Gate-breaking, and Tearing up of the Rules, and Assaulting gate-keepers, and Trespassing, and Sleeping in Shire-buildings without Leave, and Bribing Guards with Food."

"And what else?" said Frodo.

"That'll do to go on with," said the Shirrif-leader.

"I can add some more, if you like it," said Sam. "Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirrifs look a lot of Tom-fools."


Go Sam ^_^

[Lady Ravyn]

oh, yeah, i did see that in someone's sig
here's one- it was in the movie too but this is how it was in the book:
"'...when this water boils, if he don't do as he's asked,' growled Sam.'Sam'll put his head in it, yes precious. And I'd make him look for turnips...and taters too...I'd give a lot for half a dozen of good taters.'
'Smeagol won't grub for rootses and carrotses...What's taters, precious, what's taters,eh?'
'Po-ta-toes,'said Sam. The Gaffer's delight...I'll cook you some taters one of these days. I will: fried fish and chips served by S. Gamgee. You couldn't say no to that.'
'Yes we could!' hissed Smeagol. 'Spoiling nice fish, scouring it. Give me fish now, and keep nasty chips!'
'Oh, you're hopeless,' said Sam. 'Go to sleep!'

lol :D

[brownjenkins]

my favorite from LoTR, i still chuckle when i read this, is Aragorn's bit to Merry in The Houses of Healing:

'Master Meriadoc,' said Aragorn, 'if you think that I have passed through the mountains and the realm of Gondor with fire and sword to bring herbs to a careless soldier who throws away his gear, you are mistaken. If your pack has not been found, then you must send for the herb-master of this House. And he will tell you that he did not know that the herb you desire had any virtues, but that it is called westmansweed by the vulgar, and galenas by the noble, and other names in other tongues more learned, and after adding a few half-forgotten rhymes that he does not understand, he will regretfully inform you that there is none in the House, and he will leave you to reflect on the history of tongues'

[Elanor's Angel]

How 'bout this one,
Bilbo rithed on the floor saying"struck by lightning struck by lightning":D :D :D

I love that one!:D

Frodo Lives!

[Tuor of Gondolin]

Originally posted by Elanor's Angel
How 'bout this one,
Bilbo rithed on the floor saying"struck by lightning struck by lightning"

I love that one!
__________________________________________


Yes. Say what you will about Bilbo. He's an

excitable little fellow. Gets funny queer fits, but he is one of the best, one of the best- as fierce as a dragon in a pinch.:D

Oh, and when I taught fourth grade we read The Hobbit aloud one year and I fortunately picked a boy who was perfect for Bilbo. He got on the classroom floor and cracked everyone up waving his arms and legs calling out "Struck by lightning, struck by lightning!" (Since I bought at least 14 paperbacks so everyone could share a book and read their parts I was the narrator and Gandalf. Three boys got to be bad guys, beginning with the trolls, and got killed off a number of times).:D

[Lady Ravyn]

oh, that sounds like fun; i wish our teachers had done that! :)

[Nurvingiel]

You were referring to my sig ryttu3k. ;) I love Sam. These are hilarious lines guys! :D

[ethuiliel]

These were all funny, I know there's other funny ones, but can't think of them right now.

[Tuor of Gondolin]

How about:

"No thank you, O Smaug the Tremendous!" he replied. "I did not come for presents. I only wished to have a look at you and see if you were truly as great as tales say. i did not believe them."
"Do you now?" said the dragon somewhat flattered, even though he did not believe a word of it.
"Truly songs and tales fall utterly short of the reality, O Smaug the Chieftest and Greatest of Calamities," replied Bilbo.
"You have nice manners for a thief and a liar," said the dragon.
.....
"I am the friend of bears and the guest of eagles. I am Ringwinner and Luckwearer; and I am Barrel-rider," went on Bilbo beginning to be pleased with his riddling.
"That's better!" said Smaug. "But don't let your imagination run away with you!"
This of course is the way to talk to dragons, if you don't want to reveal your proper name (which is wise), and don't want to infuriate them with a flat refusal (which is also very wise). No dragon can resist the fascination of riddling talk and of wasting time trying to understand it.

[aki]

i like everytime gandalf exclaims.."Fool of a TOOK." it makes it appear that pippin is the most stupid creature who has ever lived in middle-earth.

[Elanor's Angel]

I think that was the point. ;)

[me9996]

Originally posted by Elanor's Angel
How 'bout this one,
Bilbo rithed on the floor saying"struck by lightning struck by lightning"

I love that one!
__________________________________________


Yes. Say what you will about Bilbo. He's an

excitable little fellow. Gets funny queer fits, but he is one of the best, one of the best- as fierce as a dragon in a pinch.:D

Oh, and when I taught fourth grade we read The Hobbit aloud one year and I fortunately picked a boy who was perfect for Bilbo. He got on the classroom floor and cracked everyone up waving his arms and legs calling out "Struck by lightning, struck by lightning!" (Since I bought at least 14 paperbacks so everyone could share a book and read their parts I was the narrator and Gandalf. Three boys got to be bad guys, beginning with the trolls, and got killed off a number of times).:D
Ditto!

[Attalus]

my favorite from LoTR, i still chuckle when i read this, is Aragorn's bit to Merry in The Houses of Healing:'Master Meriadoc,' said Aragorn, 'if you think that I have passed through the mountains and the realm of Gondor with fire and sword to bring herbs to a careless soldier who throws away his gear, you are mistaken. If your pack has not been found, then you must send for the herb-master of this House. And he will tell you that he did not know that the herb you desire had any virtues, but that it is called westmansweed by the vulgar, and galenas by the noble, and other names in other tongues more learned, and after adding a few half-forgotten rhymes that he does not understand, he will regretfully inform you that there is none in the House, and he will leave you to reflect on the history of tongues' , LOL, BJ, that is my favorite, too.

[ethuiliel]

Yeah, and then the pipeweed and Merry's pack turn out to be right there...

[Olmer]

I laughed at Pippin outrageous exclamation, when Frodo told him
"Don't want to answer a string of questions while I'm eating. I want to THINK."
"Good heavens!" said Pippin "AT BREAKFAST?!" :rolleyes:

In Ithilien the Gondorians are trying to figure out what race their captives belong, so they agree it is not an elves:
"Elves do not walk in Ithilien in these days. And Elves are wondrous fair to look upon, or 'tis said."
"Meaning we're not, I take you," said Sam (quite straightforwardly). :D

[me9996]

How 'bout this one,
Bilbo rithed on the floor saying"struck by lightning struck by lightning":D :D :D

I love that one!:D

Frodo Lives!
That's very funny!!! I was laphing when I read it the first time and it's still funny here!

[Holbytla]

I have a special liking for the last couple of pages of The Road to Isengard, when Gandalf, Theoden and all meet Merry and Pippin by the ruins.

"Welcome, my Lords, to Isengard!" he said. " We are the doorwardens. Meriadoc, son of Saradoc is my name; and my companion, who, alas! is overcome with weariness" - here he gave the other a dig with his foot - "is Peregrin, son of Paladin, of the House of Took........"

"And here we find you feasting and idling - and smoking! Smoking! Hammer and tongs!..."

" So that is the King of Rohan! ...A fine old fellow. Very polite."

Sweet!

Holly

[CrazySquirrel]

"Elves do not walk in Ithilien in these days. And Elves are wondrous fair to look upon, or 'tis said."
"Meaning we're not, I take you," said Sam (quite straightforwardly). :D
I love that one too!

[durinsbane2244]

i dont remember it exactly, but when pippin drops the rock down the well in moria:
"FOOL OF A TOOK![SIZE=1], next time throw yourself down and rid us of your stupidity!"

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

i like, from UT, this passage on the druedain
...There he fell asleep; but after a while was wakened by a voice from the figure behind him. 'I hope you are rested,' it said, 'but if you wish for more sleep, I beg you to move to the other one. He will never need to stretch his legs again; and I find your cloak too hoy in the sun.'

[Lotesse]

There are so many, it seems like most often when either Gandalf or Pippin says something, or in reference to each other -
here's one -
(Pippin, recounting about when he first ran into Gandalf as the White)
"Gandalf!" I said at last, but my voice was only a whisper. Did he say: "Hullo, Pippin! This is a pleasant surprise!"? No, indeed! He said: "Get up, you tom-fool of a Took! Where, in the name of wonder, in all this ruin is Treebeard? I want him. Quick!"